CH 59

in reality, before returning home, lu ye had thought that after a whole day had passed, he had more or less calmed his emotions and could come back to face qi yanbai objectively and calmly.

however, it turned out that qi yanbai always had new “surprises” waiting for him.

as he entered the house, lu ye noticed signs of someone else being inside, but it wasn’t until he opened a drawer that the anger he had deliberately suppressed throughout the day suddenly flared up. it erupted like a blazing fire, almost consuming him in an instant.

no one could tolerate having their boundaries repeatedly crossed in this manner. lu ye took a deep breath, feeling as though he had been split in two by a gleaming steel knife. one half was almost incinerated by the anger he could barely contain, while the other half was plunged into a wintry chill, maintaining an unnatural calm.

he carried a bellyful of inexpressible pain, staring at qi yanbai with an almost indifferent gaze. he could even observe qi yanbai’s state objectively and recall every moment they had spent together.

undeniably, qi yanbai was skilled at seizing the right moments, catering to lu ye’s preferences. but from lu ye’s perspective, once all the filters that could affect judgment were removed, qi yanbai’s lying skills were not particularly impressive.

it was as if qi yanbai wasn’t good at facing lies, as if he feared that his deception would be exposed by lu ye. so, every time, he would avoid lu ye’s gaze, refuse to make eye contact, and adopt an attitude that almost seemed like avoidance when facing him.

just like now.

qi yanbai didn’t meet lu ye’s gaze; he lowered his head slightly, revealing a slender and fair nape of his neck. strands of hair hung softly at his temples, making him appear vulnerable and sincere.

how could a person be so contradictory? lu ye wondered.

surveillance, eavesdropping, tracking—someone capable of doing these things had issues that went beyond just “being insecure.”

but the qi yanbai in front of him seemed gentle, patient, dressed in a snow-white high-necked sweater, comfortably settled in an air-conditioned room. there was no sign of the selfish and paranoid shadow.

it was strange, lu ye thought. qi yanbai clearly didn’t appear skilled at lying, yet his acting was so convincing, making it difficult to detect.

this dual feeling of fire and ice was driving him almost insane. lu ye gritted his teeth inwardly and tightly clenched the “evidence” he had brought back in his pocket.

the hard plastic case sank deeply into his palm, and a sharp tingling sensation spread through his skin. lu ye took a deep breath, barely suppressing the chaotic and intense emotions, and calmly spoke.

“this is a minor issue,” lu ye said. “but besides this, is there anything else you’re keeping from me?”

qi yanbai’s heart tightened. it finally dawned on him that something was wrong with the atmosphere, and he looked at lu ye with anxiety.

with just one glance, qi yanbai’s complexion turned pale.

lu ye had never looked at him with such a sharp gaze before. even during their truly “first meeting,” when lu ye could have mistaken him for a criminal, he hadn’t regarded him with such a calm and unfamiliar gaze.

lu ye’s tone was flat, but his eyes were as sharp as knives. qi yanbai’s heart skipped a beat, suddenly feeling a sense of impending doom.

he felt a surge of panic and inexplicably sensed that lu ye might be referring to something else.

“i—” after confirming their relationship with lu ye, the elements of “bullying the weak and fearing the strong” within qi yanbai seemed to intensify. when lu ye indulged him, qi yanbai couldn’t restrain his darker tendencies, wanting to grasp lu ye’s attention constantly, change him bit by bit, and test his boundaries. but as soon as lu ye showed genuine indifference or anger, he would become like a stressed small animal, caught between advancing and retreating, afraid to act recklessly.

but hesitation and guilt were enough to reveal his answer. lu ye’s patience finally broke today, and qi yanbai didn’t even have a chance to answer before lu ye snorted, pushed him aside, and walked further into the room.

qi yanbai’s easel still stood in the middle of the living room, and a pair of bluetooth earphones dangled from the pen holder’s groove. lu ye walked straight over, accidentally bumping into the corner of the coffee table as he passed by. something on the lower shelf of the coffee table swayed and fell in front of him with a clatter.

lu ye’s path was unexpectedly blocked, so he glanced down and saw a thick leather notebook.

the notebook was densely filled with words, open and face up.

“is this your diary?” lu ye flipped through a few pages, and for some inexplicable reason, he smiled coldly, saying, “i didn’t know you had the habit of keeping a diary.”

qi yanbai choked up and didn’t say anything.

he indeed didn’t have the habit of keeping a diary. this diary was something he had hastily “fabricated” over the past two days.

he wanted to find an opportunity to gradually reveal himself to lu ye. having just one “crossing the line” act was not enough. he needed to provide a suitable motive for his actions and a series of cause-and-effect events that lu ye could accept.

instead of confessing voluntarily, he chose to tell another lie, hoping that lu ye would discover the “truth” on his own. so, qi yanbai had created this fake diary, pouring a bit of possessiveness and unease between the lines. he wanted lu ye to gradually see his other side through the “inadvertent” discovery of this diary.

originally, it was a plan that could have worked smoothly, but unexpectedly, lu ye’s behavior today had been highly unusual. qi yanbai knew that today was not a good time for “testing.” he subconsciously wanted to stop lu ye, but lu ye had already picked up the notebook and started flipping through it.

