25. SUBJECT: I'M SORRY

Texts sent on April 8. 2017 at 11:10pm:

Weston Maguire: Cassie.

Weston Maguire: Please pick up the phone.

Weston Maguire: I've started to reply to your email about 100 times.

Weston Maguire: Can we please talk?

. . .

Texts sent April 10 at 8:01am:

Weston Maguire: I'll stop coming by your place and calling. But at least text me back. Please. I just want to know you're okay.

. . .

Texts sent April 11 at 11:33am:

Simon Idzik: Hey, where are you?

Cassie Belford: I just finished an appointment with Dr. Maharaj.

Simon Idzik: You went? Cass, that's great!

Cassie Belford: Jesus, Simon. don't piss yourself over it. I did a few assessments and a brief consultation. It's no big deal.

Simon Idzik: Okay, okay. What did you think of her?

Cassie Belford: No immediate red flags. I'm going again next week.

Simon Idzik: Proud of you.

Cassie Belford: Yeah, okay. Whatever you say.

Cassie Belford: Have you heard anything from Wes?

Simon Idzik: No.

Simon Idzik: Why? I thought you didn't want to see him.

Cassie Belford: He stopped messaging and calling yesterday morning. There's a selfish part of me that didn't want him to give me space. Even though that's exactly what I asked him to do. But the rational part of me, most of me, knows that it's for the best.

Cassie Belford: I'm glad he understands. He leaves for his meeting in Edmonton soon.

Simon Idzik: Well he clearly cares. I think he's just trying to figure out what's the right thing to do.

Cassie Belford: Aren't we all.

. . .

Texts sent April 13, 2017 at 7:38pm:

Weston Maguire: What time tonight?

Arie Corden: Meeting at 10:00.

Arie Corden: U change ur mind?

Weston Maguire: No, I'll be there.

Arie Corden: Sweet! Whole team, back together again.

. . .

Texts sent April 13, 2017 at 10:57pm:

Weston Maguire: Hi Cassie, this is Lena, one of Weston's friends. I hope it's okay that I'm messaging you, because he was in a pretty bad fight. If you can, I think you should come to the police station on Stuart Street. Wes is being held there. He might be charged with assault. Peter and I are driving almost there now.

Cassie Belford: What?

Cassie Belford: Assault? What happened?

Weston Maguire: I don't know. It's all really messy.

Cassie Belford: Is he okay?

Weston Maguire: Nothing serious. Maybe some cracked ribs, but he was upright when the police showed up. Not to sound cliché, but you should see the other guy. Lot of blood.

Weston Maguire: I have no idea how it happened. Peter already called Wes's mom, but he asked me to get a hold of you. This isn't like him.

Cassie Belford: I'll be there in fifteen minutes.

. . .

to: cassandra.belford@baderu.com

from: weston.maguire@baderu.com

subject: I'm sorry

sent: April 14, 2017 at 9:53pm

Cassie,

You didn't look at me the entire time we were at the station. I know you didn't want to talk about it, and maybe I shouldn't have done what I did, but fuck, Cass, I didn't know what else to do.

Please, just let me explain?

It got out of hand, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to get violent, but honestly? He deserved it. He deserved a lot worse.

I ran into Arie on campus and he told me that a bunch of people who'd graduated were in town, and he was getting together with some guys from our team at the same pub that Lena and I go to for trivia.

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "Anyone I know?"

He listed off some people I didn't remember very well. And Doug.

I almost didn't go. But I had to, you know? With him being back in Kingston, and you and I not talking... I wanted to look him in the eye.

Everyone but Doug was already there when I got to the pub. "He's meeting up with his cousin," one of the guys said. "He'll be here soon."

I didn't have any interest in talking to any of the other guys at the table, and I wasn't starting to second guess myself, so I mumbled an excuse about getting some air. I might have left without doing anything. But he was coming up to the door as I was walking out, and once I saw him... well, all bets were off.

"Hey man," Doug said, recognizing me.

I nodded. "Hey, how have you been?" I asked.

"I'm good. It's weird being back," he said. "Everyone already here?"

"Yeah, but I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Oh? About what?" he asked, confused. We'd never been close.

"Do you remember a party before classes started in 2014?"

He didn't respond.

"The one with the bouncy castle," I continued. "I think it was at Nixon's place."

"Oh, yeah!" he smiled, stupidly. "Sure, yeah, I was there. Fuck, that was so long ago."

I nodded. Everything felt tight and robotic. Then I asked him about the party, you know, if he met anyone.

I'm sorry if this is painful to read, so I'll keep it as simple as possible: he told me the same story that you did, Cass. Except he didn't think he did anything wrong. He made it sound like you went after him.

And I couldn't fucking handle it.

I just shook my head as he spoke, unable to get any words out.

After he finished his story, his eyes finally focussed on me. He asked me if I was okay. I think I was shaking. But it was his question that made me lose it.

I started shouting about how he should have fucking asked you if you were okay that night, but he didn't, because he didn't give a shit. He's been walking around for years pretending to be more than the despicable shit he is. I literally saw red.

But he didn't shrink up in shame. He got angry and told me that I didn't know what I was talking about.

I don't know who threw the first punch. Honestly, who gives a shit? This guy hurt you, Cassie. And I had to make him hurt, too. I don't think I've ever wanted to kill anyone before.

A crowd gathered quickly, but nobody tried to step in and break it up. Not even his friends in the pub.

Lena and Peter showed up right after the police came. I passed Lena my phone and told her to get a hold of you. I'm glad you came to the station. I didn't think that you would. It's not like I'd planned for the whole thing to happen, but seeing you made it feel worth it.

Hopefully you've read this far.

I owe you and Simon a big thank you. He didn't have to get his mother involved, but I'm relieved that he did. Nobody, least of all me, expected Doug to drop the charges.

I was hoping for a chance to talk to you alone, but it seemed like that was the last thing you wanted. I'm so sorry that you had to be in the same building as that piece of shit. I didn't think that you'd have to see him, even for a second. But it's my fault that you did.

You looked so small tucked under Simon's arm. Tough, but still small. I hate that I put you in that position. You shouldn't have had to be there. And you and your roommate certainly shouldn't have been the ones cleaning up my mess.

I'm not sure if you already know, but Simon came to see me before they let me go. It was right after they'd taken the cuffs off me and gotten my fingerprints.

"I've wanted to do exactly what you did for three and a half years," he told me without any sort of greeting. I knew what he meant, though.

Then we talked about you. Well, Simon talked. I mostly listened. "I have always hated that the person who put her through that was walking around without consequence. She deserved better. I understood why she didn't want to go to court. She hadn't done a kit and a trial would have been really hard for her. But you did something about it; something I couldn't do, and I appreciate it."

"I just..." I was lost. "I just had to do something. But I didn't think past the moment."

"Sure." Simon and I got to know each other a little better since that night we met at your reading. We've talked a couple of times when I was trying to get uh touch with you. I knew he didn't judge me. He told me that he'd do his best to make sure that this wouldn't go on my record. His mom made some calls. He said it'd be okay and I should be able to go home in a few hours.

Simon is a good guy, and he loves you a lot.

My actions were controversial at best, and I know that you're probably angry with me. I don't know what to tell you, mostly because I don't know what you're thinking here. You have every right to be mad, but I hope you can at least try to see it my way. I was faced with someone who took advantage of you, and he deserved so much worse than what he got. It was shitty. I know it was shitty. But fuck, I didn't know what else to do.

I hope you can forgive me.

Wes