chapter 9

Rabia ne kaha,  jab ke usne apni shopping ke samaan bags se nikal rahe thi.Woh ab mutma'in lag rahi thi.Imama ne jawab nahi diya: usne sirf muskuraya jab unhone apni shopping dikhayi.                        ........♡........."Tumhara naam?""Mujhe nahi pata.""Tumhare walidain ne tumhara kya naam rakha?""Ja ke mere walidain se pooch lo."Khamoshi."Log tumhe kya kehte hain?""Larkay ya larkiyan?""Larkay""Woh mujhe bohot se naamon se bulate hain.""Zyada tar kya?""Daredevil."Aur khamoshi,"Aur larkiyan?""Woh bhi mujhe bohot se naamon se bulate hain.""Woh tumhe zyada tar kya kehti hain?""Main tumhe nahi bata sakta... yeh bohot personal hai."Khamoshi aur phir ek gehri saans aur... phir se khamoshi."Kya main tumhe ek mashwara de sakta hoon?""Kya?""Kyoun na tum mere bare mein kuch aisa jaanne ki koshish karo jo na tum jante ho na main? Woh safed file jo tumhare daayen haath pe table pe rakhi hai us mein meri sab maloomat hain. Tum apna waqt kyun zaya kar rahe ho?" Table lamp ki roshni mein, psychoanalyst ne jawan mard ko couch par lete hue dekha. Woh apne pair idhar udhar hila raha tha. Uska chehra pur-sukoon tha aur uske chehre par yeh izhaar tha ke psychoanalyst ke sath yeh session waqt zaya karna hai. Kamra thanda aur andhera tha, aur jab woh larka bol raha tha, to usne kamray ko dekha. Psychoanalyst ke liye woh ek paheli tha; uski photographic memory thi, uska IQ level 150 tha, uska academic record sab se behtareen tha, usne golf mein President's Gold Medal teesri martaba jeeta tha... aur yeh uska teesra khudkushi ki koshish thi. Uske bohot pareshan walidain usay psychoanalyst ke paas laaye the.Woh larka mulk ke chand naamwar aur nihayat ameer khandarion mein se ek se tha. Woh paanch bhai behnon mein se chotha tha-chaar bhai aur ek behen; do bhai aur uski behen usse bade thay. Uske walidain usay uski zahanat aur qabiliat ki wajah se bohot pyar karte the phir bhi pichle teen saalon mein usne teen martaba apni jaan lene ki koshish ki thi. Pehli martaba jab woh apne bike pe ek rasta pe wrong direction mein speed mein tha aur usne handlebar se apne haath utha diye the..Uske peechay ek police officer ne usay aisa karte dekha. Woh kismat wala tha ke jab woh ek car se takra gaya, to woh doosri car ke upar se uchal kar doosri taraf gir gaya. Uski chand pasliyan toot gayin, aur ek haath aur ek paer fracture ho gaya.Halanke police officer ne yeh sab hotay dekha, uske walidain ko laga ke yeh ek haadsa tha. Usne unhe bataya ke usne galti se one-way street mein entry ki thi. Agle saal, usne apne aap ko baandh kar nehr mein chalang lagai. Pul par maujood logon ne usay upar khinch kar bacha liya. Iss martaba kai gawah thay lekin uske walidain ko ab bhi yaqeen nahi aya ke usne khudkushi ki koshish ki thi. Salar ne kaha ke kuch larkay uski car rok kar usay bandhn kar phenk gaye, aur jis tarah se woh bandha hua tha, aisa lagta tha ke kisi aur ne usay baandha tha. Agle kuch hafton tak, police un larkon ko dhoondte rahe jin ka hayuli Salar ne diya tha. Usman Sikandar ne ek guard ko Salar ke sath din raat rahne ke liye rakha. Lekin teesri martaba woh apne walidain ko dhoka nahi de paya. Usne bohot si sedatives ko pees kar kha liya. Asar itna tha ke pait dhulwane ke baad bhi, usay theek hone mein kafi waqt laga. Iss martaba, uske walidain ko koi shakk nahi tha ke usne kya kiya-bawarchi ne usay goliyan peeste, doodh mein milate, aur usay pee jate dekha tha.Tyyaba aur Sikandar ek sadme mein thay unhone pehle do waqiyat ko socha aur pachtaaya ke unhone uski kahaniyon par yaqeen kiya thaPura ghar pareshan tha aur yeh khabar school, mohalla aur poore khandan mein phail gayi. Woh ab inkaar nahi kar sakta tha ke usne khudkushi ki koshish ki, lekin woh yeh batane ke liye tayar nahi tha ke kyun-na apne bhai behnon ko aur na apne walidain ko. Sikandar ne irada kiya tha ke Salar ko A levels ke baad bahar bheje, jaise usne apne doosre do beton ko bheja tha. Usne socha ke Salar ke liye admission lena koi mushkil baat nahi thi: woh scholarship bhi le sakta tha. Lekin uske sab plan kharab ho gaye. Aur, apne dost ke mashware par, usne Salar ko psychoanalyst ke paas bheja."Bahut khoob, Salar, hum apni guftagu ko mukhtasir rakhte hain. Tum marna kyun chahte ho?"Salar ne kandhe uchkaye. "Tumhe kisne kaha ke main mama chahta hoon?""Tumne teen martaba khudkushi ki koshish ki.""Marne aur koshish karne mein bohot farq hai.""Yeh aik ittefaq hai ke tum teeno martaba bach gaye, wana tumne koi kasar nahi chhodi thi.  "Dekho, tum jisey khudkushi ki koshish keh rahe ho, woh meri mansha nahi thi-main sirf yeh jana chahta tha ke marne ka dard kaisa hota hai... kaisa mehsoos hota hai."Psychoanalyst ne uske chehre ko dekha jab usne bohot sakoon se apna maqsad wazeh kiya."Aur tum kyun marne ka dard mehsoos karna chahte ho?""Bas aise hi... isey curiosity keh lo."Usne gehri saans li aur is zaheen jawan ko dekha jo ab ceiling ko ghoor raha tha."To tumhari curiosity aik koshish se puri nahi hui?""Aray, main behosh ho gaya tha-main kuch mehsoos nahi kar saka. Agli martaba bhi, aur is martaba bhi-main kuch mehsoos nahi kar saka."Usne sir hilaya."To tum phir se chothi martaba koshish karoge?""Zaroor. Main jana chahta hoon ke intehai dard kaise mehsoos hota hai.""Iska kya matlab hai?""Jis tarah ecstasy intehai khushi ka had hai lekin mujhe samajh nahi aata ke ecstasyke baad kya hota hai. Aur aise hi dard ke sath bhi... ek aisa had hota hai dard kajahan insaan nahi ja sakta.""Mujhe samajh nahi aaya...""Maan lo tum ek striptease dekh rahe ho bahut zyada music hai, tum sharab pee rahe ho aur tumne drugs bhi liye hue hain, tum dance kar rahe ho, aur dheere dheere tum apni hosh kho dete ho-tum ecstasy mein ho... tab tum kahan hote ho?Tum kya kar rahe hote ho? Tum nahi jaante... sirf yeh jaante ho ke tumhe bohot maza aa raha hai, jo bhi hai. Jab main apni vacations ke liye bahar jaata hoon, to apne cousins ke sath aise bars mein jaata hoon: meri problem yeh hai ke unki tarah, main kabhi khushi se deewana nahi hota, mujhe kabhi ecstasy nahi hoti. Main unki tarah excited nahi hota-aur yeh mujhe udaas kar deta hai. Maine socha agar main khushi ke hudood paar nahi kar sakta to shayad main dard ke hudood paar kar sakta hoon, lekin main nahi kar saka."Woh bohot disappointed lag raha tha."Kyoun tum apna waqt aisi cheezon par zaya karte ho? Tumhara academic record bohot fantastic hai..""Please, please, meri zahanat ke baray mein mat bolna shuru kar do. Main jaanta hoon ke main kya hoon. "Salar ka lehja bohot majboori ka tha. "Main apni tareef se tang aa gaya hoon.Psychoanalyst ne kuch dair tak usay dekha."Kyoun tum apne liye koi goal set nahi karte?""Maine set kiya hua hai.""Kya?""Mujhe phir se khudkushi ki koshish karni hai."Woh puri tarah pur-sukoon tha."Kya tum kisi cheez se depressed ho?""Bilkool nahi,""To phir tum kyun marna chahte ho?""Kya main phir se shuru karoon-tumhe yeh batane ke liye ke main marna nahi chahta? Ke main kuch aur kame ki koshish kar raha hoon?"Woh bore ho gaya tha. Phir se wahi baat: psychoanalyst kuch dair ke liye khamosh ho gaya"Kya tum yeh sab kisi larki ke liye kar rahe ho?"Salar hairani se uski taraf dekha."Kisi larki ke liye?""Haan... koi larki jo tumhe bohot pasand hai aur jisse tum shaadi karna chahte ho."Woh zor zor se hansne laga."Mere Khuda! Tumhara matlab hai main kisi larki ke liye apni jaan loonga?" woh hans raha tha. "Ek larki se pyar aur apni jaan lena-bohot mazedaar hail" Psychoanalyst ne Salar ke sath kai aise sessions kiye aur nateeja hamesha wahi tha- use kuch samajh nahi aata tha."Meri salaah hai ke aap use bahar na bhejein, iski bajaye use yahin rakhein aur uspar nazar rakhein. Shayad woh yeh sab attention attract karne ke liye karta ho."Yeh usne Salar ke walidain ko kai maheenon baad mashwara diya. Nateeja yeh nikla ke Salar ko higher studies ke liye bahar bhejne ke bajaye, Usman ne usay Islamabad ke ek top institution mein enroll kar diya.   Continue ✍️✍️✍️