25

"Okay kana?" Kuya asked, his voice a gentle probe into my fragile state. I nodded, unable to muster the energy to speak. The weight of my conversation with Jarred still lingered, a heavy fog that refused to lift. Today was supposed to be a day of release, of freedom from the hospital's confines, but I felt trapped, suffocated by the pain that threatened to consume me.

My gaze drifted to Jarred, his eyes still puffy from last night's tears, but his face a mask of determined calm. He busied himself packing my belongings, his movements mechanical, as if driven by a sense of duty rather than love. The weakness in his body was palpable, a testament to the toll our crumbling relationship had taken on him.

My heart ached for him, for the loss of our unborn child, for the shattered remains of our love. I felt like I was mourning the death of us, of what we once were, of what we could have been. The end was in sight, and I couldn't bear to look at it.

Jarred, nakikita ko na 'yung dulo, at hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang bumalik sa umpisa tulad ng pangako ko sa 'yo.

"Let's go, love," Jarred said, his voice a soft whisper, as he finished packing my things. I turned to him, and our eyes met in a fleeting moment of connection. His smile was a thin veneer, a desperate attempt to hide the anguish that ravaged his soul. I nodded, and turned away, my feet carrying me out of the hospital, away from the wreckage of our love.

Kuya walked beside me, a silent sentinel, while Jarred followed, his footsteps a haunting reminder of the love we once shared, and the pain that now divided us.

As I settled into the car, Kuya's parting words to Jarred cut through me like a knife: "Take care of him." The weight of those words hung in the air, a haunting reminder of the fragile, fractured state of our relationship. Kuya's brief visit had been a fleeting respite, but now, as the car door closed behind me, I was trapped in a prison of pain, with Jarred as my constant, heartbreaking reminder.

The silence between us was oppressive, a heavy blanket that suffocated me. Gone were the laughter-filled days, the music, the singing, and the joy. Now, the only sound was the soft hum of the engine, a mournful dirge that echoed the sorrow in my heart.

I rested my head against the window, gazing blankly at the road ahead, as tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. My mind was a maelstrom of thoughts, consumed by the uncertainty of what lay ahead. Where would I go? What would I do? I needed a place to escape, to flee from the pain and trauma that had ravaged my soul. But every option seemed tainted, every place reminding me of Jarred, of us, of what we had lost.

I ruled out our province, knowing that the memories of Dani would haunt me there, like a ghostly presence, forever out of reach. Instead, I began to formulate a plan, a desperate attempt to rebuild my shattered life. I would submit my resignation letter, freeing myself from the burdens of my job. I would find a new place to call home, somewhere that held no reminders of our failed love.

But the thought of starting anew, of leaving Jarred behind, was a knife to my heart, twisting and turning, inflicting a pain that seemed to have no end.

As the car glided through the streets, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of sorrow, with no lifeline in sight. The silence between Jarred and me grew thicker, a palpable, suffocating presence that seemed to crush the air from my lungs. I was trapped, caught in a living nightmare, with no escape from the pain that had consumed me.

"We're here," Jarred said, his voice a gentle interruption to my thoughts. I hadn't even noticed that we'd arrived home, so lost was I in my own world of pain and sorrow.

I sighed, feeling a sense of resignation wash over me, and stepped out of the car. As I entered our house, I was met with a wave of memories that threatened to engulf me. The four corners of this house had witnessed everything - our love, our promise, and our pain.

I looked around, my eyes taking in the familiar surroundings that now felt like a stranger's home. The memories of us moving here, full of hope and excitement, were still fresh in my mind. And now, it was my time to leave.

"Magpahinga ka muna," Jarred said, his voice soft and gentle. He stood beside me, but I didn't look at him. I just nodded coldly, feeling a chill run down my spine.

I turned and walked upstairs, my feet heavy with the weight of my emotions. Our bedroom, the place where we had shared so many memories, was now a bittersweet reminder of what we had lost. Every corner of this room had a stain from us, a memory that we had created together. This bedroom had witnessed everything - our laughter, our tears, and our love.

