Chapter 16

Ava

I thought the hurt and hate would never end, but on Saturday morning, I feel nothing. I am empty, a shell of the person I used to be.

All the trust I had and feelings I felt toward Hunter are broken. He destroyed them, destroyed me, when Jessica’s lips touched his. The image replays over and over again in my mind like a broken vinyl. I am beyond the point of sanity.

~He ignored my rules. He couldn’t even keep it in his pants for a month! Who the hell does he think he is?~

~I’ll tell you who, Hunter fucking Black.~

I guess the good part of my tears streaming until my face was as bloated as a puffer fish is that all my feelings for him have been wiped clean. My throat might be as dry as the Sahara Desert, but I haven’t yet died from the shame and embarrassment.

I’m a mess, but I don’t care. He ruined me perfectly, and it was my own fault for falling for him. He even told me not to!

People think I’m smart, but I’m just as dumb as everyone else when it comes to boys.

I try to ring Lily, but I can’t get ahold of her. ~She must be at work.~ She’ll ring me later.

Needing some Netflix therapy, I haul my laptop toward me and log in with Lily’s email and password. I start an episode of ~Riverdale~ that I haven’t yet watched, but Jughead and Betty are such a cute couple that it feels like a knife to my heart. I slam my laptop shut and run downstairs to grab a load of popsicles. They always make me feel better.

I have received multiple text messages from Hunter, but I’ve ignored them all. I need to feel the slightest glimmer of hope that this will get better, that I will not feel like this forever.

Everything felt right with Hunter, even though I didn’t know much about his past, even though I heard so many warnings about him. I should have listened to everyone else.

I still want him, but I was clearly an idiot for thinking he might ever want someone like me, a nerd, when there are people like Jessica who flaunt their long legs and wear clothes that are too small.

~I can’t believe I actually fell for him.~

I reach for my phone and block Hunter’s number so that I don’t have to read the texts he keeps sending. I need to be able to move on.

Reminded of Dua Lipa’s song “New Rules,” I decide I’m going to live by her words. Except I won’t ever end up under him.

The thought makes me blush, and I scold myself for thinking such thoughts. I look at my phone, waiting for Lily to call. I really need her.

I debate whether I should go down to Delizioso Cibo Italiano, Lily’s parents’ restaurant, but I don’t want to cry in front of everyone. They are like my second family, and I really don’t want to worry them. (Though the food would have been great!)

Finally, after five more minutes of agonizing pain, my phone lights up. I’ve never been more relieved to hear Lily say, “Hey, bitch, what’s up?”

So, I tell her. I tell her everything, from the fake dating deal to what I saw in Declan’s house.

Lily was at the party, of course, but I didn’t tell her what happened on the drive home, and being a good friend, she didn’t ask. Instead of spending the night, as we planned, she gave me space. She knew I would tell her when I was ready.

Lily listens patiently and doesn’t interrupt at all. Finally, when I’m finished, she speaks carefully. “Well, if he can’t see how great you are, then he doesn’t deserve you. But maybe you should talk to him and try to work it out. If you like him as much as you say you do, you’ll try to work through things.

“Also, I hate you for not telling me you guys were never really together because you could never tell. It looked like you both were madly in love with each other.”

I gasp. ~How could she use the L word? There is no way I loved him.~

I hate to admit that her advice makes sense, but I’m too stubborn to listen. “Lily, I’m not going to talk to him just yet. I need time to heal or at least stop crying.”

“Okay. Look, I’ve got to go. Love you. Talk later, bitch.”

“Bye, love you too.”

With that, she hangs up, and I am left alone with my thoughts once again.

You know, for just a second, I thought he was changing, that maybe—just maybe—he would actually return the feelings that I had for him. I guess that was just wishful thinking.

With newfound determination, I decide to dig up every scrap of dirt I can find on Hunter Black. I want to figure out why he is so dangerous and why he is so cold toward other people. There has to be a reason why he is like this, and I am going to find it out, even if it kills me.

I pull my laptop toward me again and start looking through his Facebook profile, but he has no recent photos and seems to barely use this platform. I can tell he uses Instagram a lot more, but again I find nothing useful.

Groaning in frustration, I go back to Facebook and look at his tagged photos. That’s when I discover something interesting: a few pictures of Hunter with a girl with mousy brown hair. She’s of average height, and his arm is around her waist. They both wear the biggest smiles.

The girl isn’t tagged, but I have a feeling she has something to do with why Hunter is the way he is. From the photo, it is clear that he was in love.

I need to find out all I can about her.