{116}✔️

Dahlia's outfit:

**Saturday, May 12th**

Dahlia's POV

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"Just...Just turn it the other way and see if that works!" I mumbled as I watched Billie struggle with the large box. She huffed, turning to glare at me and I raised my hands in defense before walking around to look in the backseat. I sighed as I realized there was absolutely no room left, so putting the box back there wasn't an option.

"Are you sure the baby needs a bassinet? It's already got one, and a crib!" She huffed. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Okay, Billie, but what if the crib breaks and the other bassinet gets dirty, huh? Then where's the baby supposed to sleep?"

"On a bed? On a couch? On the floor? I don't think babies are all that picky about where they have to sleep." She muttered.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Billie, this is exactly the type of talk that makes me think we need  to take way more than just one parenting class."

"Yeah, about that, why are we doing that shit? It's not like it's our baby! What the hell are Julia and Denny doing? Are they taking the class?"

"Yeah, they're taking tons of classes, duh!" I rolled my eyes. "But I think it's important that we take one or...Five too."

"One!" She said sternly.

I sighed. "Billie, I'm gonna be living with Denver which means that whenever you come over to visit me, you're gonna be visiting the baby as well. I love you, babe, so much! But you...Are a maniac when it comes to kids and we need to fix that! Quickly!"

"Okay, but why can't we just watch some videos online and call it a day?" She whined.

"You need some hands-on practice!"

"I had hands-on practice! That's why Petrillo and Capone are missing patches of hair and some of their limbs now!"

"You're being dramatic, they are not missing limbs! We glued them back on and it was fine!" I tried to comfort her. "But we don't wanna have to do the same for my niece or nephew, do we?"

She sighed and pouted as she looked away from me. "I guess not." She muttered.

"Okay then," I smiled. "We're gonna go take that class and it's gonna be fine. I bet we'll have fun!"

She just turned away and went back to trying to figure out how to get the bassinet to fit into the trunk again.

We've spent most of our Saturday morning shopping for the baby and now we're about to spend a few hours shopping for the house. After that, we're gonna join Denny and Julia at one of their parenting classes.

I'm guessing we're gonna have to drop this stuff off at my house before we do any of that, though. I'm really not expecting to buy anything else because Billie and I are going furniture shopping and obviously I don't have that kind of money right now. Plus, Denny would have to be with me. But still, you never know.

After a long and miserable week of dealing with my stupid clubs, dealing with talking to my family about what happened and dealing with stupid, incompetent police officers, Billie decided that it'd be nice for us to have a little retail therapy. She bought lots of designer clothes, and we both bought a shit ton of baby shit. If we'd had enough room in the car we would've gone shopping for some house stuff too. Denny told me I could buy whatever I want for the kitchen, and I get to decorate it however I want to too because he knows how much I love kitchens! I've got a lot of themes in mind. I just have to figure out which one to go with.

Everything's going well with the house and we officially get the keys and can start moving in on June 4th! I literally can't wait, and I'm so fucking excited. Denny is too and I can already tell that knowing he's got his own house has taken a massive weight off of his shoulders.

June is gonna be a really busy month for him because we're gonna be moving into the new house, and he's gonna be getting some college shit situated, and he's got lots of jobs lined up until he can find a really nice full-time job. It's gonna be tiring, but he's looking forward to it and I am too.

Well, I'm looking forward to the last two weeks of June and most of July. Me and my friends are hoping to go on a little adventure.

We wanna have a huge road trip and we're hoping to have a really fun vacation. We're all trying to get everything arranged and I'm hoping it works out because I honestly could use a vacation.

"So, I've been meaning to ask you," Billie sighed after finally managing to get the bassinet inside the trunk. She slammed it closed and then tilted her head at me. "Do you think their baby is gonna like me?"

"Aw!" I pouted my lips and walked over to her. "Well, I don't think babies are great judges of character, but probably." I joked.

"I'll just buy it a lot of shit and hope for the best." She shrugged.

"Billie! Kids cannot be bought! It's the love they receive that they really care about!" I smiled.

"Yeah...I'm pretty sure they can be bought though. My dad and I weren't great friends until I turned six and he got me a pony!" She grinned.

I shook my head at her before walking around to get in the car.

***

"That thing is hideous, Bil." I cringed as I stared at the vomit colored leather couch she was gawking at.

"Hideous?! It's unique!" She said as she flopped down on it. It made a weird sound and she slid off of it and onto the floor.

