Chapter 26
His Nerd
Hunter
^ONE MONTH LATER^
On a crisp Saturday morning, all I feel is the cold seeping into my bones. I shiver and turn my head to the side, staring past my empty bed at the garden covered in December frost. I try to see its beauty the way Ava would.
I had that dream again. Of what happened to her.
I lie in bed for ages, trying to pluck up the courage to send a quick text. To commit to going to the place Iâve been avoiding. Once I do, I roll out of bed and jump into the shower, letting the scalding water and Lynx soap wash away my guilt and despair.
As I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself, I feel it all come back.
In my empty bedroom, the memory of Ava lying in my bed hits me hard. At the time, I hated how she would criticize me, but now I miss that candor. I miss smiles and laughter. I miss ~her~.
Ten minutes later, dressed in blue skinny jeans and a black hoodie, I thump down the stairs and head out the door. The fresh morning frost crunches under my feet.
Itâs a long walk to the cemetery, but I donât drive. I can barely live with myself after what happened, so I need to suffer the way she suffered.
I let the cold nip into my skin and bite its way down to my bones. No matter how cold I get, no matter how much I suffer, I keep going. I need to get there; I need to feel her pain.
After what feels like hours, the crunch of frost turns into the crunch of gravel, and I arrive at the rusted gate of the cemetery. I stare at the fog covering the ground and place my hands on the gate, reluctantly pushing it open. The gate whines in protest, wanting to keep the grief of families and friends inside.
I am careful about where I step, not wanting to disrespect anyone as I find an all-too-familiar gravestone. Once I do, I notice that someone has been taking care of it. The carved letters on the stone are just as clear as they were years ago, but the flowers they left have started to wilt.
I sink down to my knees. ~This gravestone wouldnât be here if it werenât for me.~ For once, I let the tears that fill my eyes fall freely.
âIâm so sorry for what happened to you. If I could turn back time, I would never have let you get close to me; I would have pushed you away and not let my feelings get the better of me.
âYou were my first love, and you will always hold a special place in my heart, but now Iâve hurt another, Jasmine, and I donât know how to fix it. I need your help.
âI would try to express my feelings, but as you know, Iâve never been very good at that. I really like Ava, and I need her to know that. I would even say I love her, but she deserves so much better than me. I guess I need her, but I just donât know how to tell her.
âI thought you should know that Drew is now behind bars and will spend the rest of his life there. I hope that lets you rest in peace.â
Feeling myself shake, I let out a breath. Then I hear a small voice behind me.
âYou just did.â
I turn around. There she stands, as gorgeous as everâno sign that sheâs been through hell and back, except for the look in her eyes.
All I want to do is tell her how sorry I am, but the words lodge in my throat. I rise to my feet, trying to calm my breathing.
âYou got my text then.â I want to shoot myself for saying something so stupid. ~Clearly, she got it; otherwise, she wouldnât be standing in front of you, dipshit.~
Ava simply nods at me, and an awkward silence falls over us. I notice how she subconsciously touches her arms where sheâs scarred from Drewâs knife, and the guilt weighs even heavier in the pit of my stomach.
Pushing the guilt aside, I find the courage to speak whatâs on my mind. To tell her the reason I asked her to come.
âAva, look, after everything youâve been through, I just want to say sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. I want you to know my feelings for you were never faked and that I truly care for you and love you. I just need you to know that.â
Out of breath, I realize I had been rambling and that Ava might not have heard me at all, but then she smiles, and I feel myself relax.
âHunter, Iâm not mad at you, and I donât blame you for anything. At first, I was mad you never told me, but then I realized it was so painful for you to let people in that you didnât bother. I understand now why you did what you did; I know you thought keeping me in the dark was best, but I know you now know that that isnât true.
âI also know that you only started dating me because of a dare. Now, I canât say Iâm not hurt because I am, but I feel we both used each other for our own reasons, so Iâm willing to look past everything and move forward.
âI feel the same way about you, and I donât know why it has taken me so long to see it. Maybe we could try dating for real this time, if you want to?â
I can feel my grin growing as I listen to Avaâs words and make my way toward her. I cup her face in my hands.
âIâd like that very much.â
Ever so slowly, I dip my head down to hers, giving her time to pull away from me. I donât want to make her uncomfortable, but she doesnât pull away, and finally, my lips meet hers.
The kiss is smooth and gentle at first but eventually turns passionate. I long to pull her closer to me, but instead, I pull away, catching my breath. I smile at her, and she smiles back twice as hard, looking radiant.
âSo, what do you say, Ava? Will you be my real girlfriend?â
When she giggles and lets out an excited âyes,â I pick her up and spin her around. Then I kiss her once more.
^THE END^