Indecisiveness

EMMA

I'm perched on the couch, nursing a whiskey and sorting out plans for potential club locations in the coming weeks. I'm also setting up meetings for when Levi gets back. That's when Dean walks into the apartment.

His face is a mask, unreadable and a little unsettling. I rise, fetch a glass from the kitchen, and pour him a whiskey. He downs it and pours another before settling down next to me.

“Dean, I'm sorry. How bad is it?”

“She'll pull through. Her nose is broken and she's got a couple of cracked ribs.”

Well, that's a relief.

“I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't think, I just reacted.”

“Ems, you don't need to apologize. I don't know what her deal is. You were just defending yourself.

“She's trained too—I wouldn't have hired her otherwise—but the way you transformed when she attacked you... it was both terrifying and incredibly sexy.”

“I'm sorry, Dean. I really am.”

“Stop apologizing, Ems. She had it coming.”

“So, why were you gone so long?”

“I needed some time to think.”

“About what?”

“Just... things. Ems, Stephanie was never the one for me. I only dated her because I couldn't have the woman I really wanted. I never let myself feel anything deep for her.

“It's not fair to her, I know. But there's no point in lying to you.”

I clear the papers and stuff them into my satchel, wondering who he's talking about.

“Dean, can I tell you something? But you have to promise not to get mad. I don't want to lose you as my best friend.”

“I promise, Ems.”

I'm wrestling with feelings I buried long ago, and the thought of losing my best friend is terrifying.

Dean scoots closer to me on the couch, his hand on my cheek, making me look at him.

“What is it, Ems?”

I take a deep breath and decide to trust our friendship.

“Dean, I have a huge crush on you. I hated that you were dating Stephanie. I wanted to be her, to be the one you come home to at night. I was so jealous.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, but you're my best friend. When you started dating her, my love started changing into friendship.

“But today, when we kissed, I let my old feelings come back a little. It's confusing the hell out of me. I'm sorry to dump all this on you, especially after all the trouble I caused you today,” I blurt out.

After what feels like an eternity but is only a few seconds, Dean finally breaks the silence.

“The thing is, Ems, I feel exactly the same way. That's why I started dating her, to try and forget you.

“My plan totally backfired. You're the one I'm trying to forget, but I can't.

“Don't get me wrong. The sex is great. But deep down, I know the only reason it's good is because when I'm with her, I'm thinking about you.”

His confession makes me feel both elated and scared.

“Since we're being honest, I don't like what Diablo did to you and what he's still doing. I wish I'd told you about the breakup sooner. Maybe things would be different.

“Maybe it's just not our time. Maybe it'll never be our time,” he says, sounding defeated.

The air around us is heavy, filled with honesty and something else. Neither of us knows what to say, so we just keep drinking whiskey until the bottle is empty.

When I stand up to say goodnight to Dean, he gently takes my hand and pulls me onto his lap. I shift so that I'm straddling him. I lean down to his lips, slowly starting to kiss him.

At first, it's gentle, but the kiss quickly deepens, both of us fighting for control. We're both panting. The kiss is intense, filled with passion and need. I'm still in my yellow sundress, which has ridden up high on my thighs.

I can feel Dean's erection through his jeans pressing against me. He moves his lips down my neck, finding my weak spot like a pro.

I kiss his neck, running my hands over his rock-hard abs, loving how they feel under my touch, feeling him shiver.

He cups one of my breasts with one hand while pulling my head toward his mouth. The heat building between us is electric.

I've wanted this for so long... but I'm with Diablo. I have to remember that, and I have to stop this.

I jump off Dean's lap, startling both of us. The only word I can manage before heading to my room is “purple.” I don't dare look back at Dean.

I know what I'll see in his eyes. Disappointment. It's how I feel too. I've wanted this for the past six years, but then Diablo had to walk into my life, making me fall for the most infuriating man alive.

Even though I know Diablo is sleeping with Lauren, I can't bring myself to be like him. I don't cheat. I just hope that the next few days with Dean won't turn me into a desperate, horny mess.

When I finally reach my room, I can feel the wetness in my panties.