"Unique. That's what you said about that statue of the naked werewolf with four heads." I grumbled.

"Oh, come on! That statue was a work of art!"

"Work of art. That's what you called that pink and orange rug with the stuffed Dalmatian heads sewn onto it."

"That rug was one of a kind!"

"One of a kind. That's what you called—"

"At least my taste isn't vanilla like yours!" She huffed, standing up. "I bet you think that couch is cool, huh?" She pointed at a normal looking tan couch and I shrugged.

"I wouldn't say it's cool, but at least it's not hideous. And my taste is so not vanilla!" I grabbed her hand and dragged her over to a nice looking couch. It was fluffy and black. Nice. "This is nice."

"I could just—" She gagged and rolled her eyes into the back of her head. "That thing is so damn fluffy. It looks like a carpet!"

"Okay, how about this then?" I asked, leading her over to a small white couch. It was simple. Minimalistic. Calming to even just look at.

"Basic. Vanilla. Plain. Just like I said." She smirked. "You guys need something cool in your living room. Something like..." She looked around before pointing at some kind of weird swing chair thing. "That!"

"That looks like something you're supposed to buy out of a sex shop." I mumbled. "I don't think I'd ever be able to get off of it if I sat on it."

"What's wrong with having a sex swing?" She raised her brows. "I mean, maybe not in the living room, but—"

"Oh, ladies! Ladies, ladies, ladies! That is not a sex swing! That is a one of a kind chair designed by Vincent Veriana!" A sales lady came up to us, smiling largely.

As if we know who some furniture designer was.

"Well, to be honest, you'd have a better chance of selling it to us if it was a sex swing." Billie told her bluntly. The lady nodded and walked away, her smile faltering for only a second before it was right back on her face.

"Billie, there can't be any sex swings in that house. There's gonna be a baby living there!"

"What about in your room? The baby isn't gonna be in your room!"

"Sex toys and children under the same roof? Absolutely not." I shook my head.

"My god, you're boring." She grumbled. "Okay, how do you feel about this lamp?" She questioned as she walked over to the ugliest lamp I'd ever seen in my life.

"That thing looks disgusting." I snickered.

"Dude, I'm really starting to dread the day when we decide to move in together." She laughed.

I froze in my spot, staring at her with wide eyes. "W-What?"

She looked at me and let out another laugh. "I mean, I told you I wanna be with you forever, probably. I think we'll move in together eventually. Don't you?"

"Well, I—I don't know. I don't know, I just thought that, you know, we'd be thirty years old still living in two different houses!" I squeaked.

I never really thought about moving in with her before. It's weird to think about!

I slowly sat down on a nearby couch and pulled my knees up to my chest. She came to sit beside me and pulled me into a side hug. "What if we get into another huge fight when that time comes? We couldn't even plan our fake wedding without fighting like cats and dogs, and it's clear that we don't have the same taste when it comes to furniture shopping!" I shook my head.

"Baby, I'm sure—"

"I mean, for Christ sake, you think that having a pink and orange rug in your house is acceptable! You told me you wanted to paint every room in your house red so it could be like walking into the devil's layer or whatever the fuck every time you walk inside! That's definitely cause for a breakup!"

"Well, it doesn't have to be every room! We can paint one room yellow or something. So it could be like walking into the sun and scorching to death." She snickered.

I elbowed her in the side and she winced. "I'm serious, Billie! What if we end up fighting and we can't move in together, like, ever because we can't agree on anything?!"

"That's not gonna happen, Doe." She sighed. "I don't care what kind of furniture we have as long as it's ours. I'd buy a billion vanilla ass house decorations if it made you happy." She kissed the side of my head.

"Well, thanks," I mumbled. "I guess...I guess since you'd do that for me I'd be willing to let you have a statue of a naked Werewolf."

"Thanks, but I think I'm good. It'd scare everyone away, and that's the last thing we need...Because I really want our house to be like the new playboy mansion."

"Billie, are you kidding me?"

"No! I want playboy bunnies running all around the place at all times!" She exclaimed. "Of course, I wouldn't mind it so much if you decided you wanted to be the only playboy bunny running around the house. As long as you agree to wear the outfit at all times and do everything I tell you." She smirked as she trailed her finger down my arm.

I slapped her hand away and stood up quickly. "Come on, Billie Hefner. We need to get going if we're gonna make it to that class on time, and I've gotta take my medicine before every inch of my body starts throbbing." I grumbled.

