Steeling Her: Chapter 43

“You provoked him, Ted, that’s why you got punched,” I reprimand him. I’m so mad at both of them for embarrassing me in front of strangers. Those people in there know who Nick is, and he still swung his fist.

He could have used his words to get his point across, but he had to wind himself up in another fight. He’s always in fights, according to the tabloids. He’s notorious for them when he’s out or even on the field. It’s like he hunts for one. But he really has it in for Ted. It’s been that way since the very first day they met.

I’m not stupid enough to not see that they both hate each other. Whether it’s a personality clash or over me, it’s petty either way.

Be civil. That’s all I ask.

“So you’re taking his side!” he exclaims in shock.

“You provoked him! What were you expecting him to do? Take it and stay silent?” I wonder in awe at how ridiculous he’s being for not seeing it from a different perspective.

“Whatever, I expected my own girlfriend to take my side—”

“It’s very fucking hard to when you’re in the wrong, Ted. You’re lucky that I didn’t make you apologize to him! I swear to God, sometimes I think your tunnel vision can be your flaw. You cannot see things from the other side when you really need to. You’re the one that wound him up and pushed his buttons. Yes, maybe he shouldn’t have hit you, but he did. And I’m really not all that surprised because, honestly, you’re being a dick right now!” I clash with him. I’ve lost all the patience that I’ve had tonight with him—with either of them. They’re both looking for me to snap.

Well, they’ve got it.

I’m at my wits end with the two of them and now, I’m sick of it.

All this back and forth, tit for tat nonsense is making me dizzy and nauseous.

I’m drained. I couldn’t be bothered with it all anymore.

“I’m being a dick?” he exclaims. “He fucking hit me, Carter! You saw it—”

“Yes, I did, but you were asking for it. What is it with you and him? It’s like watching ‘my dick is bigger than yours’ and it’s bullshit!”

“Mine probably is,” he mutters and I glare at him for being so childish.

News flash, honey, it’s not.

“Really?” I glower at him and he shoots his hands up in surrender. I can’t believe this. He should know that I’m not messing around right now. “I’m sick and tired of this shit! I need my space, Ted, that’s final!”

“Carter, are you trying to break—”

“I’m fucking close to it, Ted. Don’t push me!” I begin to storm off but get held back.

“Don’t walk away from me,” he demands with a growl as I meet his blazing red eyes. He usually gets like this when we have a fight and he doesn’t get his own way.

“Lose the attitude,” I threaten him. “Now!” I match his anger as nothing will stop me from this. I usually back down from any confrontation, but this time it’s different. I’ve reached my peak and I’ve had enough. I need to be alone with my own thoughts.

I need time to think about this.

As soon as I say that, his eyes stay the same but his determined grip loosens as I unravel myself from him and shake my arm out. Stepping backwards to get much needed space, I begin to walk away from him.

My mind is clouded by both men, and I need to get back to reality and think about myself. I need to put myself first; I never do.

As I walk down the crowded street, people flood the bars as I pass by. I keep myself locked away from the surrounding crowd and stroll to nowhere in particular. I walk until I see nothing but bright lights.

A boardwalk.

It’s full of rides, games, and food; the smell of hotdogs, cotton candy, and popcorn wafts through the air as groups of girls scream while laughter fills the air.

Shirtless college guys joke around with one another as I put one foot in front of the other. A football is thrown in front of me and I’m beginning to reminisce about the game I just watched today.

I remember the way Nick handled his play, how fluid he was with the team. It’s like he’s been playing with them for years. His style is still the same, he’s just sharper and quicker on the release. I smile thinking about how I criticized that part of his game at the party we went to in college. It looks like he took my advice after all.

I remember apologizing endlessly, thinking I had offended him. I felt bad. I always do when I’m about to point something out that may be another person’s flaw. I wouldn’t like it done to me. It wouldn’t feel nice.

I find an empty bench and sit down on it by myself and let the cool breeze flow through my long hair, smelling the seawater as I sit and wait. I take a deep breath and hold it until I can feel my heart rate slow down after walking around and being in a heated conversation. Then, I release it—let it go and float in the wind along with my anger.