As I entered the room, I felt like I was walking into a part of my past, a part that I couldn't escape. The memories here were palpable, alive and breathing, and I knew that I would never be able to forget them.

I went straight to the bathroom and began my routine, my movements mechanical and detached. Afterward, I lay down on our bed, feeling the weight of my emotions settle in. This would be the last time I'd lay in this bed, surrounded by the memories of our life together.

I savored the moment, breathing in deeply, trying to commit to memory the scent of Jarred that lingered on the pillows. I looked over at my bedside table, where a framed picture caught my eye. It was a photo of us, taken on my graduation day, when we had finally become a couple. I remembered the excitement and joy of that day, the sense of possibility and promise that lay before us.

In the picture, I was smiling widely, my arms wrapped around Jarred's waist, while he held me close, his eyes shining with happiness. We were young and innocent, full of hope and dreams for our future together. Looking at the photo now, I felt a pang of sadness and regret.

The Clyde and Jarred in that picture would be heartbroken and disillusioned if they knew what the future held for them.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I gazed at the photo, remembering the love and happiness we had shared. I felt like I was mourning the loss of that young, carefree couple, and the future they had envisioned for themselves. The pain and sorrow of our present reality seemed to crush me, making it hard to breathe.

A tear escaped from my eyes as I gazed at the picture, remembering the happiness and innocence we once shared. Eight years of love, dreams, and plans, all coming to an end.

"We were so happy back then," Jarred's voice whispered, breaking the silence.

I glanced up to see him standing in the doorway, his eyes filled with pain and sadness. He walked towards me, his movements slow and deliberate, and sat down beside me on the bed. He took my hand in his, his fingers caressing mine, and his eyes locked onto the wedding ring on my finger.

"Nangangko tayo sa isa't-isa, love," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. I looked away, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze, as tears began to fall down my cheeks.

"Nakikita ko na 'yung dulo," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

Jarred looked at me, a weak smile on his face. "Nangakk tayo, 'diba?" he whispered. "Na kapag makikita natin ang dulo, babalik tayo sa umpisa."

I looked away, unable to meet his gaze. "I don't know, masyadong masakit na. Hindi ko na alam kung kaya ko pa bang bumalik sa umpisa."

Tears escaped from Jarred's eyes as he looked at me, his expression hopeless. "Ang daya mo" he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "Napakadaya mo!" And with that, he stood up and walked out, leaving me alone with my tears and my shattered heart.

He never came back that night. I was left alone in our bedroom, surrounded by the echoes of our shattered love. I cried until exhaustion claimed me, and I fell into a fitful sleep.

When I woke up, I felt heavy, as if the weight of my grief had settled in my bones. I went through the motions of my daily routine, changing into my working clothes, but my heart wasn't in it. I felt numb, disconnected from the world around me.

As I went downstairs, I didn't see any sign of Jarred. A flicker of concern sparked in my heart, but it was quickly extinguished when I saw a plate of food on the table, with a paper cherry blossom attached to it. My heart skipped a beat as I recognized the gesture. It was how we started, how we fell in love.

I opened the paper cherry blossom, and a note inside read, "Eat before you go to work." Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I felt a pang of sadness.

He was trying to go back to the start, to recapture the love we once shared. But my decision was firm. This was what we needed – to let go, to move on.

I cried as I ate the food he had prepared for me, the taste bitter with the knowledge of what could never be again. After finishing, I washed my dishes, and went straight to work, leaving behind the shattered remains of our love.

As I entered the office, I made my way straight to the CEO's office, my heart heavy with the weight of my decision. I knocked on the door before entering, and was met with surprised expressions from Kiraz and Clint.

"Clyde!!" Kiraz exclaimed, rushing over to hug me tightly. "OMG, how are you? Are you okay? I'm so sorry I didn't visit you."