I'm still feeling the effects of that little brawl with that stupid bowl cut bastard.

"Fine, but okay, hear me out. What if we have two houses? One for us to live in and shit, and one where we can just invite people over to have orgies and film pornos and shit. It could have playboy posters hanging all over the walls! It'd be cool!"

"You know, now that you mention it, while we were doing that wedding planning project I was thinking about how you might react if your girlfriend wanted to be a porn star." I snickered.

"Oh, God, imagine me getting to tell people what my girl does for a living! I bet they'd be so jealous of me! Oh, oh we could be a porn couple! One of those famous porn couples who always do videos together! We'd be famous! Oh my god, I want that!" She yelled as we walked out of the store. I tried to shush her but it was no use.

"Okay, well it was just a hypothetical—"

"We're gonna be a famous porn couple with a playboy mansion! Oh my god!" She screamed. "Oh, I've waited my whole life for this!"

***

"Well," The lady smiled, her voice faltering as she looked at me. She cleared her throat quickly. "Isn't your shirt...Perfect...For this class?" She let out a small laugh and I quickly looked down at my shirt.

Yeah, maybe wearing this to a parenting class wasn't the smartest idea, but...It's a cool shirt. Besides, the face on it looked like it could be this bitch's twin.

"Well," Billie smiled fakely at her. "The good news is that none of the babies in here are real, so the possibility of them having nightmares about it is very slim."

"Mm." The lady fake laughed before walking away from our table. I sighed, putting my face in my hands. "I'm already bad at this. What kind of auntie am I? Billie, I have, like, twenty thousand of these spooky ass shirts!" I whisper yelled.

"That baby will probably love clowns!" She rubbed my back comfortingly. "Hey, have you been thinking of new names for it? I have."

I looked up and she was grinning. I shrugged. "Eastwood. Comma, Clint." I smiled.

"I was thinking that maybe its nickname could be Luci." She said.

"Oh, that's nice! But isn't Luci, like...Not really a nickname?"

"It is if the full name is Lucifer."

I blinked at her a few times before deciding to not even reply. I turned to face forward and placed my hands on the table, sucking on my teeth. It's really starting to dawn on me that I'm surrounded by absolute maniacs.

"Oh, come on! Quit judging me!" She huffed. "It's better than what Denny wanted to name it!"

"Hey!" He called, turning around to face us. "Clitoris is a really fancy sounding word! It's a nice name!"

"So is Fleetwood Mac, but you had an issue when I suggested that." I heard Julia mutter from her spot beside him. He turned to face her again. "Well, if we're gonna name it after a band it's gonna have to be named after ABBA!" He hissed.

They began arguing about names and I shook my head as Billie muttered something about how 'Lucifer' is and always will be the superior name.

The bitchy lady who'd commented on my bomb ass shirt walked to the front of the room a few minutes later and clapped her hands. "Okay, guys! We can get started now!"

Twenty minutes later, all twenty of the people in this room had a baby in front of them, and after a little bit of talking, the lady told us we'd first practice how to swaddle the baby and change its diapers.

This class would go over the following, in this order:

1.Changing/Swaddling

2.Bathing

3.Bonding

4.Breastfeeding

I was actually doing pretty good with changing and swaddling the baby. It wasn't all that difficult for me. Maybe because of my practice with Petrillo and Capone.

Billie on the other hand...

"Ma'am, you're wrapping the baby up too tight." The lady, whose name tag said Joyce on it, came up to Billie and patted her shoulder.

"Isn't that, like, the point? I mean, you don't want it to fall out and crack its skull open and shit." Billie told her.

"Um, that's right, but you also don't wanna choke it. See, the blanket is really tight on the baby's throat! You don't want that." Joyce unwrapped the baby and then rewrapped it, showing Billie how to do it. "There, see?"

"Yeah, okay, but wouldn't it be easier just to get the kid a onesie? Or like...Okay, I know this isn't done much, but why not just put it in a bag?" She questioned.

"A bag?" Joyce asked.

"Yeah, like, a potato sack or something. I mean, not an actual potato sack, that'd be weird. But I mean—Okay, so you know those drawstring gym bag things? You could put the baby in there and make sure its head is sticking out so it can breathe, but the body could just be in there and the baby would be warm." She smiled.

"When are you two expecting?" Joyce questioned after a few moments of just staring at her.

"Not for quite a few years." I answered.

