50: A Lost Pack

Quincy St. Martin

“Where are the men?” I ask them. I’ve been wondering where Caspian’s disappeared to.

“They’re with Lord Archer in the conference room. Your cousins are in there too,” answers Penny.

“My cousins? You mean?”

“Yeah, Jorden and Jonah are here,” says Genesis. “Jonah came with us from California. Jorden came back here to the hotel with us last night. Both of them were worried about you.”

Worried about me? I was worried about them. I haven’t seen Jonah in a while, and I miss him. I’m glad to know that both brothers are here.

“So, what’s happening today?” I ask them.

“Today we’re going back to Loup Noir Pack,” answers Penny grimly, and the two other girls nod in confirmation.

“You don’t have to go back there if you don’t want to. We’d understand,” says Serena, placing her hand on top of mine. “It must be hard for you.”

“No, I want to be there,” I tell her.

“Then we’ll go as soon as the men are ready and we finish our breakfast,” says Penny, stealing yet more fries from my plate.

“Are you okay?” asks Genesis after a while.

I realize then that I’ve been pushing what remains of my breakfast around on my plate.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answer quickly. Am I really? I pause for a while before I say, “Actually, I’m not sure. I’m feeling fine, but I feel bad for feeling fine. Does that make sense?”

“What do you mean?” asks Serena.

Genesis is watching me with those big hazel eyes of hers, her head tilted to one side, analyzing me. “You’re waiting for the guilt to consume you because you just mutilated and killed a man so brutally. But then the guilt never comes, and you feel just fine. Now you feel bad for not feeling bad,” she says.

“Wow, yeah, that’s basically it.” I’m surprised at how spot-on Genesis is. Almost like she can see inside my head. “I mean, normally I would have freaked out. Yesterday wasn’t…pretty.” It was downright gory. “But I had to do it. It was like a compulsion.”

“It ~was~ a compulsion. Your lycan demanded justice. It would not rest until it was done,” says Serena.

“It’s like having an itch you couldn’t scratch,” I say.

“Like having a pebble in your shoe that you couldn’t get rid of,” adds Genesis with a nod.

“Like having a fly constantly buzzing around your head,” agrees Serena, and we all nod.

“Like the nuts of an annoying jerk you cannot kick,” says Penny.

Wait. What?

“’Cause he’s human, so if you kicked him there, he’s gonna end up sterile and dead, which is awesome, but you can’t do that. So you give him the finger instead. Totally not as satisfying.” She shakes her head, looking all pissy.

I give Genesis a wide-eyed look. Serena covers her mouth with a cloth napkin with a cough that sounds suspiciously like a muffled laugh. Uh…okay.

“So, yes,” says Serena, clearing her throat after a few seconds of silence, “that’s why we had to sit back and let you do it yourself yesterday, even though we were itching to do it ourselves. An eye for an eye. You needed to get justice for your Nana. Otherwise, your lycan wouldn’t rest.”

“Yeah, it took a lot of control on Caspian’s part not to let his lycan take over and allow you to kill the man yourself,” adds Genesis.

“Seriously, I’m surprised he didn’t tear the man into tiny pieces the moment he was wheeled in. I could barely hold myself together,” Penny announces.

“Now that your lycan is appeased, even that feeble attempt at marking you by Mr. Maddox doesn’t bother you or Caspian anymore,” explains Genesis.

I touch the fading scar on my neck.

“This is how you are now, Quincy. Our moral compass is different from that of a human or even a werewolf. Even though we don’t kill just for the fun of it, we get pleasure in killing those we deem deserving.”

Pleasure from killing? “Oh God,” I groan. “I’m a monster now.”

“If you think we’re monsters, then I guess we are,” Genesis shrugs her shoulders casually. “Do you really want to feel bad about killing the man who killed your Nana and tried to forcefully mark and mate with you?”

“You know you’re not a full lycan yet,” says Penny. The others stare at her warily.

I lean forward and place my fork down carefully on my plate. “No?” I ask, waiting for her to go on.

