27 - Down Drive

So it's been a while. Work has been... though. Writing has helped me think of something else, your kind comments have been a true support.

Thank you so much for 30k. Thank you for reading this book, thank you for your support. See you after the chapter. Hope you like it.

-

I'm relieved to find safety from the cold wind when I close the door of the car. There's a blazing sun outside but its heat does nothing against the harsh gusts. I bury my nose under the thick scarf. I somehow didn't think Milo would have a car, thought he was a walk everywhere kind of guy.

I take in the old leather smell, let my fingers skim over the black plastic on the door, on the dashboard. It catches my eye immediately, contrast striking against the dark interior. A small pebble, white as snow and I think of the pond. But it's too smooth, laying in the cupholder.

I don't image Milo polishing it, so how? Because it doesn't smell of him inside, there's only wood and leather. I push my back further into the seat when he gets inside, still huffing at the wind. I think he's tired of the weather too. I hear the old jeep whine when he settles in, weight slightly leaning to his side.

I often forget it because we're about the same height, but he's much more heavy, much more dense. It's almost comical seeing him inside a car, no matter how big, not just because of his size but how he doesn't seem to fit. Even if the car is probably older than him, Milo looks ancient, too wild to fit a modern time.

I wonder why I never thought of it before, even with a phone in hand. Maybe because it doesn't fit into his palm this time, yet he could crush it just as easily. Now it's not just the car but his presence that warms up with the sun, leather on my back heating up, I melt into it, long legs spread under the dashboard.

I lean against the headrest, let my hands lay on my lap. I wonder what kind of driver Milo is. Wonder what the queen is like up close. I don't think I'll run into her somehow, feel like it would be weird. I can't help but to scrunch my nose at the thought. I jump when an arm crosses over my lap.

Let out a strangled groan of surprise when I see Milo leaning over me, hand grabbing the seatbelt with blank stare. Yet his face is right in front of mine, barely lower now that he's crouched over my lap. It feels like a silent scolding somehow, in the way only he knows how to do. Because he stays there, other hand behind my headrest.

« Hook up. » I blush at his words, feel my jaw tighten at his posture, because I see the muscles of his stomach flex with the gesture even under his shirt. Because I watch his fingers clasps around the belt he pulls to lock into place. It gives an audile click that does nothing to hide my thumbing heart.

I have to think to swallow the spit that gathered in my mouth so I don't choke. Have to twist my fingers still laying on my lap to get my head out of its dumbfounded state. I'm too sensitive, I've gotten too responsive to any and to all of him. It's as scary as stimulating.

Milo starts the car anyway, but I don't miss when he inhales in my direction even though he stills faces the road. I don't think he does it on purpose. I grab at the seatbelt over my chest to relieve some pressure, but my body has heated up and I don't feel like having the wind slap me in the face again.

I hear the tires screeching over the gravels, bits and pieces flying under the car and rattling the metal. It's as loud as it's smooth, the engine. Hums like it's too well maintained for such an old car. I think of Milo, hands under the hood of the jeep, picture his arms tainted with black grease. Sweat over his brows.

« Buckle up. » I mutter under my newfound breath, still under the scarf that hopefully hides my reddened cheeks. He is, after all, the only thing in my life. The only movement, the only change and routine at the same time. How could I not move alongside him, breathe in with every of his looks?

I feel his stare on my face while my gaze remains fixed on the dashboard. I imagine the distaste on his face, but hear him whisper the two words anyway. I think the meaning of his words is lost on him, but I don't feel like telling him. Don't feel like lighting a spark that may burn me.

I try to get rid of the memory of his face under mine, turn my torso towards the window to glare at the ever blooming buds on the barren trees. It's nerve-wracking because I don't know if it's a mate thing or a me thing. Maybe it's just him. I try to brush away my sudden thoughts of mechanical skills.

My heartbeat has settled but I hope he can't hear the gears turning in my head, hope he can't smell the pictures my mind paints. I'm blaming it on him. But the landscape goes by too slow and I have my answer. Milo is a slow driver, too careful. I can tell by the way his eyes go over the windshield, glaring at the gravel road ahead.

It should be surprising but his brows scrunch the same way when goes over his work papers in the office. I think he would even scape his nails against his jaw and bump his knuckles against his forehead if it wasn't for the deathtgrip he has over the wheel and the manual shift.

