Chapter Ten - Explore

Vorfreude:

(n.) The joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures.

Chapter Ten – Explore

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An hour before I was supposed to meet up with Evan I got a message. At first I thought that he was going to tell me that he wanted to cancel our plans, but luckily that wasn't the issue. The only thing he said was that I was supposed to be at his place an hour earlier and I couldn't deny him the simple request. So when I came home from work I took a quick shower, ate some leftovers from a few days prior and got myself ready. Well, as ready as I'll ever be.

I don't want to take my car, seen the circumstances I don't want anyone to recognize me. But I couldn't exactly call a cab either since they will definitely question what I'm going to do in that part of the town.

So now I am trying to get my bike out of the garage, but I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Not only is the bike hanging on the wall where I have to get it off. I then have to carry the thing all the way to the other side of the garage, because there's not enough space to roll it. It takes me at least half an hour to get it done and the second I step on my bike a smile appears. I feel my heart beating faster by the thought of seeing him again.

'You are actually fifteen minutes early.' Evan says with wide eyes as he opens the door. I let a frown cover my face as he hides behind the door, so only his head is visible.

'Yeah, I thought the ride here would take a bit longer.' He smiles at me awkwardly as he opens the door wider and I step in without a second thought. I look around for a bit as he closes the door behind me, he seems to have moved the furniture around so the place looks a bit more spacious.

I turn around to properly greet him, but a lump forms in my throat as I see him standing behind me. It only now occurs to me that his hair is slightly damp and the only thing he's wearing is a pair of boxers. I almost feel ashamed for the fact that I'm looking at him like this, but he doesn't really seem bothered by it. He stands strong, but I can see the shyness beneath his powerful look. He's trying to see if I like what I see and it's the most adorable thing ever.

Without thinking about it I walk in his direction until I'm standing before him. I don't know what poses me as I put my fingers on his chin to make him look at me. I softly brush my lips against his in a greeting and he immediately relaxes.

'I'll just put on some clothes real fast.' He says as his cheeks turn red and I smile at him as he runs out of the room.

It doesn't take long for him to finish at all and as he walks around the corner I can't help but admire his new set of clothes. He obviously doesn't own much fancy clothes, but he seems to really glow as he turns around once he's in front of me.

'Shall we go?' He asks me as he finishes putting on his shoes and I nod at him in agree.

'There's one thing you need to know.' He says as he swallows nervously and I can't help but step forward so I'm closer to him.

'This uh, café we've been going to is an.. accepting one.' His voice is unsteady and he really seems to think I will find this horrible.

'Accepting as in...?' I push him and he lets out a shuddering breath.

'As in, the people there don't judge and um there are people there that are gay. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.' An actual laugh escaped me and I feel my eyes glistering. There will be people that accept us, accept this. They will not judge, or say anything unkind. They will be either just like us, or accepting of what we feel.

'Let's go.' I say with as much excitement as I can muster and his breath-taking smile tells me he wants this just as much as I do. We don't talk about the fact that this is not accepted, we don't talk about what we are and we absolutely don't pretend that this is anything but normal. We just enjoy the moments we have now and if others don't accept that, so be it. Then we'll just have to enjoy ourselves without anyone else around.

The moment we walk out of the door he turns around and his sad expression startles me.

'What does your girlfriend thinks you are doing?' Evan asks.

'Nothing, she's away for the week.' My answer brings a smile to his face again and I can't help but feel a bit proud that I'm the cause of it. He then turns around and walks out to the street, expecting me to follow. I do so without a question askes, as I'm way too excited to be in there now knowing that I can be myself.

'Are you coming along?' He screams as he runs ahead of me.

'Pff, give me some time Evan. I'm no athlete.' He immediately turns around to face me with shock written all over his face.

