Chapter-58

Nikolai's eyes flutter close as my incessant tapping lulls him to sleep. My eyes take in his visage. How could that man stoop so low. Look at niko I can't imagine that somebody could even think of hurting him.

Then again he is not anybody. He is the devil himself. He doesn't care about his son, Lorenzo how can be kind-hearted towards anyone else's child.

I was fine bearing the brunt of his attacks but now it involves my child, my Nikolai. I have to reveal the truth.

Still my heart weighs down everytime I think of doing that. It's like I am trapped by my own emotions.

One side there is my motherhood and one side is my fear of losing Lorenzo.

I take a deep breath to calm my troubled mind.

"So what do you plan to do?"

A sudden voice catches me offgaurd as I clutch Nikolai closer.

I look at the entrance of my room and see Angleo leaning by the door frame.

"Angelo?"

"What? Were you expecting Luciano?"

He asks his eyebrows raised.

I look at him confused.

"Luciano?"

I question.

"Oh yeah you probably don't know Lorenzo's father's name."

He clarifies.

"So, that son of a bitch is named Luciano."

I say.

"Ohhhh, fiery I like it."

He says and peels himself off the wall.

He walks towards me and sits on the bed facing me.

"What do you want?"

I say cutting the bullshit

"Nothing just checking up on you and this little guy."

He pinches niko's cheek very lightly so as to not wake him from the sleep.

I let out a sarcastic chuckle.

"As far as I remember you are not really fond me. So what's with this caring facade?"

"Yes, your right. I am not really mesmerised by you like everyone else. But that doesn't mean I want to kill you with my bare hands."

He says while patting niko gently.

He looks up at me and continues.

"I was just precarious about you. A girl just appears out of nowhere and had everyone smitten with her ofcourse I had to be cautious as you may already know we work as mafia not your neighborhood ice cream seller."

He mocks me.

"Then what happened now? Why sudden change of heart?"

I question back.

"Well I saw you and you can't kill a pigeon to save your life, harming Lorenzo is not possible for you in this lifetime."

He chuckles.

I roll my eyes at his response.

"Well you can in other ways by not letting him hit that."

He points down at my belly.

I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. I look down at his hand and then my belly.

"What are you say..

I cut myself as I realise what he is intending.

"See, you are slow."

He says as if reaffirming his earlier statements.

"What what do you mean I am slow? I am a doctor."

I say berated by his perception of me.

"Well you maybe Ms Doctor but in real life you take rash decisions which are not good for either you or the people around you. You underestimate yourself and assume that everyone would ultimately hate you. I mean I get it. Must be some trauma but instead of working on it you let it rule your present and hinder your future."

I cast my head down as he states exactly what is wrong with me.

"I try, I really do but the fear of losing my loved ones is too iminent. It cripples my logical thinking."

I confess.

"Well that's what Luciano is preying on. He had done it a year ago and is doing it now. He is using you against your loved ones."

He states.

"You know?"

I ask astonished.

"Anyone with two working brain cells can figure it out. You started acting weird since he showed up. It obvious there is something stirring between you too."

He says like it's no big deal.

"Does that mean even Lorenzo knows about this?"

I ask.

"Well I said two brain cells and he has quite a few. You really are a slow poke.*

He again throws a jibe at me.

"Well then why aren't you doing anything. You should oust that evil father of Lorenzo."

I say almost hurt that they haven't done anything yet.

"And how will that help? If not him another person will use you. The situation will not improve till you come out clean. One year ago you gave into your fears and left Lorenzo. After which he was a wreck.

And if you again do that it doesn't really matter how we deal with Luciano because you will remain to be his weakspot.

Right now for Lorenzo you are injury which has been contaminated with flesh eating bacteria. They are festering and eating the flesh making him wince in pain and it will remain so until you come clean to him and everyone needed. You need to put disinfectant on the wound not just cover it with bandage.

Ousting him won't help he will find a way to establish contact with you and will torment you again."

He states and I bite my lips down hard knowing that what he is saying is right.

"So there is only one way out."

I say

"Yes."

He replies.

"If not for you, do it for him."

He says and caresses Nikolai.

"You are a great mother. The sense of motherhood you have wouldn't let you harm him at your expense.

I know you will protect this little guy at all costs."

He says and tears blurr my vision as I look down at my baby.

So Ms Doctor,

Do it

For your child

For Lorenzo

And most importantly

For you."

