Steeling Her: Chapter 18

I hear the trolley being wheeled in which wakes me up. It’s early; nobody comes to see me this early in the morning. “Wakey, wakey, sweetheart.” The sweet old lady who comes in to give me my food daily always wakes me up with a smile on her face. She’s such a kind soul. She would sometimes come in to visit me to have a chat because she thinks I’m lonely.

“Morning, Mrs. Lauretta,” I greet her as I sit up in the bed. My body aches so much every time I move. She slides the tray over to me with the table underneath it for support. She walks over to the window and opens up the curtains.

“Good morning to you too, sweetie. It’s a beautiful day out there, huh? Do you hear the birds?” She turns back to face me with the biggest grin on her face. She’s always smiling. I love people who are like that. “What beautiful flowers you have, Miss Steel,” she says as she sniffs them.

I smile. “Nick always gets me flowers every time he visits me.” I grin at the thought of him. I couldn’t stop smiling yesterday. He looked so sexy when he came into my room, flowers in hand. I blushed immediately. He was so sweet.

“Is that the cute blond boy I see everyday?” I nod back at her instantly. “You’re a lucky girl, you are.” She winks and wheels the trolley out with a goodbye, continuing on to give the rest of the hallway their food.

Scrambled eggs and bacon bits with a fruit cup on the side and orange juice. It smells good for hospital food. My mouth is watering. But I lean over to grab hold of my phone so I can text my mom. I spoon some eggs into my mouth and click on the home button to see I got a message from Ryan.

I open the message and see a picture. My heart stops beating at the sight of Nick underneath Maya and looking at the camera as if he’s been caught. The eggs drops out of my mouth and back onto the plate. The position they’re in makes my heart crack.

I’m just staring at the picture. My body goes numb, and I feel faint. Was he using me like all the others too? I’m starting to shake, and I feel the tears form in my eyes. Next, I hear footsteps racing outside of my door, getting louder and louder.. The door slams open, and I see a red and sweaty Nick run into the room and stand in front of me.

“It’s not what it looks like!” He rests his hand out in front of him, gathering his breath.

“Don’t,” I choke out. His eyes widen and he starts to shake his head as comes around the bed to get to me. I’m clutching the phone in my hand with all I’ve got. The screen is black now, but I can still visualize the photo.

“No, no, no. Please, don’t do this, Carter!” He clutches the phone and tries to pull it away from my hands. I loosen my grip, The phone slips out and he puts it on the table.

“How could you, Nick?” My voice wobbles at the image.

“Carter, you’ve got to believe me! I was set up by Maya and Ryan! Please believe me!” he begs to me, but I push him away, not wanting to feel her germs to transfer to me. “Carter, please!” he pleads and I feel my heart shatter into tiny pieces, allowing my stomach to digest them. This cannot be happening.

“You’re just like the rest of them. As soon as we kiss, my dad will like you and you’ll get your wish; to become the next big thing in football!” I cry out and watch his face drop, his hunter-green eyes glazing over at my harsh words. Why does this keep happening to me?

“It’s not like that, Carter! Please, just hear me out. It looks bad, I know it does, but Maya jumped me—”

“Just stop!” I yell louder and cover my ears, not wanting to hear it. I can’t. I’m already upset, and I feel even worse. I cry hard, so hard that I’m hiccuping right now. “Please leave . . .” I ask him quietly.

“What? No! I’m not leaving, Carter. Listen to me!” he pleads.

“Just leave, Nick . . .” I’m begging him to leave me alone. I want to be by myself and cry. I don’t want people around me. I don’t need anyone around me.

Shock is what is on his face. He stands up and runs a hand through his hair. I notice the cuts and bruises on his knuckles. I don’t want to know, I just want him to leave. He walks around the bed to walk back out the door, stopping at the foot of my bed.

“I’m not like those guys, Carter. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ll say that. I’ll be here when you want to talk. Please believe me.” Leaving on that note, I see his eyes are blood shot.