I smiled weakly and gave her a peck on the cheek, trying to reassure her that I was fine. But the truth was, I was far from fine. I was broken, shattered into a million pieces by the pain and heartache that had consumed me.

Clint looked at me with concern, his eyes searching for answers. "Clyde, what brings you here?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle.

I took a deep breath and handed him a piece of paper, my hand trembling slightly as I let go of it. As he read it, his expression changed to one of shock and dismay.

"You're resigning?" he asked, incredulous.

Kiraz's eyes widened as she grabbed the paper from Clint, her face pale with worry. "Clyde, what's going on?" she asked, her voice laced with desperation.

I took another deep breath and stood firm, trying to steel myself against the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.

"I'm leaving this place," I said, my voice resolute, but shaking with emotion.

Kiraz looked at me with a pouty expression, her eyes welling up with tears. "Clyde, you're leaving me? Nung una si Ashley ang umalis, tapos ikaw?" she asked, her voice cracking with sadness.

I smiled sadly at her, feeling a pang of guilt and regret. "Kiraz, I'm too broken," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Kailangan ko 'to. Kailangan namin 'to. Masyado na kaming nasaktan at nasira. Hindi namin kayang mahalin ang isa't-isa kapag pareho kaming sira."

She nodded understandingly, but her eyes still shone with tears. "I get it," she said, her voice soft and gentle.

"Contact me if you need me," she added, and I hugged her tightly, feeling a sense of gratitude and love for my friend.

I looked at Clint and gave him a nod, trying to convey my appreciation for his understanding. "Thank you," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

As I turned to leave, I felt a sense of relief wash over me, mixed with a deep sadness and regret. I knew that I would never forget this place, this company that had been my home for so long. But I also knew that I had to leave, that I had to find a way to heal and move on.

I walked out of the office, feeling a sense of trepidation and uncertainty. What lay ahead? Would I be able to find a way to heal, to mend the pieces of my heart? I didn't know, but I was determined to try.

As I got into my car and started driving, I felt a sense of freedom that I hadn't felt in a long time. I turned on the radio to listen to some news, and was shocked to hear the news reporter say, "Isang lalaki patay sa aksidente pagakatapos nitong atakehin sa puso habang nag mamaneho. Ayon pa sa imbestigasyon ang lalaki ay nagngangalang Danie Riel.

I slammed on the brakes, my heart racing with shock. Danie was dead? I didn't know how to feel - a part of me was happy, celebrating the fact that the person who had caused me so much pain was gone. But another part of me was numb, unsure of how to process this news.

I sat there for a moment, my mind reeling with thoughts and emotions. And then, suddenly, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. I started to cry, great sobs racking my body as I mourned the loss of the life I had once known. I cried for the pain and heartache that Danie had caused me, for the shattered remains of my relationship with Jarred. I cried for the uncertainty and fear that lay ahead, for the unknown path that I was about to embark on.

As I sat there, crying and mourning, I knew that I had a long and difficult journey ahead of me. But I also knew that I was ready, that I was strong enough to face whatever lay ahead. I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and started driving again, ready to face the unknown and start a new chapter in my life.

Si Danie ang naging simula ng paghihirap ko.

My lawyer's eyes, clouded with concern, searched mine for reassurance. "Are you sure about this?" she asked, her voice laced with a hint of sadness.

As my friend, she knew the dreams I'd harbored since childhood. I steeled myself, my voice firm. "Yes." But her gaze lingered, as if willing me to reconsider.

"You've dreamed this since you were young," she reminded me, her words a gentle prod.I shook my head, a resolute smile masking the turmoil within. Life, I'd come to realize, wasn't a fairy tale. It didn't always unfold as we hoped or dreamed.

"I'm sure, Ate Keziah," I said, my voice firm but laced with a hint of sadness. Ate Keziah sighed, her expression a mixture of disappointment and understanding.