Yet I stare again when a finger brushes over the outside of my thigh and when I look down I see his index only has left the shift to gently get my attention. It's calculated with the way his head is barely tilted over to my side, silently questioning. It's almost comical when he looks like he might have a heatstroke just driving.

I wonder if it's because I'm with his that he's so slow and careful, does he drive differently when he's alone? Or it is because we're going to see the queen? I don't think he does it much, driving or seeing her. Feel like he must use the alpha to be to communicate with her.

I see his jaw jump when I pull my legs lack together and his stretched finger is out of reach. But Milo doesn't react, no instead he relaxes, knuckles turning back to their usual color and even leaning his head back against the head rest with a silent breath.

I turn back to the window and the trees go by quicker, but the forest remains. Even after the few minutes we've spent it still looks the same and the dark barks bring out something bitter again. I think of rising clouds and of an ever fever. Can't help but to push my lips together at the sight, at the silhouettes I imagine in the distance.

I know I shouldn't dwell on it because it's gone with the winter. Too far for me to reach. We don't pass by any guard or any wolf. I imagine the engine warning the birds that flock away in the cold wind. Imagine Milo's pressure warning the others to stay away.

I can barely feel it nowadays, the power he exults by just breathing, by just existing. Wonder if it's another mate thing or because I've spent too much time with him. I wonder how my brother is doing, is he worried ? Is he alive ? I have to unlock my jaw when it starts to push down on my teeth.

But the forest clears and I'm met with green and full grass, reminder that spring did start. I push a hand to the window to fully turn when I see a kite rise in the distance. Stare at a child and his father, hands locked around its rope, that pass by too quickly.

The engine purrs a new high and Milo has sped up to a normal rate. I'm tempted to tell him to slow down so I see others. So I can watch them, even if they're wolves, even if they hate us because it has been too long. And I forgot the world still turned.

There are not the only we drive by. Some in guard attires, other in plan clothes. We pass them by the hundreds, enough for a medium town hidden from view in the forest. Their numbers surpass any that the government had estimated. Any we could have won the war against.

Families and couples, even older ones that still seem healthy, whose age I could not guess. They don't glance in our direction, don't acknowledge our presence, his presence. I don't know if Milo is being discreet or maybe this happens more often than I thought.

Houses are scattered along the road that turned to dirt. White fences and trampolines in their yard. It's bittersweet. My heart clenches at the sight of life when I stay stuck up in a room. It caves at siblings play fighting with branches for made up swords.

They don't seem to mind the wind at all. Most in light jackets and thin sweaters. I can't help the scowl that takes over my mouth, the tears that gather at the corners of my eyes. I'm not sure if it's because of jealousy or plain sadness.

They seem so carefree when we had to fear for hunger and cold. So comfortable when we simply feared for war. I have to wipe a stranded tear that leaves a sour feeling on my lips. Maybe they feared for their lives too. Did their children wait for parents that would never come back like we did?

I leave the window to glare at my lap, to try to unclench my wrung hands. And Milo's warm hand covers mine. I breathe again, tears running down and shoulders turning in because it's unfair. I don't blame him. Don't blame myself.

The car slows down but never stops. Other drivers pass us by but none overtake us, even when I see a small line form behind us with the mirror. Milo's rough simply stays on mine, it's as comforting as frustrating.

It takes me a few minutes to gather back my thoughts, to leave my hate behind enough for the tears to stop. When I look back up the car has stopped and Milo kills the humming engine. I wipe away the uncomfortable feeling of dried up tears and take in a final breath before looking back up.

We've reached a mansion similar to the one we came from. But it's grander, surrounded by white pillars and heavily guarded. None of them look at us, gazes far in the distance. Milo takes his hand back and I suddenly feel the cold again. So this is it.

-

To celebrate this milestone, would you ming answering a few questions for me? I've been curious about a few things :

- how did you come to know this book ?

- what do you like, or not, about it ?

- what have been your favorite moments ? favorite lines ?

- do you like the characters ? if so, or not, why ?

- what do you think will happen next ?

-

As usual, let me know if you find any mistake and I'm available if you want to talk about anything :)

Lots of love, kindest thoughts.