Chapter Twenty- Six

Brielle's in the hospital

My breathing was rapid, as panic flooded through my body. Jace appeared in front of me, eyes filled with worry.

"Scarlett, what's up? Breathe, come on talk to me." His voice was calm as he squeezed my hand. I couldn't focus on him. The only thing I could think of was that text message. The words playing in my mind on repeat.

Brielle's in the hospital

Brielle's in the hospital

Brielle's in the hospital

"Brielle's in the hospital." I choked out.

"Your sister?" I nodded, annoying that he would ask such a stupid question.

"Which one? Come on, I'll drive you." I shook my head, even in a panic I couldn't fuck up my story. I couldn't run the risk of him questioning why she was in the hospital in the city instead of the one ten minutes away.

"You're in no position to drive right now!" He tried to reason. Damn it, he was right. My hands were shaking at the thought of my older sister laying in the hospital bed, clinging to her life (if it's that serious.)

"Fine, it's in the city." He nodded without asking questions. I followed him upstairs and he grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter before getting in the car.

"University of Maryland Medical Center: Downtown Campus," I told him and he put it in the GPS.

It read an hour away, I groaned. I hope Jace drove really fast, I can't sit here in worry for an hour.

I watched as we drove past my car sitting alone in the driveway. Damn, I'm really leaving my car here. Not that It would get stolen, but it's my car.

Jace distracted me on our drive with his very off-key singing to Panic at the Disco songs. I was in agony by the time we pulled up in front of the hospital. Large. Daunting. Holding my sister's life in its hands (if it's that serious.)

I didn't realize I hadn't moved from the curb until Jace said, "I'll go in with you and wait with you and your family." That snapped me back to reality.

"NO! I mean it's okay. Go home. I'll text you later."

"Scarlett, I don't want to leave you here."

"You're not, my family's inside. I promise to update you," he didn't look convinced. "I promise Jace that I'll be okay. Please, just go home." He heard the begging in my voice and sighed.

"Okay, but if you need anything! Give me a call." I mustered a smile.

"Of course. Thank you for everything."

"I'd do anything for you." My heart warmed at his words. We didn't say anything else, I just turned around and walked into the hospital.

My nerves returned as I speed walked to the front desk.

"Brielle Johnson!" I shouted at the lady. She told me how to get to her and I took off in a sprint.

I found my parents in the waiting room. My mother's head against my father's chest. They went into high alert when I walked into the room. My mother, rage flared in her eyes turned to relief when she threw her arms around me.

"My baby girl, I'm so happy you're okay!" She cried out.

"Mama, what happened?"

"It was the devil's juice," Dad answered. Alcohol poisoning. Why am I not surprised?

"Will she be okay?" My mother burst out in tears, my heart dropping. Does- does that mean-

"She'll be okay," I sighed in relief at his words.

"Then why's mom crying?"

"You know this is how Uncle Tony was taken from us," I nodded in understanding.

Uncle Tony was my mom's older brother who died at 18 from alcohol poison when my mom was only 15. I heard countless stories about him, he was loud, obnoxious, but he loved his family. Especially his little sister.

My mother swore off alcohol that day. She hasn't drunk a drop of alcohol her whole life. I admired her resilience, this country's basically run on liquor now.

I looked down at my mother, sobbing onto my t-shirt. The guilt building up inside of me. How could I do this to her? How could I be so reckless?

"I'm sorry Mama!" I sobbed. She gripped me tighter. I rubbed my hand up and down her back, trying to calm her down.

"Where'd you find her?" I asked my dad. We were sitting in the stuff metal chairs, waiting for them to finish pumping her stomach. My mother was fast asleep on my shoulder and dad and I was watching Law and Order: SVU on the waiting room television.

"She was slumped over on the couch when we got back from church. She was passed out and while your mom was in hysterics, I called the ambulance."

"I should've been there."

"Yeah, you should've. Do you know how worried we were when you didn't come home last night? Ignored our calls! You should be ashamed of yourself." I slumped down, not meeting his eyes. If my dad was this mad, my moms going to kill me

"I'm sorry. I was at a friend's house."

"Did you have sexual intercourse?" My eyes widened.

"No- no daddy! I would never do that."

"With the way you've been acting, I'd say you're taking the same path as your sister. Sooner or later it'll be you in this hospital bed." I pulled away from my mother, taking a few steps back until I hit a table.

"What- what daddy?" He shook his head, disappointed. I was never the disappointment child.

"It was just one time. I promise I'll never do it again." I pleaded, waiting for the love to go back into his eyes.

His words cut right through my core. I've spent my whole life trying to be good, be the perfect Christian girl that Brielle never became. But one night, one reckless act was enough to shatter all their trust in me. I tried so hard just for it to all come crashing down. He didn't even know the full extent to what I did last night: spent the night in the same bed as an Atheist boy. If he knew that I would be just like Brielle: a disgrace.

So, I cried. He watched as tears slid down my face, hitting the linoleum floors. I cried for my sister, Jace, Destiny, and my parents. Because their heads are so stuck up God's ass that they don't realize that they're hurting those they love the most.