"It's just sad, Clyde," she said, shaking her head. "I saw how much you loved each other. You two were meant to be, or so I thought."

Her words struck a chord within me, and a bittersweet feeling lingered in my chest. I remembered the good times, the laughter, the adventures, and the quiet moments we shared together. But I also remembered the pain, the heartache, and the tears.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself. I was sure of my decision to file for annulment. It was the only way to move on, to free myself from the shackles of our failed relationship.

"I'm sorry, Ate Keziah," I said, my voice soft but resolute. "But I have to do this. Para din naman 'to sa 'ming dalawa."

Ate Keziah nodded, her eyes filled with a deep understanding. "I know, Clyde. I just want you to be happy. If this is what you need to do, then I'll support you all the way."

I smiled weakly, feeling a sense of gratitude towards Ate Keziah. Her words of encouragement gave me the strength to push through with my decision. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I was ready to face the challenges ahead.

As my lawyer, ate Keziah, guided me through the legal process, the fantasies of my youth began to shatter, like delicate glass dropped on cold, hard stone. I walked out of her office with a confident stride, but deep within, a young girl's dreams lay in tatters.

I'd been so focused on my fairy tale ending, so convinced that I was the princess waiting for her prince, that I'd forgotten one crucial truth: I wasn't a character in a storybook. I was real, and life was complicated.

As I drove back home, a scene unfolded before me like a bittersweet serenade. A young couple, radiant with love and promise, walked hand in hand, their eyes locked in a gaze that whispered forever. A solitary tear escaped my eye, as memories of my own love story swirled in my mind like autumn leaves. That young couple, full of dreams and vows, was once us. The ghosts of our past lingered, taunting me with whispers of what could have been.

"Ikaw lang ang babaeng mamahalin ko" – the warm, honey-toned voice of my love echoed in my mind, transporting me back to the altar where we exchanged vows. "I will always be there for you, through ups and downs," he promised, his words painting a masterpiece of forever in my heart. The butterfly in my stomach danced with joy, as my childhood dreams finally came true. I had married the man I loved most, and for a fleeting moment, our love story was the stuff of fairy tales.

"Lie," I hissed to myself, as unwanted memories crept into my mind like thieves in the night. Promises, once the foundation of our love, had crumbled into mere words – empty, hollow, and meaningless.

I sat in my car, parked outside the house we once shared, gathering the shattered fragments of my courage. The engine's gentle hum was a stark contrast to the turmoil brewing inside me. I inhaled deeply, the air filling my lungs like a weight, before stepping out into the uncertain.

As I entered our house, a sense of déjà vu washed over me. The rooms were immaculate, the appliances sleek and modern, but the space felt hollow, a shell of its former self. The laughter, the tears, the whispers of forever – all gone. The silence was oppressive, a heavy blanket that suffocated me. I wandered through the empty rooms, my footsteps echoing off the walls, a haunting reminder of what we once had, and what we'd lost.

My eyes landed to the sofa that we used to sit with each other. Another waves of memories flick into my mind like a blistering wind.

As we snuggled into our sofa, the soft glow of the TV casting a warm light on our faces, he turned to me with eyes that shone like stars. "I can't wait to start our family together, my love," he whispered, his voice trembling with excitement.We shared our dreams, our hearts beating as one. I asked him, "How many children do you want?"

His gaze locked onto mine, filled with an adoration that made me feel like the most precious gem in the universe."It's up to you, my love," he replied, his smile a gentle breeze that soothed my soul. "It's your body, not mine. You decide, and I'll be here to support you every step of the way." His words wrapped around my heart, filling me with gratitude. I felt like the luckiest person alive, blessed to have found a love that shone brighter than the brightest star.

I shook my head violently, as if trying to dislodge the memories that clung to me like a shroud. I inhaled deeply, steeling myself for the task ahead. With a heavy heart, I trudged up the stairs, each step echoing through the silence. I began to pack, my hands moving mechanically as I tried to erase all traces of myself from this house. Our childhood fantasies, our love – everything would be left behind.