“It’s not too late if you don’t want to be a ~monster~ like us. It can still be reversed,” continues Penny, despite the looks she’s getting from Genesis and Serena.

“Right now you can’t phase into a lycan at will. It only happens when you’re angry or in danger or in pain. If you don’t let Caspian mark you and you distance yourself from him...and from us...you’ll turn back to normal, eventually.”

“Is that what you really want?” asks Genesis, looking anxious.

Is that what I want? Is it? All I wanted to be was normal. Marry a normal human, have a normal human family.

But now that the lycan part of me is awakened, it doesn’t want to be buried again and disappear into oblivion and eventually be forgotten. I had a taste of feeling powerful, invincible almost, and I don’t want it to go away. I guess that’s why lycans are so arrogant. So cocky.

Feeling all that power flowing through your body is addictive.

I want to be around these lycans. I feel the bond with them even in such a short time. As crazy as they are, for the first time, I feel like I belong. Most important is my golden prince. I want to be with that annoying, cocky, obnoxious lycan. He’s become a big part of me. Without him, I’ll forever be broken.

“No. Not at all. I’m feeling good. I’m okay with being a monster."

I hear their collective sigh of relief.

“Okay, good,” says Serena. “That’s very good.”

“I know I like to mess with His Royal Highness, the bratty prince, but I’m not ready to deal with the destruction he’s going to wreak if he loses you,” says Genesis. “Honestly, we don’t want to lose you either.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen. You realize he’s not ever going to let you get away, right?” asks Penny. “Neither are we. If you run, we’re just going to have to drag you back by your hair and knock you unconscious and tie you to Caspian’s bedpost.”

She smiles sweetly after she says it like she didn’t just threaten to keep me against my will and cause me bodily harm.

“Uh, we’re not going to do that,” denies Genesis, giving me an apologetic look.

“Sure we are,” insists Penny. “We talked about this the other day. She belongs with us now.”

“Uhhh, I don’t know what to say to that.” I quietly pick my fork back up from the plate. Should I be worried?

“When we talked about it, I was just kidding!” exclaims Genesis to Penny as if I haven’t said anything.

“Well, I wasn’t,” huffs Penny.

I think I should be searching for the nearest exit door.

“You know he’s going to be acting very possessive and all caveman on you until he’s got his mark on you, right?” Penny asks me a moment later. “Well, it’s not like he’s going to act any better after mating and marking. They’re all like—”

“I think we scared her enough for one day, Penny,” says Serena gently, but firmly, cutting her off mid-sentence.

I pull the turtleneck away from my skin. The room feels warm all of a sudden.

“Thank you for taking care of me last night and for the outfit and everything else,” I say, trying to change the subject.

“Do you like your new clothes? I picked them,” says Penny. “We’re about the same size, so I got to pick. You look great in them.”

Penny and I are about the same size and height. Genesis and Serena are probably closer to six feet tall, two or three inches taller than we are.

I have no problem at all with Penny’s style. She has great style. She looks like a model, and she’s dressed very well. Sexy but very classy. Everything fits me perfectly, and I think I look pretty good in them. They’re definitely the most expensive things I’ve ever worn.

She beams when I say, “I love everything in the closet. Thank you.”

Actually, I have no problem with any of their styles. Serena is very elegant even when she’s dressed casually. Genesis’s style is fun and flirty, but sometimes she adds a touch of unexpected cheekiness to her outfit. Like right now she’s wearing dark jeans with ankle boots and an off-the-shoulder deep red sweater.

Everything seems normal, but then she adds a cream-colored scarf around her neck with hearts and kittens all over it. I don’t know if I could pull it off, but it totally works for her.

I can’t believe just how stunningly beautiful these women are. If I were insecure, I’d feel like a moldy potato next to them. Since I have insanely awesome, mind-blowing self-esteem, I just feel like a slightly bruised potato.

My heart flips and my stomach twists when Caspian comes strolling in with Constantine and Darius. The atmosphere is charged with electricity just by his presence.