bonus chapter #2

Anderson

~

I remember as a kid, my mom and I would take special trips to Dairy Queen when their seasonal blizzard came out.

Brownie Batter Blizzard.

When they stopped making them, I cried for four days straight. I was five. Guess I've always been dramatic, even back then. Around this time my mom drove a 2006 Toyota Camry with a built-in sunroof. Right after school she would take us to either get ice cream or just drive and listen to the old blues.

My favorite was when she would open up the sunroof and let the wind blow through our hair. Looking out the window, I would watch as every tree passed and count as many street signs as I could, like it was a game.

It was just something that we've always done together. Before she got caught up in her addiction.

And men.

This day was always in the back of my mind growing up. Wondering if she would even live past my middle school days or even see me graduate. Those thoughts as a kid were too hard for anyone to deal with, but that's just how it was.

That's how my life always was.

Right after graduation, Luca and I decided to go visit my mom in the treatment center she was staying at. She was doing so well that after six months of recovery she was able to get out. I tried to reason with her and say it was too early, that she needed more time, but she convinced me that she was doing fine.

"I won't go down that way again," she would tell me with a reassuring smile on her face.

All I could do was nod and hope for the best. As shitty as that sounds.

Luca had my back and agreed that he didn't think it was a smart thing to do. He didn't even want me to live with her once we got back home, but I couldn't leave her. His grandma insisted and begged for me to stay with them, but I had to turn away.

I even put college on hold.

She ended up relapsing three weeks later.

I tried my best to see Sydney and visit her when she came home for the holidays, but the times I would hang out with her my mom was either high or passed out. My insecurities kicked in and embarrassment took over. I couldn't let her see my mom like that.

So, I had to push her away.

That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do... that and admitting my mom into rehab. The love that I feel for Sydney is unbearable. It's something that will always stay with me. She was my escape for everything and my pain of losing. It physically hurt me to lose her, especially the way I did it.

"Anderson, you can't do this," she pleads with tears burning her emerald eyes. "I love you."

I quickly bite the inside of my lip, keeping the feel of heartbreak tucked away. "There's nothing I can do for you right now. I need to be here for her."

"Let me be here with both of you." She brings my face into her hands. "Please."

My face tries to relax in the softness of her hands, but I shake my head out of her grip. "We don't need you here, Sydney."

She blinks back the tear that has fallen onto her face. "You don't mean that."

"I need to do this, without you. You need to go to college. I can't hold you back from that."

"Tell me you don't love me."

My eyes look up from my feet as I study hers. "What?"

"Tell me," she repeats. "And I'll leave."

"I can't do that."

"Because you love me," she reasons. "Why do this, then?"

My feet wander back into gravel from my driveway. Staying close to her will kill me faster than she realizes. "Yes, I love you more than you know Sydney. But I can't have you missing out on things because of my mom. I won't do that to you."

"It's my choice, Anderson. I love your mom just as much as I love you. Why are you embarrassed by her?"

"Damnit Sydney," I shout. "You have no idea what I have been through, what I've witnessed as a kid. You don't deserve this shadow of guilt and pain that I am facing."

She nods, "Fine."

Without over thinking, she quickly makes it to her car just as I meet her halfway. Stopping her from opening the door, I grab her wrist and bring her to meet my chest.

"I will love you forever, Sydney Turner. Please go see the world for me."

Her palm brushes the side of my cheek. "I can't see the world if you aren't with me."

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I didn't think that would be the last time I ever saw her. She didn't come down for the holidays to visit her family or to even see Cassie. She distanced herself from everyone because of me and I hate myself so much for that.

When she meets us in the graveyard, I find myself stuck in this deja vu loop, feeling as if my mind is playing tricks on me. I blink several times until I realize that it's not all in my head. It's been three years since I've seen her, but she still looks so beautiful as before.

"How are you doing, man?" Luca asks once he sees me staring toward Sydney.

My mind quickly focuses back on him. "I'm okay." I lied.

"Did you know she was coming?" he whispers, but I slowly shake my head.

"Let's give them some space." Cassie mentions after she greets Sydney and pulls her into a warm hug.

Once they walk away, I shift in my stance and instantly feel Sydney's presence behind me. She speaks first since she notices the weird tension between us.

"Hi," she tells me softly as she tucks a piece of her dirty blonde hair behind her left ear.

"Hey," I softly tell her back, trying to speak slowly so this moment won't slip away from us.

"I'm so sorry about your mother."

I hang my head low, staring down onto the freshly cut grass. "Thank you."

"Can I give you a hug?"

I don't even answer. My arms wrap around hers as I welcome the familiar scent and feel of her body. My nose brushed against her neck and took in the amazing smell of her freshly washed hair.

"I've missed you so much," I tell her honestly. "I'm so sorry for everything."

She releases me and studies back into my eyes. "You don't need to apologize, Anderson. You were being a good son. She deserved you more than I did."

"I don't deserve you. You're too good for me."

"That's not true," she grabs my hand. "We have plenty of time to catch up."

I stare into her emerald eyes, clearing my head of the doubts I've had for the past three years. She's willing to put all of that behind and start fresh?

"Where would you like to go?"

The lump in my throat forms making it hard for me to speak. I suddenly am in the urge of needing a glass of water.

On second thought,

"I think there's a dairy queen close by."

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