Chapter 17

Warning: Miscarriage

Axel

It was Idris who found her scent. Within ten minutes the four of us stood together near the edge of the woods and an abandoned road. He was pacing when I arrived. And he was already in his human form.

"Whoever took her masked her and their scents good."

"Probably one of Steven's concoctions. We know Eveline and Marianne are involved; we just need to know if others are with them. What do you smell?"

"She's close. I can smell her scent faintly and I think I heard her... scream."

My heart stopped. I couldn't move. I couldn't - My mind was already going in overdrive. Was she dead? Were they torturing her? Was the baby, our baby...? No! No! No! I started shaking. My knees trembled and Benjamin wrapped his arm around my waist holding me up.

"Focus, brother. Idris may have the best nose, but you are her Mate. Focus."

"I tried ... I tried to mind-link her, but I couldn't find her. It was like she was gone." My voice shook hard.

"Try again. Don't focus just on the mind-link but think about her, how you feel about her, how she makes you feel. What you have been through together. Focus, Axel." Benjamin said with a hushed but firm voice.

I closed my eyes and stretched out my senses. I thought about the first time we kissed, and how she jumped in my arms after her exam. How we stargazed when we were young. I let all the memories and emotions fill my head, heart, my soul.

Spencer. Spencer, please. My voice broke at the last word. Then Astrix roared in my head. SPENCER! KAI!

Astrix? Kai's voice was weak, fragile. She nor Spencer ever sounded like that. She's hurt, I'm hurt. Badly.

Where are you? Astrix demanded.

I don't know. A crypt of sorts.

Can you howl?

N-no. They injected us with something, to push me back. I'm just getting back to her.

"She's in a crypt somewhere," I said to the others. "They gave her something to keep Kai back. She can't howl to call us. She -" My voice shook. "She's badly hurt. And if... if Kai is too late to come back to her -"

"She won't die. We won't let her die." Idris said. He glanced around looking for anything that might be a crypt. "There." He breathed and started running. We chased after him, running as fast as possible. It was an old rundown crypt, hidden behind trees and bushes. The door was closed. Deacon opened it slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. It creaked a little and I hoped the ones inside couldn't hear it. We stepped down the broken downstairs. It was like we were two stories below ground when we reached the last step. Nobody was there, but I could smell her then. The scent of jasmine and vanilla, but that scent was mixed with blood, lots and lots of blood. I wasn't the only one who noticed because they all stiffened before we started running towards the scent.

I died when I saw her. I died right there when I saw her feet and hands chained together. How blood trickled down from every part of her body. So much blood, so much blood. I ran towards her and gathered her in my lap while the others pinned the two wolves to the floor. The two wolves I recognised in an instant.

"Spencer. Oh, Spence." I cried, pressing my cheek against her bloodied face. I could hear a heartbeat, it was faint, but it was there. I looked at Idris, Benjamin and Deacon. "She - she's alive but barely. She's not healing fast enough."

"Let Astrix out," Benjamin said. "He can reach Kai, he can help her heal."

"I - I can't let her go."

Idris had Eveline pinned down and Deacon Marianne, so Benjamin quickly came over and gathered her in his arms as carefully as he could. He pushed her bloodied hair back. I changed, letting a restless and angry Astrix out. Astrix nudged his snout against her face, blood smeared on his nose. He licked her, purring slightly before he howled. Spencer stirred in Benji's lap, inhaling deeply but she didn't open her eyes. Astrix laid his head carefully on her chest as some wounds started healing slowly. He licked the large wounds on her shoulder, and they closed. I gasped at the sight and nudged Astrix to keep going. With a mixture of Kai's healing and Astrix's, the wounds started to close up. But I knew, I knew some would leave scars.

When Astrix nudged his nose oh so softly against her flat stomach, he howled in sorrow and pain. And I knew. The baby, our baby, our pup... was gone.

I mind-linked Idris and Deacon. Call the others, they should be at the cabin by now. Get them here with a car and a van. I want them alive. It is Spencer's choice what to do with them. Because she will live, she will heal, she will conquer. My eyes flicked between the two wolves, even now seeing her heal, seeing my wife alive, they were smirking. Break their legs.

They didn't hesitate. They acted on my order immediately and broke both of their legs with an easy snap. They started to howl and cry out, but Deacon and Idris clamped their claws in their throats.

"Shut the fuck up before I tear your throat out." They said simultaneously. They quieted down, only making small whimpers of pain as tears ran down their furry faces.

I changed back and Benji shifted her in my arms. I held her close to my chest and focussed on her heartbeat, on her breathing as I walked out of the bloodstained crypt.

Spencer lay in our bed, still sleeping. The doctor gave her something to hold her in a deep sleep as she still needed to heal. The doctor also confirmed that she had lost the baby, but not after they both fought hard to live. Both tried to survive, but one failed. And if we were a few minutes too late, Spencer would have died too.

Marianne, Eveline and Steven were all locked up in different cells. I had not been there since we caught them two days ago. With Spencer still unconscious, with her still healing, I didn't trust myself to go down there. I would rip their hearts out with just my claws before I let Astrix out to maul them into pieces. Even just thinking about it, made Astrix jump forward in my mind. Ready to do just that. But we couldn't leave, we couldn't leave our Mate, my wife.

