8.4|Fidaa: Their fears|

The whole Irfani Haveli was decorated in the contrast of golden and silver. It looked no less than a royal palace, and for the villagers it truly was a royal palace. They always wondered how's the life inside the Haveli. Men would be spending their time riding horses, playing chess and spending quality time with their family. And women must be living the life of queens, no work, no burden, and lots of luxuries. The kids of the family must be fortunate. They don't need to work hard for themselves, they already had everything on golden platter.

No.

Men of the Haveli work day and night, not caring about food or proper sleep. They hardly get time for their family. Women of the Haveli work like other normal housewives, they don't get Sundays off. They work without salary, yet get no appreciation, just like other housewives. And the kids of the Haveli, their life is like a prison. The moment they were born, their future was decided. Aziz will be the heir, Kauser will get married to him, Kaysan will be the second in command, Shafaq will get married to him. The elders had everything in their minds.

But life doesn't run according to any time-table planned by us. It has it's own mood and mind. We are mere puppets and the one holding our strings is the real mastermind behind the play called life.

The same happened with the Irfani family.

Ten years ago, when Bisma Nawazuddin Irfani was dying, she expressed her wish of getting her beloved grandchildren Aziz and Kauser married. Everyone agreed, she was on the verge of her death, they had to do so. They didn't knew that Aziz loved Fida, or that Aziz is not the ideal partner for Kauser.

But now when they knew, they couldn't ruin their kids' life for a hasty promise. Some promises are better broken if they break hearts.

And that's how Aziz Irfani got married to Fida.

Their marriage was no less than a controversy among the villagers. Everyone knew that Aziz and Kauser are engaged and will get married someday. Then why now Aziz married Fida.

Fida, who?

The one whose mother worked as a maid in the Haveli?

The one whose father used to roam in the streets in a drunken state?

The one whose mother mixed poison in their food one night?

Oh, she was that Fida whose parents died after eating poisonous dinner.

She was also destined to die if Aziz didn't rush to hospital with her dying form.

🤍🤍🤍

Aziz entered his bedroom, wearing a golden Sherwani he resembled a lion. While his bride was sitting on the bed, waiting for him, looking like a moon in the shades of gold.

Aziz's eyes were shining with love and ecstasy. He sat in front of her, and kept looking at the moon-faced beauty who was now his wife.

She didn't look at him. Her arms were clutched to her knees. She was nervous, every girl will be.

Aziz tensed as a tear fell on her cheek.

"Fida, ro kyun rahi ho?" He put his hand under her chin, making her look directly at him.

More tears escaped her eyes, ruining her makeup.

Leaving her chin, he held her both hands gently.

"Fida, kya hua? Kisi ne kuch kaha?"

She shook her head in a No.

"Uncomfortable feel kar rahi ho?"

She nodded in a Yes.

"Acha, toh batao, kyun uncomfortable ho?"

By now she had started sobbing. She wiped her tears, ruining her already ruined makeup.

"Darr lag raha hai."

"Mujhse?" He asked in a tense tone.

She shook her head and replied in an instant,

"Aapke touch se."

She was afraid of his touch? Why?

Aziz looked at her quizically. What did she meant by saying that she was afraid of his touch?

Fida wanted to clarify the meaning of her words, but which girl will have courage to say that she is a afraid of consummation, because uncountable men has touched her.

"Aziz.. " She looked into his brown eyes with tears in her black ones. Waiting for him to understand what she couldn't tell him in words.

And when he understood, he regretted being so reluctant to this fact. It didn't matter to him that she was a victim, but obviously she needs some time to overcome this trauma.

His own eyes reddened, but he smiled.

"Tum change karlo, phir hum koyi show dekhenge."

He cupped her cheeks and wiped her tears.

He knew, with her trauma their marital life won't be like others. But it was about time, when Fida will be again that lively, chirpy girl. She needs time and he needs patience. Nothing will go wrong, nothing.

🤍🤍🤍

Kauser was sitting in the garden, under an apple tree. Whenever she wants to cry, she will come there.

Kauser had a firm grip over her emotions, but there are times when she feels like crying. When she gets angry, specifically because she was pointed out for no reason, then she will cry. Her eyes will start burning and tears will be flowing like a river. She would be trying hard to not cry, but will fail terribly. She wasn't an emotional person, but certain incidents trigger her.

And during the functions of Aziz and Fida's marriage, people were pointing her out again and again.

Some were pitying her, saying that Aziz left her for someone else.

Some were suggesting her to get married as soon as possible saying "Beta, aapki umar ho rahi hai."

Some even brought marriage proposals of men decade older than her.

"Gussa ho?" She heard Marwaan's voice.

"Marwaan, leave. Maine nahi karni tumse baat."

"Arrey, kyun nahi karni baat. Mai nahi le kar aaya tha tumhare liye unn buddho ke rishtey."

He sat beside her, and began stargazing.