'That's the first time you have casually called me Evan.' He says with a smile as he dances around on the empty streets. I just shake my head in amusement and follow him through the small alleys until we come to a halt in front of the now familiar café. Evan turns his head a few times, as if to check if anyone is watching us. And when he doesn't see anyone he takes my hand in his with a bit of hesitation. I give him a small squeeze in reassurance, because for the first time in forever it genuinely feels good to hold someone's hand. His hand fits perfectly in mine and I slowly run my thumb over his knuckles. As we step inside all the talking stops for no more than two seconds and then everyone starts cheering.

'You have finally made it! You are half an hour late sweet cheeks.' The old lady screams as she walks towards us. She stops to examine our intertwined hands and she smiles knowingly at us.

'I think you two deserve a congratulation drink from me. What do you fellas want?' She asks us with a cheery voice. I take a quick look at Evan and he shrugs his shoulders.

'Two cokes please ma'am.' The most innocent and cute giggle leaves her lips as I finish my sentence and she spins around once before carefully laying her hands on my cheeks.

'You can just call me Cindy, I said that already right? I feel old when you call me ma'am.' Without waiting for my response she walks away. Evan leans his head on my shoulder and shakes it fondly.

'She's strange, but she's like a mama to us all.' I dare to turn my head and give him a small kiss on his hair. I am glad that his only reaction is giving me a small smile. I'm not even used to give Charlotte kisses out of the house, let alone another guy. Luckily Evan is not any guy. He walks towards the same table we sat a week ago, tugging me along when I don't move on my own. I do beat him with keeping his seat out.

'You look beautiful.' I say to him and he seems genuinely surprised at my comment. A blush immediately forms and it spreads all the way to the tip of his ears.

'Thank you, you don't look bad yourself.' I let out a small laugh at his answer. It's strange how he can still be so cocky while he's embarrassed. I like how he's confident, but still very shy.

'I uh- li-,' I get interrupted by Cindy as she brings us our drinks. She doesn't say anything as she puts them in front of us with a small bowl of peanuts. Evan and I silently thank her with a nod of our heads.

'What were you going to say?' Evan asks me and I immediately regret throwing out the first words. It's not that I don't want to say it -or that I don't think he feels the same-, but I'm scared that things will change too much for me if I say it. It's only been a month or so since I've gotten to know him and I have already thrown all of my standards out of the window. And I still want him to know, because I want to be someone to him. Someone more than just a friend.

'I was going to say that I like you.' I blurt out and I let out a deep breath I didn't knew I was holding. The way his face lights up makes it all OK though.

'I like you too.' He answers and he takes my hand in his on the table.

'We will never be able to really get together, because of Charlotte and my company. I don't want you to get hurt by what I will simply have to do.' I say as tears blur my vision. How will I be able to keep him a secret, when the only thing I want is to scream it from the rooftops. Are we even a thing? Maybe I'm overreact-ing. I mean we haven't seen each other more than four times and it's not even a legal thing in Oklahoma. I can't just tell Charlotte to suck it up and let me go without giving her a proper explanation. I will definitely be disowned.

'I don't care.' He states and I look at him with wide eyes.

'I won't be able to be with you whenever we want to.'

'I do not care.' Evan says again.

'Maybe we won't ever come out and you'll always have to live in the shadows.'

'And I still wouldn't care.' He says as he scoots closer to me.

'People will question me, Charlotte will always be there and I won't be able to hug you or hold your hand in the open.' I get distracted as Evan's hand slowly glides up my chest until it's resting on my cheek. I don't wait long before continuing my rant, my voice getting more desperate every second.

'We will have to meet up at hotels and bed and breakfast and we will always have to pretend to be either friends or nothing a-.'

Evan cuts me off by pressing his lips against mine and I can feel my body relaxing immediately. And the exact same feeling as be-fore comes back to me, because this is Evan that I'm kissing. The boy that I'm slowly beginning to have feelings for and the one I want to spend as many years with as we may last. Unfortunately he breaks the kiss way to soon, but I keep my hands on his waist where they have wandered off to.

'And I still wouldn't care.' He whispers before he connects our lips again.

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A/N:

FEELINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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Words: 1925

~Noortje