Chapter-60

Xavier leaves us alone.

And as he moves out of the door the room suddenly feels smaller. I turn towards lorenzo and see him looking everywhere except at me.

He is avoiding me now that it's just him and me. I cast my eyes down at our intertwined hands. He is trying to avoid me while wanting to be with me.

Mustering up the courage I ask

"So you know?"

His eyes flickers over mine. He opens and closes his mouth but doesn't say anything. Looking down he sighs and then grabs my other hand too.

"I think we need to have a talk, a deep talk."

He moves towards the chair where I was previously sitting.

Giving my hand a gentle tug he makes me move along with him.

He makes me sit on the chair and kneels in front of me. Taking both my hands in his he looks down at them.

A moment passes and it's just the sound of our breathing that resonates in the eerily quiet room.

I want to ask him a lot of questions and I am sure he also does but the silence of the room is so comforting that breaking it seems like a sin.

We both just sit there soaking in the soothing silence.

He finally speaks breaking the tranquility.

"Even you're hands are pretty."

He says as his thumb feathers my fingers in a compassionate way.

"They look ugly to me. My fingers are too fat to be considered pretty. They are like a child's hand."

I say

"They are pretty to me. And they look like a mature beautiful woman's hand to me."

He says as he finally looks up at me.

My heartbeat fastens as he looks at me with so much emotion. I feel jitters running all over my body due to his fixated gaze but still there is this delirious giddiness in the pit of my stomach that overpowers all other emotions.

The way this man makes me feel just by a look of his eyes is surreal. I feel so alive with him as if all my life I have just been a corpse barely holding on.

"I heard you."

He breaks my reverie.

"I was coming to meet you but then I overheard your conversation with Xavier. Even though I shouldn't have and I know it's wrong of me. But I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted to know what was troubling you and was the cause of all your stress."

"I I wanted to help that's why.....

I halt him by cupping his face.

He quiets down.

"It's fine. I was going to tell you everything anyway."

I say while smiling at him.

"I'm glad that you heard it."

I say.

Taking a deep breath he closes his eyes while his head hangs low. In a swift movement he scoots closer to me. Taking me by a surprise he puts his head in my lap.

"My head hurts."

He complains like a baby.

I gently move my hand through his hair and massage his head lightly.

"You are magical!"

He excalims.

"There is lot on my mind. I have a lot to tell you and ask you. So much that I don't know where to start."

He tells me as he tilts his head to look at me from my lap.

"You can ask me anything. This time I'll answer all your questions."

I say while bending down.

I place a kiss on his forehead.

He closes his eyes and shifts more closer in my lap.

His head now resting against my stomach.

"You smell so good."

He mumbles

I just laugh at his remarks.

A peaceful quiteness stretches in the room as we both lie in each other's embrace.

This is the most harmonious I felt in the past few days.

Loosening his hold on me he lets go of me and looks up at me.

"Before we begin with the difficult questions. Can you please sing for me?"

He asks like a little kid asks for his favourite treat.

Chortling I nod my head.

Without wasting a second he again encases me in a hug. Settling his head over my lap.

Looking at him and then at the moon shining brightly through the window I humm a familiar tune.

Tum mere ho is pal mere ho

You're mine in this moment

Kal shayad yeh aalam na rahe

May be tomorrow things might not be the same

Kuch aisa ho tum tum na raho

What if you're no longer yourself

Kuch aisa ho hum hum na rahe

What if I'm no longer myself

Yeh raaste alag ho jaaye

May be our paths might get separated

Chalte chalte hum kho jaaye

May be we'll get lost while walking

Main phir bhi tumko chaahungi

But still I'll love you

Main phir bhi tumko chaahungi

But still I'll love you

Main phir bhi tumko chaahungi

But still I'll love you

Main phir bhi tumko chaahungi

But still I'll love you

Tum yoon mile ho jabse mujhe

Since the moment you've met me

Aur sunehari main lagti hoon

I've started to look more beautiful

Sirf labon se nahi ab toh

Now not only do I smile from my lips

Poore badan se hasti hoon

But I smile with my entire body

Mere din raat salone se

My days and nights are beautiful

Sab hai tere hi hone se

All of this is due to you

Yeh saath hamesha hoga nahin

This companionship won't be there forever

Tum aur kahin main aur kahin

You might be in some place and I might be in some place

Lekin jab yaad karoge tum

But whenever you'll remember me

Main banke hawa aa jaaungi

I'll come like the winds

Main phir bhi tumko chaahungi

But still I'll love you

Main phir bhi tumko chaahungi

But still I'll love you

Main phir bh....

"Was it easy?"

He interrupts me

"What?"

I ask him in confusion.

All of a sudden he lets me go and stands up creating space between us. The cold wind encapsulates me as a chill runs over me due to the lack of his warmth.

His eyes somehow are darker then they were before. Hiding away all the vulnerability and pain. His expression stoic as he looks at me with a weird expression.

I can't quite read him at this moment. He always looks at me with so much love but this time I see a his eyes full of sadness and anger.

"I aksed was it easy to move on from me?"

His voice distant and voice full of disdain.

His eyes icy.

Taken aback by his question I fumble.

"What? Why? Did I say something wrong? What happened Lorenzo?"

I ask getting up and moving towards him.

I feel my heart shattering as he takes a step back halting me from moving towards him.

"I just want to know that was it so easy for you to move on from me?"

He repeates his question.

"I never moved on from you. You are the only one in my heart."

I reply him back.

"Is it really me? Xavier have no place in your heart?"

He asks his voice full of contempt.