When we came back my father went hysterical when he saw Spencer. After he ordered for the doctor, he helped us to our room. Helped me clean her wounds and her hair. He didn't ask what happened. He just let me crawl into bed with her and hold her tightly to my chest as I cried. He had barely left the room. I asked Idris through the mind-link to explain everything to him and my brother the day after we came back. But my father hadn't asked about it. He knew I wasn't in the right state of mind to answer anything. Not while – not while Spencer was asleep. I needed her with me. I needed her by my side. I couldn't - I wouldn't do this without her. I would give anything up for her, my place as Alpha, my pack. Even my life. As long as she was right next to me.

It was on the third day, that she finally stirred. Finally started moving. It wasn't much but she shifted and curled her body closer to me. Her head and hand rested on my heart. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly against me. I wasn't a man that cried a lot. But the past few days the tears hadn't stopped and when she finally moved, moving closer to me, I cried again.

She woke up for the first time in the middle of the third night.

"Axel." Her voice was hoarse.

"Spence?" I woke up the second I heard her voice. I cupped her cheeks and looked at her. "Baby." I kissed her softly as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I thought I had lost you forever."

"Am I – am I dead?"

I started shaking, my fingers trembled against her cheeks. "No, baby. You're alive. You're here with me. My strong, brave, beautiful wife."

She closed her eyes and pulled back, out of my grip. "I lost our baby." She sat up wincing from the pain and she rested her hand on her stomach. "My baby. And it's all my fault."

"What?" I breathed. "Spencer, no." I shuffled closer to her. I cupped her cheeks softly again, making her look up at me. "You are not to blame. Marianne and Eveline will get what they deserve for what they did to you, to our pup."

She flinched at those last two words. "Our pup." She murmured. She looked down and my hands fell from her cheeks. "You didn't want to have a baby with me." Her voice was barely audible. "You didn't want one with me while you did want one with her." She looked up then, her eyes full of tears. And I must have looked guilty, and it was the truth. Much more lay behind it, but it was true. She burst into tears.

Two seconds later, Idris burst into the room, nearly tearing the door off its hinges. He looked from Spencer to me.

"You need to leave." He said to me.

"Excuse me?" I couldn't phantom what was going on. Spencer inched away from me. That's when it hit me, she called for Idris. And he, just like the past four years, was there for her. He was more her Beta than mine. And at this point, he didn't care I was the Alpha. He was here for his Luna. Astrix was restless in my head, not because of what Idris said, ordered actually, but at the pain that radiated from Spencer and Kai. Idris didn't break my gaze, his face hard. He turned to Spencer and kissed her temple.

"You are everything to me, Spence. I want everything with you. Please, believe that." I whispered. When she didn't answer or glance my way, I slipped out the bed and walked out of our room. Idris closed the door behind him, closing him and my Mate in the same room and me out. I slid down the wall until I hit the floor. And I stayed there.

Spencer

I had called out to him. To Idris. I didn't know if it was on purpose or not but seconds later he was there. And he ordered his Alpha out of his own room. We sat against the headboard, and he pulled me in his lap. Idris. I always felt safe with him. I always felt safe with Axel too but seeing we were romantically involved it was different. I just couldn't be with him right now. I had too much to process. For the past four years, ever since I came back, Idris rarely left my side. It was like he was my Beta instead of Axel's. I knew Axel didn't mind as long as I was safe and well cared for. Not that I was right now, but that wasn't Idris' fault. It was all mine.

I lost my baby boy because of my own recklessness. Yes, I captured Steven without much difficulty, but I didn't know Marianne and Eveline would be there. We didn't even know they were back in the country. I could still feel Marianne's punches and kicks against my stomach. Every kick or punch was all so I would lose my baby, our pup.

Idris didn't ask anything, he just held me close to his chest as I wept. I cried and cried. I think I've cried for hours because suddenly the sun started to rise. Idris wiped away the tears on my cheeks and handed me a large glass of water. I was so thirsty. Not only because of the crying but also because I had screamed, and screamed in pain when they slashed me open. When they kicked me. When – when I lost him.

I didn't know what to do about Axel. About the fact that he wanted a baby with Marianne. He even took fertility potions to get her pregnant. While he didn't want one with me. I get that he wanted to wait, I do. But with every passing day, it got harder for me and when I found out I was pregnant, I was afraid. Afraid of his reaction, afraid he wouldn't want the baby or me. Afraid he would think I did this on purpose, but I hadn't. I still couldn't figure out how I got pregnant. Not with both of us taking precautions to prevent pregnancy.

A knock came from the door, and I stilled in Idris' arms. "It's okay," Idris said calmly, rubbing his hand softly up and down my back. "It's Andrew with breakfast."

I relaxed against him. I knew Axel was out there. He had been out in the hallway all night. But he kept his distance, and I knew he would try and do that until I called for him. Andrew came in carrying a tray with breakfast. I saw a glimpse of Axel as he quickly peeked his head in before backing away again.

