Kissed by Shadows: Chapter 12

I see what Hunter meant when he told Roman to make sure everything was ready as soon as we step outside the front door. Unlike last night, there are not one but three dark thrones on the balcony, looking like something out of Game of Thrones. Ego much? They’re each dark wood, carved and ostentatious-looking, inky-black velvet cushions softening the hard wooden seats.

It should be surprising, how much power these guys wield at such a young age, but even just meeting these three, feeling the power that rolls off them like a heady perfume, it’s no wonder others will follow them. Will trust them to make their lives that little bit better.

“Really?” I ask, my bows raised as Hunter leads me to the one in the middle, his warm hand in mine. He sits down, tugging me onto his lap and wrapping his muscular arms around me. He snagged a form-fitting, black-knitted jumper before we left, telling me not to worry about a coat when I went to get mine from the peg by the door.

I see why as several large heaters fill the space, making it pretty toasty even though it’s early January and by the slight sparkle of frost on the ground and trees beyond the balcony, colder than a witch’s tit out here.

Grumbling, I snuggle into his lap, thinking of the reminder he gave me about obedience and figuring this way I get the extra warmth of his body heat. It has nothing to do with how nice it feels to be in his lap, his arms banded around me, letting me know he has no plans of letting me go anytime soon.

“You’ll come to realise, Peaches, that a lot of life is the theatre, the spectacle. It’s showing people what you want them to see. We are the kings of this estate, we hold power. We can’t let them forget it,” Hunter tells me, absently placing a kiss on my temple. Shivers race across my skin from where his lips make contact, feeling hypersensitive as his minty rosemary scent wraps around me.

“They’re on their way up,” Roman states, walking from the end of the balcony and taking the throne on Hunter’s right. He lounges in it, slinging one leg over the arm, all lazy insouciance, a smirk playing around his plush lips. “Almost showtime.” He looks directly at me as he says the words, giving me a wink that sends another shudder running through me.

I tear my gaze away, my heart feeling like it’s in my throat as I stare at the door to the stairway. My skin itches, and I shift in Hunt’s lap, earning a grunt and his arms clamping tighter around me. I don’t know how to feel about seeing Nikolai again. Excitement thrums in my veins, the memories of our brief time together filling my head with images that have my thighs clenching, but then the heartache follows, leaving me hollow.

He left me, just like my mum. Just like my dad who said it was for my own safety, and look how that turned out, I’m sat in the lap of a gang leader having given my body over to him and his men as a plaything. Even if it feels right to be with Hunt and the twins, the circumstances are so fucking wrong it’s not funny.

How am I meant to act when Nikolai walks through that door? Shit, I’m a hot mess, all churned up and feeling like I don’t know what’s up or down anymore.

“Breathe, Peaches,” Hunter commands just as the door to the stairway opens, and I take a gasping inhale when an unknown man walks through. He’s huge, a large scar running down his left cheek, his dark eyes menacing as they sweep the area, pausing when they see me sitting on Hunter’s lap.

Something flickers in his eyes, something that doesn’t terrify me like I expect when faced with a massive Russian gangster. I slowly exhale the breath I took in, my body deciding there’s no threat before my mind catches up.

Movement behind him has my gaze snapping, locking with familiar chocolate eyes, and just like that, I’m frozen, trapped by his intense stare as he walks through the door. It’s like everything else ceases to exist as he looks into my soul, a fierce pain in my heart bringing tears to my eyes. My mind knows that we can’t have him, but my soul refuses to accept defeat, still believing that somehow we will be together.

He left you. My brain is trying to regain some control and latching onto the hurt of his rejection, however well meaning.

“Solnishko,” he breathes out, and I see fucking red, all the mixed-up emotions morphing into a single one; pure rage.

I’m leaping out of Hunter’s lap before he can stop me, fuelled by anger at how fucking shitty life can be, and Nikolai is the embodiment of all that pain and hurt.

Crack!

His head whips to the side as my palm makes contact, the sharp sting bringing me back to the moment, the hot tears that are flowing down my cheeks like a river that won’t be damned.

“Do not touch her, Dima,” Nikolai grits out, turning his head to face me. Red glistens at the corner of his mouth, his tongue darting out to lick the blood as his fierce eyes bore into mine. His gaze burns, my chest heaving as the anger starts to change into a burning lust.

Clearly ruled by my whirling emotions, I surge to him, my lips slamming against his as my hands tangle into his woollen coat, my fingers grasping the lapels and pulling him closer. It’s not a pretty kiss, it’s as savage as my anger from moments ago was, my teeth nicking his lips, copper making my taste buds tingle.

