.8.

Amari's Point of View

People will show you their true colours if you tell them no, or if they get angry and unleashed their venom.

"Wait... wait a damn minute! So, this is what you do, huh? You let a white, tattooed man drop you off at my house? You let this man- this stranger- put his hands on you, look at you, all... like that?"

My heart starts up in my chest. I had to think if it was there all along.

What is he coming at?

My anger flips on at him.

"Don't you dare try actin' like you some saint, Cals! You always tryna make me feel like shit! First, you gaslight me, then you wanna pull this. I let a man drop me off? You need to get a grip, Cals. Dominic didn't do nothing but help me out. He ain't got no reason to act like some weak-ass, jealous punk, unlike you, who wanna play games with me all the damn time!"

I thought he was a narcissist, but I never thought it would be this bad.

"You think I don't see that? I’m not stupid, Amari. This whole damn thing? It’s your fault. You brought this on yourself, letting him treat you like some damn princess while I’m over here bustin' my ass to make sure you got a roof, food, and all this shit! And this is how you repay me? With him?"

He points at me with his index finger.

To bloodclaat Mi?

MI did a beg him fi tek care a mi?

"Thank you God, I worked for my nutshells, cause if I didn't, I would be ashamed as fuck, you think living under your roof is peace? Mind you, we pay this fucking rent together, I got fucking apartments where I can go and fucking live. And let me tell you somethin'! Yuh here mad 'bout a man who don't even know mi like you do! What do yuh think this is? Yuh think I'm gonna let you treat mi like shit while you keep playing me? No! I'm done! Yuh ain’t gon' blame mi fi how you feel insecure. Fi di record? You’re the problem. I ain't the damn one trippin’."

He's finally showing the beast he is.

My heart breaks in a million pieces at our memories. We had such beautiful memories that's what hurts.

I placed my bag down and removed my phone, checking to see it needed charge I got up and walked over to a socket.

MI not even wah deh ina di fucka eye sight

"You think I'm insecure? You think I can’t handle you hangin' out with some punk with tattoos all over his body? No, Amari, it’s not him—it’s you! You think you can run around with any man, and I'll just sit back and take it? You’re mine, and you better remember that! Mi bloodclaat own yuh," He's furious, I can smell his anger. Feel it in the air and tension swirls. He starting to sound like a Jamaican man. The real nationality surfaces from his voice.

Then a mi a must breeda cow bout 'You are mine,'

"Yuh really think you own me? You can't even give me respect, Cals! Maybe if you weren't always tryna put me in a box, maybe then mi wouldn’t be out here questioning if I'm even still happy with you! Yuh want to talk ‘bout insecurities? Look inna di mirror! Yuh insecure self. You ain't gonna treat me like I'm nothing just because of some damn jealousy. Keep it movin’, ‘cause this right here? Ain't it."

"All you, man should a just mek yuh bloodclaat gwaan ino, caz nothing weh man do nuh enough fi uno ina dis. "

There he goes playing victim again.

"Cals, mi tell yuh fi stop, but yuh just keep goin’, nuh? Yuh really think mi gonna stand here an’ let yuh disrespect mi like dat?"

"Here weh yuh a talk bout Disrespect and you mek man some white bwoy bring yuh ina mi fucking house like mi a bloodclaat soft sponge," He kicks away the sofa Infront of him and I mental roll my eyes.

"Mi woulda burn di whole damn house down an’ leave yuh inna it fi yuh foolishness, but mi too calm fi dat right now," I muttered and quickly shoot a message to Zendi telling her am okay.

"See all you? Jah know man. Mi wuk day and night just fi mek yuh comfortable, mi mek yuh family Dem come yah, mi even tell yuh nuh Fi wuk."

So I could stay cooped up and breed ?

My anger build as I turned to look at him and remembered how I screamed earlier due to me falling down the stairs, and he never even checked on me.  So many things, and yet still am living with A man who neglects me.