"He does but not like you. You are different. He is my friend but you you are.. different. You..

"Friend?"

He intervenes.

He lets out a dry humourless chuckle.

"Wasn't he your husband?'

"You know we are not married."

I say

"You were proclaiming to be his wife a few weeks ago."

He replies back.

"That's because you were hell bent on keeping me here."

I say exasperatedly.

"Yes, I was hell bent on keeping you here away from the people you love. So you were eager to escape a monster like me."

His words full of spite.

"That's not true. You know I don't see you as a monster."

I say my eyes now tearing at his hurtful words.

"Was it pity then? Do I look like a hurtful little puppy to you then?"

He keeps on lashing me with his words.

"No, Lorenzo. I never pitied you. Though it is true that at first I wanted to escape because I was afraid how Nikolai will manage without me but then I fell for you all over again like a fool."

I say as a tear slips from my eye.

He clenches his jaw and says.

"That's the difference between you and me. You had to fall for me all over again but for me one time was enough to loose my sanity."

He inches closer to me.

His face hovers over mine.

I tilt my head up to look into his eyes.

"I knew from the moment I heard your voice that this is the woman I wouldn't mind dying for."

His piercing gaze makes me crumble.

"Lorenzo."

I whisper

He cups my face as more tears fall from my eyes.

"My whole life I was accustomed to misery but you..

"You brought the happiness and beacme the happiness. I was like a parched man walking aimlessly in this desert of lies, anguish, grief and sorrow. You were that source of water I couldn't get enough of, once I got a taste of it."

"I was the happiest man on the earth with you by my side."

His confession makes me realise the depth of his love for me.

I knew he loved me for a long time. But the madness with which he does is unimaginable even for me.

"But then.. then you left me back in that pit of darkness."

"Why kuhu?"

"Why?"

I hear his voice trembling as he asks me over and over again.

"I am sorry I am so sorry."

I cry as I close my eyes and rest my head on his chin.

"So sorry."

I say in a meek voice as cries wrack my body.

"You left beacuse you believed my father over me. This time again you almost gave into him."

"Is my love really that invisible to you?

Can't you see how many lengths I am ready to go just to see your eyes fill up with affection for me?"

He continues.

Loosening his hold over me he asks me

"Do you even know how difficult that one year was for me?"

My tears blurr my vision of him but I can still see the lines of worry etched on his forehead.

"It's like you took my hunger, my thirst, my sleep, my peace all with you when you left. I never felt that much emptiness that I felt when you left."

"I was hollow and there was no escape."

"And I know it mean of me to expect you to feel the same. But somewhere a twisted me wished that you longed for me the same way I did."

"But to my surprise you were married with a child, living happily."

"That crushed me. It was like a slap to my face."

"Still I am the same love sick fool I was."

He says dejectedly.

"Do you know why?"

He questions me.

"Because it was you. You are above me for me. I don't mind even hurting myself if it pleases you."

He says his voice filled with madness.

"Lorenzo, I know it was wrong of me. But Nikolai was so small and I just couldn't leave him. It just felt right. My connection with him was purely accidentally and before I knew I was deeply involved. I just couldn't leave him alone. Then one thing led to another. So Xavier and I pretended to be married."

"But there wasn't a day that went by without me thinking about you. You were always in my thoughts."

I say trying to explaiy him my truth.

"I was in your thoughts?"

He mocks me.

Cupping my face he rests my his forehead on mine and says

"You were in my thoughts, my actions, my blood, my heart, my breath. Every FUCKING where."

"I was consumed by you. You became my existence. I was no longer myself.

All I knew was you and all I wanted to know was you."

"I turned the whole Italy upside down just to find you."

He states with a painful laugh.

Resting my hands on his face I say

"I know I can't compare my love with you. But belief me I never have loved anyone as much as I love you. Though it may not equal your love for me but I have reached my limit in love for you too, baby."

I say as a sob escapes my mouth.

"I love you lorenz...

His lips kiss me in a rushed manner as I stagger back due to the force with which he is kissing me.

His lips move over mine in a rushed manner as if trying to consume me. I kiss him back with the same intensity.

His tongues invades my mouth making me moan and a bit dizzy but I kiss him with the same vigour.

His mouth, his lips, his scent, his words they are just too powerful. I feel my legs giving out. My knees are weak. I can't stand anymore.

But before I could fall his hand encircles my waist steadying me.

His lips are still on mine sucking me fervently. I tilt my head giving him more access and he deepens the kiss even more.

We both kiss like it's the end of the world but after a moment when I run out of breath I fist his shirt crumpling it. Getting the signal he lets go of me.

I feel my lips throbbing and my chest heaving due to the lack of breath. I look at him and he seems absolutely normal as if he didn't just kissed the fuck out of me like a mad man.

Still heaving, I rest my head on his chest trying to catch my breath.

He pats my head and rests his chin on top of my head.

Silence ensues for few minutes as my breathing steadies.

"I am leaving for Italy next week."

He says and tightens his hold on me stopping me from moving even an inch.

"Don't"

"Stay like this. If I saw your face again then I am afraid that all this strength that I have mustered would crumble and I will eventually end up forcibly taking you with me away from everyone and everything."

He says halting me.

"You should also leave with your family too. Don't say anything or try to argue with me. I have made up my mind. This is for the best."

He says before I could interrupt him.

"Nothing you say will change my mind. So don't waste your breath."

He says and let's go of me.

And before I could even process his words or actions he leaves the room without even looking back at me.

I remain stranded there all alone in the room, contemplating what just happened?