18. Tequila - Part I

"Neil!" I shout as he walks away from me, furious

I roll my eyes and take a deep breath before running after him. I hate running.

"Dude" I make him look at me and he finally gives in "What was that for?" I ask, referring to his aggressiveness back there. He gave in so easily, he's never like this

"It was your stupid idea to hang out with these assholes, I don't want to be associated with them" He says angrily

"That's fine then we won't hang out with them anymore, why are you mad at me?" I ask defensively

"Because I feel like we always do what you say and it's pissing me off. I should have listened to Sam" He says and walks past me. I find myself hurt by his words. How is it my fault?

"What?" I ask him to explain himself

He takes a moment to breathe and comes back to his senses "I'm sorry Alex. It wasn't your fault. I'm just angry and need to blow off some steam. Let's do something fun" He says, his sly smirk suggesting he has an idea in mind

"Let's get absolutely wasted" He says laughing. It truly has been a long time.. why not.

******************

"Mom?" Neil shouts as we step into his house. His mom is still at work, although it's already around 9 in the evening.

He smiles and opens one of the cabinets in the kitchen

"So what are we having" He says looking at the bottles "I say tequila" he pulls a bottle out

"Sounds good" I say while looking for lemon and salt as my phone rings

I pick up "Hello?"

"Hey it's Sam" His voice says on the other line

"Oh hi Sam! What's up" I say

"Are you guys still with the popular kids or can I come hang out"

"There was a fight, we're at Neil's, come join us" I say

"A fight??" He asks

"Yeah tell you about it later" I reply

"Kay see you in 10" Sam days before hanging up.

Neil has already poured some shots in that we take in fast. As the burning feeling comes down my throat I have this great feeling that tonight is going to be worth it.

Neil calls his mom to make sure she's okay since it is getting pretty late, and also to make sure that she isn't going to come home at the minute that we're getting drunk in her kitchen. He stays on the phone with her for a while as I think of Eve and the kids, feeling awfully embarrassed again. I liked to think that although our situation was short and nothing is ever going to happen again, that she at least has a good opinion of me in the end. Guess not.

I sigh and pour myself another shot. Suddenly the doors rings and I open for Sam.

He waved at me awkwardly, same beanie on his head, same slightly crooked glasses.

"How have you been" He says

"I've been okay, you?" I slightly lie

"I'm alive so that's that" He answers "Are we going out?" He asks while looking at the open tequila

"We were thinking of it yeah. Probably Polly's"

"I'm still new here, you gotta tell me what that is" He laughs

"It's a bar, they rarely check IDs and it's nicer than other places" I say

"Cool, let's do it"

At that moment Neil comes back and greets Sam. They get to talking as I notice I get an Instagram notification on my phone

cindy.spencerx_ has requested to follow you!

cindy.spencerx_ has requested to send you a message

I click on the requested DM

Cindy 🦋 : Hi alex!! We forgot to exchange instagrams but I typed your name and found you haha! I saw you today at the milkshake shop but I thought it was bad timing.. anyway I was thinking if you want to hang out soon?? If you don't I totally understand, it's okay. You're probably really busy and have other senior friends. Ps : the lana vinyl is amazing, thanks again for hooking me up. I miss this evening, come say hi sometime !! Xx

I smile and sigh at the message. What am I supposed to reply to that? I'd love to hang out with Cindy, I feel so protective of her. I see such a younger me in the way she desperately wants to get approval, in her curiosity, in the way she handles so much around her. I wouldn't want her to ever feel as if I don't want to spend time with her ; but her mom would literally kill me if I came close to any of them.

I decide not to reply, she doesn't know that I've even read her text - and pour myself another shot. Why did I get into this mess.

"Let's put some music on yeah?" Neil says while turning on his speaker and playing Bet you look good on the dance floor by Arctic monkeys. I smile at the song choice, it always gives me so much power. Like I can do anything.

The alcohol slowly starts flowing in and taking over as I find myself completely captured by the rocking sound as Sam and Neil take more shots.