"Mi tired a’ yuh, Cals. Tired a’ dis whole damn act! Yuh think mi don't see through yuh? All yuh do is gaslight mi, make mi feel like mi crazy. Ain't nobody makin' excuses fi you but yuhself! Mi run from hell already, mi survive man pull gun pon mi,  Yuh busy all di time actin’ like you some damn saint, but yuh ain't nothin' but a man wit’ a big ol’ ego an' no time fi no damn family!"

"Don’t talk to me like that, Amari. I’m the one holdin’ this shit together, not you. You always want someone to feel sorry for you, huh? You think life’s so hard, but you ain’t ready to face reality. I work hard to keep us safe, and this is what I get? You throwin’ tantrums like a child?"

My mouth fall Open in shock. I have had enough of this man and his narcissist ways. My heart pained in my chest that he ignored that fact that I got a man pulled a gun on me.

"Mi a child now? Look at yuh self, Cals. Yuh really think mi ungrateful? Mi man been gone outta di picture, mi a fight fi mi own survival, but you can’t see dat! Yuh think mi don’t know wah happen, huh? You out here playin’ games like mi don’t deserve no respect, like mi ain't held dis family up while yuh out there busy playin' doctor. Mi gave yuh di best years of mi life, an' all you got fi mi is excuses!"

Never have we agrued like this before. It was bound to happen.

"Yuh don’t know a damn thing about me, Cals! You treat mi like mi just here fi your pleasure an' nothing more.Talking bout pleasure when last did you 'make love ' to me? Huh? When? All you do is fuck me and mi couldn't tell when mi bloodclaat cum caz yuh selfish. Mi gave birth to your damn daughter, an’ still yuh can’t see mi need you. Yuh too busy wit’ your damn ‘doctor work’ to even care, but when it’s some other man who even looks at mi— di same Dominic who look better than yuh self—you ready fi fight. Is it mi fault yuh can’t even show mi love? You think you can just throw me in di backseat, huh? Nah, mi not no fool. Mi a not your damn breeeda cow fi you breed an' leave! Mi a human being!"

I want to bash his face in so bad.

"Don’t you ever talk to me like that again. You think I’m out here working for you? I’m working to make sure we don’t fall apart, and this is how you repay me? You think any man woulda put up with all your baggage? And that fucking licckle bit a money yuh a wuk? All that drama wid yuh friends dem? You gettin’ yourself into shit an’ I’m the one out here pickin’ up the pieces."

Den a weh di bloodclaat coulda cause dis?

Afta him kip things from me  with Brie?

Him probably all like har and cah get har

"Mi don't need no protection from you, Cals! Ain't nobody need protection from someone who too damn busy tryna make yuh feel like mi need to bow down fi get respect. You ain’t no damn hero! Mi been through hell already, mi don’t need you try fi make mi feel small, like mi ain’t been doin’ everything mi can to survive. You ain’t di man you used to be. Yuh full of shit, an’ mi ain't takin’ no more of your lies!" I screamed at him.

"Look pan yuhself a trip ova fuckry, yuh still nah focus pan weh mi a seh."

He's right, am tripping because I've had enough not because of tripping in vain, am tripping because he wants me to question my sanity and manipulate me into telling him sorry or blaming myself.

"Trip? Mi ain't trippin', mi done tired a’ this, Cals! Mek mi fucking trip mek mi reapeat it so yuh know seh MI have sense. Every damn time, yuh tell mi di same thing—dat yuh too busy fi mi, busy fi yuh work. Mi cya’t take dat no more! Every time yuh gone, an’ mi left here alone, yuh act like mi should just accept it. Mi ain’t no fool! An’ di worst part, yuh still think yuh can tell mi anyting an’ mi go sit down inna di corner, quiet quiet, huh?"

