Chapter Twenty- Nine

Thirty- one days later...

I walked into Bookish, my head down, trying to forget what happened the last time I was here. The last person I was with. I ignore the people giving me weird looks for wearing a hoodie in the middle of June and walk towards the back of the store. My fingers tremble as they reach up to trace the spines of the books in front of me, pushing back memories that he's already forgotten.

"He was looking for you, you know?" Missy voiced from behind me.

"Who?" But I knew exactly who she was talking around.

"Your boy. He came in last week, hoping to see you here," She sighed, grabbing my hand from the shelf in holding it. "That poor boy looked like somebody ripped his heart out and stomped on it.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I picked up a copy of a book that I already read, wanting to feel something weighing me down to keep me from fleeing from this store.

"Don't act stupid with me."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but that wasn't me." I slid my hand out of hers and moved down the shelf.

"Really" I nodded, biting my lip. "Then what happened to you?"

"Nothing," I said. "Just tired." Tired of missing somebody who's better off without me.

"You love that boy, don't you sweetheart?" I tasted blood from biting my lip too hard, but I couldn't stop. If I did, the tears I've been trying to suppress for the past thirty- one days would come rushing out.

It's been thirty- one days since I walked out of his life. Thirty- one days since I deleted his number and severed all contact. Thirty- one days since I supposedly broke his heart. I'm not surprised that he would come here looking for me. It's not like he could show up at my school or house. He doesn't know where that is.

At least he didn't, but it's been thirty- one days since I punched Jasper in the face. I'm pretty sure he's not keeping any of my secrets.

I've tried my best not to think of him. But every Disney movie I watched or Netflix show I binge reminds me of him. Ice cream reminds me of him. Books, my one true love is plagued with his memory. The memory of the boy with a smile large enough to brighten my whole day. The boy who craved nothing but love.

I couldn't even go to Barnes and Noble anymore. Couldn't walk inside the store knowing that he could be waiting for me.

Where it all started. Where our paths intertwined and we ruined each other.

Correction: I ruined him.

And now hearing that he's looking for me. Misses me.

Breaks my heart. When I left him, I didn't expect him to be heartbroken or sad. I was just a bump in the road until he went back to his perfect life. Or not- perfect life.

I wasn't supposed to be anything to him. He wasn't supposed to be anything to me.

But we were something. Anything. Everything. He was a part of me that was ripped away too quickly.

And that scared me.

It made me question things, but there is one thing I do know: if I could do it all again, I would. I would lie to him over and over again if it meant having this as our story. Because no matter what I know that if I told him the truth it wouldn't have gone as far as it did. He wouldn't have wanted to be a part of the life I have.

The life I've been trying to escape from.

"I know a broken heart when I see one."

"My heart's not broken. I'm good."

"Scarlett sweetie, you walked in here with a hoodie on in 90-degree weather. You are a lot of things but good isn't one of them." I finally turn around, tears welling in my eyes, The dams about to burst, but then I see her stomach.

"YOU HAD THE BABY!" I screamed, catching the attention of an elderly woman checking out biographies next to us. A grin lights up Missy's face as she tenderly rubs her stomach.

"She's one month today," One day after I left Jace, a baby was born. Missy's baby. "Home with Craig. I was tired of being in that damn house." Missy stretched, cracking her back. I noticed the bags under her eyes, the wonders of a newborn baby.

"You just had a baby, Missy. You should be home resting, taking it easy." I tried to ease her into an empty seat, but she refused. "It's been a month and I'm a grown woman. A baby isn't going to stop me from doing what I love."

"Yeah, but extreme fatigue, nausea, and sore nipples-" I listed.

"Watch your mouth!" She chastised me. I let out a small laugh, the first time that's happened in thirty- one days.

Losing two best friends on the same day has that effect on you. When suddenly the two people you shared your jokes with were gone, a lot of things weren't funny anymore.

I still see Destiny around school, makeup covering whatever bruises she may have. Whenever we pass in the halls instead of quick hugs she used to give me it was glares or plain ignoring my existence. We used to be DestinyandScarlett, the best friend duo who everybody envied. We were different and nobody understood us, but it worked. Until it didn't. Now I walk through the halls alone and have to deal with the feeling of longing when I see Destiny with her new friends. I say friends, but they aren't real. I was her real friend.

Erika and Dylan tried to help in the beginning, but they don't know the full story. And I refused to sit there and be a third wheel while Erika layed hickies all over his neck. During lunch, I sat in the library, reading books until the bell rang.

It was hard to ignore the looks people gave me in the halls or in class or in the library. The junior class wanted to know what happened to DestinyandScarlett. We were unstoppable, always together, a constant. If you saw one of us together the other wasn't far behind. Now, we're strangers and it really fucking sucked.

So no Missy, I'm not good. I'm anything, but good.

I felt a new wave of emotions rush over me, ready to take over.

"I have to go," I stammered. "Congrats to you and Craig!" I yelled over my shoulder as I tried to speed walk out of there.