I don't really know how much time passes by but we finally leave the house and walk towards the bar. I'm feeling quite energetic but definitely borderline drunk.

"I'm horny" Neil blurs out

"Ew" Sam says and I laugh. Ew.

We finally come to the bar and there is no guard at the door, which is a good thing for us. It seems to be pretty full inside which makes sense since it's a Friday night. We step in and are immediately taken in by the pink lights, smoke and drunk girls dancing to random techno.

"Alex!!" A voice calls me and I turn around. Casey.

"Oh dude hey" I smile at her. Today was tense but to be fair, she didn't do anything wrong

"I didn't know you'd be here" She shouts in my ear.

"I didn't know either" I shout back

"Wanna dance??" She asks and takes me by the hand

"Sure" I say and look back, I may have lost Sam and Neil. A remix of We found love by Rihanna and Calvin Harris starts playing and Casey's hands wrap around my shoulders. I'm too tipsy to care.

"I missed you dude" She says in my ear and I smile a little bit. She used to be cool.

My arms instinctively wrap around her waist as we shout the lyrics on top of our lungs. This is definitely something I needed. Many people join us around and sing with us.

We dance for a couple more songs until Casey takes out a flask for the second time today and hands it to me. I assume it's more vodka as I cringe at the mix. I definitely don't need more.

"Oh well" I think as I chug a double shot down my throat and Casey hands me a mixer. I thank her for the relief (cranberry juice) with a kiss on the cheek. She blushes and dismisses it.

I look around, noticing how blurry my vision is and see Neil making out with some girl in the corner. Good for him.

I suddenly get a flash of Eve's face today. The look of disappointment in her face that I was so sure of seeing. The fact that she won't ever talk to me again. The fact that I'm not allowed anywhere near her or her kids. The fact that her husband's up to no good. The fact she's probably in bed with him right now.

I feel a knot forming in my stomach that I know too well, signalling me that I might throw up. I take my body's message as a sign to go outside

"I need some air!" I tell Casey as I point that I'm going outside. She follows me out.

Once outside, my head and stomach directly feel a little better as soon as they make contact with fresh air.

I lay on the floor and look up at the stars. Casey lays besides me.

"I'm so drunk" I say as I realise how much I'm spinning

"Yeah.. same" She says slowly

My head starts spinning awfully fast while I lay down and it won't stop. It's like I get swallowed into the ground as my head starts pumping

"Case get me some water please" I get anxious, praying not to vomit

"Shit, hold on" She says and disappears into bar

I sit alone on the curb in front of the bar and open my phone. You would think that the light of the screen would hurt me further but I actually find it grounding when I'm too drunk.

My thoughts drift to Eve. I want to see her so badly. I know that my thoughts are not clear enough and my awfully high confidence to do anything right now is probably not beneficial, but I truly could not care less in the given moment.

I open the contacts app and stare and her name. We had exchanged numbers when I went out with Cindy, just in case something happens. I look at her name. What a pretty name. My thumb finds the call button. The phone finds itself next to my ear. Cant go back now. A couple rings go by.

"Hello?" I hear her voice on the other side. Her voice.

"Eve" I blur out

"Alex? Why are you calling?" She asks, a tint of worry in her voice

I think for a second. I should probably give an elaborate answer "Um, I'm sorry. I'm calling. I can't tell you why I'm calling but I just really wanted to call and it felt.. right to call you, so I did and now I'm calling you." Great answer, I think to myself.

"Alex, are you drunk?" She asks, this time her tone being more serious

"No-yes but" I hear her sigh on the other side of the line "That's not why I'm calling" I continue - "I'm calling because I miss you and I know I fucked up by kissing you but shit Eve, I hate this so much" I start ranting

"Stop talking. I'm taking you home, where are you?" She asks

"I'm at Polly's. Hold on why are you picking me up? It's fun here. And the girls are cute" I keep blurring out

"I'll be there in 10." She says and hangs up

At this moment, Casey comes from behind me

"Who were you talking to?" She asks

"No one in particular" I smirk