I know Dean would be an amazing lover, but I never expected him to be the one I'd want to erase all thoughts of Diablo and Lauren from my mind. It just wouldn't be fair to him.

I have to trust my willpower and hope it'll be enough for both of us to avoid any more sexual situations in the next week or so.

Damn it. I want Dean to take me and fuck me until I forget my own name, but I have to stay faithful to Diablo.

A kiss is one thing, but sex with Dean would definitely complicate things and could even get us killed. I definitely need a cold shower.

***

The next few days pass without any tension between Dean and me. We actually enjoy each other's company.

He's taken a few days off work to spend with me. We spend most of our time in his apartment, talking, watching movies, and chatting non-stop like old friends.

Stephanie gets discharged from the hospital, and to my relief, she doesn’t ask Dean to look after her or even visit. If she hasn’t figured out by now that they’re done, she never will.

But I know I’ve made an enemy in her. She’s bound to want payback. She doesn’t strike me as the type to let things slide.

Levi keeps me updated daily, mostly about business, but he also lets me know that Lauren’s been visiting Diablo’s office. I hate hearing it. He’s still sleeping with her while I’m stuck being faithful. It’s total crap.

For reasons no one knows, she’s not allowed at the penthouse.

Levi’s managed to sneak into the penthouse to do some snooping, but he hasn’t found any signs of another woman.

I take that as a good sign. Until the night before Levi’s due to come back, he sends me a series of photos. They’re all from the hidden camera in Diablo’s office at the club.

Every picture shows Lauren and Diablo having sex. On the couch, on his desk, even on the conference table.

It’s enough to shatter what’s left of my heart and the last shred of hope I had that he might, just might, love me.

I’m livid, my whole body shaking with anger. I can’t understand why he’s doing any of this. I know he doesn’t love me—he made that crystal clear—but I still had hope. Can’t he keep it in his pants for once?

My anger isn’t just directed at Diablo. I’m furious with myself for still feeling the way I do about him. I’m broken.

I tell Levi to make sure he brings back a copy of Diablo’s laptop hard drive and any other important info he can find when he comes back to California tomorrow.

Levi didn’t just confirm my worst fear—that Diablo doesn’t give a damn about me—he also proved I was a fool to think he’d miss me enough to wait for me.

We had something special, but to him, it seems it was just sex. My virginity meant nothing to him. It’s the greatest gift a woman can give a man, and he didn’t think twice about it.

Well, screw it. I’ll do what I want, too.

DEAN

The week with Emma is a mix of heaven and hell. Every time we’re together, I find myself thinking about that night on the couch.

Her lips, her body, how she fit against me like she was made for me. Her lips, her touch, her scent—thoughts that had me jerking off in the shower a lot this week.

I want her, but she’s Diablo’s. I’ve been trying to break down the wall she put up that night, but she’s stubborn as hell. She won’t give in to her desires or mine.

I know we both want to touch and taste each other again. It’s just her willpower that’s stopping us.

Part of me is glad, but when it comes to Emma, all my morals go out the window. I want her under me, moaning and screaming my name.

I need to stop these thoughts. They’re going to land me in trouble.

“Dean!! Where are you?”

“In the kitchen, Ems.”

“Hey, I was thinking we could have a few drinks here tonight, eat some pizza, and binge-watch ~Lucifer~.” ~Lucifer~ is one of our favorite shows.

“Sounds good, Ems. What time do you want to start?”

“Well, it’s one o’clock. I’ll go get us some booze and pick up the pizza now.

“You know Levi’s coming back tomorrow and then I officially have to start working. On that note, would you mind if I stayed a few extra days while Levi and I work?”

“Of course not, Ems. You know I love having you around.” Damn, I hope she doesn’t catch the “love” part.

But the sparkle in her eyes tells me she did.

“Thanks, Dean. I’ll be back in an hour or so. See you later,” she gives me a quick peck on the lips, the first since the night on the couch, grabs her bag, and leaves.

Looks like it’ll be just me and my hand relieving my sexual frustration in the shower—again. I sigh. Am I in love with her, or is it just lust? Will it ever be our time?

Damn, this is frustrating.