67: Unspoken Divides

Quincy St. Martin

“I’m sorry, my dear Quincy,” says Serena. “This should have been one of the happiest days of your life.” She squeezes my shoulder gently.

We’re sitting in the den, drinking tea as Rita, our marvelous cook, keeps bringing in sandwiches and cake. The younger cook, Anya, doesn’t seem to like me much.

It doesn’t matter. As long as she didn’t spit in my food or poison me, I’m fine with it.

We watch the lycan doctor descending the stairs after he finished treating Lady Celeste. The nurse who came with him will be staying on to continue looking after her.

“I’m sorry he didn’t finish her off,” mumbles Penny.

“Penny,” says Genesis with a warning note in her voice.

“What? It’s not like you’re not feeling the same way.” She glares at Genesis.

“Okay, so maybe I was thinking the same thing, but at least I’m trying to be polite by not saying it out loud,” protests Genesis. “I’m polite, see?”

As if to prove her point, she lifts her teacup and sips her tea delicately.

Serena sighs in defeat.

“That’s it, I’m outta here,” I tell them before I get pulled into their crazy banter.

“Pffftt. Polite people don’t go around bragging about being polite.”

I hear Penny continue to argue with Genesis as I slip out through the back door. Those two are crazy as well as hilarious, not that I’m much better.

I find Jorden in front of the massive screen TV in the pool house. The door is wide open, so I walk in without knocking.

He looks at me when I drop myself onto the sofa beside him. Then he turns his head back to watch ~The Flash~ on TV without saying anything.

A minute later, he still ignores me, so I huff loudly. When that fails to get his attention, I lift both my feet up to lay them across his lap. He rolls his eyes, but he still doesn’t acknowledge me. Well, at least he doesn’t push my feet off his lap. That’s good, right?

I huff again and fight this urge to kick him before he finally clicks the remote to pause the show. Then he turns to give me his full attention.

“Are you waiting for an apology?” he asks.

I shrug my shoulders. “Am I getting one?”

“Look, Q, I’m sorry if you felt betrayed because I was being nice to the enemy. When I talked to Lady Celeste, I wasn’t trying to go behind your back or anything. I was just trying to be nice because she was alone. No matter what, you’re my family,” he says.

It doesn’t escape me that it’s not a real apology.

“I know she’s not the nicest person. She’s rude to everybody, especially to the maids—”

“And to me!” I remove my feet from his lap and plant them back on the floor. “Especially to me. Did you not hear her threatening to get rid of me so that she could have my mate? My mate!”

“I know. That was pretty messed up.”

“Messed up, J? Messed up is when we spared her!” I tell him, jabbing my finger toward the main house. “I should have killed her when I had the chance.”

We stare at each other in silence for a beat. There’s like an invisible line separating us now. I don’t like it. Jorden is more than a cousin.

He’s the only brother I knew when I was growing up. He might not have stood up for me when I was being bullied, but he was always in the background, making sure I didn’t get too hurt. And if I was, he was always there to pick up the pieces.

“You’ve changed,” he finally says, softly. “You’re not the same Quincy I grew up with.”

“That’s because I ~have~ changed, Jorden. I am not the same. I don’t feel the same.”

It’s time to admit that I am no longer a human. The old Quincy would’ve never been able to kill old Maddox in cold blood as I did, no matter what he’d done.

The human Quincy would’ve never internally cheered on as Caspian snapped Lady Celeste’s neck so casually. She would have freaked out instead of being tempted to finish off what he’d started.

“I like—no, I ~love~ the old Quincy,” he says.

Does that mean he doesn’t love me anymore? That hurts.

“What do you want me to do? Once upon a time, you were proud of me because I never took anything lying down,” I say.

“Once upon a time, you’d fight back but you would never have hurt anybody,” he replies.

“Well, too bad because I can never go back to being a human again. This is irreversible,” I tell him as I briskly walk out of there. My voice sounds raw as tears clog my throat.

My God, I didn’t even touch the woman!

“Quincy!” he calls after me. “Quincy!”

It’s a full moon again. The tides are high. The silvery moonlight is reflected in the ripple of the ocean. I need him. Our connection is like an invisible thread taking me to him. My bare feet carry me silently across the soft sand to where he’s standing, facing the ocean.

He is a few feet away from the edge where the waves are lapping the beach. Tall and graceful. Even when he’s standing still, he’s elegant.

His golden hair shines under the moonlight. His long sleeves are pushed up to his elbows and his pants’ legs are folded up.

His feet are bare, and his hands are deep in his pants pockets.

“You’re sad,” he says quietly, turning to look at me. “I can feel your sadness.”

His hand reaches out for me. His green eyes are intense on my face. The air thickens and feels charged whenever he’s near.

I take his warm hand and watch his long fingers enveloping mine. Our connection sings through my veins.

“I feel like I’m losing him, Caspian. I don’t know what happened. I feel betrayed. Am I wrong? If he really loves me, he’d be on my side, right? He’s my family.”

“He’s not taking anyone’s side, my love,” he says soothingly, bringing me closer to him.

“You know your cousin better than anyone else. Jorden wouldn’t be Jorden if he didn’t try to make everybody around him feel better when they’re miserable. You know he’s a nice guy. The champion of the underdog.”

