Chapter 59

Only when it was getting dark did I return home because Carsein held me until then, saying he couldn’t let go of me since he hadn’t seen me in a long time.

However, when I lay down in bed, my pleasant memories during the day were fleeting.

In no time, I was lost in all kinds of thoughts. I was troubled by my uncomfortable meeting with the crown prince during the day and my father’s gloomy expression when I saw him before going to bed. Above all, I could not forget Carsein’s words that he became a knight only at the age of sixteen.

Although I was younger than him, I didn’t achieve anything, compared to him.

I vowed to live a full life now without being bound to my past, but I was so envious of his talent shining so brilliantly. I kept thinking how good it would have been if I had possessed a brilliant talent like Carsein’s.

I got out of bed thinking I might sleep better if I walked a bit in the garden.

Holding a candlestick in my hand, I opened the door quietly. Those who lived on the same floor as me were Lina, my father, and his assistant, but I had to be careful not to wake them.

While I was walking silently through the dark corridors, muffling my steps, I saw a faint light coming from somewhere in the middle of the corridors.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

With a puzzled expression, I walked towards it.

‘Who is it? Is there any other person who is awake at this late hour? ”

I saw an unidentified human shadow between the slightly open doors. I instinctively leaned against the wall closely. My heart was pounding hard.

‘Come on, he is not an intruder?’

I wondered if anybody could be bold enough to break into my house, but the possibility was still there. I extinguished the candle I was holding, then snuck into the room and hid myself in the shadow of a small table. Then, I looked around the room. It was dark, so I couldn’t see clearly, but I could see a large portrait on the wall and a white bouquet under it, let alone a black shadow facing the portrait.

‘Who the hell is this person?’

I opened my eyes wide to check the shadow, but this man, obscured by the darkness, was not easily recognizable.. I could guess the shadow was a man.

“Jeremiah.”

I felt relieved at the familiar voice of the man. It was my father. While standing with a sigh of relief, I flinched because he mentioned Jeremiah.

‘Did he say Jeremiah?’

“It’s been already seven years since you left.”

Jeremiah La Monique was my mother.

“When we were together, the time was fleetingly short, but as I’m alone now, time is passing so slowly. Are you watching me? Our daughter has already grown up a lot. ”

His silver hair shone under the flickering candle. As his shadow fell, he looked more lonely.

“I’m sorry. Tomorrow is the day you left, but I don’t think I can show Tia this time. Please understand my selfish mind. I don’t want to distress her by recalling your memories because she is still young.”

So far, I have never thought deeply about why my father didn’t tell me about my mother. I just thought he didn’t feel healed enough to talk to me about her comfortably. But little did I think he didn’t talk about her because he was worried about me.

“Are you comfortable there? While you were here with me, you never led a peaceful life. So, I hope you are comfortable there. With my feelings of atonement towards you, I wanted to make our daughter live peacefully… But I’m so sorry I can’t. ”

Somehow, I felt empty and gloomy.

“I didn’t want to pass our daughter this curse flowing through my blood, but she wants it.

I couldn’t stop Tia’s intention, but let me try my best to stop her. Others might blame me, who they say I’m the most loyal subject in the empire, pointing a finger at my actions. You’re going to support me, right?”

‘Curse flowing in his blood.’

He was probably referring to the Monique family’s covenant with the imperial family, embedded into the blood of the Monique family. I thought it was a double-edged sword for my father, but I never thought he hated it that much.

“His Majesty is good. As I agree with his political ideology, I’ve taken the lead in realizing it, but I don’t want Tia to get hurt because of that. I wish she could live freely.”

I felt the gravity of his worry when he sighed. Somehow, I felt heavy.

“I’m sorry I told you about something gloomy. Do you like my gift? It was your favorite flower. ”

I looked at the white bouquet under the portrait once again. As it was dark in the room, I could not know which flower it was, but the white bouquet stood out in the dark.

“It’s because she took after you. Tia grew up as a very pretty girl. There are already some guys trying to win over her heart. She is still a child in my eyes. Today, I forgot about my work and played with one of them. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to look petty. I feel like I’m already jealous, so I’m worried how I can marry her off. Sir League is saying the same thing.”

I was moved to tears when I heard his low voice full of longing for her.

“I’m sorry. I stopped by here as I can’t sleep and lamented to you. Let me go now. I will come back tomorrow. ”

His footsteps were getting closer and closer. My heart was beating fast though I didn’t commit any crime. I closed my mouth with my hands to muffle the sound of breathing. A dark shadow was cast over the table, and soon, I heard the sound of him closing the door.

I got from behind the table after he went into his room. As he went out with the candle, I groped around the darkened area and approached the portrait. I strained my eyes to look hard, but it was so dark that I didn’t see it properly. Instead, I saw the white bouquet shining alone in the dark.

It was a pure white camellia flower.

My mother passed away less than six months after my sixth birthday. At that age I should have been able to recall her last moments, but no matter how hard I tried to recollect, I couldn’t recall anything other than the tears I cried. Perhaps it’s because more than ten years, including those years I lived after coming back from the past, passed since then.

But still, how could I forget tomorrow was the date my mother passed away? In the past, I could make excuses because I was so busy taking empress classes. Of course, even now I could make some excuses since I’m leading quite a busy life, but I felt I went too far.

After touching the white camellia flower, I came out of the room carefully.

The next morning when I saw my father while practicing fencing, he didn’t look different.

But when I was about to go to the Imperial Palace to do what I didn’t finish yesterday, he told me that he would not report to work today although he was supposed to.

‘It’s probably because today is the day when mother passed away.’

Looking at me in uniform, he praised me with a smile by saying it suited me well, but his smile seemed bitter. I was going to tell him that I know that today was the day mother passed away, but I hesitated a few times because he might ask me how I got to know it.

As soon as I arrived at the Imperial Palace, I encountered Duke Lars who had already reported to work. I told him I would start working today, then opened the document, but I couldn’t work.

I didn’t want it on my first day on the job, but I couldn’t concentrate because I kept recalling what my father did last night.

Duke Lars, who quickly looked at me working on the same page for almost an hour, told me to get some fresh air outside instead of scolding me. Since he was my father’s friend, probably he knew what day it was today, so it seemed that he decided to go easy on me.