This is what I needed, some time to myself; Alone with my own thoughts.

Over the wooden barrier, I see the reflection of the ferris wheel in the water. The yellow, orange, and bright pink reflected on the water, lighting up to it’s own beat and creating hypnotizing patterns to keep me entertained. I can see the water rippling as the waves come in and out in a beat to its own drum.

I’m grateful for the alone time. It’s what I needed. No men, no influences, and no words; just me and my peace.

After what feels like forever out here, I decide to bite the bullet. It’s now or never.

I need to speak to him.

I need to speak with Nick.

I order myself a taxi to pick me up and drop me outside TJ and Haley’s house. Next thing I know, I’m pushing the bell to let them know I’m here in the dead of night.

The entire ride here, I’ve been thinking over and over how I’m going to approach the conversation, different combinations of different scenarios, and none of them are going to be what actually happens.

I haven’t stopped crying because I have never been faced with this before. I have never questioned my relationship until Nick returned. It’s all gone downhill now, and I know that we need to clear things up. I need to fix things.

As soon as the door opens, I’m greeted with TJ’s friendly face.

“Hey,” he says carefully.

I can’t say anything to him. Instead, I search for Nick. He wasn’t far behind. I meet his eyes and blurt out in a shaky voice, “We need to talk.”

He sighs and nods.

“Come in.” Haley takes my arm gently and pulls me inside, but Nick and I haven’t taken our eyes off one another.

“Can we have a room?” I ask him, afraid of bringing Haley and TJ into our mess. This is between us; it always has been. We’ve left it five years, we’re both to blame for that, but it’s time.

“Yeah, follow me.” I do just that. I follow close behind him while I squeeze Haley’s hand, letting her know we need to do this.

We head down the hallway and into one of the rooms at the back. We come into a small yet gorgeously furnished room with moonlight streaming gently through the bay window, a slight artificial illumination from the surrounding lamps that are resting on the coffee and side tables accompanying it. Two sofas face each other, and an wall is filled to the brim with old books, none of which either of them own or have read. They’re redecorating this house, and I know this room will be the first to be revamped.

“Are you okay?” he asks delicately.

“No. You—” I’m beginning to get angry once again, so I squeeze my eyes shut and take another deep breath. When I open them back up, I walk towards the window.

I can feel him follow me.

I wipe both my eyes to allow myself time to gather my thoughts and what I need to say to him.

“I’m sorry, Carter. I shouldn’t have punched h—”

“I don’t really blame you. Not after the way he treated you.” I laugh bitterly. “I was just surprised that you did it, that’s all. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t have been.” I stare out the window, seeing his frame right behind me in the reflection.

“You weren’t surprised?” He sounds disappointed in himself. He did let himself down.

“No,” I answer back.

“Why?” he asks.

“Your exploits have been covered by the tabloids, Nick. You answer everything with your fists. It’s not the way to do it, but it’s the way you handle things, even when you didn’t do this before.” I shake my head. He threatened others a few times but rarely went through with it. Unless it was Ryan Averman.

“It’s not me—”

“But it is you.” I spin around and face him. He’s closer than I thought. I almost bumped into him. “This is now who you’ve become—”

“Not by my own accord.”

“Then whose? Hmm?” I ask sassily. I’m not believing any of this nonsense.

“That’s not fair.” He shakes his head while stepping into my space.

“Not fair!” I laugh sarcastically. “You want to talk about what’s not fair?” And here it goes, the elephant in the room is gigantic now and I have no choice but to address it. “You walking away five years ago, and now you’ve all of a sudden found the balls to come and talk to me—”

“Hold on, I messaged you everyday when we broke up and called you at least three times a day for a solid year. Don’t come at me with that shit, Carter. You let it die to—”

“Let it die! Are you kidding me. I never let it—” I stop myself, knowing what I was about to say. I was about to fess up to my deep and darkest thoughts. As much as I hate to admit it, he still has that effect on me. I’m still crazy about him, and I sometimes hate myself for thinking about it.