Tears streamed down my face as I folded and packed my clothes. I wiped them away, but they kept flowing, a relentless reminder of the pain that threatened to consume me. Suddenly, a pair of gentle hands brushed away my tears. "You'll only be gone for one week, my love," he whispered, his warm voice a soothing balm to my shattered heart.But the tears wouldn't stop. I abandoned my packing and flung myself into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I'm going to miss you," I choked out, my voice barely audible. He held me at arm's length, his hands cradling my face. I felt small, fragile, and utterly lost in his gaze.

"I'll call you every morning and night, so you won't miss me too much, okay?" he promised, his eyes sparkling with reassurance.

"I'll update you every second. You'll feel like I'm right there with you." I nodded, a small smile trembling on my lips. With renewed determination, I returned to my packing, the ache in my heart slightly eased by his words.

I dabbed at my tears, my fingers tracing the paths of sorrow on my cheeks. I shook my head, as if trying to dislodge the memories that clung to me like a persistent mist. But like a phantom, another recollection of him materialized, haunting me with its presence.

How could I forget when every gesture, every movement, every breath seemed to whisper his name? The ghosts of our past lingered, echoing in every action, every decision, every heartbeat. It was as if our love had infused itself into the very fabric of my being, making it impossible for me to escape the memories that bound us together.

With my bags packed and my heart heavy, I made my way downstairs, the silence echoing through the empty halls. But as I reached the bottom step, my gaze collided with a pair of eyes that I had hoped to avoid. They stood before me, a piercing stare that bore into my soul, filled with a toxic mix of sadness, pain, and hatred.

The air seemed to thicken, heavy with the weight of unspoken words, as our eyes locked in a silent standoff. The world around us melted away, leaving only the two of us, suspended in a sea of tension, our hearts beating in discordant rhythm.

"Aalis ka na? Iiwan mo na 'ko?" His voice cracked, shattering the facade of the happiest, most optimistic soul I'd ever known. His face contorted in anguish, a canvas of despair.I averted my gaze, biting back the tears that threatened to spill.

"Nangako tayo, hindi ba?" Jarred said, his voice cracking as he cried. "Baby, you promised me." He pleaded, his eyes desperate and filled with tears.

I looked away, unable to bear the sight of him breaking down. "Huwag naman ganito, Clyde," he said, his voice shaking as he slowly bent his knee, begging me.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back my own tears. "Hindi ko kaya," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

Jarred's eyes locked onto mine, filled with a desperate plea. "Nangako ka," he said, his voice cracking. "Nangako tayo. Kapag makikita natin ang dulo, babalik tayo sa umpisa."

I felt a pang of guilt and sadness, knowing that I had made a promise to him, a promise that I couldn't keep. "We are too broken, Jarred," I said, my voice cracking.

Jarred's face contorted in anguish as he cried out, "Love naman, ikaw nalang kinukuhanan ko ng lakas ko." He suddenly burst out, revealing a torrent of emotions and secrets that he had kept hidden.

I was taken aback, shocked by the revelation. "Si Jelly, nasa hospital ngayon, nag-aagaw buhay dahil sa dengue," he said, his voice shaking. "Tapos dahil sa biglaang pagbalik ni Papa na trigger 'yung trauma ni Mama, naglayas siya. Hanggang ngayon hindi parin siya bumabalik. Samantalang si Jane naman buntis, at ayaw panindigan ng nakabuntis sa kaniya."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut, winded by the secrets and struggles that Jarred had been carrying on his own. I had no idea, no idea at all.

Jarred's eyes locked onto mine, filled with a desperate plea. "Love, ikaw nalang meron ako ngayon, please naman," he said, his voice cracking as he cried.

The weight of the decision bore down on me like a physical force. Should I stay or should I go? If I left, Jarred would be left alone to face all his problems, and the thought of that was almost too much to bear. But if I stayed, we would only continue to hurt each other, until we were both completely broken.