"Mujhe pehle lagta tha ke mard aurat par bandishein lagata hai. Lekin nahi, aisa kuch nahi hai. Aurat hi aurat par bandishein lagati hai. Woh aurat hi hai jo kehti hai ke ladke ghar ke kaam nahi karte. Who aurat hi hai jo kehti hai ladkiyan ghar se bahar nahi nikalti. Woh aurat hi hai jo apni beti ke andar uske looks ko lekar insecurities paida karti hai."

"Aisa kyun keh rahi ho, Kauser?"

"Sach keh rahi hoon. Abba ne kabhi nahi roka padhne se yaa job karne se. Amma ne hamesha aitraaz kiya aur meri shadi ka hawai kiley usaarti rahi."

"Har maa ka sapna hota hai apni beti ko dulhan bante dekhna."

"Nahi ban-na maine dulhan! Maine nahi karni shadi kisi ke saath."

{Mere saath bhi nahi?} He wanted to ask, but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

"Mujhe bhookh lagi hai." He folded his arms on his chest.

"Toh kitchen mein jaao, mera sar kyun kha rahe ho?"

"Mai sirf tumhare haath ka khana khaunga."

"Marwaan, zyada bakwaas mat karo, warna tumhe zehar khila dungi." She raised her tone, threatening him.

"Zehar hi khila do, bohat bhookh lagi hai. Ouch!"

An apple fell on his head, making him wince.

Maybe the Apple tree was getting irritated of their childish arguement and decided to end it by serving Marwaan his dinner. An apple.

He took a bite of the fallen apple.

"Yuck! It's so bitter." He threw it away.

Looking at his comical expression Kauser couldn't stop herself from smiling.

"My misery amuses you?" He asked in a mischievously serious tone.

"You are so stupid, Marwaan." And began laughing.

He was happy to be a stupid for his entire lifetime if it makes her forget her pain and become the reason of her smiles and laughters.

🤍🤍🤍

Shafaq was hell tired after the functions ended. But still she was wide awake. Her mind was wandering among numerous possibilities of Kaysan leaving her, just like her brother left his sister.

She was afraid that Aziz and Kauser's broken engagement will effect her and Kaysan's engagement as well.

Her fear was absolutely right.

Which guy will marry a girl whose brother left his sister?

A knock on the door stopped her marathon of thoughts. As she opened the door, an impatient Kaysan barged in and immediately blurted,

"Mai tumse nikkah karna chahta hoon, jald se jald."

His statement left her baffled. She kept looking at him in confusion.

"Yaar, mai hamare nikkah ki baat kar raha hoon, gulab jamun yaa rasmalai ki nahi jo itna confuse ho rahi ho."

"Nikkah mithai nahi hai jo turant haan bol doon."

Honestly, they just need a chance to argue.

"Matlab tumhe nahi karna mujhse nikkah?"

"Maine aisa kab kahaa?"

"Tumhare kehne ka matlab toh yahi hai naa."

"Apne betuke matlab nikalna band karo! Sirf 21 saal ki hoon mai, graduation bhi puri nahi ki hai. Kaise karlu tumse shadi?"

"Toh shadi ke baad kar lena padhai, kaun rokega."

"Ye baatein sirf shadi se pehle kahi jaati hai, phir toh tum khud meri padhai band karwaoge."

"Mai aisa kyun karunga? Mangetar hoon tumhara, dushman nahi."

"Kaysan, ye mere future ka sawaal hai. Jab tak meri padhai puri nahi hoti, mai shadi nahi karungi." She raised her tone, she was firm on her decision. She couldn't compromise with her future at any cost.

"Seedha seedha kaho naa mujhse shadi nahi karni. Pehle tumhare bhai ne meri behan ko choda, ab tum bhi mujhe chod do." Kaysan spoke exactly what was bothering him. What if Shafaq turned out be like her brother?

"Mai kyun chodungi tumhe?"

"Tum kyun nahi chodogi mujhe?"

"Tumhe nahi pata?" She was disappointed. Doesn't he know what she feels for him?

"Nahi pata. Bataao mujhe."

"Pyar karti hoon tumse!"

"Mai bhi toh karta hoon naa!" He was too disappointed that she doesn't trust him with her future.

"Phir problem kya hai? Kyun hai shadi ki itni jaldi?"

"Darr lagta hai, kahi tum chod naa do mujhe. Tum topper aur mai nikamma."

"Sach mein bohat bade nikamme ho tum, jise apni hone wali biwi par bharosa hi nahi hai."

"Shafi, ab muh par beizzati toh mat karo."

And she laughed softly at his words.

That is it.

They needed to talk about their insecurities, and they did. Even if it turned into a childish arguement. At least they were assured that their siblings' broken alliance won't impact their relationship.

Sometimes you need to voice out your feelings, or just sit and watch others leaving you.

🤍🤍🤍

It feels nice to update after a week. I was desperate to write this chapter and update it.

But firstly, I have school and secondly, my mind is getting hang with so many story ideas in it.

You know, something very disturbing happened with me in the school. It hurt my self-respect as a student.

And that scene when Kauser was crying, I dedicate it to myself because I cried yesterday and was hiding my red eyes from my parents and brother.

That's how my bakwaas ends.

(I hope my classmate don't read this. 😕)

Bye!!!