I call the nurse in as soon as he leaves the door. “Miss Steel, is everything okay?” she asks, and I gulp down the lump in my throat that’s threatening to spill out.

“I need you to not let anyone visit me today. I want to sleep, I don’t want any visitors; not my family, nor my friends.” She nods and takes the food away from me. I feel sick. I just want to be alone in this room. I don’t want anyone around me, and the nurse leaves it at that.

I did some assignments in the morning and slept for the rest of the day. The same with the next day, and the next, and so on until the the day before I was getting out. I’ve only spoken to my mom, but I haven’t filled her in on what happened. I’m beginning to feel guilty for snapping at him like that. Maybe I should’ve listened to his explanation? Maybe he deserved that chance?

But the picture that was sent to me doesn’t look good. I couldn’t look at it any longer, so I decided to delete it from my phone. Every time I did look at it, I would feel a wave of nausea wash over me and I would heave and heave until something actually left my system.

Tonight is their away game. The urge to watch it gets stronger as the minutes tick by. The room is filled with sounds from the machines I’ve been hooked up to, and the plain yellow walls caging me in looks dreary. The weather is overcast today as I’m looking out the window; gray, like my mood has been for the last few days.

Ryan has dropped in a few times, waiting for me, but I told the nurse to tell him I was sleeping. Nick has come in every day too—with TJ, Haley and Danielle—but I’ve refused to see them too.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

My mom pushes the door open with my dad behind her, and I stare at them. They walk in, hand in hand, and come straight over to me. My mom sits on the edge of my bed and strokes my leg up and down.

“How are you feeling, baby?” She soothes me. She knows that there’s something wrong, but I don’t want to talk about it. If I don’t talk about it, I won’t picture it. I refuse to speak about anything that happened. I could hear them outside somedays, talking to Nick and TJ about football.

“I’m fine, I’m just tired,” I mumble bitterly. It sounds more like a grumble leaving my mouth as I lie. I’m not fine, but I don’t want anyone to know. My dad leans down to kiss my forehead and I feel my cheeks start to get wet. My dad always comforts me, but right now, I feel worse.

“Baby, talk to us,” he asks lowly. I cover my hands over my face and let out a sob. I hate crying in front of people. My nose starts to run, and I sniffle while trying to compose myself and my feelings. “Carter, sweetie, what happened?” My dad hugs me close to his chest and squeezes me tight like always. His musky scent takes over my nose, and I cry onto him. Again.

“It happened again, Dad.” He stiffened instantly. The air leaves my lungs, and my mom had to pry him off of me so I could breathe again. I didn’t think that Nick would do it to me. Then again, I didn’t think those other guys would either.

“Carter, tell me what happened exactly,” my mom coos and pulls my dad over to her. He wraps an arm around her shoulder from behind and rests his chin on her head. She rubs his forearm to calm him down. My dad is pissed right now. I can see it in his face. His jaw is locked and his eyes are moving like a dart around the room. He’s thinking, and that’s never good when he’s angry.

“I got sent a . . . photo of Nick and the girl he’s on and off with . . .” I leave it vague, hoping they can fill in the blanks and I don’t have to explain. That’s just embarrassing. I wipe my eyes, ridding the last of any tears.

“Do you still have the photo?” my mom asks me, leaning into me so she can make eye contact. I shake my head and tell her that I had deleted it. “Okay, Carter, you’re going to have to explain a little more than a photo. What were they doing?” She tilts her head to the side, sending me a small smile. Her motherly instincts are coming out, and I know she’ll go all mama bear for me.

“She was on top of him.” She nods understandingly. My father’s hands crunch into a tight fist, allowing his knuckles to crack. Now he’s fuming.

“Rodger, honey, calm down. He might have a good explanation. He’s a good kid, you said so yourself.” She tilts her head back to look at my dad, who snaps his eyes down to her. Softening his expression a lot more than before, he kisses her and nods.

