19 A Symphony of Sound

"A SYMPHONY OF SOUND"

Freckles whined outside my door like she'd been doing over the last couple of days. I ignored her like I'd been doing. My gaze was trained on the box worth of granola bar wrappers that were piled on my floor, along with a few empty water bottles.

Maybe I'd wait to throw the bottles out when Peter can see me purposefully not put them into the recycling bin. Since my not recycling was such a huge deal breaker for him.

There was a knock at the door, followed by my dad's voice. "We're going on a W-A-L-K soon, if you want to join us."

He asked me this yesterday and the day before. He knew what my answer was. Silence. I waited for him to walk away, but there were no foot steps.

"You still alive in there?"

He sounded genuinely worried about that, so I told him, "Only on the outside." My voice squeaky from not using it forty-eight hours.

He took that as an invitation, opening my bedroom door. Freckles rushed in, sniffing at me. I'm sure it wasn't a pleasant smell since showering hadn't been a priority these last two days.

Still, she climbed into bed with me, resting her heavy head on my legs.

My dad came in, picking up granola bar wrappers and tossing them into the wastebasket.

"I would've done that myself."

"I know." He pulled out my desk chair, taking a seat. He studied me for a while, brow wrinkled. "You stink."

"I'm thinking about bottling it up and selling my scent as human repellent."

"That sounds like a billion dollar idea," he remarked. "Cherry stopped by earlier."

My heart ticked up at the mention of my best friend. Ex best friend. Best friends didn't steal their friend's most prized possession then lie about it to their face.

Yet, I asked, "Why?"

"She didn't want to come in," he said, testing the waters to see if I wanted to discuss it. When I just stared at him, he continued, "She said to check your email."

I'd purposefully let my phone die. Cherry and Peter kept calling and texting. Apparently, Cherry has moved to emailing. Which was just weird.

"I'm not interested in anything she has to say," I told him.

"She mentioned something about that woman...Becca Lopez?"

I sat up quickly, startling Freckles. "Bea Lopez?"

He nodded. "That's what I said."

Did she finally reach out? Was this the second chance I'd been hoping for. I grabbed my phone from my side table, along with the charger cord that snaked out from behind the table. Before I plugged it in, though, I paused.

Was there even a point? The other day proved that Cherry and Peter were liars in the worst way. I didn't deserve good things. What I deserved was exactly what I had. Nothing.

I tossed my phone back on the table and laid back down. Physically exhausted from that little bit of movement. "I'd like to go back to staring into the void now."

He sighed sounded a defeated as he stood, pushing the chair back under the desk. "Can you take a shower at least? Before you start growing fungus?"

"I'll think about it."

He stood there a moment. The next I knew, I was being drench in water. My dad took the half empty water bottle off my desk and poured it on me.

When I glared up at him, he simply smiled. "Now your halfway there."

I threw the empty bottle at him as he left, Freckles following, out of the room. He closed the door before I could hit him.

Groaning, I rolled out bed, stripping it of its wet sheets. My dad was on to something, though.

I couldn't waste my life away in my bed. When my other relationships ended, I sulked for a day before I was down in the garage writing music to help speed up the moving on process.

This time was doubly worse since I also lost my best friend, but the same rules applied.

After tossing my sheets in the wash and taking a much needed shower, went down to the garage.

I hadn't touched my piano in days. Sitting down at it, my chest squeezed. The last song I wrote on it was about Peter.

He came over after I finished the song. Sat next to me on this bench as I played it for him. How could I have been so dumb not to through all his crap?

Picking up my original song book, I flipped through the pages and pages of love songs and break up songs. Ninety percent of my songs were about my past boyfriends.

You could practically divide the book into chapters and read about my life over the last few years.

There was a chapter on Nathan. Ivan. The biggest chunk was Daniel. Only two months together yet I wrote almost fifteen songs about him. I thought he was it. The one who wouldn't leave me for someone else. Which, to be fair, he didn't. I stalked him enough after the break up that I knew he didn't start seeing anyone until a week and half later.

And, yes, I wrote a song about how it only took him eleven days to get over me.

As I flipped through my song book and all the lyrics about boys, I wondered why this was the only thing I ever felt compelled to write about. Guys who turned out not to love me as much as they claimed.

Something my grandma said last month about my mom came to mind. I think she's been searching for the love she never got from her father.