"Mi ain't some breeeda cow! You want me fi be a baby maker an' just sit back while you out here playin' doctor, come whenever you fucking like,Mi feel like a damn fool waitin' pon you all these damn years, when you can't even show me the same love mi give yuh. Di man weh di want mi first seems like him bloodclaat dead. But memba seh mi love mi daughta and mi love miself, yuh can sleep out Fi all one fucking year! Everytime wid yuh excuses!"

Am  seething. The frustration that’s been building inside of me  finally is bursting out, and I'm done holding it in.

My throat might be sore by in a few hours, but I can't stop shouting.I want to dislocate his jaw and knock him over the head with a vase.

He grabs my arm, but I strug him off forcefully.

"Excuses? no excuses. I’m working hard, and this is how I gotta provide. You are acting like I’m doing this on purpose, like I don’t care about you. I’m doing what I gotta do."

Then what can go so eh?

"Provide?! Is dat what you call it, huh? You think yuh providing when mi sittin’ here feelin’ like mi nothin’? Mi gave you everything, Cals. Mi carry your child, oh God man, mi hold this house down when yuh gone, but what do I get? Nothin’ but excuses an’ cold shoulders! An’ yuh don’t even see mi struggle!"

"I don’t see your struggle? You serious, Amari? You think I’m out here actin’ like I don’t know what you go through? You think I don’t see what you do? You always got a problem with me, always got something to say about how I ain’t good enough for you. Mi don’t need this right now!"

"Mi glad mi nuh beat man, but yuh wouldn't wah be di first, Mr Renard,"I have enough to to my neck.

"Yuh think mi just here fi you to come an’ go as yuh please? You too busy. You can’t even make time fi di one person dat’s here! I gave up my time for you, Cals, an’ now you treat mi like mi don't matter no more!"

"I don’t matter? You really gon’ say that to me? You’re makin’ it sound like I ain’t never done anything for you. You think just ‘cause I work I don’t care? You think that’s all I’m about?"

Dats why woman shoot man ino caz Dem fi dead sometimes man

He's a manipulative ass, don't let him get to your head Amari

"Yuh not gon’ control mi! Not today! Mi ain't gon’ sit here an’ take your shit no more, Cals. Yuh so caught up in yourself, you can’t see how much mi need yuh. Mi need more than just a paycheck and you a fucking care when yuh feel like care! Mi need yuh fi be here, fi hold mi down when mi need it, but you ain't been there. Mi could’ve done better, mi know dat now, an’ you ain't gonna keep tellin’ mi otherwise."

He has been bashing me back and forth for the past hour, and I do understand his point but never will I let a man, gaslight me or brain wash me because of love. I have done so many things for love and the only good thing I got was memories to haunt me and my daughter. What type of lesson could this be?

I haven't learned shit from it.

I grab my hand bag and unplugged my phone and went to the guests side of the house.

I entered the shower, and stood under with my clothes in, allowing the water drops to hits me all over.

I cried in my hand and called upon God. I've never been a Christian but I believe that there's a ruler and if that ruler has put me through so much, what is People?

I turned the shower hot and stood allowing the steam to break from me.

I could hear Cals breaking things in the kitchen. He's one angry man, and he deserves every anger that floods through his veins. He should be miserable, but it pains me to see Paris feather go through so much.

Mi too soft man dats why him tek mi Fi idiot

Dear God

Is it even right to call on God after I've been So lustful?

Demonic scent was all over my body and the steam rises it; causes me to remember what it felt like in his arms. That man is so hot. He's spicy sex on a stick.

Touching my breasts, I imagine his fingers on them, and I almost melted.

I've felt his body on mines when he lifts me and I could feel him on me if I close my eyes and picture it. This man is crawling in my head.

The da ja vu feeling of where I've seen him before crosses my mind.

_______________________________________

Thoughts?-  Let me hear yours.

This chapter was the longest. Damn. That was a ride. I just wanted to get that out of the way, caz I keep loosing my work. I have them copied somewhere in notes. 🙄

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