chapter 27

Nic's POV

"Remember that time we had to climb a slippery mountain because of a dare? It was messed up." He paused, smiling with his mind far away from home, lost in the paradise of his own memories.

"I broke my knee." He chuckled and turned his head towards me with a bright mesmerizing smile. His newly shaved pale skin made him look like someone I didn't know.

It was rare seeing him without his beard that he becomes hard to recognize without it. His long brown hair was pulled back in a messy man's bun and his blue orbs held the ocean trapped in the universe of his eyes.

The necklace he always wore was under his white stripped shirt with it's chain visible around his neck. He had his leather jacket on his lap as he stretched his legs on the grass beneath us. He had his arms behind his back, leaning against them as he gazed into the horizon.

"Yeah, I remember that." I laughed as I recalled the event in my head. "You were screaming like a little girl. I didn't know your voice can go THAT high pitched. "I teased and he turned his head towards me and frowned, causing me to laugh even more. He looked away from me and watched the sunset and sighed. Not in stress, not in pain but in satisfaction.

Minutes passed as we got lost in the rays of the sun before I heard him say.

"You know, I never thought that I would be here; sitting with you and watching the sunset." He paused and I stared at the visible lines of his face, studying his features, listening to what's he's about to say, as he had his eyes lost to the sun. "I never thought I would be who I am today. I planned my entire life to end up in somewhere so different than what I wished for. I don't understand why people try to wish up to a star as if it's going to solve their problems and give them what they want. It's like wishing for hope to be something bright and visible to make it feel real. But what will hope bring? A thud to the heart and a broken dream. I don't think anyone has every stood up and start to do something in their lives because that's all we've done; wished for something we wanted when we didn't do anything to earn it. Their excuse is that life takes and takes when you give and in the end, you get nothing in return. But when life gives for no reason, when you didn't give anything, it's like they just forgotten about it. It's like it doesn't matter anymore." He looked back at me and I saw sadness in his eyes. "I'm grateful for what I have even though I don't have everything I wished for. I'm just glad I'm able to breath when some people can't. I don't want to die from drugs, nic. I don't want to be like that anymore."

I breathed heavily and sat on the floor, bringing my legs closer to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my face between my knees. I took deep calming breaths and closed my eyes, relaxing as I recalled the memory I had with ryan, just two weeks before his death.

From the countless times he told me he wanted to be saved, that was the most genuine. He was an ember in the ashes of his dark world. He was the only color in the black and white virtual dream.

It still hurt till this day that I couldn't do anything to help him as I just watched his soul slip out of his body. I just stood there and watch it all happen without any reaction. I lifted my head from my knees and watched the sunrise from on top of the hill. Mostly you would find people jogging here. You would find friends and family coming together to have a fun day. Maybe you'll find someone who would like to get lost in their minds so they come here alone to do so. But no, no one was here at 5am in the morning. All I could hear was the blow of the wind. It was better this way because If they saw me, they would think I'm a walking dead. I knew that I needed to go to the hospital but I have no intentions or will to do so, it was the last thing on my mind.

"You shouldn't be here." I looked at the direction of the voice and found a handsome young man, wearing a black button up shirt and faded blue jeans. He smiled charmingly and sat beside me. I blinked nonchalantly, fighting the argue to shut down completely. I looked away from the man and stared back at the sun. I wanted this to be the last moment I remember in my sad misery life. The sun shinning so bright, about to take the smallest part of me that was still alive for some reason that I don't know about.

"And you should be dead." I  spoke up, looking over at ryan who chuckled at me. His eyes shinning and the dazzling smile remained on his face. I stared at his features, studying it like I've always done for years. If you could ask me to describe his face to you and all his details, it would be very easy for me to do so; every motion of his eyes, nose, mouth is very common for me to see and know. He became this open book that I have no problems rereading it over and over again.

"Well, I am dead," he paused and adjusted his position to face me. "but based on your own imagination, I'm not." He grinned mischievously and I turned my head, away. Not wanting to look at him and feel more down than what I'm feeling right now.