Sometimes I wonder if my parents had been accepting when my sister came out as bisexual right before freshman year than maybe she wouldn't have gone down this dark path. Maybe she wouldn't have slept around with so many guys just so she could pretend for a minute that she wasn't broken inside. If she had the love and support that she needed then we wouldn't be here right now.

But my parents ignored her that day. They pretended not to hear the words she said. Didn't want their eldest daughter to share that integral part of herself with them. So, it was me whose shoulder she cried on that night. And after that day, she drifted further and further away from me. The one person who loved her without any judgment. She threw herself into the words of God and for a while that worked until she started staying out longer and coming back unrecognizable.

I remember one-night last summer while my parents were out of town on a couple's church retreat, I came into Brielle's room and in red bold letter, she had painted: HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN!, on her white walls. She was drunk, I could smell it and she was sobbing. I held her for hours until she fell asleep on the floor and I was the one who wiped the paint off. She woke up the next morning, no recollection of what happened, but some part of me always thought she was lying. But we never spoke about it again.

"Are you going to say something?" I broke out of my trance at the sound of my father's voice. I shook my head, sitting down in the closest chair, and closed my eyes.

I woke up to my mother shaking me awake. I blinked, eyes burning from the bright lights of the waiting room. When my vision cleared, my father was gone and it was just my mom. Her hair unbelievably frizzy and clothes were rumpled. She looked awful, not that I look any better.

"She's awake!" Her voice was bright, contrasting the rest of her face. "We can go see her." I nodded, following her through the hallways until we stopped outside of what I assume is Brielle's room.

We entered and there she was, eyes open, face pale. She looked dead, but she wasn't.

My sister was alive.

"Bri!" I exclaimed, running past my dad and wrapping my arms around her. They must've showered her because she doesn't smell like alcohol. "I'm sorry I wasn't there!" My parents excused themselves to get coffee or food, I wasn't actually listening.

"Scar-Scar, get off me," She grunts. I stand up straight. Her mouth pressed in a thin line, she doesn't even want us here. "I'm fine, it's no big deal."

"Bri, you almost died," She shrugged, "It's fucking serious."

"What do you care?"

"I care a lot, you're my big sister!"

"Scarlett, give it a rest. You hate me just like they do so stop your acting!" I shake my head, squeezing her hand.

"I may not agree with you, but I could never hate you! I love you, everything about you," Brielle snorts. "I mean it, I'm not like them!"

"Sorry, if I don't believe you," She said, sarcastically. "You're their puppet. You do everything they say. I'm just the disgrace that'll never measure up."

"I can't excuse their behavior and I'm sorry if I contributed in any way, but Bri I love you. And I'll love whoever you love, no matter what." She sighed but squeezed my hand back.

"Since we saying sorry or whatever, maybe I shouldn't have been a bitch to you these past few years."

"Try four." She shushed me.

"I'll be better. This almost dying shit scared the fuck out of me!" I laughed at her attempt at a joke.

"Just don't do it again, promise?" I held out my pinky just like when we were kids and she took it. Somehow, we're going to be okay. Years of hate and misery surrounding us may be salvaged. I might finally have my sister back.

When my parents came back I was telling her about everything she's missed these past four years, but I made sure to leave Jace out of it. It was just too risky. They seemed pleased to see Brielle actually smiling for once.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" My mom asked, grabbing her hand. "We prayed for you all night."

I moved over to stand next to my father and noticed the bible in his hand. He clears his throat, eyes never leaving my sister who's wrapped up in white blankets and sipping a glass of water. She looked light as a feather during our heart to heart, but it's like her walls have closed again. I know she sees that bible too.

"That's gracious of you, Mama," She forced out. "I'm doing better."

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I excused myself and walked out into the hallway, seeing it was a text from Jace. I check the time, it's almost four in the morning. Why is he even awake?

How is she?

She's good

Not good

But she'll be good

Sorry that was a lot of good's

Sorry again

I can't believe I just sent him five texts concerning the word good.

That's good

Sorry I had to

It's four in the morning

You have school tomorrow

So do you

That was a stupid thing to say

I'm sorry

Stop apologizing for everything

I think that's another part of my need for validation

Which we are working on

Seriously, I know my soothing voice isn't there

But you need to go to sleep

I can't

I miss you

My brain didn't allow me to read any further into the text, just classified it as a friendly conversation.

Whatever

I have to go

I'll call you when I back tomorrow

I'll watch The Princess and the Frog

In remembrance of you

Goodnight Jace-y

Goodnight Let

I shoved my phone back in my pocket, ashamed. Scared.

I'm getting attached. I wait for his text messages during the day. I love talking to him at night. He's become a part of my life that I don't want to give up. But I know sooner or later Jasper's going to out me. What he said last night proved that he's done waiting around.

This life I built around Jace and I will all come crashing down. And I'm not ready for it to be over.

For us to be over.

Fuck you, Jasper.