He quickly returns my embrace with a deep groan that does terrible things to my core, his hands slipping under my jumper, and the shock of their coldness has me gasping and moaning in equal measure. He uses his grip to tug me closer, his tongue matching mine, stroke for stroke as he devours me.

I press my body against his, my hands leaving his coat to delve underneath and seek his skin. I need to feel him, even if it’s just under my fingertips. Pushing past his suit jacket, I tug his shirt from his trousers, gasping into his mouth when I make contact with hot skin. Pressing my hands against his firm abs, I inhale the hiss that falls from his lips as my fingers trace up them.

But it’s the pained groan that has me pulling back sharply, my brows dipping as I take in the way the skin around his eyes is tight. It’s then that I notice the purple along his jaw and his puffy lip that’s scabbed over, which can’t be from just my slap.

“Are you hurt?” I ask, my gaze darting over his face, then darting down to where my hands disappear under his clothes.

“I’m fine, Malyshka,” he tells me, but I just scoff, shoving his clothes up to reveal his body to me.

“Fucking hell, Nik,” I gasp, his torso a patchwork of mottled purples and blues, his tattoos almost hidden in the dark colours. “Who did this?” I glance back up, a weight deep in my stomach as the truth settles in my bones. “Sergi.”

“I’m fine,” he states again, gently taking my hands from his body into his and pulling them away. His clothing falling back down, hiding his injuries, but I’d know Sergi’s handiwork anywhere. I had to patch Nikolai up enough times when we were younger to know that this was a punishment for something and no doubt Sergi didn’t even raise a hand, having always used his henchmen to do his dirty work.

“Why?” I ask, his grip tightening in mine, his jaw clenching, and a horrible, sticky feeling coats the back of my throat, a part of me guessing the answer before he even has the chance to lie. “Because of me? Because I escaped?”

“It’s fine,” he says, not releasing my hands as his eyes rove over my face.

“Stop saying that! None of this fucking fine, Nik! Not a single fucking thing has been fine since I came home yesterday!” I’m yelling but I can’t stop, even though I should because what I said isn’t strictly true. Finally having Nikolai was more than fine, and being with the Shadows hasn’t been exactly dreadful.

Tears sting my eyes again, but I’m so fucking sick of crying, of having to react to the shit that just keeps coming, that I refuse to let them fall.

“I know, Solnishko.” He sighs, pulling me into his body before encasing me in his arms, his juniper, black pepper, and vetiver scent washing over me and helping to soothe my frantic pulse. “But we have to play the hand we’re dealt, at least until we can change our cards.”

I close my eyes, just breathing him in as my arms gently hug him back. “I’m just so tired, Nik, and it’s only been a day.”

His lips brush against the top of my head in a soft caress that has my eyes blinking open, locking gazes with Rowan, his brown eyes not dissimilar to Nikolai’s, just a little more amber in them. I freeze, expecting to see anger in them. I am in the arms of the enemy after all, and I did agree to be the Shadows’ just an hour ago.

But there’s no censure, just his usual calm way of studying what’s before him, taking in all the information before acting on it. He gives me a small nod, and I watch as he walks towards us, Nikolai and the guys either side of him—yep, I’d missed that there was another one—stiffening.

Rowan steps up behind me, and I’d be lying if I said that my body didn’t melt into Nikolai more at having them both caging me in. There’s something comforting about being between these two powerful men, something that settles the frenetic energy that swirls inside me.

“She’s ours now too,” Rowan states simply, his voice sure and unhurried. My eyelids flutter when his hand strokes down my hair, his thumb caressing the side of my neck. “And she’ll need all of us to keep her safe.”

Lips press against my head before Rowan’s warmth leaves, Nikolai taking a deep inhale that has my cheek moving up and down as it rests on the soft wool covering his chest. He uncurls his arms, pulling away just enough to look into my face, searching.

I swallow as he really takes me in, his gaze roaming over my face, snagging when he reaches my neck. Then his hand comes up, tracing a spot on the side of my throat, and heat suffices my cheeks when I realise that the twins, and maybe Hunter, must have left a hickey there.

“Nikolai, I…” I trail off, not really sure what to say. That I’m sorry? But the thing is, I’m not. I made no promise to Nik, and this thing between Hunter and the twins can’t be easily dismissed. There’s a pain in the back of my throat at even thinking about ending things with the Shadows, but equally, the idea of never being with Nik again leaves me nauseous, my entire body feeling like it’ll curl in on itself if I have to let him go.

