I Am That Bitch

Savannah

My Uber driver helped me get a pair of pants before coming home. I think he felt bad for me.

I mean, I doubt it’s not every day you find your customer running down the street in the middle of town with no bottoms…

And then she asks if you could run into the closest store to get literally anything to help her cover up.

I gave him five stars.

He really deserved it.

When I got home, Percy caught me and saw the hickeys on my neck, which led to me telling him everything.

About the kiss after group and how he took care of me after gym, and the kiss that followed that.

I told him about me giggling for the first time in months and how much better I feel around him, even though we are either making out or arguing.

I told him Damon was the one who gave me Lance and that I am in his debt.

I didn’t tell him about the backpack, but said I went out to see him, which led to us dry humping.

I didn’t tell him it was his knee that got me off, but everything else that followed.

He was freaking out at first, then started laughing about how I ran from the bar in my Joey panties.

Then, like the good guy Percy is, he asked me how I felt about everything, if I wanted to keep this up, how far was I willing to take it, and what exactly was I looking to get out of it.

The answer to all of that was…I don’t know.

I didn’t want to stop having him around—I felt most like myself with him.

~Isn’t that shitty?~

It didn’t matter to me about my therapy or scars, my dead and sorrowful past, I didn’t think about everything I lost or everything I’m still going through.

Even puking into the toilet and suffering from one of those migraines caused by the car crash, I still felt better with ~him~.

If it was Percy who was there with me instead, Percy holding my face from dunking into the toilet and giving me my medicine, gum and water, I would have felt like I do right now.

Broken and frail.

Empty and hollow.

Not who I was, and hating this depressing, mentally ill shell of a human being I have been carved into.

Which makes me pissed because if I can be the fiery goddess that I naturally am around Damon, then why couldn’t I be anywhere else?

Why the fuck am I letting some peasant-looking bitch have that much control over me?

Some tattooed angel?

Who ~(I hope to God)~ has a small dick.

He doesn’t own me, I don’t owe him anything, why am I giving him this much hold on me? Over me? This much access to ~who I am~?

Because he is the biker prince?

Fuck that!

But with Damon, it was like…

Like I was…

I guess like it was ~just~ Damon and I on the floor of the girls’ bathroom, while I bared my soul to that white porcelain.

Then it was ~just~ us in that dark room, in his arms and on that door while he kissed the thoughts from my dark and twisted mind.

It was ~just~ us while I got myself off with the use of his…knee.

I wasn’t “Savannah Madis, eleven-time champion of the south bars singing competition.”

Or “Savannah Madis, the only survivor of a single-car crash killing the other three occupants in the vehicle.”

Not “Savannah Madis, the miracle girl who was thought to never be able to walk or speak ever again has woken from her coma and is demanding Taco Bell before things get fucked.”

I was just me.

Nothing else mattered.

That was what I liked so much about Damon—he took away the past, and even the future, for however long I was with him.

Either kissing him, fighting with him or whatever else it is we are doing.

***

School came and Percy helped me cover up my hickeys. I didn’t want to show up to class with Damon’s brand on me.

I wasn’t his.

The walk to school was fine, cloudy and hot as all hell, but fine.

But unfortunately as soon as I walked in the double doors, Damon was waiting.

Sunshine and Moonpie were talking to him, their backs facing me.

And he did ~not~ look pleased with me.

His eye was black, he had a bruise to his jaw in the shape of a fist, and the white skin under his nose that became his top lip was stained red.

The malice in his dark eyes looked devilish.

I didn’t think, and ran to him.

You read that right.

I ~ran~ to him.

Like Forrest Gump-type shit.

I went all, “BuT JEnNaH.”

“Oh my God, Angel, what happened? Come here, sit down. Are you okay? Who did this to you? Give me a name.”

The look in Damon’s eyes changed. Instead of the hard, cold stones in his starless sky eyes, they turned to…wet dirt.

That soft earthy color that the grassless patches of the ground got after a fresh rain.

Not a muddy brown.

But rich, black soil.

Sunshine and Moonpie chuckled. Percy grabbed my arm and went to pull me back, whispering my name, but I shushed him and sat Damon on the bench beside us.

I moved his face already in my hands, focusing on what I was seeing.

“Who did this?! My Angel.” I tsked and looked down his body.

Trying to find anything else that was hurt.

My mind went to dark parts of bad and isolated broken bits of my brain.

My imagination went wild and I couldn’t stop this onslaught of images flying through me, picturing Damon getting hurt.

“Vannah.” Percy came eye level with me, taking my face in his hands and turned me away from Damon.

“Van,” he whispered, flicking his eyes to Damon, who was smiling.

A shit-eating grin was plastered on his lips like he had just won the jackpot and looked all too pleased with himself.

I had somehow moved Damon to a bench, held his face in my hands, examining him with such concern, and had called him my Angel while demanding answers so I could go after the culprit.

Which I only do when I care.

Caring about Damon Henley has got to be the biggest fuck-up of my life.

Could I like him? Yes.

Could I fuck him? Why yes I could.

But care about him was definitely not okay.

“I’m fine, Shortcake, sweet though.”

He put his hands over mine and patted them before whipping me closer and kissing me. One hand gropes my ass and the other locks me close to him.

So I do what any logical person would when faced with these set of facts.

I had ~run~ to Damon’s side.

Blatantly showed my caring side.

Freaked out over a few bruises.

Called him ~mine~.

And now I was kissing him in front of whoever could see.

Bending my knee, I leaned in and smashed his balls, making him grunt which let me bite his bottom lip.

When I tasted the copper aftermath, I let go and shoved him backwards, making him fall off the bench to the cold hard laminate floor with an “urfh” and a thud.

I took Percy by the arm and yanked him down the hallway at lightning speed.

I could not care about him.

That had to end.

I don’t know how the fuck it happened or why or even when, but it was going to end.

To-damn-day.

I wouldn’t let what’s left of my heart get any more messed up than it already was.

Not now or ever again.