Is that what I've been doing this whole time? Looking for some to accept me, flaws and all? Something my mom never did.

When I first started hanging out with Daniel, it was after I called him and his friend meat heads for jumping the lunch line.

"That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble," he'd said.

"Not as much trouble as you're going to be in if the spicy chicken sandwiches are gone before I get to them."

He smirked turning his back to me. But when his friend tried to take the last chicken sandwich, Daniel pushed him aside and grabbed it, tossing the sandwich on my tray with a wink.

From that moment, he had me.

Maybe if my mom hadn't chided me for every eye roll or sarcastic quip or whenever I said exactly what I was thinking instead of sitting in silence, I wouldn't have fallen so easily for Daniel or Nathan or Ivan.

Cherry and Peter told me I deserved good things, but why did they have to say it for me to start believing? Why did I need guys like Daniel to like me for me? Why was my moms negativity louder than my own voice?

I set my old notebook aside, picking up the newer, hardly touched one.

Maybe the only love song I needed to write was one to myself.

Like they were waiting for me, deep inside my brain, the words came easily. A song about a girl who didn't need to be loved anyone but herself.

By the time dad got back from his walk with Freckles, I had a rough draft of the song down. When he found me in the garage instead of in my dungeon, he announced, "This is cause for celebration!"

***

We went to a space themed restaurant where I ordered Orion's BLT and my dad ordered Cosmo nachos. A galaxy was painted on the ceiling and the waiters had names like Apollo and Comet and Nova and Celeste.

It was a newer place that neither of us had been to. I vaguely remembered seeing once.

"Why was mom here the other day?" I asked my dad as I ate my fries.

My dad licked cheese from his fingers before answering. "She wanted to talk about...moving back in."

The night she tried to get me to eat came to mind. I might've overreacted. "Is she?"

"The other day, when you said people don't change, it got me thinking," he said, steepling his hands. "I think people can change if given the room too, but I also think that sometimes people need extra guidance. I told her she can come back, but only if she has one on one therapy sessions."

"And she agreed?"

"She did. She had her first session today."

I didn't know how many sessions she'd need before she showed improvement or if she'd ever show any, but it was a start at least.

As a waitress named Nebula refilled our drinks, I glanced out the window and immediately remembered when I'd seen this restaurant.

The bowling alley was just across the street. Peter's car and the jeep were parked in the lot. My chest ached as I recalled my first time bowling with them.

All through lunch, I tried to focus on my dad and his recap of some cop show he just started. My eyes kept darting to the parking lot across the street, desperate for even a glimpse of Peter. I was a glutton for punishment.

Just when my dad asked for the check, I saw them. Aaron had Evan in a headlock. Chris, Ryan, and their dad talked as they got into the jeep. Their girlfriends weren't with them this time.

"Ready to get out of here?" Dad asked, knocking on the table.

"Yeah." But I couldn't bring myself to move until I saw Peter.

Finally he walked out. My heart seized as I watched him. His head hung low, as he walked to his car. Aaron said something to him, but he barely acknowledged him as he got his car. He looked...sad.

Maybe...

No. I wasn't letting myself go down the rabbit hole if what if's and maybe's. I'd done that after every break. Waited around for them to realize they were wrong and that they really wanted to be with me. Thinking that they sat in their rooms listening to sad songs and wishing I was there with them.

Just like I'd done for them.

But I was done being the girl waiting on a boy to realize I was worth their love.

***

When we got back home, my dad and Freckles planted themselves on the couch to watch Criminal Minds. I went up to my room and plugged my phone into its charger. My phone lit up with notification after notification. Calls, texts, voicemails. I went straight to the emails to find the message from Bea Lopez.

After a few deep breathes--some to calm me, some to stall--I clicked.

Dear Faye Moore,

We here at Signature Records would like to invite you to perform at our end of summer showcase...

I read the letter all the way through, not understanding why they'd want me to perform before I've even had a meeting with Bea Lopez. But there was no explanation, only a form to fill out in order to officially add my name to the line-up.

After filling out the form and sending it in, I debated reading through my messages or listening to the voicemails. I wasn't ready to hear Cherry or Peter out yet.

Instead, I joined my dad and Freckles on the couch to watch tv and to try not to over think the fact that I was going to perform for Bea Lopez at the end of the summer.

********

Faye is starting to realize her worth doesn't rely on romantic relationships!

Also, she gets a second chance with Bea Lopez.

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