“I called you, and you never picked up—”

“Did you honestly think I would after everything that happened!” I can feel the tears leave my eyes. They race down both cheeks as they run down my neck and disappear. “You dumped me. I was embarrassed and . . . so fucking embarrassed. Everyone knew! People would look at me with so much pity. You broke my goddamn heart, Nick!” I yell at him and continue to allow my emotions to finally spill over. This is the first crack, and I know there are many more to come. Once they start to connect, the dam will explode, and everything within me will rush out. I won’t be able to take any of it back.

“I broke my own!” He matches my tone and stands closer until we’re almost chest to chest. We’re both breathing harshly as our heart rates speed up. “Watching you walk away from me that day was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to watch. I was crazy about you,” he says softly and licks his lips, almost like he didn’t want to tell me that. “I still am, Carter.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be!” I lash out to him but my heart is torn. “Go back to fucking Jody. You’re perfect for each other.” The word vomit is getting worse. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s the jealousy in me.

“I don’t want her.” His eyes are filled with sadness when he replies to me.

It remains silent for a long time. We can hear the TV in the other room.

I turn my head to the side as I can’t look at him. I’m afraid to, he’s just so beautiful it drives me crazy. I’m still crazy about him, too, I always have been.

“I never wanted her. As dickhead-ish as this will sound, I only wanted to fill a void inside of me. It’s what I’ve been doing for the past few years—”

“Bullshit, Nick,” I huff, unimpressed with of the way he’s handling things, but then I realize that maybe that really was his only way. Maybe it was the only way he knew how to, because before he met me, he was already doing something similar. He was filling a void.

He was—is my one true love. I cannot deny that.

“It’s the truth, Carter.” He softens his voice, almost like he was giving into this. “I swear. It’s not the right thing to do, but it’s the only way I know how. I . . .” He hesitates for a moment, exhaling harshly before he continues, “I get with girls so I can feel something, anything.” The disappointed tone makes a reappearance. I could feel my heart sinking for him and for me. It’s not something I want to hear, but I do admire his honesty, even if it took him all these years to do it and even if it’s killing me inside.

He sits on the edge of the table in the room and rests both hands on either side of his thighs. He stares down at the floor, then raises his head for our eyes to meet.

“I broke up with you because my dad told me to,” he begins and I blink back to look at him again. I’m shocked that this is where our conversation is going. Haley or TJ never mentioned the reason as to why he ended our relationship. They never mentioned a word, they never got involved, and they never commented on it.

I know I said I wanted to know everything, but am I really ready for all of this?

Is this it?

“What?” I ask in shock.

He scratches his head and stares over at me again with a strip of moonlight cutting his face. He shifts uncomfortably. We both know this talk is long overdue.

“After one of the trainings, he and my coach called me aside to tell me I was distracted and that I needed to focus.” His eyes didn’t even shift when he tells me this. That’s when I know he’s not lying. He’s being honest. “I told them that I wasn’t, even when I knew I was. I never blamed you for it, I blamed myself because I wanted to be with you all the time.” He chuckles and I blush. It makes me smile nonetheless.

“I was so addicted to you, and being around you made me so happy. I felt like myself when I was around you. I still do—”

“You don’t seem yourself anymore,” I mutter.

“That’s because I haven’t been coping well,” he confesses something that I could already see. He hasn’t been himself. I’ve seen videos, pictures, and interviews of him being a statue; cold and motionless.

This is not the Nick I know or once knew.

“My dad and I got into a fight about it that day. He actually choked me, and I haven’t spoken to him since—”

“Nick, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“This is not your fault, Carter. I’m not telling you all of this because I want you to feel like it is your fault. It’s not, it never has been. This is on me. I wasn’t willing to find a balance between our relationship and my career. When my game started to slip, I kept brushing it off. All I wanted to do was be with you.” He smiles to me.

“I thought I could be in our relationship and still play at the same level,” Nick continues. “I couldn’t, but that was my choice; not yours. I’m telling you this. because you need to know. I wanted to explain this to you years ago, but you avoided me—for good reasons too—so it was hard to get you to talk to me. I never wanted to do it over the phone or through a message.” He frowns a little.