“He’s right, Dorogoi,” he states, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, the back of his jaw working and his tone pained as if this isn’t easy for him to say. I guess he didn’t expect things to be like this when he brought me here. “You need them to keep you safe, and maybe happy too?” His eyes come back to mine, searching once again, the skin around them tight and the look in them almost begging me to deny his words.

I suck my lips between my teeth, only able to give him a nod. It’s still so new, but the time I’ve spent with the Shadows hasn’t all been bad. Most of it has been…nice. More than nice if I’m being truthful.

“We should discuss what happens now,” Hunter interjects from behind me, and I twist to see him still seated, his large hands gripping the arms of his throne so tightly that his knuckles have gone white.

The memory of being on my knees before him last night, his hands in a similar position hits me, sending a bolt of desire straight to my centre. As if he knows, his eyes catch mine, a small twitch of his lips hinting that perhaps he’s remembering too.

“My father sent me here to encourage you to hand Iris back into his care,” Nikolai states, and I snap my head back to him, trying to tug myself out of his arms. The movement is instinctual, knowing he wouldn’t take me back since he was the one who sent me here in the first place for my safety. “Don’t worry, Dorogoi, I won’t be leaving here with you tonight.” His voice is soft, his words enough to calm me, years of friendship building an unshakable trust between us.

“We wouldn’t give her back anyway,” Hunter states, his tone hard and unyielding. “She’s under the protection of the Shadows now, and our connections if need be.”

“Family is important to the Irish,” Roman adds, and I turn in Nikolai’s grip, my back to his front to look at Roman. Nikolai keeps his arms around me, like now that he’s got me back, he’s not letting me go anytime soon. Roman’s leg is still slung over the arm of his throne, but his eyes are uncompromising with a dark gleam in the brown depths, which are usually full of laughter. “And we have the Murphys and the Kellys on our side if we need them.”

“Good, that should be enough to stop a declaration of an outright war,” Nikolai responds, and I must say, my curiosity is piqued. Nik spoke about the twins before and their connections to Irish mobsters, but I didn’t quite realise it was enough to make Sergi pause, if not halt him altogether. “You’ll need to keep watch on her at all times, she can’t be alone for even a moment.”

“Not you too,” I groan as his arms tighten. “I suppose you agree with Hunter to keep me trapped in their flat forever more? Perhaps I should grow my hair out and maybe a prince will come along to save me?”

Roman huffs a laugh, clearly getting the fairy tale reference. Hunter looks like it’s taking all his effort to remain seated, his hands still clutching his throne tightly as he stares at Nik’s arms around me almost like he wants to tear them off. Rowan is seated on his throne, his body poised, his hands twitching like he needs to occupy them. And Nikolai’s lips brush the shell of my ear, a low growl rumbling against my back.

“I don’t think there’s room for another in your harem, Kotenok,” he murmurs darkly into my ear, shivers making my nipples pebble. “Plus I’ll compromise and share with them because I have to. Because I can see the way they light you up. But no one else.”

Iris shudders in my arms, and suka, I want nothing more than to throw her down on the dirty concrete floor and sink into her body again. Especially knowing that the Shadows have marked her, have maybe taken her too, even if not fully. My inner beast demands we stake our claim, regardless of the fact we now have to share her, something I never thought I’d be okay with.

“Okay,” she breathes out, and her acquiesce has a groan wanting to escape my throat. I hold it back though, instead taking a deep inhale of her intoxicating honey and cocoa scent. It’s laced with something sharper, a citrus that I don’t like, and I make a note to send her some of the body wash bars I found in her bathroom that smells like her.

I pull her closer, so not a breath of air is between us, knowing that this may be the last time I get to hold her like this for a long time. Every cell in my body rebels at the idea of not having her close, at walking away from her once more, but I have to because it’s the only way to keep her safe. It’s the only reason why I’m okay with this situation at all.

Straightening up, I glance over at the three men I’m entrusting my heart and soul to. They look as hungry as I feel, an air of possessive protection that I feel in my very bones aimed at her as they gaze not at me or my men, but her. I can respect them for that. I suppose it eases the sting of having to share her somewhat, knowing that they will also keep her safe and that even if they don’t have the same level of feeling for her as I do, what they do feel is strong and will be enough to help protect her from the bigger threat.

Given a choice, I would hoard her to myself like a dragon, breathing fire on anyone who tried to steal her away, but I won’t lie and say that it isn’t smart that she also feels something for them, that her heart is no longer just mine. And I am partly responsible for that, though very little in my life is about choice, so I will do what I have to in order to survive. In order for her to survive.