"Mm. Good." She muttered before walking away.

I slapped Billie on the shoulder after she walked away, and she jumped. "Ouch! What the hell was that for?!"

"Why would you suggest putting a baby into a potato sack?!" I hissed. "How are we ever gonna win if you keep suggesting stupid shit like that?"

"Win? What are you talking about?" She furrowed her brows. "I really don't think this is a competition. I think everyone's just here to learn how to properly take care of a baby." She chuckled.

I laughed loudly before shaking my head at her. "Sweet, naive, Billie. You're adorable." I leaned closer to her and dropped my smile. "These people have you totally fooled, but not me! Nobody here gives a crap about the proper way to feed a child without choking it or whatever the fuck. This is about figuring out who the best parent is. And even though I'm not gonna be a mom yet, I can tell you right now, it's me! I'm the best parent! Nobody can hold a candle to me!"

"I really don't think—"

"Joyce? I'm sorry, I can't seem to figure out how to get this blanket on correctly." The man at the table beside us called. I looked over and saw that his wife was rubbing his back comfortingly, and he looked pretty stressed. I snorted, drawing his attention. "Loser."

"Excuse me?" He furrowed his brows.

I held my baby up by its head. "Look at this. What is this?"

"A baby?" He asked.

"No, no, no, this is a perfectly swaddled baby. You can't relate, huh?" I smirked, letting out a few chuckles. "I'm better than you. Remember that." I stuck my tongue out at him before turning to face the front again. "Yeah, Billie. We're totally gonna win this."

"I'm really starting to worry about you," Billie muttered. "Aw fuck!" She shouted as she tried to hold the baby up to see if she'd wrapped it right. The blanket unraveled and the baby fell right to the ground with a loud thud.

A bunch of the pregnant ladies let out loud gasps and shrieks and I rolled my eyes. "Oh, everyone just calm down. It's not like it's real!"

***

2. Bathing.

"I don't get what is so difficult, sweetie," Joyce said through gritted teeth. "It's not all that hard to keep a child from drowning. Just hold it up and watch it and make sure it doesn't go underwater."

"Yeah, see, I don't think that's a realistic expectation, Joyce. I—" Billie coughed as a piece of the burrito she'd snuck in flew out of her mouth and into the bathtub with the baby. She swallowed before speaking again. "Sometimes people get a little distracted, you know? What if I'm bathing the child while eating a burrito, just like now? Then I might get distracted and the baby might drown."

"Yes, well, that's why most people usually don't eat in the bathroom, isn't it?" Joyce sighed before shaking her head and walking away.

I tried to catch her before she did. "Oh, Joyce?! My baby is clean and wrapped perfectly once again!" I called loudly, making sure everyone could hear.

Joyce threw her head back and sighed. "Yes, Dahlia. You told me."

"I don't know, I just feel weird about washing somebody else's ass crack." I heard Denver sigh. "I barely wash my own, you know?" He chuckled, nudging Julia.

She gave him a disgusted look and he shook his head. "N-No. No, I was joking. That was a joke." He told her quickly.

"Why was I ever with you?" She mumbled.

3. Bonding.

"Oh, I'm gonna bond with this baby so hard!" I whisper yelled as I snatched it up and held it to my chest. "Mhm. You're gonna fucking love me!"

"I don't get the point. I mean, holding the thing and patting it for who knows how long isn't bonding. Bonding is, like...Going out to get ice cream or something. And since it's too young to do that, you just have to wait until it's old enough and then you can." Billie shrugged.

"Just...Please just pick the baby up." Joyce sighed. Billie begrudgingly did as told and then she gave it a weird stare.

"Why's it so ugly, though? Why are all babies so ugly? That's the problem. I don't do good around ugly people and babies are really ugly." She complained.

"No," I shook my head. "My baby isn't ugly. My baby is the best-looking baby in this class. Not that there's much competition. I mean, look at that guy's baby!" I chuckled as I nodded toward the same guy I'd insulted earlier.

He scoffed. "Your baby is bald! Look at all this beautiful blonde hair mine has." He smirked.

"I'll shave that shit off, don't try me!" I barked, pointing my finger at him. He jumped back and scooted closer to his wife who shook her head at me.

"It's not a beauty pageant!" Joyce huffed as she stood between our tables. I smirked up at her. "You're just saying that to make them feel better."