“It just seemed weak and deadbeat. I couldn’t do that to you. You deserve better. I’ve always wanted to have this talk with you, but I felt that you didn’t want to see me or talk to me. So I thought that if I tried to reach out to you, I would lose you or that you would keep avoiding me. And I never wanted that.” Hearing his side of the story makes it all so real.

“I was never expecting you to choose me over football, Nick—”

“I know. I was so young, naive, and under so much pressure from my dad, coach, and scouts from the NFL, I thought that I couldn’t have both. What made it worse is that they never did this to TJ and Haley. It was only to me and you. I never forgave my dad about all the things he said about me, you, and our relationship. It made me sick when I lost you for good. Watching you walk away from me was one of the hardest things to see. It still gives me nightmares.” He sighs then stands up on his feet.

I really take in his frame, and it’s so much larger and bulkier than when he was in college. He has a very muscular frame with a protective vibe. He walks around all the time like he’s pissed off constantly, but when I’m with him, it’s diminished into nothing. I start to see the old Nick peek through every so often, but the mask he’s wearing has a firm grip on him, and I don’t like that.

“Then why did you let me go?” I ask with heartbreak laced in my words. I always wondered why he let me walk away if I meant so much to him.

“I thought I’d work to get my game back, and once I had it, I’d work to get you back. But it should have been the other way around; I should have stopped you that day, but I froze. It took me years to get my game back and then when finally I did, TJ had told me it was too late. You had moved on. I thought I’d leave you alone. I thought I’d let you live your life and be happy with him. I thought I’d try and move on from you.” He licks his lips and stares deep into my eyes, making sure I never break this connection between us.

“I never could,” he finishes. As he walks closer and closer to me, closing the distance between our bodies, I find myself inching backwards until I have no more room left. His aura is intoxicating, and I can’t get enough of him. It’s why I need the space.

“You should have tried harder,” I whisper, shaking. My words are contradicting me. “You have plenty of other opportunities, Nick. A ton of girls are after a guy like you—”

“None of them are you, Carter.” He ducks his head down once we’re chest to chest. Our lips are close, and I have to pinch myself in the leg to defy him.

His mouth inches so close to mine as he continues to talk.

I’m still with someone.

“I could never offer my heart to anyone else since we ended things. I was heartbroken that day. I was angry, and I even punched my own father. I was full of pure rage that I lost you. I refused to give anyone else a chance until I know that you’re over this. But ever since coming back here, seeing you, I feel like you’re not—”

“I won’t cheat, Nick.” I shake my head.

“I know. As much as I hate that, I respect that you’re standing your ground. You’re protecting yourself, I understand that. I really do.” His words don’t match his actions. He’s coming very close to me. I can’t breathe. If he moves closer, I will do something out of character.

“I won’t cheat on him,” I remind him, and he nods, pulling himself away.

“You’re not the type to, I know that much. You have so much respect for people, even when they don’t give it back to you. But Carter, even if it’s not with me, you deserve much more respect than what Ted is giving you. You deserve to be treated right, and he doesn’t do that—”

“I can make my own decisions, Nick. This has nothing to do with you.” I frown at him.

“I know you can, but I just don’t understand why you take it from him? What is it about him that’s so fucking great? He’s a control freak that has you wrapped around his finger—”

“That’s not fair and you know it. You don’t even know anything about our relationship—”

“I know enough to realize you’re not happy with him-”

“At least he didn’t choose his career over”—I stop myself with the low blow I had ready—“I’m sorry—”.

“Don’t be, I get it.” He sighs. “I probably deserve it.”

“No, Nick. That wasn’t nice of me. I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated with everyone’s opinions on my relationship. Th- . . . it doesn’t matter.” I run my hands through my hair and spin around to face out the window again, refusing to look at him.

We did nothing but listen to the crickets sing in the night, the faint sound of cars in the distance with music blaring from the clubs in the city.

“I’m sorry to say this to you, but if you honestly think that he’s going to choose you over his career, you’re in for a surprise, Carter.” I rest my head on the window. I’m trying to stop myself from crying.

Nobody chooses me.

It’s always me or something else.

Even when I don’t date football players and stay away from them, the choice still comes back to haunt me. Why can’t people balance some time with me and their careers? They always have to make it into something that they must choose from.

