Change

Katelyn had thought Hanna cared for a moment, but the girl still walked away without saying much. Katelyn should be thankful. If Hanna really had been targeted with reverse magic, attempting to help Katelyn would only bring harm to Hanna, but her demeanor was more dismissive than Katelyn would have hoped for. It was as if Hanna did not really care what Katelyn had done. Katelyn would not want Hanna to judge her, but the silence almost hurt more. She wanted someone to talk to, but Hanna did not really talk to her much. Maybe it was better that way. At least then Hanna was not just judging her.

Katelyn stumbled through the hallways after Hanna. They shared their first class, after all. She sat down at her usual desk and pulled out her black sparkly notebook, glancing up at the empty blackboard. She breathed out. How many more days of school would she have to deal with?

The teacher walked in and Katelyn wished she were anywhere but there. Nevertheless, she pulled out her copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. At least, it was more realistic than Romeo and Juliet. True, both books told stories about prejudice and Romeo and Juliet did kill themselves, but there was something much deeper about To Kill a Mockingbird. Perhaps, it was because it depicted the real discrimination in the south. She had heard that the real racism was much worse, though. Maybe Atticus Finch was just too good for the world.

Katelyn glanced at Hanna. Had Hanna been trying to avoid her when she had said she would see Katelyn later? They were in the same class. Why not just go together? Maybe Katelyn had wanted Hanna to be like Atticus Finch.

We’re making a step—it’s just a baby step, but it’s a step. Was her community making a step? Would anyone listen if Katelyn’s parents were convicted? Or, would it just be the same? Katelyn’s parents did not hate Victoria. They hated witches and it was part of the larger system, which caused them, and the rest of the community to think that way. It was only the fulfillment of the dominating narrative. Witches were evil and hurt people, and the evil had to be punished. Maybe, she would not live to see any change, but it would gradually come. Anti-black racism in the south was still strong, even now. How many more people would have to die only for the narrative to remain the same? In the south, the only difference was skin colour. If such a trivial difference could be allowed to dictate someone’s life outcome for centuries, how could she ever expect a much greater difference to be accepted? There’s no hope, she thought. There’s no hope at all. More change is needed, but it will never come.

The Social Unity Party was electing a new leader tonight. The federal election was almost upon them, not that they would ever get anywhere. They were just a fringe party that would probably never win any seats. Still, their chances of success were better than the chances of change.

Katelyn should enjoy this book and maybe even this class, but it is far away from her. She wanted to make a difference. She wanted to mean something. She felt this deep longing building up in the depths of her heart, and then tears pricked her eyes because she did not believe that she could ever get anywhere. She bowed her head, trying to hide the tears streaming down her face. Maybe, if she pretended that she was just tired it would be okay and no one would notice.

The rest of the teacher’s words flew over her head. Hanna had chemistry. So did Katelyn, but she thought that if she smelled the chemicals, she would surely faint. Hanna left the classroom, and she did not say anything. Katelyn turned to exit the school and stand outside for a while. Maybe, the cool breeze would help to calm her down.

The drama students were next to the door, talking about the production again, but she could not make out their words. They had had some practices by now. Charlotte was smiling as always. How could she be so happy all the time? Katelyn felt a pang, almost wishing she was in that production, too, but she probably could not handle the stress. She probably was not capable of doing anything anyway. The drama students were much hardier than her.

“Hey, Katelyn,” Miss Corinne called. “If you are having second thoughts about not joining the musical, we may still have a spot.”

“What?” Katelyn exclaimed in shock.

“Carrie,” Miss Corinne announced. Katelyn froze. This had to be her imagination. She smiled weakly and ran out the school doors. “Let me know if you change your mind!”

Katelyn’s heart rate had accelerated. She lightly touched her necklace to her hand, leaving a trace of red sparkles on her fingers. She suddenly felt very lightheaded. She sat down on a wooden bench against the wall of the school. How had she even ended up in this position? How could Miss Corinne even offer her a role in the musical this late in the semester? Were they really that shorthanded? The musical was Carrie, and recent events surrounding her parents would make it very contentious, although it had already been contentious.

Mrs. Frélein would probably want the whole production disbanded, but there was also the possibility that it could be accepted more now that the wider public was more aware of the discrimination witches were facing. No, she thought. That is too optimistic. Nothing will change. Nothing will ever change.

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Katelyn had not seen Ki all day. She wondered what had happened. She had been so distracted worrying that he would judge her now that everyone knew she was a witch and that her parents had murdered the leader of the witch party that she had not even noticed his absence. Something had to be wrong, though. He really had not been around, and he did not usually skip school. Students ran around near her, their movements a blur mixing with the rush of the wind. The emptiness returned to Katelyn. There was nothing left.