“I know, I just don’t want to see my baby hurt that’s all.” I smile to my dad. I love this man so much. He’s always been my best friend. He’s my rock.

“Have you spoken to him since?” I shake my head in return. I don’t want to see him. “Listen, honey, if you don’t hear him out on what he has—”

“Absolutely not!” my dad interrupts her with so much hate in his voice. He has changed his tune, that’s what happens when he thinks about the situation. He shuts any ideas down that don’t match his own.

“Rodger! Zip it or you can leave!” My mom responds in an even more angry tone than he has. My dad closes his mouth in an instant and stares at her, knowing if he says any more she’ll verbally punch him in the gut. My mom is not a person you would want to argue with; ever. She wins every time, even when she’s wrong.

“Now, as I was saying, you need to talk to him, sweetheart. It might not be what it looks like, or it might be what it looks like. You’ll never know the full story unless you ask. If you like him as much as I think you do, you should give him a chance. Just hear him out.” I sigh, knowing that she’s right, but I’m in no rush to talk to him. I’m so upset with him right now. “Don’t say no to the idea, honey, you’ll regret it. I know you will.” I nod, but only because I need her to drop the topic. I’ll let her think I will, but in the back of my own mind, I know it’ll take time for me to talk to him.

Later that night, my dad is lying in bed with me alone in my room. I’m cuddled up to him with his laptop on the table, readying ourselves to watch the game. Nick and TJ are starting, and my eyes are glue to the blond-haired hunk warming up. The cameras are focused on him as he runs some drills with his teammates.

“The kid has a good step,” my dad says with admiration, referring to TJ running the line of drills set up for him and only him. He’s like lightning. He has one of the quickest sidesteps I’ve ever seen. Chris would be jealous.

The cameras go to Ryan, who is warming up his arms and talking to another teammate. I look away from the screen and down at my hands. “You know, you don’t have to like boys if you don’t want to, honey. It’ll be a lot less stressful for me and your brothers if you decided to just stick to your girlfriends.” I roll my eyes and laugh at him. My dad hates the mention of boys when it comes to me. I giggle again as I think about it.

“At this moment in time, Dad, it looks like you’ll be getting your wish.” I lean back on his shoulder, snuggling into his body. “You can be the only man I love, Dad,” I whisper to him, and he kisses my head for a long time.

“I am the only man you’ll ever love, honey. Keep it that way.” He chuckles, and we hear the commotion in the stadium on the screen in front of us. Watching the guys run out onto the field, we are ready to go.

Submerged in this game, my brothers join us before the kick off. We’re all yelling at the screen as if we’re there, instructing to run the ball over and over again. Nick isn’t playing good at all, but his team is still winning. He’s fumbling the ball and not passing to Ryan at all even though he’s open. Sometimes, he makes a run himself but doesn’t get very far.

“Come on, kid!” My dad sighs at how badly he’s playing. I can see the frustration on his face. The guys are trying to give him a pep talk, but he isn’t listening to a single word. He just walks off and ignores them. Resuming his position, he calls the play again but gets squashed. Once the guys get off of him, Nick punches the ground and stands on his feet. TJ grabs his helmet to say something him but Nick pushes him off.

“He’s angry. He’s going to get benched. If he was my player, I would’ve done it in the second quarter. He’s either going to get hurt or someone else is,” my dad commentates, not removing his eyes from the screen. We’re all watching him boil with anger. They take their positions once again, and he calls the play. As soon as he gets it, he sees TJ making a run towards the end zone. He throws it in the air, allowing it to spiral; a perfect pass.

“Nice throw! Damn, this kid is good,” Austin mumbles. TJ gets the touchdown and we all cheer and clap for him. “The other guy is wide open all the time though,” my brother acknowledges the most obvious flaw in the play, as does my dad.