My tears fall free as he puts his hand on my head lovingly as if a huge tree is shielding the birds taking shelter in it.

I look up at him with my teary eyes and nod.

"I'll do it."

I say and I see his eyes softening.

At this moment he is like a father figure to me.

....................

I stare into nothingness. It has been a few hours since angleo left and since then my resolve has strengthened.

I will do it for me, my baby and Lorenzo.

I repeat the line in my mind.

"Kuhu, darling."

I hear Xavier call me.

My eyes shift towards the door and I see him entering.

"I need to tell you something."

I say looking up at him with determined eyes.

He comes and sits besides me on the bed.

"Ofcourse, darling you can tell me everything. Besides I need to tell you something too."

He says

"What is it?"

I ask.

He looks a bit tense.

I take his hand in my own and say.

"You know Xavier you can tell me anything."

"Yes, I know."

He nods his head.

"Then tell me what is it?"

I ask

"Well Lorenzo knows the truth about our marriage."

He says after a moment

I sigh and say

"He was bound to. It was just a matter of time. He is too obsessed with me not to find out about this. You don't have to be apologetic about it."

"You are right he would have known sooner or later."

He says dejectedly.

"Xavier, when I came into your life one year ago you never asked me any questions and welcomed me with open arms and so did Lorenzo when I met him.

I didn't talk about my past either because I was too ashamed of it. You two never brought it up and I was comfortable that way."

"But that comfort is transient. So here I am telling you the story of my life to get rid of the huge burden off my chest."

"My mother was from a small village in India. She was born in a family of classical trained singers. My grandfather, great grandfather all were well trained in hindustani classical music.

My mother obviously fascinated with music dreamt of becoming a singer. But the women of the village were not allowed to sing, they only did household chores."

"However my mother was a prodigy. She would secretly sneak in when my grandfather was teaching and learnt music just by listening to him. Still that didn't budge my grandfather, he was adamant and even punished my mother for learning music."

"My mother had lost all her hopes and that's when she met my father.

A young charming boy from city.

He was very charismatic and every girl in the village was head over heels for him. So was my mother."

"My father also fell for my mother. They both fell in love. He promised to support my mother's singing dreams but for that they had to the village so she eloped with him and came to Mumbai. She thought finally she would live the life of dreams, she would be able to sing openly without the confines of her small room."

"But instead of heaven hell awaited my mother."

"My father always had this dream of moving to America and settling there. My mother knew about it and thought that she would help him in achieving after she establishes her singing practice."

"She was unaware that my father would sell her for his dreams.

She was sold to a brothel for merely RS 50,000. Her life, her dreams, her love everything was priced at 50,000 by the man she loved."

"That day he sold not one but two women my mother and me in her belly."

I feel Xavier grabbing my hand to comfort me.

"I still think as to why my mother didn't abort me or hated me after I was born. I was a living reminder of the man that pushed her into hell yet she loved me ardently."

"She was a stupid woman that only knew how to love."

I laugh as my heart hurts but my eyes prick with dryness.

"I am born at a brothel's dingy little room."

"When I was little I thought everything around me was normal. Those smelly rooms, the lecherous gazes even at a 5 year old, the stench of alcohol, the touches, the cabinet."

"That small cabinet where my mother used to hide me whenever a man used to visit her to defile her."

"I remember the horror and sadness her eyes held when she would lock me in and her attempts at smiling when she would open the cabinet."

"I still remember her words."

"मम्मा ठीक है कुहू"

(Mumma is alright kuhu)

"Such a bad liar she was. She would say that and then would flich when I will try to touch her bruised face."

"By 7 I realised that everything around me wasn't normal and there was a life outside of this brothel. But I couldn't do anything."

"As I turned 9 I was no longer viewed as a little girl but rather as an asset. The madam in charge of the brothel wanted to either sell me or put me out in the maket to be fucked like a mutt by those men. My mother had avoided this situation from the moment I was born but she could no longer. She knew she had to get me out there or else I would end having the same fate as her."

"The brothel my mother was sold into wasn't so ordinary. It was a land for the richest man of India to come and unleash their beastality, that they hide from the public while pretending to be an honest man."

"There was such a man named Rahul Madhvan. A self made billionaire.

He was obsessed with my mother or rather her voice. The first time he visited the brothel was when he heard my mother singing while he was passing by. Since then he visited her daily."

"He was ready to do almost anything for her."

