Chapter 35

The wind blew through the car from the cracked tinted window and for once, Sophia watched the houses and shops blur by without feeling trepidation. She was afraid, of course, considering the nature of their outing, but she wasn’t filled with terror. Just a raw nagging. One thing she knew for sure was that she would be safe with Neil. She rubbed her lips together, careful not to smear the pale mauve lip gloss she had put on. It was flavored like peppermint, so the sweet smell rose to her nose with the action. She looked down at her clothes. It was just jeans and a sweatshirt, but it was hers. And it fit. And it was clean. So were her fashion sneakers. She tucked her shiny hair behind her ear and looked at Neil out of the corner of her eye. It was going to be a chilly night, but at that moment the breeze was comforting. She watched the tree branches blow in the wind through his driver side window. She briefly wondered what had happened to the car that they escaped in but didn’t feel it was necessary to ask. Neil wore black denim and a gray and black hoodie. He wore hiking boots instead of sneakers and had a chain that went from a belt loop to his wallet in his back pocket. His hair was in a bun, like always. He was so damn beautiful. He had taken his piercings out, put them in a zip lock pouch and set it in the center console. Sophia pondered that for a minute, then with a shrug let it go as soon as he had shifted the car into gear.

Neil reached over and placed his hand on her knee in a comforting gesture. Sophia’s heartbeat thumped in her chest at his touch. She knew this wasn’t a date. Not by any means and had berated herself earlier for doing her hair and makeup. But she was excited to be away from the apartment, and as much as she liked Scott, and she did; she was thankful to be alone with Neil. Crushes were normal, she told herself, even as she sat in the car. When he took his eyes off the road long enough to give her a quick glance, she couldn’t help but wish he saw something he liked in her. And she fervently hoped that he had no idea how she thought about him.

“Shifting is a very personal experience. No two experiences are ever alike. When you share it with someone, it forges an unbreakable bond between them. That’s why mentors are chosen so carefully.”

Sophia angled her body to the side so she could look at him. Her mind was buzzing with a question. A question she was afraid to ask but wanted to know. Neil, knowing her expressions well, lifted his hand off her knee to turn the radio down. Sophia was saddened, but she understood.

“You can ask me anything, you know that right? I’m here to help you through this. I’m your friend Sophia.”

She chewed on her bottom lip again. Her gaze landed on his hand that rested on the gear shift, and she wished he’d put it back on her knee.

“Sophia?”

She knew he wouldn’t let it go until she just asked. Neil was like that. He grabbed it between his tooth and shook until whatever she was thinking or almost said fell free. Scott would drop things and let it be, but not Neil.

“Uhm, yeah. I was just wondering, well, that unbreakable bond. Is it--” She swallowed and started again. “Well, does it cause issues, when it’s a male and female, I mean?”

“What kind of issues?”

“I don’t know. There’s a male, and a female, and this bond...”

He got what she was asking.

“I don’t know. I’ve heard stories of shifters and their mentors of opposite sexes, and how they had ended up in relationships, if they were mated, obviously, but otherwise, I believe they just filled more primitive, feral needs.”

“Primitive?”

“I mean, they follow their most basic instincts.”

“Instincts?”

“Sophia, in Were form, our most natural desires, and tendencies take over. There is no rational thought process. Not on a full moon. Those who can shift anytime, well, they can control those tendencies and redirect it to the reason they shifted to begin with, but during a full moon, and for normal shifters, well it’s instinct, it’s nature. And it goes to the very core of our beings. I suppose if the instinct is for them to--” He waved his hand in the air. “During or after the process, then that’s what they do. I don’t really know. You know how stories are.”

Sophia blushed and turned away, looking out her window again.

He put his hand on her knee again and she jerked her head around.

“I won’t hurt you, Sophia. Not in Were, or in human form. I will never hurt you and I will protect you with my life, I promise you.”

A tear pearled in the corner of her eye. “I know,” she whispered.

When they reached the outer edges of Lucian territory, Neil slowed the car. After a couple of miles of empty dirt packed lots, they turned onto a dirt road that was surrounded by fields. The car bounced in the dirt road, but Neil maintained control and dodged the biggest holes, so the car didn’t bottom out. They rounded a bend and started to climb a hill. The lane, more like a path, was barely large enough for the car to fit, and Sophia prayed to the goddess no vehicle would be coming down. Trees started dotting the earth, then more and more trees, until they were surrounded by a dense forest. Neil concentrated on the path and watched for wildlife. Sophia’s stomach clenched. More from nerves, then fear. She looked up at the sky. The moon was rising, but they had a couple of hours left. Eventually, Neil turned onto a pull off, put the car in park, turned the ignition off and turned to face her.