My eyes grew heavy and a part of me felt like I couldn't breath. It was like drowning in my own head. Did you ever feel like that? Like your own heart is choking by your own blood and its just tightening and tightening, ready to explode? It was like drowning in the dark sea and swallowing all the salt. "You know, you're gonna go blind if you kept staring at the sun." I turned to look at Ryan who had a slight frown on his forehead and concern vivid in his eyes.

"Just leave, Ryan. I'll come to you soon, don't worry about it." I said, turning my head away from him again and got myself lost in the sun again. "Yeah, well that's the thing; I don't want you to come to me anytime soon." Ryan grabbed my face with his hands and made me look at him with his most detriment and serious expression. "It's not your time yet and it shouldn't be. You're not going to die today. This is not how your story ends, this is a new beginning for you because nic, you survived, and it's time to enjoy life." He spoke with hope seeping from his eyes.

"Well unfortunately Ryan, I lost my will to live." I pushed his hands with venom and tears were willing up in my eyes, and the feeling of defeat was growing my heart. "I'm done. Everything I do just falls apart. Everything I fix, another thing breaks. Don't you think I can no longer go on?! Don't you think life is just cruel? Don't you think I got tired? Because for fuckssake, I'm tired. I'm really really tired. I don't want to live another day for me to face another problem, another loss or another chaos. My heart is broken beyond repair, so don't try to mend me!! Don't try to save me!! Don't try to fix what's broken!! Because can't you see?" I paused to take a deep shaky breath. "I'm burning!!" I yelled the last part and looked down with tears staining my cheeks. "I'm burning, ryan. I'm fucking burning." My voice slowly faded to a whisper and I took a glance towards the sun before meeting Ryan's tearful eyes.

"I've died a thousand times and I'm ready to die one last time." I said, placed my head on my knees, trying to comfort the headache. I heard a sniff and I looked up to find ryan shaking his head at me while wiping his own tears. His eyes held disappointment and sadness.

"You know, I thought you were tougher than me. I thought you could fight a dragon or wear a fucking crown on your head. Didn't you always tell me to find something to fight for? Even if you've lost everything, you should always find something to fight for. Can't you see that you have a family waiting for you to return? A beautiful girl waiting for you to come and-"

"Shut the fuck up, ryan." I yelled, angrily, cutting him off. Lauren's beautiful brown eyes slowly losing it's life starting haunting my mind. "She's dead and I couldn't save her." I said while frustratingly pushing my hair backwards. "I was blind and heartbroken, I didn't realize there was something behind it all." I paused and looked down at my feet. "She loved me, ry and she showed me that everyday, but when it came to her lying to me, I just forget about it all. It was like all of it just gone to waste."

"But that's not true, she wasn't a waste to me and I failed for not proving it to her." I frowned and took a glance at Ryan who was giving me his entire attention. "I was so heartbroken, I didn't realize that she was too. I didn't notice she was going through things, trying to protect me, and that got her killed. How can i doubt her love for me after that?" I cried softly and held my sobs in.

"S-so don't try to tell me that I should find something to fight for, because I just lost the only person that was worth living for." I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. I looked at the wound on my shoulder and cringed at how horrible it looked. I turned my head away and closed my eyes for a few steady moments then opened them to find the world blurry. I blinked and saw the sky fading. I blinked and saw the sun rays glowing white. I blinked to find dark spots in my sight. I blinked to find darkness surrounding the sun. I blinked to find a greyish world. I blinked to never open my eyes again.

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"You're doing alright. Just a few more and you'll get through it." Dad's cheery voice ringed in my ears as he help me stand up. I whined and adjusted the huge helmet on my head but it kept falling in front of my face, covering my eyes. I leaned down to pick my bicycle up before sighing in defeat as I checked for any damage. Luckily, it didn't even get a scratch.