"My mother begged him to take me out of the brothel and so he did. He bought me but of course he had a image to uphold so he couldn't keep me with him. A low life from brothel with the invincible Rahul Madhavan. This was too good of a headline for newspapers. So he found my biological father just by the snap of his fingers."

"Turns out my father had achieved his dream. Settled in Michigan, USA. Married to a white women, none other than the daughter of the mayor of the town. He had two daughters besides me."

"Perfect family and perfect life.

He was living his life while my mother was rotting in those streets daily fighting with her will to live."

"So, Mr rahul flew me to USA to my father's house and ofcourse my father was livid when he came to know about my existence. He wasn't ready to accept me but if this news got out that mayor's son in law had a whole daughter back in India whom he sold to a brothel, then his political career will end. So they had to accept me."

"Mayor's daughter and son-in-law's kind act: adopting a child from India."

"I still remember how they turned the situation to their use. The mayor got accolades for nurturing such kind hearted daughter."

"But I knew the reality."

"I was like a untouchable. Nobody would touch me or come near me. I thought that the world outside the brothel would be good but it was even more hellish. I was looked down upon even by the servants, my mother was cursed. They wouldn't even touch me and if they accidentally did they would immediately wash their hands as if I was some kind of a disease."

"However in the eyes of the world my life was changed for good. I was given a new house to live in, a bed to sleep in, a School to study in. For everyone else I was lucky. Only I knew the reality. I wasn't allowed to touch, talk or eat without permission."

"Noone even called me by my name. I was called

The daughter of the whore

A slut

Homewrecker's daughter."

"Those words still sometimes ring in my ears."

"I thought maybe it would be better at School. But it was worse. I still remember this one time I befriended a girl from my class. But my dear sisters from my father second marriage couldn't bear this. They told everyone at my class that my mother was whore back in india and I was one too. So even school turned into nightmare."

"Slowly this thought was ingrained into my brain that I have a filthy past and if anyone comes to know about it they would abandon me. It was easy beacuse I experienced it first hand that if I shared my past I would be left alone. So I became this puppet doll who kept her mouth shut, greeted everyone and did what was required for her."

"But I studied really hard. I got myself in medschool with a full scholarship and finally moved out. Still I kept to myself and studied my ass off to become independent. Though I made few friends but never really disclosed my past to them due the fear of being left alone."

"And when I started earning I distanced myself from my so called family."

"You forget the words, you forget the actions. What you really remember is how you felt at that moment. And I very vividly remember how I felt. Most of my life I felt like shit. Trying to blend in with these rich people when I hated them the most."

"Even though I left them but what they did to me stills remains with me. Their words, their slurs still ring in my ears. I didn't tell you all this because I was afraid after that scandal where I was labelled as your mistress."

"I knew if this somehow gets leaked you will be defamed again."

I tell him.

"I don't care what they say. I didn't care back then nor do I now. You and your mom is victim in all this. If anything all of those people are your culprits. And a victim should never be shamed."

Xavier says while cupping my face.

"Luciano for the past few days was threatening me with my past."

I say

"I knew that son of a bitch was upto something. I'll kill him."

Xavier says agitated.

"And he had me where he wanted me. I was sacred that if you and Lorenzo knew about me you too would also be disgusted by me and will finally leave me. This thought agonized me. I was ready to beg Luciano to not reveal the past."

"No darling you need to beg anyone. I would never abandon you. Whatever happened to you and your mother was wrong and you both are the victims. You shouldn't let those people brainwash you into believing that you are the one who are guilty."

"Then why is it that we are the ones facing prejudice, that we are the only ones who are hurting, that we are the ones wh are looked down upon?"

I ask Xavier as my voice cracks.

"We never wished this for ourselves. My mother didn't want to work in a brothel. She did want to be a whore, she was forced to then why are we the ones to bare to the blame, Xavier."

"Why us?"

I ask him as the unshed tears fall. I pity me and my poor mother who had to fight the people and our ownselves because somewhere down the line our inner voices faltered and outer voices over powered so much so that we started to believe them.

"Evil will never accept that it's evil. It taints the pure and makes them believe that they are the evil. But you must know this my darling that you are not to be blamed in any of this."

He says words of encouragement.

"I am proud of you for telling me the truth."

"I need to talk to Lorenzo and tell him the truth too. If anything he has suffered the most due to me being a coward and not telling the truth.

I will not let him suffer anymore."

I say.

"Xavier can you pleased tale care of Nikolai?"

He nods