CH 78

qi yanbai’s voice was very soft, sounding pitiful and pleading, as if he were both coaxing and begging.

lu ye maintained an expressionless face as he met qi yanbai’s gaze, only to see a faint hint of blue in qi yanbai’s eyes, making him appear a bit weary, perhaps due to a lack of sleep last night.

qi yanbai watched lu ye attentively and expectantly, and when lu ye finally reacted, he couldn’t help but lower his eyelids and give lu ye a somewhat pleasing smile.

his posture was deliberately humble, perfectly calculated to the right degree. despite knowing that qi yanbai was deliberately showing weakness to quell his anger, lu ye still found himself softening under his influence.

it hadn’t been easy for him during this time, lu ye thought.

qi yanbai was not someone skilled at patience, and his patience with lu ye had nearly reached zero. being able to endure until today and still have some fear of lu ye’s mood was clearly the result of his efforts.

unintentional affection always moved people, and even though the “victim” himself was still immobilized in bed, facing qi yanbai like this made lu ye feel a twinge in his heart, both sour and itchy.

he didn’t want to confront qi yanbai so soon, but he also couldn’t bear to see him constantly trying to please him. so, he softened his heart after some hesitation and avoided qi yanbai’s gaze, lowering his head slightly.

this subtle compromise seemed like a signal. qi yanbai’s eyes brightened, and his heart suddenly became active. without saying a word, he moved closer and kissed lu ye.

as expected, lu ye did not resist. he leaned back against the headboard, accepting the kiss with a very passive attitude. he didn’t cooperate, but he also didn’t seem to resist. he just lowered his eyes slightly and let qi yanbai pry open his lips, pushing that small capsule onto his tongue.

the long-lost intimacy was like a high-concentration stimulant, easily arousing qi yanbai’s emotions. the moment their lips touched, it seemed like he suddenly wasn’t satisfied with this simple contact anymore. he leaned over abruptly, grabbing the iron chain locked to lu ye’s handcuffs.

there was a crisp sound of metal collision, and soon, there was an irresistible tension on lu ye’s wrist. he glanced down and saw qi yanbai slowly trying to interlock their fingers through his clenched fists.

lu ye: ‘…'”

“this little troublemaker who takes an inch when given a mile,” lu ye thought, both amused and annoyed. he couldn’t help but think that giving an inch only made qi yanbai want to take a mile.

qi yanbai’s emotions warmed up, and lu ye didn’t want to continue indulging him endlessly. so, he raised his head slightly, as if wanting to end the kiss soon.

however, qi yanbai seemed dissatisfied with this and held lu ye’s hand, teasingly touching lu ye’s tongue and decisively taking away the capsule.

“look at me, lu ye,” qi yanbai sighed in satisfaction, whispering, “i love you so much.”

qi yanbai knew that kidnapping and imprisoning him without warning, especially with lu ye’s temper, couldn’t be accepted so quickly. but whether it was a show of reluctant surrender or a display of stubbornness, lu ye’s compliance greatly satisfied his possessiveness and made him feel fulfilled.

that tiny capsule seemed to become an unspoken mediator, allowing this “forced” kiss to continue in a subtle and ambiguous truce.

the originally colorless and tasteless capsule was infused with a hint of minty toothpaste flavor during this lingering and lengthy kiss. in the midst of their push and pull, it was unclear whose tongue accidentally opened the capsule’s seam, causing the pure white powder inside to spill out, instantly spreading a nearly unbearable bitterness.

lu ye furrowed his brow slightly, emitting a faint sound of dissatisfaction from his throat. he was about to reach out and push qi yanbai away when he noticed that qi yanbai had already let go of him and picked up a water glass from the bedside table, taking a sip of water.

this kiss sent a new signal to qi yanbai. this time, he didn’t carefully seek lu ye’s consent but instead pressed close, prying open lu ye’s lips and offering him a mouthful of warm water.

the perfectly timed comfort diluted the bitter taste, and lu ye didn’t say anything. he simply swallowed the pill along with the water, silently accepting qi yanbai’s efforts to please him.

qi yanbai also understood the importance of moderation. he didn’t insist on bothering lu ye further and naturally moved away from him. he casually placed the water glass back on the bedside table and then sat back on the edge of the bed, tentatively calling out to lu ye.

“lu ye.”

lu ye ignored him, but qi yanbai wasn’t discouraged. he just smiled and called out again.

“lu ye—”

it seemed like he particularly liked saying lu ye’s name, as if those two words were the most mysterious incantation in the world, capable of bringing him the deepest sense of peace.

lu ye felt his ears tingling from being called repeatedly and couldn’t help but glance at qi yanbai. he asked in a casual tone, “what is it?”