"But dad, I just keep falling."  I said with a frown on my 6 year old face. The helmet was too big for my head and every time I lift it up, it sinks deep into my head, covering my eyes while doing so. "And I can't see from this helmet." Dad laughed at me as he keeled down and grabbed my head to adjust the helmet. In a few tricks, the helmet fitted my head. I smiled happily at my dad and he smiled back. "Just a few adjustments and everything is perfect. Everything is fixable." He said and grinned as if he just said the most smartest thing in the world.

"Really dad?" I said and looked over at his cheap car that always shuts down in the middle of the road. He followed my eye sight and sighed. "Yeah, except for that car." I giggled and he laughed before standing up. "Now, stop laughing and get on that bike, young lady." I giggled before sitting on the bike, ready for my dad's instructions.

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"Mom!!" I ran to the kitchen to find my mom cooking something above the oven. I hid behind her legs as I heard Jonathan's footsteps coming closer. "Look at Jonathan, he's trying to kill me." I pleaded for her help and gripped tightly on her legs.

"Damn well I'll kill you." Jonathan entered the kitchen with his broken toy in his hand. "No swearing, young man." Mom glared at Jonathan who stood at the doorway, glaring daggers at me. I hid my face in my mom's pants and giggled.

"She broke my automobile." He growled at me as I scoffed back and came out from behind mom's legs.

"That's not even a real automobile." I answered back as he clenched his teeth with pure anger. He throw his broken toy on the ground and I laughed.

"You fucking whore!!" Jonathan yelled as he strikes towards me. My smile faded and I started screaming as he came closer. Mom stood between us, creating a barrier before she scolded both of us. "Language Jonathan!! How can a 10 year old know what a whore means?!" Mom yelled and placed her hand on her forehead, sighing. "You know what? Both of you, go to your rooms and I don't want to hear anything until it's dinner time."

"But mom, he wants to destroy m-"

"She's a fucking whore, mom an-"

"Now!!" She pointed towards the kitchen and I sighed before slumping towards the door. Jonathan glared at me as he did the same. We walked up the stairs while pushing on one another as hard as we can, but as Jonathan did one last push, I had enough. "I'm gonna kill you!!" I yelled as he laughed while running up the stairs. I chased after him as we heard mom yelling at both of us from the kitchen. We laughed as we entered Jonathan's room and started wrestling.

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"Look at that, he looks just like you." Jonathan's voice beamed and I smiled as we both stood in front of the glass window, staring at all the newborn babies. We were staring at one in practical as he just popped out of our mother's womb.

"I bet he's going to have your attitude." I said and grinned at our baby brother who was sleeping peacefully in his crib.

"I sure hope so." He said and smirked and I shook my head at him. He winked at me before getting himself something to drink while I staid and stared at the cutest baby on the planet. I don't know for how long I spent just staring at him but I remember making a single meaningful promise. "I promise to protect you if you ever feel unsafe, I promise to teach you what you need to know about life. I promise I'll make you feel like home. Happy birthday, little bro."

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"One. Two. Three." I felt soft hands, caressing my back ever so gently as I closed my eyes in deep satisfaction. I relaxed underneath the beautiful woman above me as she sat on the lower of my back.

"You got three pimples in your back." I hummed and I could sense her smiling above me. I lifted my butt in the air, causing her to crash on top of me. She yelped and then giggled into my ear while wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I smiled as I felt her warm skin touching my back. Her naked chest felt amazing on me and I smirked like a pervert.

"I see that." She touched my cheek with her pointy finger and I laughed at her as she smiled back. She kissed my cheek before slowly trailing her kisses down to my shoulder, towards my back. With each kiss, she whispered the words I love you into my skin before finally settling to my ear and kissed my earlobe. She rested her head on my back and a moment of silence settled through. I closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep and dream about the girl above me. "I love this apartment." She said, breaking the silence with her dreamy voice and I hummed in agreement.