"I don't know, it's just that the baby's head is really

close to my armpit and I just feel like this is not gonna be very comforting for it if I'm musty." Denver shook his head as he tried to figure out a different way to hold the baby.

"Try it like this!" Billie said, causing him to turn around. I looked at her and noticed that she was holding the baby upside down. She smiled brightly at me. "See, kids like this! I'm getting the hang of this!"

She accidentally bumped its head against the table and then she sighed. "It's fine. Bruises build character!"

***

4. Breastfeeding.

"I don't know. I get that the baby has to eat and all, but I really don't want anybody but my girl sucking on my titty, you know?" Billie sighed.

"Why are you even taking this class?!" Joyce screamed, making us all jump. She made a choking motion with her hands before letting out a shaky breath and then clearing her throat.

"Sorry about that little...Outburst." She muttered.

"Happens to the best of us." Billie smiled. "Hey, that vein in your forehead looks kinda cool, though."

"Why doesn't he have to breastfeed?!" Julia whined. Denny placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and she smacked it off quickly.

"Ow! Dude, what the hell?" He huffed.

"You touching me got me into this mess in the first place!" She spat. "Let this be a lesson learned. Three minutes of 'fun' and now I'm stuck breastfeeding for the rest of my life!"

"No, no, dear. Just for a few years—"

"Three minutes?!" He shouted, interrupting Joyce. "Oh, you know I lasted way more than three minutes! And the only reason I was able to cum in the first place was because I was thinking of Michael B. Jordan the whole time I was with you, so you can blame this on him!"

She gasped loudly and a few of the women nodded, silently agreeing that Michael B. Jordan is hot.

"Dude, that's not cool!" The guy at the table next to Denver said. "You were thinking about Michael B. Jordan while you were screwing your wife?"

"No, no, it's fine! She's not my wife! She was just my girlfriend while I was trying to pretend I didn't have or want a boyfriend!" He tried to defend himself.

More gasps filled the room and some other dude spoke up. "Well, where was your poor boyfriend at while you were thinking of Michael B. Jordan while you were screwing your girlfriend, you sicko?!"

"Guys, thank you, but it's okay!" Julia intervened. "I always thought about Michael B. Jordan while he was screwing me too."

"What?!" Denver gasped. "Was I not enough for you?! Why were you thinking of him when you were supposed to be thinking of me?!"

"Well, who the hell doesn't think of him while they're having sex, Denver?" She questioned, sounding annoyed.

"That's true." Most of the people in the room murmured.

"Well—but—" Denny stuttered.

"I don't get why you're so upset! I'm not complaining about you thinking of him while we were doing it!"

"Well, that was different! I'm gay and I didn't even wanna be with you! You're straight and you were supposed to be in love with me! I was like...A Greek God to you!"

"See, but being gay isn't an excuse, fella," An older man said. "You could've been thinking about your boyfriend at least, but instead you were thinking about that Jordan fellow."

"Yeah, and I don't remember Greek Gods being that scrawny!" A lady who seemed to be in her thirties laughed.

"Scrawny?! I'm 230 pounds and it's all muscle!" He yelled.

"You're 210 pounds and you haven't been to the gym since football season ended. Newsflash, Denny, you're not as built as you used to be and in case you haven't noticed, we're having a baby, so you better hope you do stay scrawny! But I can already tell you're gaining weight." Julia smirked.

"That is a lie! And of course I've noticed that we're having a baby! You remind me every time you call me at 3 am demanding that I get you white chocolate and a box of snickerdoodles! Plus, I've seen smaller feet on clowns!"

"Hey! My feet are still tiny and delicate and adorable just like I am, you bastard!"

"Oh, I just love young love!" An older lady sighed softly as she reached over to grab her husband's hand.

I snickered at them for a few moments before turning my attention elsewhere. "Ha!" I laughed, shaking my head at the guy at the table beside me. I'd learned that his name was Tom. "You can't even do this part, Tom. You don't even have boobs! Fucking loser, I've got you beat already!"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I've had just about enough of you! You think you're so good at this, huh? Then how come my wife is already almost done feeding our baby and you haven't even started?" He smirked.

"It's not a fucking race you fucking speed demon!" I yelled at her before growling. "Alright, kid. You're gonna have to suck fast!" I shouted before yanking my top down over my breast. Billie gasped and quickly pulled it back up before anyone could see.

"No, baby! You're just supposed to use the bottle!" She whisper yelled.

"But we're supposed to be breastfeeding!"

