Pain

It's painful

All of it

My very heart feels the throb of sadness when I think of you

Think about us

I too, was in the wrong

I realized I never knew what I had

I didn't know those were gonna be the happiest of days ever

My heart begs for you but my mind forces it to keep quiet

What happens now?

People say time heals things

But darling, it's 3 years later

I'm still a mess when it comes to you

I thought I was so strong

That's what I was always taught

To be strong, until you

How could one person tear everything that you've built?

You promised you would never hurt me

But here I am

I'm the scraps of what is left of me

You know how scared I am?

I don't wanna meet anyone else

I grow attached and it always lead to me being disappointed

I even questioned my worth

I give myself so easily to find out that

Exactly.....

It's the words you don't want to say

That I don't care anymore

You know all of that used to be so important, but I never got to know the value of it

Of it all really

Love.

It's the one thing I'm scared of most in this world

How do I sleep at night?

How do I live with myself?

I hate myself

I hate this is how it's all come down to be

At the end of the day, I'm nothing

All I can ever do is pleasure someone's physical needs

I can never be there for their emotional needs anymore

That's not what I'm good for anymore

Don't you realize that?

You've been practicing this dirty deed for a while, and it's become the person you are today

You don't wanna be this way

Then why do it?

You know how worthless it makes you feel

At the moment, yet at that very moment it's almost like you could be in love

That's funny

In fact, that's hilarious

You can never find love that way

If I close my eyes and Imagine it's you, then that's when it kills me

That's when I space out and forget what I'm supposed to be doing

I'm supposed to be into it

I'm supposed to be the best you ever had

But, I fail when it comes to emotions

I don't like it, yet I crave it

I've never loved and hated something so much in my life

I need to face my fears

But that very fear has a face

And that's the biggest leap of it all.