It’s not fair.

All I want is to be with someone who wants to be with me. Instead, work constantly gets in the way, and I always feel like I have to compete with it to get something out of the relationship.

“Is there something wrong with me?” I ask. I’m not sure if I wanted to answer it myself or if I wanted him to answer for me.

“There is nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect,” he says after some time. I’m not sure if he heard me. He took a while to answer. I feel his hand rest on my shoulder and pull me slightly away from the window I was pressed up against.

Defeated.

He turns me around and I feel his arms reach across and pull me into him.

It’s been a while since I’ve been hugged like this by him so many times. It’s something that I’ve missed. So much that I could feel the tears begin to roll down my face as I cry into his chest.

“Then why does nobody fucking stay with me!” I push him away in anger. “Why does nobody fucking stay! Why does it always feel like I have to compete with inanimate things that always have more power than I do!” I push his chest backwards and backwards as I roar at him. “Every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere, it’s ripped away from me! Why am I always second fucking best! Why do men always think they don’t have a choice and yet they still choose everything BUT me! Why am I not good enough for any of you? Why do I get last place?” I cover my face in my hands and weep into them.

Again, I feel him comfort me in the best way he knows how. He knows that this comforts me. It always has.

He doesn’t say much. If anything, he just lets me cry and cry and cry until I push myself to get a grip. I’m tired of crying.

I’m tired of all of this.

I wipe my eyes and back away from him. I return to the window and stare out of it until I feel my heart calm down. Again, nothing is said as I wait until I’m composed.

I’m about to open my mouth but I feel his lips rest on the crown of my head. It’s a delicate kiss. Both of his hands reach up and rest themselves on my shoulders.

“I’m sorry that I made you feel like that. You are enough, Carter. You’re more than enough. You’re everything I could have hoped for and am still hoping for. There is nothing, nor was there ever anything wrong with you. Your are perfect, just the way you are.” I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling when he first spoke. I just missed his voice and the way he said my name. I miss everything about him; the way he holds me, the way he speaks to me, and how protective he’s been the past while.

But the one thing that keeps reminding me is that he had made his choice five years ago, and he’s only now telling me all of this.

I turn around and face him once more to see the rugged man that I fell so deeply in love with five years ago. I gaze upon his sturdy features once more as his eyes search in mine. I lift myself up on my toes and kiss his cheek. I know I look like a wreck, but I need to sleep all of this new information off tonight and absorb everything soon.

“Goodnight, Nick,” I whisper and walk around him to grab my bag. As I walk towards the door and get ready to open it, his voice makes another appearance.

“If I could go back in time, I would change it all. I would find you sooner, keep you forever, and love you harder.” I press my lips together and run out of the room and down the hallway. I quicken my pace as I see the door in my sights.

“Carter!” Haley calls for me and rushes down the large stairway in her pajama shorts and TJ rushes out of the room that was beside the one me and Nick were in.

“No, it’s fine. Haley, I’m fine. I just need to go home.” I wave at her as she ignores my plea and continues to rush down the stairs.

“No, no, let me drive you—”

“You’re over the limit. I can grab a cab—”

“No, TJ, babe, drive her back. Please.” Haley brushes it off after seeing the state I’m in. I probably look worse than I’m actually feeling. I feel better, lighter, and freer.

“On it.” TJ grabs his keys and guides me out of the house.

“Thank you,” I say with bleary eyes as I rush to his car. I open the passenger door and see Haley standing in the doorframe. I flick my attention to the room I was in and stare at the window, hoping he can see me and that I can see him. Unfortunately, I can’t see anything, and my heart begins to beat faster again in the hopes that I could.

My heart wants him.

It always has.

***

I shut the door when I see the gates close after the car leaves. I amble down to the room where Nick is, listening to the padding of my feet meeting the cold tiles.

I knock on the door. I don’t hear a response. So, I push it open.

“Nick?” I call into the dim lighting.

I hear him sniffle and wipe his eyes, looking away from me. My brother has only ever cried one other time in his life, and that was at our grandfather’s funeral. “Nick?” I ask again more delicately.

