26 | Louder Than Words

"DO YOU THINK YOU'LL FIND a wire?"

Alex ignored my question as he turned to draw the curtains closed. For a moment the room went dark before a lamp clicked on. "Well?" I prompted, folding my arms.

Finally he turned to me. "Let's hope not."

"And if you did?"

His mouth pulled into a line as he sighed, "you don't want me to answer that, Grace."

"I do."

"No."

"Yes."

Now it was Alex's turn to fold his arms. It appeared we had come to a stand-off from which neither of us was prepared to back down. Rather than give in, Alex sighed and dropped his arms. "You're not wearing a wire, so it's irrelevant what would happen should I find you were."

"So you don't think I'm wearing one?" The answer to this question was for some reason more important to me than anything else.

"No, Grace," he said, "I don't."

"So that means you trust me?"

There was a pause that lasted a beat too long as Alex's charcoal eyes carved into me. "No."

"Oh." I looked down to hide the hurt that I knew would be written on my face.

"Grace–"

"It's fine," I interrupted. "It's only been what, two years since we first met? Since I saved you from the police, and kept my mouth shut about it to boot. And now I work for you. I do what you say without question, following orders, not even expecting you to tell me what the hell is going on or what it is that you're really doing. And that's fine. It's fine, Alex. I trust you. But sure, after all of that, you don't have to trust me. I mean, why would you?" I scoffed. "Keeping silent for two years, waiting for you for two years, sure. It's fine. Fine."

Alex's jaw flexed. "Are you finished?"

"No!" I yelled.

He raised a brow, waiting for more, but the truth was that I had no more to say. Nothing would ever be enough for him. I could see that now.

"Just check for the damn wire and be done with it." I turned around so he couldn't see the tears brimming in my eyes.

"Grace–"

"Just do it." Of course my voice broke and betrayed me. I heard Alex sigh in response, his weight shifting as he decided what to do. I didn't care if I was irritating him. Good. Fantastic. Splendid.

Only ten minutes ago the atmosphere between us had been completely different. It finally felt as though some of our walls were coming down. Now all of that had crumbled, and we were both back to scowling at one another.

I tensed as I felt Alex approach behind me. He stood for a moment, lingering, probably wondering how the hell to go about this. All he had to do was pull down my damn zipper. Surely he'd had enough practice with women in the past. I stared down at the floor and pretended his hesitance didn't hurt me.

His hands raised - I could feel them although they hadn't touched my skin - and hovered near the zipper. I gritted my teeth and tried desperately to hold in the tears behind my eyes. The room went silent and totally still as one escaped and trickled down my cheek, landing like a missile on the floor. I saw it. Alex saw it. We both heard it.

And then it was like the spell had been broken. Rather than settling on my zipper, his hands rested on my shoulders, curling around the curve of my collarbones. His skin was hot against mine, hot and bare, rough against smooth. His breath tickled the hairs on the back of my neck.

"I never wanted to undress you this way," he whispered, "not the first time."

The implication that he'd thought there would be multiple times made me shiver. I could barely catch my breath enough to reply, "the first time?"

His thumb brushed the hollow at the base of my throat. "The first time," he repeated, fingers tracing down my chest, "or the second, or third..."

"Third?" I squeaked.

Alex didn't answer. Instead he held my shoulders and span me around. The movement was gentle but unexpected - I drew a sharp breath of surprise that made a smirk flit briefly across his face. He composed himself quickly. "I've been lying to you, Grace," he sighed.

My chest immediately tightened and I had to swallow back the lump in my throat. "About what?"

"I told you I wanted a nurse - that we needed one."

"You don't need a nurse?"

"We do." Alex smiled unamusedly and shook his head, tilting my chin up with a finger so that our eyes locked. "But I'm much more selfish than that."

"I'm not following." I frowned.

"Earlier I told you I wanted you, Grace. Want you."

"And do you?" I asked.

It was wrong to want the answer to be yes. It was wrong that every time Alex's dark eyes darted to mine I felt a jolt in my stomach. He was my boss. But who was I honestly kidding? Had I ever really thought his intentions in giving me a job were pure? Had my intentions been pure when I helped him at the hospital? The worst part was that I didn't even know.

Alex grazed his thumb across my bottom lip. "About that I was being honest."