She twisted to lie on her back on the bench. Her parents would be imprisoned, and she would be alone. What did it even matter if Victoria achieved justice? She was dead. She knew in her heart that that was not justice. Justice was not vengeance or blaming. Justice would mean changing the system so that people like Katelyn’s parents would never be led to kill someone else just based on who they were. Justice did not mean Katelyn’s parents taking individual responsibility for their actions. Katelyn’s parents surely were not killers in their hearts. Something larger had led them to do it, but it did not matter now. They would face the justice system, but they would get no justice no matter the outcome, because change would not come. It never did. People died every day from racism in the south, and even in Katelyn’s own country, and it had been centuries since slavery was outlawed.

The privileged still believed they were better than others. The white European middle- and upper-class men still held onto their privilege. No matter how many Indigenous women went missing, no matter how many black men were murdered, and no matter what seemingly innocent family those privileged people were from, propaganda would get in their heads. It was all part of the same system that cut anyone who opposed it out, which included anyone that system systematically oppressed via its traditional establishment.

The election for the leader of the Social Unity Party was tonight, and it would mean nothing. The federal election would closely follow, and it would likely also mean nothing. The fringe parties would get nowhere, and the major parties would only support the same established narrative. That was what would get them elected.

Katelyn drew her hands to her head. Why did everything have to be this way?

“Katelyn!” Hanna Jean jogged up to her. Katelyn sat up straight. Class was over already? Hanna was going to pretend to be her friend now even after saying goodbye even when they were going to the same class and walking away from her earlier without a word. Katelyn faked a smile, but her head was buzzing. “Here.” Hanna handed Katelyn a vial filled with a blue mixture. Orange lines snaked up Hanna’s arm. Even Hanna’s eyes glowed amber. Reverse magic, Katelyn realized. So, Hanna was going to risk her own wellbeing for Katelyn and yet still not act like her friend. Katelyn was so selfish. She should be grateful to Hanna.

Katelyn drank the vial and the buzzing in her head subsided. She could hear the whispers of quiet voices around her, but she shoved them away. She did not want to hear what they had to say, as she likely would not like it. She could run away from those voices because they were not even her own thoughts, but no matter how much she tried she would never be able to outrun the thoughts in her own mind.

Hanna sat down next to Katelyn and took a small blue pill. Katelyn narrowed her eyes.

“What did they do to you because of your magic?” Katelyn asked, shifting her eyes across Hanna’s stained fingers.

Hanna laughed bitterly. “They cursed me with reverse magic. They had intended the program to strip deviant witches of their powers—that’s what they called any witch who used magic publicly—so that they could establish social control or something like that. The wizards would cast a spell designed to mimic our magic, but it would use the inverse colour, so that every time we tried to draw magic, the other colour would cancel it and attack the source of the power, which of course is the soul. Some of the witches targeted were driven insane as their souls shattered. Thankfully, it is not as strong for those of us who have never performed traditional magic—that is, for those of us who have not let our magic intertwine with our souls as fully.” Hanna looked at the ground. The orange colouring slowly faded from her hands. “Some of the wizards felt guilty for destroying our souls, so they ended the program and tried to help repair our souls.” She glanced at Katelyn. “You should be careful what choices you make. Once you develop a reliance on magic, you won’t be able to turn back, and if they ever go after you, the results could be devastating. Witches do not belong in this world, Katelyn. We would do our best to distance ourselves from our magic as much as possible.” She rose to her feet and began to walk away.

“You don’t really believe that?” Katelyn questioned, her eyes drawing together as she studied Hanna’s retreating form. Hanna glanced back momentarily, and she lowered her gaze as her eyes darkened. She returned her gaze to the school doors and disappeared.

Hanna was a diligent student, and she would not allow anything to interrupt her studies, but she had a kind heart. She would help anyone who was suffering. That was why she had faced the reverse magic in the first place. She had a kind heart, but she was not a strong friend. Katelyn shook her head.

She stood up and returned to the school halls. She would have to finish her classes, too. Hanna was right in believing that her studies were important, but she could not be right in dismissing the place of witches. Surely, witches deserved the same rights as wizards. Everyone should have the same rights, no matter what. Even so, guilt settled in Katelyn’s chest. She knew she should not use her magic. Maybe, they just wanted to restrict it because it was dangerous, and they really did have a point, and she was not justified at all.

No, no, no, she thought. It cannot be that way. This cannot be the end. This cannot be all there is.

She tried to listen to the rest of her classes, but they mostly just flew over her head. She felt so lost like she was drowning in an open ocean and all the people around where just standing on their private yachts laughing at her. She closed her eyes and fought back the tears once more.