He wraps both arms around me, and I bury my face in his powerful chest.

“As for your relationship with him, be patient. He just needs some time to come to terms with you being different. He’ll come around.”

“No, it’s not just him, Caspian. It’s more than that. I feel it. It’s like there’s a gulf between Jorden and me now. Why do I feel that way?”

“Because you’re different now.” He sighs and rests his chin on top of my head.

“I can’t relate, since I was born a lycan, but I’ll try to explain this to you the best I can. When a werewolf turns into a lycan, their wolf becomes a lycan. It must be harder for you as a human since you don’t have a wolf. In order to turn into a lycan, a dormant part of you had to be awakened, a powerful, darker part of you. Unfortunately, when that part awakens, a part of your human side dies.”

I nod against his chest.

“When you lost that part, you lost the anchor that held you to everything you were as a human, including your previous relationships. That’s how a lycan manages to claim an already mated werewolf or a married human. Once their erasthais turns into lycans, those other connections lessen and, finally, melt into nothing.”

I snuggle closer.

“It must be hard and confusing for you to go through all the changes while having to deal with Lady Celeste, but you’ll get it all figured out soon. I know you will, but right now, you’re still adjusting. Your emotions are all over the place. I can feel your confusion, agony, and sadness.”

“You can?” I say.

“Yes, and I feel the kindness in you too. It’s so strong that even the darkness and the death of part of your human side didn’t manage to take that away from you. I feel your strength and your light. It makes me love you even more than I could imagine. You lost part of your humanity to be with me. I’m sorry.”

“Well, I’m not,” I say. “I am not sorry. If I had a choice, I’d do it all over again. I love you,” I tell him. “Besides, I like what I am now. I’m just going to find a way to keep my connection to Jorden alive. I want to keep him in my life. I love him. Maybe I’ll just take him with me wherever I go. If he refuses, I’ll drag him kicking and screaming by his long hair, which he refuses to cut.”

“That could work,” he says. I can hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll help you. I’ll knock him out and help you tie him up. Between the two of us, he has no chance.”

His wicked grin makes me wonder if he’s looking forward to doing just that.

“Seriously, he loves you too, ~moya printsessa~. Penny and Genesis are still in contact with their werewolf family and friends. I know they struggle to keep it going because of the lost connection, but I respect that they are trying.”

If they can do it, so can I. “I have another question for you,” I tell him.

“Okay, go for it,” he says.

“What did Lazarus mean when he said that killing Lady Celeste could result in a bloodbath?”

His arms tighten around me as if he’s afraid that he might lose me.

“Lady Celeste’s father is a powerful boyar. He is a noble who owns lands and rules over several werewolf and lycan packs in France and Russia. Killing his only daughter would be like declaring war on his family. He’d retaliate by bringing his packs together to fight against us. He might not care much about his daughter, and they might lose, but he’d do it just to save face.”

I pull back to look at him. “Yet you were about to kill her tonight.”

“I lost control of my lycan. I was so angry when she threatened you. My only thought was to eliminate any danger to you. I swear, I’ll kill anyone who ever tries to take you away from me.”

His voice is controlled but full of fury, menacing. It is so full of venom that it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

“I’ll kill her if she ever tries anything to harm you. You have no idea how important you are to me. I love you so much that I’d give up my next breath for you, my love.”

I wrap my arms tighter around him and press my cheek against his chest. I love him so much it hurts. I’ve never felt so loved and connected to anyone before.

We stand with our arms tight around each other for a long time. I’m happy just to be in his warmth, listening to his heartbeat, breathing in his addictive, manly scent.

“Is it true that it’s normal for kings and noblemen to keep mistresses?” I ask him.

I feel the rumble in his chest before I hear his laughter.

I pull back and glare up at him. “It’s not funny!”

“No, it’s not,” he agrees, though he’s still grinning.

“I’ll castrate you if you even think about cheating on me,” I threaten.

“Okay,” he says.

“What are you smiling about? I’m serious!”

“I know,” he answers. I see his eyes glitter in amusement even in the pale moonlight. “I love it when you’re jealous.”

He thinks it’s funny, while I’m fuming. The thought of him with other women makes me feel violent. I huff and stomp back to the house.

“Wait a minute,” he says as he sprints up the stone steps to catch up with me. “What did I do? How can you be mad at me for something I didn’t do? Sweetheart?” he calls out.

He’s right. My raging emotions are all over the place now. I have to get a grip.

I feel the heat of his body right behind me.

“~Moya printsessa~?” he whispers in my ear.

“Whatever it is that I did or didn’t do, let’s go back to our bedroom so I can make it up to you and ask for your forgiveness properly.”

I try not to smile. It’s so hard to stay mad at him, especially for something he didn’t do. God, I’m so messed up!

He takes my hand in his as soon as he senses the change in my feelings.

“I think the bedroom has to wait. It’s time for dinner,” I tell him.

“Goddess, you’re killing me,” he groans.

Everyone, except for Jorden and Lady Celeste, is in the great room when we get back to the house. Constantine, who is standing in the middle of the room, turns to face us as soon as we step in.

“I know this is not what you two want to hear right now, but we have to go back to Russia. We have been summoned.”