"No, Joyce is just telling us how to do it! You don't actually have to do it!" She explained quickly.

I looked over at stupid Tom and his dumb wife, Martha who were both smirking at me. Martha giggled as she held up the bottle for a second to let me see and then went back to feeding the baby.

"Who's the fucking loser now, kid?" Tom chuckled.

"Oh, put a cork in it, Tom!" I spat. "My kid may be hungry right now but at least it can take comfort in the fact that my name isn't stupid like somebody else's. Martha!"

"Hey! My name is cute, and at least I'm not named after a dead girl!" She shouted.

"You wanna fight about it, lady?!" I hissed.

"I do!" She yelled as she threw the baby down on the table and then tried to get up.

It took her two entire minutes to get up from her chair even with the help of Tom because her stomach was too big and she just couldn't move fast enough. When she finally did get up, she sighed and then decided to sit right back down.

"We'll have to wait until there isn't a fucking watermelon inside me." She grumbled before trying to catch her breath.

"Speaking of! Dads, before you leave today, I thought it'd be nice if you could put on a weighted pregnancy belly to see what the moms are going through!" Joyce clapped excitedly.

I smirked. "Oh, Martha. Martha, Martha, Martha. I bet I'll be a better pregnant lady than you!"

***

"Oh, this is nice, actually." Billie grinned as she smacked her belly. She waddled over to Denver and smacked his as well. He quickly turned away from her, placing a comforting hand on his belly.

"Hey, don't do that! You could hurt my little piglet."

"Your little piglet?" I raised my brows at him. "What the fuck kind of pet name is that?"

"Better than calling it a rodent, which is what you are." He rolled his eyes.

"Hey, don't talk to your sister like that!" Billie scolded him quickly. "And what are you gonna do about it, twerp?" He snickered.

She backed up before running at him and jumping up, bumping her belly against his which knocked him over. She giggled as he struggled on the floor, trying to get up. He spread his legs wide and tried to push himself up, but it didn't work.

I laughed before taking a step back, and then I turned quickly to apologize to whoever I'd bumped into, but I narrowed my eyes after noticing that it was just Tom.

"Watch where you're going, kid." He glared.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Tom." I gritted out. "I didn't mean to...bump...into you." I grinned as I bumped my stomach into his harshly before backing away.

"That's it!" He yelled as he bumped me back. We both yelled at each other as we bumped our stomachs together repeatedly.

"Please, stop it!" Joyce yelled as fights broke out all over the place. The pregnant women bickered amongst themselves in the corner of the room but didn't get involved in anything physical. They seemingly made up after a few minutes when one woman pulled out a cup of fried eggs and peanut butter and they began snacking on that.

"Hey, this is so cool, look!" A guy yelled before running and then falling face first onto the floor. His belly stopped him from face planting and he practically bounced right back up.

"Stop pulling my hair!" Denver screamed. I looked over and saw that Billie was just barely hanging onto his back. Her stomach was causing her to slip, and her grip on his hair was seemingly the only thing keeping her from falling.

"Stop it!" I yelled after Tom bumped me with his stomach once again. I picked up a nearby baby rattle and tossed it at him, watching as it bounced off his forehead.

He gasped and picked up a bag of diapers before tossing them at me, and they all fluttered around me as I glared at him.

I picked up a baby and chucked it at him, but he caught it and began hitting my stomach with it. I gasped as I picked up another baby and we began beating each other with them.

"Everyone Stop it! I said stop it!" Joyce's loud scream made everyone freeze. Her voice had gotten, like, four octaves deeper and I don't think anyone was expecting that. "My god, this is the worst class I've ever had and the worst job I've ever had! This is all because I needed something 'practical' to do after my mom and I had a fight about me going to clown college! Well, look at this mom!" She yelled to herself. "I still ended up looking like a clown and I'm not even wearing the costume! Are you happy?!"

"All I ever wanted to do was put on those big shoes and get into that little tiny car and squirt water out of my nose!" She cried. "And instead? Instead, I'm here trying to teach a bunch of dimwits how to burp a child without fucking killing it!"

Nobody said anything as she talked to herself for a few moments, walking around the room and gathering her belongings. "I hope you and all of your children have wonderful lives together, although I'm sure most of these kids won't make it more than three days with how you guys have been acting! I quit!" She growled once she got all her stuff and then went to the door. "But I'm sure they'll find a replacement for me." She sighed, calming down. "So...You guys make sure you all come back next week because I'm sure you'll be watching the childbirth videos!"