“Yeah?” he replies, laughing slightly to cover up the fact that he’s upset. I know my brother, he can’t fool me.

“You okay?” I ask as I step further into the room.

“I’m fine.” He grunts while acting like a typical guy right now, ashamed to admit how upset he is. He tries to hide it by laughing once again.

“Nick, it’s alright to not be happy,” I say softly as I sit next to him on the sofa.

He stares at me. I can see the wet residue on his cheeks. “No, honestly, I’m okay. I feel much better. I just didn’t know how much I had bottled up. To be able to finally tell her how I actually felt is just what I needed. I feel much lighter.” He smiles at me and pats my leg. Seeing him this happy makes me so happy. I haven’t seen him smile like that in a while. A true and genuine smile that he used to wear had disappeared over the years and now, I can see the happiness shining through again.

“My one worry is that I hope I did enough,” he continues.

That confuses me. “What do you mean?” I ask just as he stands up on his feet. He nudges his head to tell me to stand up.

“To win her back. I hope she knows that I still love her.” He smiles at me when he lifts me back up to my feet. I smile up at my big brother.

“Or to Steel her back, get it?” I wink and laugh at my own joke while Nick just rolls his eyes. I still got a smile out of him.

“Just go, you idiot.” He pushes me out while he laughs.

“You smiled, so it was funny.” I point back at him as he keeps pushing me out of the room and into the hallway.

“That was a sympathy smile,” he counters, but I know it wasn’t true. He’s smiling, whether he wants to admit it or not. “Now, get up to bed.” He pushes me up the stairs. “I’m starving.” He starts to walk down to the kitchen.

“Let me make you something,” I offer.

“No, you’ll start asking questions, all of which is none of your business. It’s between me and Carter.” He shakes his head, continuing to walk away and thinking I won’t follow him. I do anyway.

“She’s my best friend and you’re my brother, so I deserve to know.” He stops himself and turns around to get right into my face, smirking down because he’s much larger than me.

“No, you don’t. It’s past your bed time. Go back to your room, young lady.” He nods down the way I just came from.

“No, it’s my house.” I pout and fold my arms across my chest.

“Is it? Wow, I didn’t know you make millions of dollars a year, Haley? You can start paying me back by then, if that’s the case,” he teases me smugly, and I growl at him for being so . . . Nick. I hate it when he does this. He has an answer for everything.

Smug bastard.

“Fuck you.” I stick out my tongue. “Now, tell me!” I plonk myself down on one of my island seats and listen intently to what he will tell me about their conversation.

“No. I’m not telling you anything, Haley. Respect that. What we discussed has nothing to do with you. It’s between me and her. Whatever happens, happens; good or bad. You might be my sister and her best friend, but it’s none of your business. That’s final, so drop it.” He starts to fish around the refrigerator for some leftover food.

“Fine.” I hate it when he’s right. He really is, I just want to know so I don’t step on anyone’s toes.

He ducks around the shelves to find something appetizing to eat. “There’s some leftover lasagna on the bottom shelf if you want it. Make sure you heat it up on a high setting for two sets of five minutes. We don’t want our star quarterback out because he has food poisoning, do we?” I say in a cheeky tone. He sends me the middle finger, knowing that he hates being called the star quarterback. Our dad used to call him that all the time and it used to drive Nick nuts, now more than ever.

They haven’t spoken to each other in years and it really upsets my mom. He never goes home unless he knows dad isn’t in the house, and dad never leaves the house. He’s missed so many special occasions because of it. My dad should never have gotten involved with him and Carter. It took me a while to realize just how much they adored each other. They really understood one another, even if I denied it initially. They suited one another well.

“Have you spoken to mom?” I broach the question lightly.

“Last week,” he mutters, trying to cut out a piece of the lasagna from the tray.

“And?” I push him for more information.

“And what? We talked.” He shrugs. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Haley.” He licks the sauce off his finger and places the food into the microwave. He switches it to four minutes and I roll my eyes.

He never listens.

“Five minutes, Nick. And I’m just asking, no need to be so touchy.” I squint my eyes back at him.