"Say, do you think we will last forever?" She asked and I opened my eyes, confused of the question she just asked. I turned my head towards her and she was staring at me, curiously. I blinked a few times before once again, laying my head on the pillow beneath me.

"Of course I do. Well, I hope so because I'm not planning on losing you anytime soon." I answered and she sighed. I don't know if it's from relief or stress, it was hard to explain and I frowned at the gesture but said nothing about it.

"Do you trust my love for you?" She asked another question, her voice softer than before. It was barely above a whisper and it scared me a little.

"Of course I do." I answered immediately. "From where all these questions coming from?" I ask, feeling slightly weird and uneasy about this.

Lauren moved from my back and laid beside me. Her brown orbs met mine and I frowned as she had her serious expression on. "Nothing, I just don't want you to forget that I love you." I smiled softly at her and leaned closer to kiss her lips. She kissed me back immediately as my lips touched hers, but her lips felt a little distance like she was too weak and fragile to pull me closer, like she's going to burst if she ever thought of deepening the kiss.

I pulled away, hiding my concern and gave her my most honest answer. "I won't. I promise." Her face light up and she smiled her warmest at me and I smiled back. We smiled at one another, never breaking eyes contact.

"Now, open your eyes." She touched my cheek and I frowned, confusingly.

"But my eyes are open?" She shook her head at me and repeated her words. I grew more confused and she leaned forward, kissing me softly. I closed my eyes about to kiss back but before I could do so, she pulled away and I opened my eyes to find that everything has changed and the world have turned to black.

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I gasped as I hastily opened my eyes. I blinked a couple times and lifted my hands to rub my face. Mid rubbing, I felt something weird poking my arms and when I looked at them, I found wires hooked up to machines, were attached to my skin. I frowned and looked at my surroundings; I was in a bed and there was a chair on my left occupied by a human figure who was sleeping on it. I tried to look at their face but I couldn't move any closer. I looked at my other side and saw my mom, reading a book. She was so engrossed with it that she didn't even see me waking up.

"M-mm...mom..." I coughed as I couldn't speak and that gain my mother's attention. Her eyes grew wide as she saw me and she immediately shut her book and stood up. She took the cup of water, which I didn't notice, beside me and helped me sit up so I could drink it. After a long gulp, she pulled me into a tight hug.

"You got me so worried. You got all of us worried. How dare you do that to me?" She cried softly in my arms and I gently rubbed her back, not knowing what to say. I was frowning in confusion; How did they find me? In better words, how am I here?

"Mom?" I asked, pausing as I slightly coughed, still finding it hard to speak. "How did I get here?" I continued as she hesitantly pulled away from me, clearly not wanting to let me go, and held my hands instead. She smiled softly at me with her motherly sweet eyes and gently touched my cheek. She pulled her hand away from my face and settled into my arm.

"A guy called from your cellphone which is slightly weird and he said that you needed help. He told us where you are and immediately hang up without any further information about your condition or who is he. He was odd and I wanted to ask you about it when you wake up, where you with a guy this whole time?" She asked with concern and curios eyes but I shook my head as in no, and even told her I can't remember. Although I do remember with who I was the last time; It was ryan.

But in no way, that was Ryan. Could it be? He's dead so there's no way that was him. I'm sure it's just some stranger who found me on the ground and called, using my cellphone, but what's weird is that: how did he know my password? The only people who do know it by heart and soul are Rita, Lauren and Ryan. Could it that- "Hey there, where did you go?" My train of thought was broken when I heard my mother's voice. I turned my attention towards her and smiled to assure her that I didn't go anywhere.

That's when someone came into my mind. Someone who was in my mind the entire time. Someone who could never forget and held the key I my broken heart and the glue to put it back together. "Mom?" I looked up to my mom and took a deep breath. "where's Lauren?"

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A/N

Cliffhanger *evil laughter* Do you guys want Lauren dead or alive? I already have my mind set, I just wanna see what you guys think and prefer.

P.s. I'll edit this later, I'm going to bed.