"Great. Next week's class gets to see the good stuff and all we got to do was learn how to wrap a baby up like a burrito and suck it's fucking booger's out." Billie scoffed.

Joyce tried to smile but began sobbing. She blew her nose on her shirt before trying to leave, but I quickly stopped her.

"Wait! Who won?! I won didn't I?!" I questioned quickly. She threw her hands up in exasperation and nodded, laughing through her tears. "Sure. Sure, you did."

"Fuck yeah I did! I'm fucking better than all of you, hah!" I screamed as I ran around the room as quick as I could with the belly still on me. "I'm especially better than you, Tom!" I screeched, getting into his face.

Joyce walked out after that and slammed the door behind her.

Nobody said anything for a while as we all just stood around looking at each other. Julia was the first to break the silence as she walked to the middle of the floor and awkwardly bent down to grab a box of wipes. "Well, she's gone so we might as well take what we want." She muttered. "Denver, go get that fancy breast pump set she was showing to us, please. She put it behind her desk."

"No, I want it!" Some lady screamed.

More chaos ensued as we all raced around trying to loot all the baby supplies we could. I went straight over to the pile of baby clothes sitting by Joyce's desk and Julia went through the drawer next to it.

"I'm not gonna ask you again, Martha! Give me the fucking stroller!" I heard Billie screech.

"Over my dead body!"

"I do not want to fight with a pregnant lady! Just hand it over!"

"Little girl, I weigh, like, twenty tons right now! I will sit on you and end your life!"

"Hey! That box of pampers is mine!" I heard Denver yell. He let out some sort of weird war cry as he ran past me, tackling another dude to the ground which was really weird looking cause they still had the bellies on. "Mine!" He yelled again as he got up as quickly as he could and snatched the box up. His hands were full with all tons of shit as he ran toward the door.

"Julia! Grab what you can! I'm gonna go pull the car around! These people are animals and we've got to get out! Ugh—And make sure to put some of those packs of cookies she was handing out into your purse! Not for the baby, I just...You know what, don't worry about it! Apparently, I'm gaining weight! I need to watch my figure!" He screamed.

"Just go!" She yelled back as some guy tried to run up to him and grab the pampers.

"Alright—Okay, but you know what—Do get the cookies! I'll work it off later!" He yelled before running out.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" A security guard ran in almost as soon as Denny ran out. "Hey, you guys can't take this stuff!" He yelled.

"You really wanna mess with us right now?!" A lady screamed as she waddled over to him. A big group of ladies followed suit and he backed away. "My feet are swollen, I've got terrible heartburn, and I feel like I've got to pee for the sixth time in forty-five minutes! I'll piss in your mouth if that's what you want!"

"N-No, ma'am!" He backed out of the room and they followed him, angrily shouting.

"This is a really nice desk! I wonder if we could take that too?" Julia tilted her head as she patted the desk.

"Julia, focus!" I hissed.

"Okay, okay! I'll grab that nice looking baby monitor!"

I looked around quickly and grabbed a baby bag, shoving everything I could into it. When I was done with that, I turned around just in time to see Billie tripping Tom up.

"You're not walking out of this room with that damn car seat on my watch! Baby, come help me!" She screamed as she sat on him and restrained his hands. I tried to run over and grab the car seat, but I saw somebody running for my bag.

I snatched it quickly and ran toward the door as they began chasing me. "Billie, I'm so sorry, I can't! I love you!"

"That's okay, I understand! Save yourself! I'll see you on the other side!"

I ran out of the room with all the stuff I could and the last thing I heard before exiting the building was the loud screaming coming from the room.

"Put that mother fucking baby lotion down, it's mine!"

***********

A/N: we needed a light-hearted chapter 💀

I was dead writing this shit.

Okayyyy I finally made my first Spotify playlist. 'Chill.' Yesterday!

Pls listen to it it took me hours lmfao

123 songs, 7 hrs of music!

My Spotify is bilboaaa ⤵️

(I literally just got Spotify so idk but pretty sure u can just scan that and it'll be easier to find my acc. Like snap codes. Okbye.)

The playlist has all types of different genres and artists in it and I tried to put the songs in an order that flows well u know? But most ppl will probably listen on shuffle so that was lowkey a waste of time but I'm extra af shhhh.

If u listen lmk what songs u like if u happen to find some new ones Nd fall in love w them lmao