19 | heartbreaking decision

I woke up in the middle of the night when I felt Isaac move around the bed mumbling words that I couldn't quite understand.

"Isaac what's wrong?" I asked in a whisper but didn't get a reply and I realized that he must have been asleep. In order to not wake him up I laid back down and tried to fall back asleep but his movements didn't stop so I sat up in bed and turned the light on my bedside table on. I looked at him and saw him laying on his back with a distressed look on his face so I came to the conclusion that he must have had a nightmare. I carefully placed my hand on his shoulder and slightly shook him to wake him up which worked better than I thought it would because he immediately jumped up in shook and looked around the room like he was completely lost and didn't know where he was. I notice the sweat on his forehead when his eyes found mine and he embraced me in a hug not saying anything. I don't know if he was embarrassed about the fact that I witnessed him having a nightmare or if he was glad about me being with him to kind of comfort him but I decided for the latter since he didn't let go of me for at least a minute.

"Are you okay?" I asked as he pulled away and he let out a humorous laugh sounding almost sarcastic.

"I will be eventually" he answered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked him and he shook his shoulders as if he doesn't know whether he wants to tell me about it or not.

"It's not the first time" he said as he looked away. I decided to comfort him and crawled up to him to sit down on his lap and I swung my arms around his neck once I sat on his lap, looking him in the eyes.

"Not the first time you've had this nightmare?" I asked and he nodded and continued after a short break.

"When I was 16 I was involved in a car crash. A really bad one. A drunk driver crashed into my car from the side with full speed knocking my car over and it overturned two maybe three times before it came to a halt. Pedestrians on the sidewalk witnessed it happening so they immediately called the ambulance which arrived a few minutes later. I was brought to the hospital and had to be operated because of the intracranial pressure that was caused by the cerebral hemorrhage I suffered from. Luckily everything went well as you can see since I'm here with you but the image of that night doesn't want to leave my head and the first four years after the accident I didn't dare to drive a car again fearing that it would once again happen to me" he said and I looked at him in pity. No one deserve to go through that but he was lucky enough that he survived because from what he had told me the accident seemed to be pretty bad.

"I'm sorry to hear that. You don't deserve to go through something like that. But I'm here for you if you need me" I said as I looked at him intently causing him to smile which I immediately returned.

„Wasn't I supposed to be the one to calm you down and not the other way around?" he said with a raised brow as he looked at me.

"Guess we're both there for each other" I replied and I saw his eyes wander to my lips and I knew he wouldn't dare to take the first step because of what had happened a few hours ago so I decided to take the first step. . I softly placed my lips on his and he responded to the kiss with no hesitation making me grin into the kiss because I knew he wanted this as much as I did. I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and I let my hands wander to his hair to slightly pull on it causing Isaac to groan into my mouth. Just from the few times we made out so far I already figured out that pulling on his hair was his weak spot. His mouth pulled away from mine and I slightly pouted because I wanted to continue but then shortly after I felt his lips on my neck sucking on my weak spot and I moaned when I felt the sensation. His hands came down to my waist and he pulled me down on him and that's when I felt his erection against me and Isaac quickly pulled away from my neck once he noticed it.

"Uhm sorry this is not the right time but I got carried away" he nervously chuckled and I just laughed and got off of him not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

I mean I trust Isaac and all but it's way too soon to do it even though I knew I would be in good hands I actually feel kind of bad over the fact that I'm able to continue my life like nothing happened whereas so many victims of sexual abuse have to go through years of therapy to get over it. I mean I'm sure that I'm not fully over it but the fact that I know that Logan can't hurt me now that he will go to jail is so relieving that I just don't think about it anymore. In my mind I was done with this long before it even ended.

After our short make out session that ended because of my freaking dick that decided to act like I was a teenage boy again, Emilia went straight back to sleep. I on the other hand couldn't go back to sleep because my dick was still very much awake and the sight of her laying next to me in her short pyjamas didn't really help either. The image of her moaning while I was pounding into her just wouldn't want to leave my mind even though I knew how inappropriate it was to think about that considering the fact that she was nearly raped by her own brother only a few hours ago.

Speaking of that, I always knew there was something not quite right with her. She didn't show that she was not feeling fine in front of others but if you'd watch her carefully you'd notice her face change from a carefree & happy expression into a sad, worried one when she thought no one was looking. She thought that she had to fight the demon on her own because she never really grow up with people who actually showed her that they cared. Of course she had Myra but even Myra couldn't replace the lack of love Emilia felt her entire life. But I'm not sure if I can be the one who can give her the love that she deserves to feel. I'm an asshole that doesn't deserve to be with someone as pure as Emilia. I would ruin her. And that is the last thing I want to do. I didn't tell her the entire truth when she asked me what my nightmare was about simply because I've been trying to forget about is as well. I'm not proud of the things I did as a teenager but I was dumb and was in for risky adventures which bit me in the ass later on because instead of taking my life I caused the death of one of my loved ones. My best friend to be exact. I am a murderer. A murderer who doesn't deserve to be loved just like she said. She was right.

When I noticed her calm breathing next to me I did the worst thing I could have probably done. I left. I left her alone right after she poured her heart and soul out. After she told me and her dad everything that Logan did I still left. And I did it without the intention of coming back again. I left behind the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my entire 24 years of existence. And I knew that I'd be hating myself for doing this but it was for the better because someone would get hurt if we continue this and I'm sure it's not me.

Next Update: Thursday April 2nd, 2020