"It's not too late, Scarlett!" She yelled after me. "With love, it's never too late."

I busted through the doors running faster than I thought physically possible. My legs burned, but I pushed through the pain until I was at the end of the strip. I was gasping for air, collapsing onto a bench around nobody but myself.

I thought when I sat down that everything would come flooding out. But my body decided to go for the slow burn. The lump in my throat, the heaviness in the stomach, and the guilt of never telling you was eating me up inside. I just had to keep reminding myself that I did this for you. That it was better this way without all the complications.

But with each passing day, I question if this was really my only option. And my answer became less clear.

----------------

It was the week after Brielle got discharged from the hospital. I was out shopping with my mom in some affluent up and coming neighborhood that the city is trying to gentrify. Jace's spiel about love was running through my mind when I saw her.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of blonde hair and porcelain white skin. It was her. And I was going to get answers today.

"Hey!" I yelled after her, chasing her down the street. She quickened her pace but I caught up with her. "Why did you break it off with Jace?" I sputtered. Trying to catch my breath.

She didn't look angry or nervous. Just tired. I know how she feels.

"You don't even get it, do you?" She said incredulously. "Never mind. It's not my place to tell you."

"Come on, Marley." I plead with her as she tries to brush past me. I grab onto her arm. "Please, I need to know."

"Then let Jace tell you. He should've told you a long time ago." She said the last sentence under her breath. So low I almost didn't hear her.

"Jace doesn't know." She narrowed her eyes.

"Then he's lying."

"No, he's just clueless. I set you up with an amazing guy. He's smart, he's funny, he's kind beyond belief," Her eyes bore into mine, there's nothing there. "Jace is perfect."

"Yeah for you." She snorts, taking me by surprise.

"What?"

"I was done when on date five he took me to Barnes and Noble when I hated reading," Does this girl hate puppies? "I was done." Her tone is final.

"Done with what?"

"Going on dates with a guy who wishes that I was somebody else," My eyes widened.

Is she suggesting what I think she is? I was about to defend Jace. Tell her that he's not that kind of guy. But she continues.

"On our first date when we went to see that stupid romance movie which I hated by the way. There's nothing worse in this life than a cheesy love story," Okay, ouch. Come for my whole life, why don't you? "That whole date he talked about you."

"You're lying." I spit. Jace is my best friend. I'm the last person he thinks about on a date with another girl.

"I wish," She sighs, walking over to an empty bench. I look back and see my mother still in the store. "I was going to let it slide but then date 2 happened. We went ice skating. Same result. I thought the more time I spent with him, the more he would like me. And stop thinking about you. The girl that obviously doesn't want him."

"I gave him the benefit of the doubt. My friends thought I was so stupid and they were right. Because there was somebody right under my nose, this whole time." She takes her phone out of her Louis Vuitton bag.

She showed me her lock screen. It was a boy, a few inches taller than her. He was Hispanic and had messy brown hair that was tied into a man bun. A wide smile and his eyes holding all the love in the world as he hugged her waist.

"That's my Jace. He was my best friend, Matteo," Her eyes filled with so much adoration for that boy on her screen. "I wasn't looking for him, but he was always there. He would listen to me complain when I got home from dates and never judged. He would just tell me that I deserved the world and shouldn't settle for less. When I broke it off with Jace, it was Matteo who picked me up from his house that night. He was there."

Jace was there. When I was angry or frustrated or happy or sad, he was always right there.

Wait.

No. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"There is nothing going on between me and Jace."

"There was nothing going on with me and Matteo," She countered. "Just think about it, Scarlett. I see the way your eyes light up when I say his name. The way your smile widens when he's near. And I know that you had a hint of jealousy whenever you saw us together."

"I had a bad Chipotle bowl." She raised her eyebrows, suggestively.

"Whatever you say," She stands up and we stood head to head. "I have a date tonight. You should pop by Jace's house. See what he thinks."

She leaves me on the open sidewalk, having flipped my world upside down. My mother came back soon after Marley left, but I couldn't focus on the new candles that she bought or what we were having for dinner. My mind trailed back to one source. Everything came back to him. And that scared me more than anything.

We are best friends. In these three months, we've seen each other at our very worst. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Jace would ever be anything more than what he was.

What he is.

I'm glad that Marley has her best friend turned into a lovers story, but that's not happening with us. There's too much that separates us. Too much that he doesn't know yet.

Jace and I are destined to be one thing. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I haven't thought about that day since it happened. I never brought it up to Jace because he told me not to talk to Marley. Now I know why.

The bitch is crazy.

But today, sitting on a steaming hot bench in jeans and a hoodie, ready to pass out from a heat stroke I thought about what she said. And now I want to know everything that he didn't say.

I don't know why Missy and Marley would say the things that they did. But I know whatever feelings Jace may or may not have had are gone now. After I deserted him and made up practically every detail about my life there was no reason for him to feel anything, but hatred for me.

The lying bitch who barged into his life and ruined it.