Self care

I've always been consumed of nothingness

Ironic isn't it?

I don't even know what I feel

What's wrong?

I can't seem to answer it

It's getting harder to hide

It's easier to show people how miserable I am sometimes

It takes so much work to hide it all

It seeps between the cracks

I can't manage this

I have to distract myself

Nothing is working

I'm praying constantly

I have faith that God will take me from my personal hell

Deep inside me I know I can be different

I don't have very high value

I'm not so great

I used to think I was really something special

I thought I'm different than other girls I just know it

What if, I'm just ordinary

That's why it's not getting me anywhere

This cold world is throwing me around and playing with my emotions

The most damage is probably myself

I get alone with my thoughts and it hurts me

No one can help me but God

I don't care too often but when I do I give it my all

Not even my friends can comfort me, they don't wanna know

They can't know

Why I'm like this

The world may never know

I may seem like there's nothing wrong and I don't have a care in the world

But you see the last time I told someone about my feelings they took it and threw it at my face

False hope I like to call it

The rest is history

I'm scared of not being ruthless

I don't wanna mess around

I want the real deal

I wanna find the person that's for me

The one I can see myself constantly bettering myself for and with

It's just crazy how all of this happened

It just started piling up

The fact that my heart was broken a long time ago doesn't help

Everyone in my life has mended it back together, mostly

There's a big part missing

I've been trying to find myself for a long time

I fear my old self is so far gone

I don't know if I can deal with the present version

I know old Kayla would be very disappointed right now, but who cares she's gone right?

And she's never coming back.