twenty six.

senior year

probably one of the most exciting years i have ever experienced in my teenage career.

if i remember correctly, i don't believe we had any classes together.

we didn't even have lunch the same period. bummer.

early in the year, i remember walking towards the last class of the day, and for some reason, that side of the building was always crowded.

there were a lot of people pushing each other, most of them being either freshmen or juniors.

i saw you talking with your friends, and you casually looked away for a second.

we both made eye contact, but i quickly looked away because i didn't want you to know that i was looking at you.

i still couldn't believe that a single glance from you caused my heart to race.

i continued to sneakily look for you in the crowd, and i would always look away first so you wouldn't notice

i admit, i noticed you looking at me before when i pretended i wasn't looking for you

but after a while, i realized maybe you just happened to look at me, and didn't do it intentionally.

i always tried to make sure i never bumped into you, and you did the same

i always felt nervous whenever we were close, simply because no one knew how to properly walk in the hallway.

i also noticed the way your friends looked sometimes looked at you and me, as if they were hinting at something

i know that after all this time i mean nothing to you, but i still would have liked us to at least be friends.

i made an instagram account again, obviously being different from the one in middle school.

i was trying to follow everyone from my old account, but i didn't find your username anymore.

you deleted your account, which was understandable.

and eventually, you made an account again.

i know im creepy for saying this, but i tried looking through your instagram photos.

you were on private, and you seemed to have a smaller amount of followers, most of them being your close friends.

i knew we weren't close so i didn't even bother trying to follow you.

i think you eventually made your account public, and i think you barely had any photos of yourself.

you've always been cute so it would have been nice to see your face once in a while.

then at some point, you deleted the photos of your face and made your account private.

i didn't see you that often anymore, because i stopped going the same way throughout the school to see you.

i started crushing on this guy in my pre-calc class,

he was also hispanic, but i would be lying if i said i knew exactly where he was from.

i had no idea he was our age, and i had always assumed we has older than us.

i feel like i always saw him in the hallways though, and he was taller than me, i'd say that i reached his shoulder.

i liked the way his back looked whenever he walked in front of me, (and i know that also sounds creepy)

i wanted to focus my attention on him, since i started to have a strong feeling that you and i would never be on the same wavelength.

i wanted to talk to him, but he seemed to be the quiet type, just like you.

see a trend here?

his voice was nice, and i liked hearing him talk, but i never got the chance to have any sort of conversation with him.

his eyes weren't brown like yours, his eyes were hazel, some days they looked more green than others

and his complexion was lighter than yours,

he was also a little more muscular than you.

when i walked home, i noticed he would go a similar route to me.

for some reason, i thought that would have been my chance to talk to him, but, me being the awkward potato that i am, i never did.

i stopped trying to see you, i knew i wasn't doing myself any good by always searching for you.

i tried to focus all my attention on this other boy, but he didn't like me either.

his name started with the same letter as yours, and he was also at the end of the year book for not having his senior portraits taken

just like you.

although i stopped looking for you, i noticed you changed.

you stopped appearing in photos with your club members, and i felt like your grades dropped too.

you didn't attend prom, (although i didn't either), and you seemed to have a more tired expression every time i did see you.

i remember when we had graduation practice, there were so many people there, my friends (i only have two) were far from me and my enemies even farther

but you...

you were only a row away from me.

when we had graduation practice, it was always hot, so i decided to change up my outfits, since i always wore sweatpants and a giant hoodie.

i wore some overalls which made me look okay, but i was worried you would notice how chubby i was.

when we sat on the bleachers, you were in the row in front of me, and you looked beyond pissed.

the people who sat next you were very rude, and kept bother you, and the people next to me were bothering the people who were next to you.

i was pretty much pissed the whole time, but i liked staring at the back of your head.

you were a lot more lean than the guy i was crushing on that year, and i've always loved your tan skin.

i think even i knew i wasn't completely over you

when it was finally graduation day, i wore some thick heels and a dress i looked too fat in.

i was so insecure at that time, and i was trying my hardest to find at least one of my friends so i wouldn't look so lonely.

i eventually did find my friend but i felt like it took me forever to walk over towards her.

i wore fake eyelashes because the ones i was born with are basically non existent

i felt like people were pointing at me, but im sure that they weren't

i talked to my friends for a while before we had to line up , and all of your friends were taking pictures with you.

you looked adorable, but your hair was longer than it normally is.

when we sat down, i felt like all my memories with you were over.

i felt like i never got the closure that i so desperately needed

i wonder what college you went to.

and i wonder what you majored in.

you played the saxophone when you were in band, but do you still play?

i hope that you're doing better than you were back then.

would it be wrong of me to say that i still think of you?