"I..." I tried to push out the words that were echoing in my head. The words that would mimic his own; would push us over the edge of the fine line on which we had been dancing for too long. I wanted Alexei - that much I had known for a while - but I knew if I were to say I want you it wasn't just Alex I needed to commit to. It was all the intricacies and dangers of his life, the flaws that made him so complex. I'd had a glimmer of those today, with Viktor and the fear he invoked from his own family. Would Alex ever really be free from that? "Alexei, I-"

"It's complicated," he interrupted quickly. "I don't have a normal life, I can't offer one to you."

"I never said I wanted normal," I pointed out, noticing the way his tone had become more guarded. "My whole life has been one long stretch of boring normalcy."

"Risking your life is not what you do to cure boredom, Grace."

"So wanting you puts my life at risk, is that what you're saying?" I challenged.

"Being with me would put your life at risk," he affirmed, "you could become a target."

"I already work for you."

"This is different."

"How?" I folded my arms petulantly. "How is it fair that you get to decide whether I can be in danger, or how much?"

"Life isn't fair, Grace," he snapped.

"Don't speak to me like a child." I jabbed a finger into his chest and his hand circled my wrist hard.

"Don't act like one then."

"I'm an adult, Alex, and I can make my own damn decisions!" I yelled, trying to pull my wrist out of his grip.

He didn't let go. Instead he pulled me closer, into his chest, hard, and whispered, "say it, then." His voice was fierce. "Say the fucking words."

"Fine," I spat. "I want you, Alex. Are you happy now? I want you."

We were both breathless with frustration as we stared at one another, frozen. Alex's nostrils flared as he exhaled heavily, his dark eyes carving into me. Everything around us was entirely still. I could focus on nothing but the space between us, the frown on his lips, the slight redness of his cheeks. His head moved down a fraction of an inch and mine moved up as though to meet it, pausing close enough to smell the sweet scent of wine on his breath. I inhaled deeply, closed my eyes, and suddenly I wasn't just smelling it but tasting it—wine and mint as his lips grazed mine softly.

We lingered a moment longer, languishing in the closeness, the intimacy, the warmth. His tongue traced the dip of my cupid's bow as a shallow breath parted my lips.

"You didn't have to say that." Alex pulled back to look into my eyes and I forgot how to breathe all over again.

"I wanted to," I said honestly. I raised my hand as though to press my palm to his chest but didn't quite have the courage. Alex had enough for the both of us, however; he took my hand and laced our fingers, dipping his head down to kiss my forehead.

"I still have to check," he breathed quietly.

My voice was small. "I know."

"I'm sorry."

Using the hand of mine he was still grasping, he slowly span me around so I faced away from him. The second our eye contact broke I felt its loss in my chest which tightened anxiously. Everything felt much more impersonal now I was facing a wall. I felt exposed and vulnerable without the steadiness of Alex's hands on my shoulders.

Then suddenly I realised. Viktor had cameras trained on almost all areas of the house; he was watching every move his family made.

As Alex's fingers grasped the zip of my dress I flinched. "Wait...are there cameras in here?"

"No."

"And you're certain of that?"

"You might have noticed my family made a big deal about me being here tonight," Alex said. "Ever since my father began installing extra security, extra cameras, I've seen this house as nothing more than a prison. It began when I was fifteen, just as the business began to expand." He took a deep breath before continuing. "All I wanted was one safe place; somewhere I could go and not be watched. So I started taking the cameras down in this room. Every week I'd take them down..."

"But he'd put them back," I filled in.

Alex nodded. "Eventually when I hit twenty mama begged me to visit home again; I moved out for university at eighteen and never went back. My one stipulation was that this room would remain unmonitored."

"And Viktor complied?" Even to me my voice sounded skeptical.

"Mama made sure of it."

"Okay," I breathed. "Okay, just do it."

The zipper moved down half an inch. It's not that big of a deal. A centimetre. It's only your naked torso. A deep breath. Another inch. It's only Alex.

"You're shaking," Alex observed, his thumb tracing a circle on my newly exposed back.

"It's cold," I said, but we both knew that wasn't the reason.

Alex's warm lips suddenly pressed a gentle kiss to the space between my shoulder blades. "Relax," he mumbled. "You're safe."

The problem was that under Alex's keen gaze I didn't feel safe; it was as though he could see through every part of who I was. And I was terrified of what he might find.

With one fluid motion the zipper came down the rest of the way. "There." Alex's hands traced slowly up my spine until they reached the shoulder straps of the dress. I tried hard to suppress a shiver as he curled his fingers around the material and pulled the straps over my shoulders. He kissed each one before letting the loops fall down my arms. The front of the dress now pooled around my waist.