“i tried making some dumplings this morning, but i’m not sure how they taste. i’ll give you a taste later,” qi yanbai said with a smile. “if you don’t like them, i also made salted chicken wings and braised ribs.”

his tone was so natural and normal, as if they were discussing dinner plans just like they used to, ignoring the thick chain between them. in fact, even lu ye might have felt that the conflict between him and qi yanbai had somehow resolved itself, if he ignored that detail.

but lu ye didn’t want to give him the chance to gloss over the situation. he turned his head, subtly observing qi yanbai for a moment until he saw qi yanbai starting to feel uneasy. then, he slowly withdrew his gaze and asked casually, “you seem to be in a good mood?”

the answer to this question was evident, and qi yanbai smiled, leaning in gently to kiss lu ye’s neck.

“of course,” qi yanbai replied enthusiastically, and as he spoke, he couldn’t resist taking a bite on lu ye’s neck, leaving a clear bite mark. “i’m exceptionally happy.”

“why?” lu ye asked knowingly, “because i can’t run away anymore?”

perhaps because they had reached this point, qi yanbai no longer tried to hide his possessiveness towards lu ye. he responded with a simple nod to this answer.

“you’re too good, lu ye,” qi yanbai leaned closer to him, speaking softly, “so good that even though i know i have you now, i still can’t rest easy.”

this had indeed been the root of qi yanbai’s mistakes all along. although lu ye had previously understood his behavior logic from others, he wanted to hear it from qi yanbai himself, why he felt afraid.

“in fact, i’ve never understood why you’re so insecure,” lu ye casually inquired, “are you afraid i’ll change my mind? or that i’ll abandon you?”

he was subtly guiding qi yanbai towards the direction he had in mind. maybe because he was in a familiar environment, qi yanbai didn’t seem to notice.

“of course not,” qi yanbai replied.

he had experienced lu ye’s loyalty, and although he had these concerns initially, as he got to know lu ye better, these doubts had almost become sacrilege, and he didn’t want to place them on lu ye.

“then why?” lu ye pressed on.

qi yanbai hesitated as if he wanted to say something but was holding back.

“what’s the matter, afraid to say it, worried it’ll scare me away?” lu ye noticed his hesitation and deliberately shook his wrist, causing the chain attached to his handcuffs to make a rattling sound. he spoke with a chilly tone, “you’ve already locked me up; where else can i go?”

this statement aptly comforted qi yanbai. this situation of complete control relaxed him and gradually weakened his psychological defenses. he didn’t even realize he had walked into lu ye’s “interrogation” trap.

he couldn’t help but use both hands to encircle lu ye’s wrists, confirming the sensation of the cold metal, then closed his eyes and sighed deeply, confessing, “actually… i can’t explain why.”

it was a profoundly complex fear, one that was difficult to untangle and understand, originating from childhood trauma and insecurity. at that time, he was weak and careless, frequently losing many cherished things with a single lapse of attention.

damage, destruction, disappearance—everything that left his life, turning into something “irreversible” and “irredeemable” after countless mixings, eventually fell into the category of “loss,” becoming a complex and vague obsession.

“i can’t bear to lose things i like,” qi yanbai said in a dazed manner. “the more i like something, the more i want to keep it—”

qi yanbai knew deep down that a living person was not the same as inanimate objects. a living person couldn’t be torn to pieces or stolen, but he found it difficult to separate the two.

in moments of clarity, he found his own thoughts absurd, and he had tried hard to restrain himself from worrying lu ye. however, his restraint usually had little effect, and those emotions would resurface even more intensely shortly afterward.

“but before this argument, i’ve never said i wanted to leave you,” lu ye said. “why are you so anxious?”

qi yanbai remained silent for a moment this time. after a while, he spoke softly, “maybe… it’s because i feel guilty.”

“guilty?” lu ye inquired.

“yes,” qi yanbai said, “you hate people lying, but by the time i knew about this, i had already lied to you.”

analyzing oneself is a difficult task, and for qi yanbai, his inner world was no different from a tangled mess without a clue.

he had never directly examined the source of this inner demon, nor had anyone ever tried to help him unravel these connections the way lu ye was doing now, subtly coaxing him to reveal his true feelings bit by bit.

yes, i’m greedy, and i feel guilty, qi yanbai suddenly thought.

lu ye had given him so much—first himself, followed by his affection, his love, his protection, his patience, and his friendly and accepting new family.

qi yanbai didn’t want to lose any of it. the best way to keep everything was to hold the source of it all in his hands, ensuring that lu ye would always be by his side and never leave.