Andrew, our former Alpha, a second dad to me, let out a shuddering breath. He placed the tray on the nightstand and kneeled before me. He took my hands softly in his, running his finger over the ring that had belonged to his wife. "Oh, little Spence." I never heard his voice so frail. "When they brought you in... I thought – I thought we lost you."

My voice was still sore and hoarse when I said. "I thought I was lost too."

Idris shifted so Andrew could envelop me in a gentle hug, afraid he would hurt me. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed hard.

"I'm so sorry. About what happened to you, what happened to your pup." I couldn't help the new stream of tears. "You would've been an amazing mother. And I know one day you will be."

"T-thank you. I know I wasn't far along but – I loved him. I loved him with everything in me. I had dreamed about him, about how our life would have looked like. But now... Now I have nothing."

"You don't have nothing, Spencer." He pulled back but kept me close. "You have your parents, you have me and Benji. We're your family. You have Idris who seemed to have vowed his life to you. And you have Axel. And he's one of the few people I know with one hundred per cent certainty that will never leave you. He will help you through this."

I shook my head. "He didn't want a family with me, Andrew. He said it a few days before I found out. He didn't want a baby."

"I know the whole thing with Adeline's death messed with him but -"

"No. I think that was just an excuse because -" I interrupted him. "- he wanted a family with her but not with me."

"Baby, please let me explain." Axel was suddenly in front of me. I didn't see him come in or move next to his father. Andrew and Idris both looked at me. I gave them a small nod and they walked out of the room, leaving me and Axel behind.

I will be right outside. Idris said through the mind link. I thanked him in response.

I closed my eyes as he wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. "I dreamed about having a family with you since the moment I figured out I was in love with you. And I can sit here and tell you that it was because of the poison that I wanted a family with her but that's only part of the truth."

I kept my eyes closed. I couldn't look at him. I was afraid that if I did, I would break down. His thumb stroked my cheek softly. I didn't pull away.

"We barely had sex in our years together. And I was never happy. I thought if we had a baby, a pup. If I had an heir, I could break loose from her. I would have someone to follow in my footsteps and I would be able to divorce her. I know that it sounds stupid right now. I didn't need to have a baby, an heir with her. I should have divorced her anyway and I should have gone to search for you. But -"

"You couldn't. I know." I whispered, still with my eyes closed. Knowing how much effect the poison had on him.

"And believe me when I say that I want a family with you, I never stopped thinking about it. How our kids would look like. The fact that I know you would be an amazing mom. And at first, I wanted to enjoy my time with you. We lost so much time already. I just needed you by my side, Spence. All day, every day."

"I wanted that too." I leaned my head against his.

"And the whole thing with my mom messed with my head, yes. But I was also afraid." I opened my eyes then. He was already looking at me. He cupped both of my cheeks. "I was afraid of losing you like I lost my mom. They were still out there. And every night I dreamed about her treats against you. I had nightmares where they had taken you right from our bed without me knowing. I dreamed about how they would find you in London or sneak into one of your charities to take you. And I was already so afraid of losing you, that I couldn't imagine how it would feel if I lost my family. Our pups."

"And now because of me, you have." My voice shook violently.

He kissed the tears from my cheeks. "No, that's all because of those bitches in the cells. And they will pay, my love. We will make them pay."

"It was Marianne." I whispered. "They overheard our conversation in the cabin, and she knew I was pregnant. She was the one who punched and kicked me in the stomach, on purpose. She wanted me to lose our baby boy. I tried to hold on. I tried to protect him, but I couldn't. I was too weak."

"You are anything but weak, baby. You are the strongest person I know. What they did, chaining you up, dosing you so Kai couldn't heal or help you, they are the weak ones. Because they knew if you weren't chained, you would have ripped them apart. Even without Kai."

Kai purred reassuringly in my head, telling me he was right. He kissed me softly.

"When you told me you were pregnant at the cabin. Even as you were rightfully mad at me. I was on cloud nine. Because for just a moment, I could picture us as the perfect little family. Where I had you and our pup in my arms. I heard the fear in your voice with the fact that you thought I wouldn't want to be in his life, in yours. Because you are my life, Spence. Without you, I can't breathe. I can't survive. I would be with you if we had no pups or a hundred of them. I take it all as long as I have you by my side."

I pulled him on the bed with me and let him spoon me from behind. I intertwined our fingers together and laid them on my flat, empty stomach. He brushed his nose softly against my neck.

"I don't know if I can. I don't know -" I shivered, and he pulled me closer against his chest. "It hurts too much, Ax. I can't go through a loss like this again."

"Shh, it's okay, baby." He brushed his lips against my neck, placing a soft sweet kiss there. "We will take it one day at a time. You still need to heal. Not only physically." His thumb rubbed soothing circles against my stomach. "One day at a time." He repeated softly. "And like I said, as long as you are with me, that's all I need."

"Axel-" I started. Because I knew he wanted a family. He made that quite clear just a few minutes ago.

"Sleep, my strong, courageous Luna." He kissed me behind my ear. "My beautiful wife." He kissed the base of my neck. "My Mate who can conquer everything. I love you, Spence. With everything in me."