I felt torn in two, my heart and mind at war with each other. Jarred's pleas only made it harder for me to decide. "Baby, ikaw nalang lakas ko. 'Wag muna ngayon please. 'Wag muna ngayon," he begged, his voice cracking with emotion.

I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the sound of his voice, but it only seemed to echo louder in my mind. I bit my tongue, trying to steel myself against the pain that I knew I would cause him.

For a moment, I thought I had made up my mind. I would choose him, I would stay with him, no matter how hard it was. I reached out and took his shoulders, trying to pull him to his feet.

But then, my eyes fell on a small, red lipstick stain on the collar of his shirt. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that I didn't use red lipstick. And in that moment, I knew that Jarred had done it again. He had lied to me, cheated on me, and broken my trust.

Something inside of me snapped. I felt a surge of anger and hurt, and I knew that I couldn't stay with him anymore.

First love never really die.

With a deep breath, I reached for the brown envelope I'd prepared, its contents a harbinger of destruction. The annulment papers felt like a weight in my hand, a tangible representation of the shattered dreams and vows that lay in ruins.

As I handed him the papers, his eyes widened in shock, and tears began to flow like a river of sorrow. His gaze pierced mine, a window to the anguish that ravaged his soul. I felt the sting of his pain, a reflection of my own heartbreak.

"Baby, no," he whispered, his head shaking in desperation. "Ayaw ko."

I stood firm, my voice cold and detached. "You don't have a choice."

Jarred's eyes pleaded with me, but I saw the faintest glimmer of guilt lurking beneath. "Dalawa tayo sa relasyon na 'to, kaya dalawa din tayo mag de-desisyon."

I laughed, a bitter, mirthless sound. "Edi sana inisip mo 'yan bago mo 'ko niloko."

Jarred's face contorted in anguish, but I saw the faintest flicker of dishonesty in his eyes. "Baby, I didn't," he protested, but I knew he was lying.

"Why now?" he begged, his voice cracking with emotion. "Why are you leaving me now, when I need you most? Ikaw ang lakas ko, Clyde. Without you, I'm nothing."

But I was unmoved. My face was a mask of determination, my posture a testament to my resolve. I had made up my mind, and nothing – not even Jarred's tears, his pleas, or his lies – could change it. I was leaving, and I would never look back.

"IIwan mo na talaga ako," he whispered, the finality of his words a dagger to my heart.

We stood there, frozen in time, our eyes locked in a silent understanding of the devastation we'd wrought. Suddenly, he took a step closer, his voice barely above a whisper. "Mukhang hindi na kita pa mapigilan na manatili." I wept, my heart splintering into a million pieces.

He wiped away my tears, his touch a bittersweet reminder of what we'd lost."Stop crying, it hurts me to see you cry," he said, forcing a smile.

"Please, take care of yourself," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. "Eat on time, eat your vegetables, and don't forget to rest." He paused, his eyes welling up with tears. "Don't drink too much, so you won't get drunk. Do all the things that make you happy."

I sobbed uncontrollably, his words piercing my heart like a dagger. He was still thinking of me, still caring for me, even after everything we'd been through.

"I'll wait for you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. Those four words hung in the air like a promise, a promise that he would always be there for me, no matter what.

I felt a pang of guilt and regret, knowing that I was leaving him behind. But I knew I had to do this, for myself, for my own sanity. I took one last look at him, memorizing the tears on his face, the sadness in his eyes.

His arms enveloped me, a warm, fleeting hug that would be our last. As we parted ways, he whispered his final words of love:

"I love you, Clyde."

Those three words shattered me, a devastating blow that left me breathless. I walked away, leaving behind the fragments of, the love we'd shared, and the dreams we'd once cherished. The ghosts of our past lingered, a haunting reminder of what could never be again. Our shattered vows.

—————

Sakit. Pa'ti ako umiyak.