Chapter 117

The emotions I thought I had suppressed erupted into the open. My empty heart began to beat again.

‘I want to have you. I don’t want to lose you. I want to confine you, so nobody can see you. Look at me, who is looking at you only. Come to me who loves you so much. Don’t go. Stay by my side. Please, my lady.’

What if I took and confined her to the house I had prepared a long time ago? I could carry out my plan this time when her father probably thought she was late because of the festival. There was food and money in the safe house of the noble factions that I visited the other day. Nobody would be able to find my lady if I stopped by the safe house, took the necessary supplies and escaped the capital today. Anyway, I saved enough money to live and eat all my life. If I could flee from the capital without being caught, nobody would find us as we would be holed up in a remote place forever. Don’t worry. As the genius of the century, I can outsmart them, no matter what.

We headed for the commoners’ district. When I saw Tia following me casually, my heart pounded. When we arrived at the safe house, I would knock her out right away. Then, I could get out of the capital by carrying her in the wagon.

Forgive me, Tia. You will be happy eventually because I will be there to care for you, love you and look at you. You also wanted to escape from your shadow, right? If you live in hiding with me, you won’t have to face the shadow or struggle to escape from the darkness. You can lead a normal life by escaping from the grave status as the crown prince’s fiancee as well as the pressure to become the successor of the Monique family.

So let’s go, my lady.

“Allen, I don’t think we’re on the right way back home.”

When I saw the golden eyes of my lady looking at me purely without any doubt, my insane thoughts began to fade away slowly. Her serene gaze on me full of blind trust in me the way she trusted in me when she was a child blew away the cobwebs in my brain.

My heart sank. I could not believe how I could have thought of impulsively carrying out such a reckless plan when I vowed to protect her so firmly. I just couldn’t understand how I thought of hurting her and dragging her back into the world of darkness.

‘I’m sorry, Tia. I guess I was out of my mind. What should I do, my lady? I think I am going crazy more and more.’

“Nice job, Allendis. You’re leaving in three days. So, how about your preparations? No problem?”

“So far so good, Your Majesty.”

“Good.”

“… ”

“When I look at you, I’m reminded of my youth for some reason.”

After I enjoyed the village festival with Tia, I didn’t visit her. Tia also didn’t come to see me.

I want to see her. Watching me sighing with deep longing for Tia, the emperor said, “I also loved a woman intensely. It was the first time I thought I could throw away the status of the emperor and even give up the empire if I could win her heart.”

“So, did you have her?”

“No, I let go of her.”

“Why did you release her? You’ve got everything to make her your woman, right?”

“Well, she had another guy who loved her so much, and she loved him, too. I thought a lot about taking her away from him, but I finally let her go,” he said with a bitter smile.

I thought he was only a sharp and cool-hearted person, but he also had a soft spot for love.

I silently looked at the emperor after finding his unusual aspects. I had never met him personally except on the day I requested for a secret meeting with him. I seemed to understand why my father, who was so rational and would only take the righteous path and Marquis Monique, who was so blunt, pledged allegiance to him at the sacrifice of so many people. I wonder how many kings there were who would be considerate enough to care for his subordinate’s inner thoughts.

“Allendis.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“So, don’t feel bitter and just listen. Time gradually dulls your love and pain. At that time, I thought I would die if I didn’t get her love, but I got by without her. I managed to endure the pain of separation.”

“… ”

“So, even if it’s so hard to be separated from her, hang in there! Over time, there will come a day when you can shake it off like me. I don’t want to lose a talent like you because of this. Do you understand? ”

“… Your Majesty…”

“You can think of it as my selfishness. While handling the matter this time, I felt you are an essential talent for the empire. So, endure the punishment and come back by all means. Even if you can’t come back immediately, can you promise me you will return someday by all means?”

Did he already know? He seemed to be choked with tears in his blue eyes when he looked at me. Was there any other person who cared for me more than him, except for my lady? Even my parents kept me at a respectable distance.

Had I met the emperor a little faster, would my life have been different?

While looking at me for a long time when I didn’t reply, he said with a sigh that I could leave.

I was so sorry. However, I had already decided to love only Tia, so I could not reply to his proposal.

“… Allen. ”

Two days before the delegation to the Lua kingdom departed, I was unexpectedly visited by Tia. When I saw her hesitating, I couldn’t control my emotional outpouring.

‘Well, I thought I would never meet you again. So, did you come to see me off, my lady?’

Even if I’m not there, don’t be sick, Tia. Even if you seem cold, you are still tender-hearted. I guess you must have felt heartbroken after I proposed to you. I know you must have been distressed by that, but don’t feel that way anymore. It distresses me more to see you heartbroken because of me. You don’t have to feel sad for me who has betrayed your faith in me.

“I heard you’re joining the mission.”

“Yes.”

“Oh, it’s true.”

“Well, it just kind of worked out that way.”

I tried to laugh casually, but it seemed that I couldn’t control my facial expressions. Her golden eyes were trembling. Anyway, you came at the right time because I had a lot to say to you.

“Tia.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t get sick.”

“…. ”

“Even though you have gotten better these days, you weren’t that healthy in the past. Don’t skip meals because you’re stressed out. Don’t overwork yourself. If you collapse, your family will be turned upside down.”

“… Allen. ”

The look on her face turned subdued, but I kept talking. I still had lots of things to tell her. “Take care not to catch a cold on rainy days, in particular. As you’re a knight now, I think you will get caught in the rain even if it rains. In that case, take a bath with hot water, and if you still have some tea I gave you the other day, brew it. They say it’s good for preventing colds. ”

“Allen.”

“Winter is just around the corner, so dress warmly. Don’t unfasten the top buttons of your coat just because you feel stuffy. Tighten it, okay?”

“Allen!”

In the end, her golden eyes were gradually wet with tears. My heart ached at her trembling “Don’t say so, Allen. Why are you telling me like that as if you will never come back. You’re going as a member of the delegation, right? You’ll be back when your mission is over. right? Huh? Allen. ”

“… Tia. ”

“Yes.”

“If I ask you to accept my heart even now… you won’t accept it, right?”

I smiled bitterly when she hesitated. I turned because I didn’t want to see her feeling a sense of guilt. When I was putting a small bottle of medicine in my baggage, she said faintly, “I won’t say I am sorry anymore.”

“… ”

“But Allen, just know this. Even if I’m not of the same mind as you, I want you to know that you and my father are the most precious people to me in this world.”

“…Tia. ”