“I’m touchy because I know what you’re trying to do, Haley. You do this every time. No, I haven’t spoken to Dad, and I won’t. I’m not wasting my time with that idiot—”

“He’s our father, Nick.”

“He’s no father of mine. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here lonely and without the woman I love. If he hadn’t have stuck his goddamn nose in my business, I would have been the happiest man alive. Instead, I’m the fucking loneliest and most miserable man on the goddamn planet. All thanks to him.” His words don’t shock me. He’s said this so many times. What upsets me is how consistent he is with his view on our dad. Whether he likes it or not, he is our blood.

Yes, what he did was wrong, but he’s human. He makes mistakes too.

“Leave it, I don’t need this shit tonight, Haley,” he warns me as we wait for his food to cook.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I drop my head down to my hands. I know it’s a touchy subject, but all I wanted to know was if there could be a chance for reconciliation between him and my dad. It doesn’t look to be anytime soon. Plus, Nick has to be one the most stubborn guys I’ve ever known. It’s a family curse.

“You didn’t upset me. I just hate talking about him. I want to improve the situation with Carter, and I don’t want him getting wind of it. I don’t want him anywhere near her. Is that clear, Haley? Don’t tell him about what’s happening,” he warns me. I can tell he’s very serious about it.

“Okay, I won’t.” I hold both of my hands up in surrender.

“Don’t tell mom either. Or Ellie. Let this unfold naturally. Please, for the love of God, keep it to yourself, Haley. Please,” he begs me and places both hands in prayer to emphasize his point.

Yeah, I like to talk. I always talk to my mom and sister about everything, so this one will be hard, especially when they are both such huge fans of Carter. My mom always had a soft spot for her and backed their relationship from the beginning.

“Okay, I will.” I pretend to zip up my lips and throw away the key. He chuckles and shakes his head, taking the food out of the microwave. He sets another five minutes and waits again.

We continue to talk about random things to fill the time while we wait for TJ to return home. I continue to talk to my brother until I hear the door open and shut. I know it’s TJ.

“Haley?” he calls for me.

“Kitchen!” I yell back and wait for him to enter the room. When he does, he smiles and comes to greet me. A kiss from him is the only way I accept it. “Hey,” I say.

“Hey, babe.” He kiss me once more. He walks around me and pats Nick on the shoulder. He places his phone down on the counter and makes his way to the refrigerator.

“How was she?” Nick asks lightly. TJ turns around with a grin on his face and shuts the refrigerator door.

“She was good. She’s lost in her own thoughts for a while but was laughing and smiling by the time we reached her home. I walked her in to make sure nobody was there, don’t worry.” TJ sips on a bottle of water. I could see the tension roll off my brother’s shoulders once TJ confirmed Ted wasn’t at the house.

Nick nods like it’s not effecting him and continues to eat. He’s acting like he’s not listening but he’s absorbing absolutely everything to do with her.

“You sure?” He pushes.

“I checked the house myself even when she said it’s not necessary and he won’t do anything to her.” He chuckles, knowing that Nick needs to hear this for his own peace of mind. If he didn’t say anything, then you can be sure that Nick won’t be sleeping a wink tonight. TJ knows him inside and out, he knows what Nick will to ask and what to tell him.

“Thanks.” Nick looks at TJ and they share a secret nod that they always do when they’re on the same page.

“Well, on that note, I’m going to going to bed now. Love you, pumpkin,” TJ teases Nick by blowing him kisses as he passes by him. Nick smirks and shakes his head.

That is the side of TJ that I love. The goofy TJ is the best TJ.

“Haley, bring the idiot up to sleep,” Nick orders me to take him away.

“Gladly.” I wink and Nick starts to make vomiting noises as I pull my fiancé away to our sanctuary.

“ ’Night,” Nick says and he continues to eat the rest of his lasagna.

We make our way up the stairs to our room hand in hand and retire for the night, but it doesn’t stop me thinking about my brother.

“Goodnight,” TJ whispers once we’re in bed.

“Goodnight, and thank you for helping out,” I whisper back.

“Anytime, beautiful.” He kisses me in the dark. We fall asleep like always. It’s so easy because I am so exhausted from the day.

And I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling this exhaustion.