“Ready?”

“I don’t really have a choice.”

“True. But I promise it’ll be nothing like last month. You have me, and I’ll have you ready by then.”

She smiled shyly. His words...‘you have me’. Damn, she wished she did.

He got out of the car and rounded the front to open the door for her. While she got out and stretched, he popped the trunk and started pulling out gear. He had a backpack for each of them, though it looked as if he had the bulk since it was larger and packed full. He took her hand. Her fingers tingled, then her hand, her wrist, and up her arm. She rejoiced in the physical contact between them and hoped he didn’t let go any time soon. They walked a mile or so on an out and back trail. Sophia was usually very aware of nature and the surroundings, but not that night. That night, the only thing she was aware of was Neil. He led her off the trail and through some brush to a clearing. He let go of her hand to start unpacking the backpack and set up the camp site.

He first gathered rocks and made a fire pit that he filled with twigs and branches as well as the starter log he had packed. Sophia unpacked hers and found extra clothes for them both. Clothes they could layer in the chill of the night or the start of morning. She watched as he unpacked hotdogs, buns, and some fruit from his pack. He unfolded a blanket and laid it on the ground by the fire and dug 4- four-foot collapsible metal stakes into the ground, equal in distance. He laid a navy tarp over the stakes creating an open-air tent. Sophia enjoyed watching his muscles work in his forearms as he dug the stakes in. She enjoyed the curve of his biceps through his sweatshirt. She did not enjoy him catching her watching him. He raised an eyebrow at her and gave a small chuckle.

“It’s okay, you know.”

“What?”

“To be curious. About males and females, and the differences in the human form from the Were.”

“It is?”

“Of course. I mean, I’m not the one who should answer those questions for you. But it’s normal for you to be curious. You’re a young adult. Of course, you would want to know what happens to bodies, and how that all works.”

“I know how bodies work, Neil. I know only too well. That wasn’t what I was thinking.”

“Oh.”

Neil dropped the conversation and concentrated on starting the fire and making them dinner. They sat side by side on a log that Neil had dragged over, eating hot dogs, and drinking colas. When they finished, he suggested they move to the blanket because he had a special treat. I wish, she thought. But had moved to the blanket while he got two aluminum foil wrapped packets from his pack. He placed the pack under the flames and sat down next to her.

This was where it got serious. He told her what she would feel during the shift, and how it would be different from last time. How it would be easier. But he didn’t bullshit her. He told her how it would still suck, and how to deal with the pain, how to deal with feeling sick. He grabbed a stick and pulled the packets away from the fire.

“Do you know if you want to slow it down, like Scott, or hold it back like me? Or you can just let it happen naturally this time too and decide later?”

Sophia furrowed her brows, deep in thought and trying to decide.

“I won’t shift without you, Sophia. I will stay by your side every step of this. We will be connected. Our minds. It’s a deep connection, so you may get confused for a minute. Just let it happen. When you have more shifts under you, you can learn how to put up mental blocks. You’ll learn how to break that connection. I don’t want you to be scared so I’ll block mine, okay?”

" Uhm, okay.” She thought about what he said. “I think I’d rather let it happen naturally. Then decide next month.”

Neil nodded.

“Okay. I’ll shift with you, then.”

He put an aluminum pack in front of her on the blanket and pulled his away from the flame as he explained to her in detail what would happen. He reviewed both physical and mental transformations in such detail he should have taught classes.

“Whatever your instinct is, Sophia, follow it. I’ll follow you; I’ll stop you from making any mistakes, but tonight is your journey.”

He gestured for her to open her pack, and he did as well. Two graham crackers with melted chocolate and marshmallows were folded neatly in the pack. She couldn’t hold back a smile. She beamed at him.

“Can’t have a fire without s’mores.” He shrugged and smiled back at her.

He reviewed everything again, then told her about the connection they would share in Were, and that it would be enhanced because he was helping her through this. He told her again to follow her instincts, then asked her if she had any questions. She shook her head. He was very thorough. Too thorough.

“Okay. I think you should grab a quick nap. You’ll be better for it and more able to handle what’s coming if you are rested,” he eyed the sky. “Two hours, maybe. Go, rest. I’ll watch over you. When you wake, it’ll be starting, there will be only minutes for you to shield yourself and remove your clothes, so they don’t get ruined. Unless you don’t care.”

She uncurled her legs out from under her and stood up. He stood up with her and rubbed his hands down her arms. He leaned in and pressed his lips against her forehead for a brief kiss.

“It’s going to be fine.”

She closed her eyes. She knew he thought it was in fear, but in truth, she was trying to commit the feel of his lips, his smell, everything about that moment, to her memory.