Chapter 11

Walther was "officially" wed a few weeks later. It was a lovely late spring evening and the great hall was thrown open to the elements. Only the smallest of fires crackled merrily in the grates, keeping off the slight chill that occasionally blew in to nip at cheeks and noses. Partygoers laughed and drank and embraced the festive mood. Even the counterfeit bride and groom joined in on the fun. It had been a clever trick by the priest, to wed them without truly marrying them. With a handful of sly word changes and a clever rearrangement of the vows, only a religious scholar could have noticed the deceit. Aside from the priest himself, there was no one of such character at Stormway.

Miss Sterling — Walther's would-be bride — had married her true love a few hours before. With both Walther and Miss Sterling wed to their respective choices, they were more than able to laugh and drink and wink at each other as newlyweds ought. It was an amusing deception, one that me, Alex, and my brothers took great pride in. Walther and Bess planned to depart to the Mainland within a few weeks. The ruse only had to last until then. According to my brother, preparations were well underway.

Alex sat beside me at the head table, at the formal place added for him between me and Robert. As my father had explained while demanding the place setting, he was, after all, one of the family. Alex's thigh pressed against my own under the table, and it was hard to concentrate beyond the heat of his body radiating into my own. My hand itched to rest on his knee. It would be so easy to settle my fingers on his leg, the action hidden by the tablecloth.

The days between Walther's wedding and this sham affair had been rife with stolen moments. A steady ratcheting up of the teasing and banter Alex and I often shared. There had been a shift in intent. Our quick words and boastful grins translated into a new, secretive language. There was a tension in our exchanges that made my heart thrum and my mind trill. I lived for it, surviving between one conversation and the next by supping on the delight of each encounter. A feeling, urgent and hungry, twirled low in my abdomen. I was clueless, bumbling along; but I was having glorious fun.

Alex's knee knocked against mine and I bit my bottom lip to steady my heartbeat. Daringly, I did what I wanted and settled my palm over his thigh.

Slowly turning toward me with a golden goblet in his hand and a knowing grin, Alex raised his drink. "To the fairest offspring of Stormway. It is only by coincidence that you are a woman, too." he toasted. "I am glad I came to visit. And I am very glad that we are such good friends again."

I smiled and raised my cup, "To charmers from foreign soils who pretend to flatter me while spending the evening making moony eyes at my brother Timothy — "

"That was a secret affair! He swore no one saw us!"

I laughed. "Well, then to handsome gentlemen who know good company when they see it. I am, after all, such a captivating and charming person." I bowed my head toward him. "And humble."

For the first time in my life, I felt comfortable. Unafraid to laugh or trade barbs. I found time and courage enough to walk out of endlessly tedious afternoons spent sitting with Mother to meet Alex in the kitchens. We'd eat hot buns straight from the ovens. Laughing and taunting each other as hot icing dribbled down our chins. It had been months since I felt the pull of that old, oppressive fog. It wasn't so much that the world had flickered back into existence, but that I had been given a chance to be in the world at all. I felt myself blossom. Long dormant feelings of spirit, humor, defiance, and delight ignited in my chest.

"You seem happy tonight," Alex commented as I offered him a bright smile.

"I am," I said sincerely.

Alex beamed over the rim of his wine glass, "I am glad. How are we going to welcome dear Miss Sterling to the family? I'm fresh out of frogs, I'm afraid."

Laughing loudly, I tried to drown my amusement with more drink. It only made me feel lighter and more tickled. "Walther was so mad! It would be worth it to find a fresh supply if only to see if his face could turn that peculiar shade of purple again."

"Except tonight's marriage bed will go unused," Alex quipped.

"Quite." I dared to slide my eyes toward his.

Our gazes caught with such intensity that the crowd and party around us seemed to fade into mist. The music vanished from the air and laughter ceased mid-giggle. It was as if the night itself melted around us — a new void filled with sparkling starlight and tingling skin. There was no room for fog and nothingness here. Alex leaned toward me as if reeled in by a lure caught on my own ribs. As they had that night in the church, his eyes left mine and traveled south, settling on my lips.

"Alex," I breathed, closing my eyes and savoring the heat that seemed to simmer between us. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me. His look was soft and endless. He shone with a brightness that bewitched me. I opened my mouth to say something — I know not what. What were words compared to the devotion writ plainly across his face?

He kissed me.

It was so public, so exposed. I should have been embarrassed, but shame was the last thing on my mind. Alex's lips were soft and warm against my own. It didn't feel at all like I thought it would. It was softer, squishier; braced by the hardness of his jaw and the scrape of his stubble. But it did feel like a destination. The obvious culmination of our glancing and teasing. As if everything until this moment had been a treasure map leading toward this inevitability. It felt right. My face flushed as his mouth opened against mine. I could taste the wine on the tip of his tongue as it brushed along my bottom lip. I let him in, giggling as he tickled the roof of my mouth.