he coveted everything that lu ye brought into his life, but subconsciously, he also knew he had lied to lu ye. for him, that impulsive deceit was like a ticking time bomb. once it was discovered, he would immediately lose everything he wanted to possess.

he felt guilty, he was remorseful—these realizations only intensified his deeper fears, forcing him to repeatedly confirm that lu ye was still with him.

it was like a vicious cycle; the more he received from lu ye, the more he feared losing it all. this panic drove him to make mistakes time and again, and these mistakes would create larger problems, ultimately becoming the source of his fear.

so that’s it, lu ye thought, that’s why he always says, “you’re too good.”

the more he received from lu ye, the more intense qi yanbai’s fear of losing it all became. he was like a miser hoarding gold, the wealthier he became, the more he feared.

his fear of loss was, in reality, a fear of facing the pain of loss. his family had only taught him how to compete, scheme, and to suck up to others, but it had never taught him how to cope with the pain caused by this chain reaction.

he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he could only turn all his pent-up rage into a crude means of control.

childish and clumsy, weak and pitiful.

“i initially just wanted to have you, but later i became greedy and wanted to keep you,” qi yanbai said.

“so you locked me up?” lu ye seemed to have chuckled softly, but the smile disappeared before qi yanbai could react.

the metal cuffs on lu ye’s wrists had warmed to qi yanbai’s body temperature. qi yanbai fiddled with the lock on the handcuffs and made a soft noise.

“sorry,” qi yanbai said. “i know this is wrong, but i couldn’t help it.”

it was clear that his apology was sincere, but lu ye also believed that if given the chance again, he would do the same.

just like the instinctive repression that would never disappear, it would lurk like a trap, ready to trigger a larger explosion at any moment.

“so you’ve been thinking about this for a while, haven’t you?” lu ye asked ambiguously. “tell the truth, when did you start thinking about it?”

“from the second time i saw you and from the day i moved here,” qi yanbai confessed. “but i only thought about it before, i never really intended to do it.”

since the day he fell for lu ye, qi yanbai had wanted to keep him in his sight. however, he was not insane, and he knew that such thoughts should remain in his mind and should not be acted upon.

so he had resorted to indirect means to monitor lu ye, attempting to understand and control him this way.

“it was only when you clearly said you were leaving that i couldn’t bear it anymore,” qi yanbai said.

he couldn’t tolerate the thought of lu ye leaving his line of sight, never to be found again.

drugging lu ye had been an impulsive act, but qi yanbai didn’t regret it. he was willing to give up everything to keep lu ye—so long as lu ye didn’t become part of those “losses,” he could accept anything.

“so, do you want to keep me locked up forever?” lu ye asked.

qi yanbai’s expression blanked for a moment, and he seemed reluctant to answer the question. instead, he chose to ignore it and lowered his head, gently fiddling with the iron chain on lu ye’s hand.

but silence itself was an answer, and lu ye understood his meaning. he didn’t want to alert qi yanbai at this moment, so he naturally averted his gaze and changed his approach.

“no one wants to be locked in a room forever, qi yanbai,” lu ye said calmly. “do you want me to hate you?”

the word “hate” was too sharp, and although qi yanbai might have considered it at some point, he instinctively avoided it. he shook his head, tightening his grip on lu ye’s hand.

“no,” qi yanbai said.

“then let’s discuss it,” lu ye said. “we can coexist peacefully for a while.”

lu ye had already asked what he needed to know; he understood where qi yanbai’s issues stemmed from and how to resolve them. now, it was a matter of putting the plan into action.

“i won’t hold you responsible for kidnapping me, but i won’t stay here forever,” lu ye made his point clear. “i’m injured and can’t take care of myself right now, but for the sake of our relationship, i can consider this kidnapping as an accident. i’ll stay here and recuperate for a while, and we can coexist peacefully, without a cold war, just like when we were together before.”

“but i have one condition,” lu ye added, tilting his head to indicate, “once i’m healed, you must unlock this chain.”

it was a trap, qi yanbai thought. lu ye was not the type to compromise easily, especially given his strong character and clear boundaries. his proposal now likely aimed at preparing for an escape plan.

however, the temptation of “peaceful coexistence” was too significant. despite knowing that lu ye might have ulterior motives, qi yanbai was still enticed by the scenario lu ye described.

no more cold war meant that lu ye would care for him, smile at him, respond to every topic he brought up, and no longer reject his affections.

qi yanbai knew he couldn’t genuinely agree to this condition and that he shouldn’t lie to lu ye anymore. but the bait was too tempting, and he found it challenging to resist.

so, he looked at lu ye and, almost involuntarily, nodded.

“okay,” qi yanbai said. “but before that, you have to willingly stay.”

“agreed,” lu ye said.