“…you don’t contact me enough, so you feel insecure?” lu ye only flipped through a few pages, then burst into laughter as if he had heard the most absurd joke, and said with a meaningful look, “what’s there to worry about? don’t you know exactly what i’m doing most of the time?”

he intentionally emphasized the word “know,” and along with his laughter, his smile couldn’t be maintained. it sounded like he was gritting his teeth, suppressing something.

qi yanbai vaguely understood the meaning behind his words, and his expression suddenly changed.

“leaving traces in my room and ‘accidentally’ leaving this diary here… what are you planning to do next? lock me in a basement?” lu ye hadn’t originally planned to confront qi yanbai in his current state of anger, but qi yanbai’s attempts to test him had pushed him to the limit. he decided to go along with it and directly asked, “or do you think i’m so naive, being manipulated by you is too boring, and you want a more exciting way to play?”

lu ye didn’t consider himself a particularly demanding lover. he had only two bottom lines: breaking the law and hiding things from him or deceiving him. he didn’t expect that qi yanbai, not knowing when to stop, would cross both lines.

“you’ve listened in, monitored my every move, and now you’re writing this stuff to deceive me?” lu ye looked at him with extreme disappointment, slammed the notebook shut, and asked with a trembling voice, “in your eyes, am i so gullible?”

lu ye had spent the entire day contemplating the confrontation and thought he had the upper hand, but when he finally uttered these words, he didn’t feel good at all.

the thought that those moments that had once touched his heart might be fake, a joke, or part of a scam was like swallowing a mouthful of thorns that couldn’t be swallowed or spit out. every movement felt like scraping flesh from his bones, causing him intense pain.

qi yanbai’s inexplicable intuition became a reality, instantly engulfing him in a storm of fear and panic. he wondered how lu ye had found out. who had told him? who had informed him?

his rational mind told him to deny everything, to refute it. lu ye hated deception, and he couldn’t step into that minefield. however, the suffocating panic was like a sticky and heavy quagmire, grabbing his limbs, invading his mouth and nose, and robbing him of all the air around him, making it impossible for him to speak.

“yanbai!” qi yanbai’s silence once again infuriated lu ye. he couldn’t maintain his composure any longer. he harshly threw the notebook onto the coffee table, asking in a stern tone, “do you know how serious it is to monitor an on-duty police officer?”

the fragile glass coffee table made a terrifying noise. qi yanbai’s lips trembled, feeling as if a sharp blade had been thrust into his chest, cutting him open and making him bleed profusely.

lu ye was undeniably angry and disappointed, but subconsciously, his first sentence after the confrontation was still a concern for qi yanbai.

this unconscious protective instinct caused a sharp pain in qi yanbai’s chest, making him momentarily blinded and breathless. he suddenly regretted it so much. he had never regretted anything so much in his life. ashley’s advice about love being a journey without shortcuts had become a sharp knife, ruthlessly piercing his soul.

love had no shortcuts. qi yanbai suddenly understood it without needing any guidance. he realized that all the shortcuts he had taken, all the methods he had used, would one day become knives that hurt lu ye deeply.

he would rather have lu ye scold him, or even physically harm him, as long as he didn’t show that disappointed and hurt look. he didn’t want to leave him. qi yanbai felt like he could do anything so lu ye wouldn’t leave him.

“ge—” qi yanbai futilely called lu ye’s name, trying to extinguish his anger and ease his pain of being deceived. however, lu ye didn’t give him the chance. instead, he stepped back and stopped him from continuing.

“don’t call me that,” lu ye said.

he didn’t want to engage in pointless entanglements with qi yanbai, nor did he want to continue following his lead. he clenched his teeth, forcing himself to break free from the overwhelming pain like a tidal wave. he spoke word by word as a warning, “you just need to answer my questions.”

qi yanbai’s eyes turned red. he stared at lu ye’s face intently, nodding quickly.

“…tell me what you’ve been listening to.” anger was like a raging fire, burning him up. lu ye felt a scorching temperature even in his breath. he took a deep breath, took his hand out of his pocket, revealing the broken listening device in his palm, and asked coldly, “have you recorded anything? have you monitored my work?”

“…no,” qi yanbai said.

“are you sure?” lu ye asked.

his trust in qi yanbai seemed to be rapidly declining, and even though qi yanbai had already given him an answer, lu ye still stared at qi yanbai’s expression as if trying to detect any trace of lying on his face.

“really, i haven’t. it doesn’t have such a wide range,” qi yanbai knew he couldn’t anger lu ye any further at this point. so, he fixedly stared into lu ye’s eyes, struggling to squeeze out the words from his throat, almost pleadingly saying, “i haven’t listened to anything else. i just… i just missed you too much, so…”

he didn’t finish his sentence because lu ye seemed to lose patience after getting the answer he wanted. lu ye sneered, tossing the listening device out of the window right in front of qi yanbai.

the black electronic component drew an arc in mid-air and landed in the flowerbed below. qi yanbai panicked, instinctively took a step forward to grab lu ye’s sleeve, but lu ye skillfully dodged his grasp.