"Clear," Alex observed of my back, apparently finding no wire there. "Turn."

I did as he asked.

Now as I turned I saw his eyes dart down to the floor, narrowed slightly. I watched him as he took a long, slow breath, shadows cast under his cheekbones from the glow of the lamp. He swallowed and his Adam's apple bobbed.

"What's wrong?" I frowned. "Alexei?"

"This feels wrong."

"It's fine," I told him gently, "I know you have to check. I know you need to do this."

Still his eyes didn't leave the floor as he shook his head. "You don't want this."

"And neither do you, but we have no choice."

"There's always a choice."

"Not with Viktor," I argued, pressing my palm softly to his cheek. "You and I both know that."

It felt odd being the person to comfort Alexei in a moment where he felt unease; a moment when he was less than sure. I didn't know where my confidence came from - what drove me to reach out and touch him. All I knew was that it felt right. Standing beside him felt like where I was supposed to be.

"Alex," I crooned, angling his head so that his eyes moved up from the floor. "It's okay." I took his hands in mine and linked our fingers. "I promise."

For a split second the stormy grey of his eyes met mine before they dipped down to my naked torso. His glance was brief, barely lasting two seconds before he mumbled hoarsely, "clear."

That word rang out so sweetly my knees could have buckled with relief. Any irrational fears I'd harboured vanished instantly, as though they'd never been there. Now all that was left was silence hanging in the still air. Alex's eyes locked with mine and neither of us moved. It felt as though we'd passed a barrier, but now there were no limits. I had no idea what would come next. All I knew, as we stared at one another, was that I wanted something.

"You can put your dress back on now," Alex said suddenly, turning away from me.

And just like that the spell was shattered. I felt rejection immediately churning in my stomach, making my cheeks flame red. Although Alex wasn't looking anymore I turned around, fumbling with the straps of my dress. I wouldn't be able to fasten the zipper myself but damn it if I cared. All I wanted in that moment was to cover myself up as best I could.

I swallowed back the bitter taste in my mouth enough to ask, "where am I sleeping?"

"Presumably you'd like your unconscious hours to go unmonitored," Alex replied unemotionally, "so in here."

"With you?"

He shrugged. "I can sleep on the floor."

Holding my dress up with my hands, I turned around and snapped, "no, it's fine. I'll sleep on the floor."

"I'm not going to let you sleep on the floor, Grace."

All that did was add fuel to my fire. "As we discussed earlier, you have no say over what I can and cannot do." I grabbed one of the pillows off the bed and threw it on the floor. "I am more than happy to sleep right here."

Alex sighed and rubbed his eyes. "At least take the duvet off the bed to keep you warm."

"Im fine."

"You're being irrational." He picked up the duvet and tried to hand it to me but I pushed it away.

"I said I was fine." Just to prove my point I laid down on the floor beside the bed and rearranged the pillow under my head. "Perfectly comfortable."

"We could always top and tail the bed."

"Yeah," I scoffed, "right. Like you could bare to be that close to me for more than five seconds." I didn't know why I was being so stubborn when ten minutes ago I wanted nothing more than to share a bed with Alex. Maybe it was because of the wine I'd drunk tonight, or maybe it was just the hurt I felt at his easy dismissal. Had I been imagining the spark between us? The tension that always pulled me closer to him?

Rather than respond Alex let out another deep sigh and sat down on the other side of the bed. I closed my eyes and listened to him undressing, the bed dipping each time he bent down to unfasten his shoes. By the time he switched off the lamp and climbed into bed I pretended to be asleep. His "goodnight, Grace" was met by silence.

Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

A/N So I owe you guys *the* biggest apology, like, ever. This update has taken me around two whole months to finally finish! In my defence, life has gone crazy recently; I started uni two weeks ago so I genuinely haven't had a second to spare amidst the copious alcohol consumption and partying I've partaken in recently. Thankfully, however, freshers week is now over so I have time to focus on studying and hopefully writing.

Alongside being busy, I also just found this chapter really hard to write and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's because I took a break from this book and found it hard to get back into, or maybe it's because I wasn't certain how I wanted the interaction between Alex and Grace to pan out. More than likely a combination of both. Either way, I'm very sorry. I know that this update wasn't the best, but it's going to take a while before I get things back on track, I think. Please bare with me; constructive criticism is always welcome.

Future updates *should* be longer than this one.

Thanks for your continued support,

Ell