29. Death

Chase.

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I light the blunt Wayne got me and take a hit. I can't wait for the joy to replace the sorrow I'm feeling. I've been ignoring Sky's calls. I've been ignoring dad's calls all the same. I haven't gone home in two days now. Not since that morning with Sky. Dad's worried sick probably but I just can't face anyone. Sky probably told him about me. I feel queasy just thinking about that.

"Yo, Chasey." Lucas wraps his arm around me.

I frown and pull away. He hasn't been to a party in ages. When I see him in the hall he usually ignores me. Why is he talking to me?

"YOu ruined my fucking life, dawg!" He laughs. He's plastered. "I knew you would! I knew it from the second you came in! You're just a fucking life stealer, that's what you are!" He gives me shove.

"I never meant to, okay? I've just—"

"I don't care! I wish.. you had never been born." He smiles and walks away.

I decide to ignore him.

I look down at my blunt.

I have been doing a lot of weed lately. I've noticed it doesn't take as much effect as it used to. I guess I'm just used to it now..

I grab another beer and chug it down.

"What are you doing sitting down? Get on the dance floor!" Wayne grabs my shoulders and pulls me up.

"I'm really not in the mood."

"Shut uuup!"

He pulls me to the floor anyway. I just stand there while everyone around me dances and jumps around.

I feel like a fish out of water.

Wayne starts dancing with this girl. I sigh and go back to the table.

"Hey, manski," Alex hands me a drink.

I gobble it down. "Hi."

"Why so glum?"

I sigh and shrug.

"I've got just the thing. Come on,"

I follow Alex into a dark hallway.

He grabs a small plastic bag filled with pills from his pocket.

"What's that?"

"Edible joy." He smirks. "The first one is free."

"Is it safe?" I ask even though somewhere in my mind I don't really care.

"Of course. Only the best for my bro."

He places a pink pill in my palm and hands me a cup of water.

I put the pill in my mouth and wash it down with water.

There's excitement in Alex' eyes. He's curious to see what I'll be like.

"This isn't like, some weird truth drug, right?"

"Of course not." He pats my back and opens the door to the party.

We go back inside.

I sit on the bench again, watching everyone have fun. I wish I could have fun. But life has just been hellish sober. I'm always drunk or high. And I'm not doing it to hurt myself. If anything, this keeps me from hurting myself. It's what keeps me here. I thought last year was the worst year of my life. With Sky getting Loren pregnant and then choosing to be with Aron. I had no idea what was in store for me. Every time I think things get better they just seem to get worse.

After a while of moping and waiting for whatever drug I'm on to hit, Melissa grabs my hand and drags me to the dance floor.

I try to have fun. To smile. To dance. And over time, I find it gets easier and I don't have to try so hard anymore. Suddenly it's like the skies clear and the sun's shining on me.

"There he is!" Melissa smiles as we dance to some song.

Slowly, I start to feel great and alive and I wonder what I was so sad about? So what if Sky knows? So what if he tells my dad? It doesn't matter. Everything is going to be fine.

After a few songs I get thirsty and drink another beer. "This is so good!" I moan.

"I know, man." Alex joins my side.

"Alex! I don't know what you gave me but it's AWESOME! You have to give me more!"

"I figured you'd like it. Since we're friends I'll give you a discount. Two fifty for a bag."

"Just two dollars and fifty scents?" I say amazed.

"No man." He laughs. "Two hundred and fifty." He smacks my arm.

"Oh!" I laugh.

I rummage through my wallet and give him the money.

"Here you go man. Don't take too many at once." He pats my shoulder and walks away.

I take another pill and get back on the dance floor.

I dance like crazy. I'm having so much fun! The disco lights blaze around the room and music pumps me full of excitement. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves as well. We're all dancing together and having a good time. I feel even better than on weed. More alive and energetic, it's awesome!

A few drinks later and the room starts to spin. I come to a standstill and try to focus.

Melissa says something to me but I have no idea what.

"What?" I ask.

She laughs at me. But not in a nice way, in a mean way. Like she's making fun of me.

Not this again.

"What's your problem?!" I say.

Melissa looks confused and hurt.

"I said: are you okay?" She's looking at me like I'm crazy.

"I'm fine." I say defensively.

She's putting on an act. Like she's innocent. Like she didn't just make fun of me.

"Maybe you should take a seat or something.."

"No! Why are you doing this! Stop pretending to care about me!" I scream.

Wayne puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Take a chill pill, man."

"Didn't you see what she did?!"

"Dude, are you tripping? Come on, let's get you some air."  Wayne tries to drag me out of the room. I see the expression on him change. He looks angry. He looks evil.

Fear overtakes me.

"Let me go!" I push him off.

Everyone stares at me like I'm crazy. And then all their faces change to these evil expressions too.

"Get away from me!" I scream. I run into a corner and tremble with fear as my friends approach me.

The only thought running through my mind is They're gonna kill me. They're gonna kill me.

I knew it was all fake. All this time of pretending to be my friends. I knew this would happen.

I start to cry.

"What the hell did Alex give him?" Zane laughs.

"Whatever it is... He's fucked up." Max sounds judgmental and filled with hate.

I curl up in a ball and wish it was over.

I feel a hand on my arm and slap it away.

"Don't touch me!" I scream.

"You know what? Suit yourself." Wayne rises to his feet and the guys go back into the crowd of dancing people.

After a while I lift my head up and my body starts to twitch. I don't know what the hell is happening. I could die here and none of these people would care. That's what they want.

All this time I've been romanticizing death in my head. All throughout last year and these past couple of months too. But now that it's here it's scarier than ever and I realize death was never what I wanted. I wanted an escape. I wanted to stop feeling how I did and now it's all worse.

I grab my phone with my shaking hand.

I speed dial Sky.

"Chase?!

"You have to come get me! They're gonna kill me! They're gonna kill me!" I sob.

"What? Chase, slow down. I don't know what you're saying!"

"Please help me!" I beg.

"Where are you?"

"I don't know. I can't remember. Some sort of warehouse. I don't know!"

"Okay. Don't move, I'll be right there."

Sky hangs up. I put my head between my knees again and wish this would be over. I've never been this scared in my life. When is Sky going to show up? I need to get out of here!

I feel a tightening feeling in my throat and I'm hot and sweaty. It feels like I'm going to choke to death.

I look up into the crowd desperately and spot Sky in the middle of the dance floor.

He's walking away from me. Leaving me behind.

"Sky!" I scream.

He doesn't hear me.

I get up and run after him. The room is spinning and I don't know where I'm going. I reach the middle and he's gone. I'm alone. Surrounded by people who want to hurt me.

"Chase? Chase?" Someone spins me around but I can't see their face. I'm overwhelmed with worry and fear.

I start to feel dizzy as my heart beats out of my chest.

Before I know it I'm gone.

× × ×

"Oh my God, oh my God!!" I hear from above me. I don't know where I am. I'm so cold.

"Why did you call a fucking ambulance! They'll know about the fucking party, you idiot!" Some guy is screaming.

"He's passed out and he won't wake up, what else am I supposed to do?" A feminine voice.

"Alright, whatever. We need to get out of here. Everyone grab your shit."

I hear people running.

Someone pushes me onto my side.

And then it's quiet.