Alex pulled away, looking dazed, "Eilean," he said, whispering my name like an invocation. "I'm sorry if — "

"No," I shook my head and reached up to caress his cheek. The movement came from a place primal and innate in my body. I had worried about what to do, how to respond. My mind stepped out of the way, allowing my limbs to act. Finding confidence in this natural response, I pulled him toward me. This time, I kissed him.

In an instant, I was no longer content with the length of his leg alongside my own. I wanted — needed — to feel his full body against me. The ornate wooden chairs impeded my feverish advancements.

A loud burst of cheering went up around the hall, and I startled. We jumped apart. Looking around, we sagged in our chairs as we realized we were not the focus of the celebration. Everyone in the room had their backs to us, watching some spectacle in the center of the hall.

I saw the opportunity.

Rising on shaky knees, I pulled Alex from his seat. "Let's get away from the crowd, shall we?"

It was a risky, stupid, suggestion. My mind already made up. I would not wait around and give someone the chance to interrupt.

Smiling wickedly, Alex grabbed our glasses and a fresh bottle of wine from the table. "Lead the way, Mistress," he said, his voice was deep and strained.

It was an effort not to run out of the room at full speed. Each step was controlled, torturous. We passed Robert as we exited the great hall. His eyes swept over the two of us, no doubt the very picture of guilt. My brother bowed as we passed, a gleam in his eyes.

"Good night, sister, Lord Leslie," he said. His farewell was both a taunt and a congratulation.

I let out a shaky sigh as my brother winked. Alex merely tugged me forward by the hand.

Once in the hall, we took off in a run, chasing each other through the castle until we reached the chamber we knew no bride and groom would enter. The room we knew would go unchecked. We stumbled through the door in hysterics. Pawing at each other, our embraces interspaced with kiss-smothered glee. His hands were hot and strong as they traversed the skin of my arms, my neck, my waist. I undid the buttons on his coat and vest. I pushed both garments off of his arms and pulled him close, savoring the heat from his torso through my bodice. We tumbled onto the bed.

Only the freezing air of the room could distract us from our fervent explorations of each other. No fire had been lit in here for weeks — the servants well aware that Walther had moved out into a little cottage with Bess. Only when Alex and I were both shivering from cold and desire did we pull apart.

After a smattering of quick kisses, Alex slid off of me and walked toward the fireplace. A stack of wood was still piled up in front of the grate. He coaxed a roaring fire into life. I sat up, propping myself on my elbows. I looked at my reflection once again. My hair was in utter disarray and my skirts were up around my thighs. I kicked off my shoes, enjoying the scandal.

"Staying a while?" Alex asked over his shoulder.

"Aren't you?" I purred, entirely unsure of where I had gone. I still felt like me, still looked like me... but another creature controlled me. I had wholly surrendered to my passions.

Alex turned and lazily untied his cravat. His eyes burned like the hot, blue center of a powerful flame. He smiled, a crooked, handsome grin. "I will stay for as long as my lady commands me."

"Then come here," I demanded, suppressing a shiver.

Alex stalked toward me. Laughing, the low rumble vibrating through my body, he gripped my chin and tilted my face toward his. He imparted a tender kiss.

"Do you think your father will require you to Stand soon?" He asked.

"What a question at a time like this," I grew instantly cold.

"Do you?"

"I don't know," I confessed, staring into his beautiful face. Worry gripped my stomach. Refusing to lose myself to old despair, I pushed against the thought that I was nothing but a pawn.

"Promise me, Eileen, that if he mentions your Sanding and I've left... if I've gone back home... promise me you will write to me. I won't — I won't — let you be sold into unhappiness. Conspire with your brothers. With me. We will get you out of this. I'll kill whoever bids for you, I'll Stand for you myself. If...if that would make you happy." Alex's eyes blazed with such intensity that my heartbeat doubled.

"I promise," I whispered, pressing my lips against his; an answering fury that did not need words.

Alex's embrace was ardent, his mouth and body moved against mine ferociously. My breathing was ragged. Everything blurred. There was only me and him. The only two people in the entire world. Nothing mattered except this. Except us.

I knew what I wanted. I was nervous, excited, alive with a million and a half sensations. But I was not confused, and I was not ashamed. Others could no longer govern my life. I was no one's pawn. I would choose this, I would choose Alex. Everyone else could go to hell. Call it a conquest, a debasement; call me unchaste, wanton. Maybe it was a liberation, maybe it was freedom. The words hardly mattered.

"Alex," I pleaded. My voice was raw.

"You are sure?" He asked.

"Yes."

Even if no one ever knew, I would know. Offering myself to someone I trusted, I respected, I admired was enough. It could make whatever happened in the future worth it. Knowing that I had been the one to decide.

The last coherent memory I had was his low laugh and a sharp thrill as we let the night take over.