“I will report back to my father that she is under your protection and that you refused to hand her over, reminding me of your connections,” I tell them, registering Hunter’s nod as Iris goes stiff in my arms.

“What will he do to you? For failing to bring me back?” she asks quietly, but I know that everyone heard, Dima and Andrei shuffling either side of me.

“I’ll be fine, Solnishka,” I soothe, rubbing my face against her hair. She’s so soft, yielding where I’ve only known hardness and pain. “He won’t kill me because I’m his heir.”

“But he’ll hurt you,” she whispers, her voice stilted, and I want to lie to her but she already knows the answer.

“We’ll take care of him, zaya,” Dima assures her gruffly, his voice softer than usual, and my brows raise to my hairline. Looks like she’s gained more than just the Shadows as protectors if Dima is calling her bunny, something I know he used to refer to his younger sister before she died.

She shifts so that she’s facing him, but I refuse to release her just yet, needing her in my arms for a while longer. “Promise?”

A jolt runs through my body, the realisation that once again, I have someone who’s worried about me hitting me in the solar plexus. Someone who cares about my safety. I’ve not experienced that much since I got sent to Russia and she was sent away, her letters the only thing keeping me going some days.

Dima and Andrei are like brothers to me, our bond forged in trial and pain, a need to look out for one another to survive the harsh world. Iris was always like a soft blanket on the coldest of nights, something to keep going for, something that soothes the soul.

“I swear it,” Dima replies gravely, and after a moment, she nods before turning to face Andrei.

“And you?” she asks, her tone stern and unyielding. I see the way his lips twitch, sharing his amusement that this small, delicate creature would make demands from a warrior, a hardened criminal.

“I promise to take care of him too, zaya,” he agrees, his face turning serious as he makes his vow, holding her stare unwaveringly. “I swore to protect him with my life five years ago, and nothing has changed.”

My throat thickens, my chest tight at the knowledge that I am not alone like I was for so much of my childhood. To have all three of them, Dima, Andrei, and Iris, around me for the first time is making my loneliness feel so far away. I knew the guys would protect me with their lives as I would them, but to hear it said out loud for all to hear, and for Iris to care about their answer, it strikes a chord that reverberates throughout my body.

“Then it’s settled,” Hunter interjects, his voice that of a leader, all firm assurance and decisive action, and we all turn to face him. “Iris stays here and you’ll deal with Sergi.” I bristle, not used to taking orders from anyone other than my father. More often, I’m the one giving them out, and if the slight twitch of Hunter’s lips is any indication, he enjoys trying to boss me around. If not for the woman in my arms, I would make a point of showing him the error of his ways.

“He won’t give up. He’ll try even if he can’t declare an outright war. Be on your guard,” I tell him sternly, and he gives me a nod even as his eye quivers at my commanding tone. Tit for tat, he needs to get used to the fact that he is not my leader. I don’t have to go into details for him to know what I’m referring to. My father is known for his ruthless ways, ruling with an iron fist, and fear is how he earns loyalty. “Then we’ll take our leave.”

“Now?” Iris gasps, twisting in my arms so that she’s facing me once more. Suka, in the few moments of her facing away from me, I’d forgotten how beautiful she is. Her hazel eyes bore into mine, her brows dipped low as the sparkle of unshed tears makes her eyes shine.

“It’s better if we don’t linger, Solnishko,” I say, uncurling one of my arms to cup her face in my palm. Her lashes flutter against her cheeks briefly as she nuzzles into my palm, and my soul screams at me for even entertaining the idea of leaving her.

“Will I see you again?” she asks, opening her eyes and stunning me again. The green is more pronounced now, reminding me of the times we spent running around her garden on lazy summer days.

“One day.” I sigh, watching as her lower lip trembles. “Until then, you must stay with them. Hunter and his men can keep you safe, but only if you stay by their sides.”

She sniffs, swallowing and nodding before I bring my lips down to hers. I taste the salt of her sadness when we kiss and feel the desperation in the way she clings to me again. I wish it was enough, wish that I could keep her, but she’s not safe with me, not yet. And it’s the only thing that allows me to stop, to not throw her over my shoulder and steal her away. That allows me to share this part of my soul with them, who may not be my enemies but are certainly not my friends.

I pull away far too soon, knowing that if I don’t do it now, I might never leave. Then I look beyond her to find one of the twins, Roman I think, waiting. With a final kiss on the top of her silken hair, I push her into his arms, my beast raging at the injustice of it all.

Then stealing my shoulders, I turn, my own eyes stinging as I leave my soul behind.