Next thing we see is Ryan bashing his body against Nick, then fists start swinging. “They must not like each other.” My dad shakes his head at the sight of the crowded bodies around them trying to pull them off one another. Nick is dragged off of Ryan once again, who has his helmet on the ground beside him.

I sit there, frozen, and comment, “They hate each other.” Watching both boys being pushed into the locker rooms by staff members is kind of embarassing.

“Why? They both turned into animals there.” Austin leans nearer to the screen, watching the team stand there with their hands on their hips, looking at the two guys being put out of the game by the referee.

“I went on a date with that guy, Ryan, and Nick didn’t like it. He said some pretty crude things about me, too, so Nick beat him to a pulp for that.” Ryan’s head becomes visible again and I see nothing but black and blue bruises coating his face. I gasp at the sight of him. His right eye is barely open. That’s not from the party, nor tonight.

When did that happen? My guess it was Nick too.

“What did he say?” Austin turns to face me, replicating my dad, and I shake vigorously.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know,” I assure him, not taking my eyes off of Nick, the gorgeous guy I’ve grown feelings for. It makes me sound so weak, but he looks so sexy in his football uniform. He looks at the camera for a spilt second and my stomach flutters, knowing that he can’t see me but still affecting me.

“What’s his name?” Austin asks while grinding his gleaming white teeth. My brother is so protective. God help the girl he marries. If he ever marries.

“Ryan.” I cuddle my face into my dad’s neck, not wanting to do this right now. My dad’s pulse is beating against my face. His heart is beating hard because he’s annoyed again.

“Ryan what?” My dad pushes for a definite answer. This has not been my day.

“Averman.” My words tickle my dad’s neck as he strokes my hair like I’ve always loved. I shiver from how good it feels. “I’m going to have to teach Mr. Averman some manners about how to treat girls right. Especially my daughter.” I close my eyes, the scent of my dad surrounding me.

I drifted off with a blank dream. I remember nothing but blackness around me. I didn’t get to finish watching the game, but I had woken up for a few seconds when I felt people kiss my head and murmur a goodbye. I had an exhausting day, trying to calm my dad and brothers down from the two boys causing havoc in my life right now, not to mention a certain girl beginning with an “M” who likes creating more drama for me.

The truth is, I do still miss him.

The next morning, I’m being released with take home antivirals and strict orders to sleep a full eight hours a night with plenty of fluids. No meat, just vegetables, and to get some fresh air when I get headaches. The doctor has written down a few things for me and has also given me a doctor’s note describing the problem to the college admin.

I’m sitting on the bed, watching my mom pack my clothes back into my suitcase. Layer by layer, she folds them over and sets them into place like a jigsaw puzzle. Then, my dad enters back into the room to ask if we’re ready to go. We both say yes as my mom zips up my case, and we make our way down to the elevators, but not before I say a quick goodbye to Mrs. Lauretta. She’s such a sweet lady for talking to me each morning. She also has a huge thing for Chris, so he kisses her goodbye, making her laugh.

The dull thumps of the wheel from my suitcase moving over the gap between the tiles occupies my head.

Ba-dumph. Ba-dumph. Ba-dumph.

Chris presses the button on the door and it opens wide after a while. There is a young couple in the elevator. The guy’s eyes widen to an astronomical amount at the sight of my dad and brothers.

“Holy shit! Man, I’m a huge fan of you guys!” he blurts out while his girlfriend face palms herself, making me laugh. The guy nervously fishes out his phone and asks, “Do you mind if I get a quick picture of you guys?” My brothers laugh at him and position themselves around the guy while his girlfriend takes his photo.

“Would you like one too? I can take it?” my mom asks his girlfriend and she thanks her while handing over her phone.

“I’m sorry, I actually don’t know who you guys are, but I know it’s probably something to do with football?” And I burst out laughing again at her. She’s so tiny when standing next to my dad and brothers, who are giants compared to her. She shuffles herself into the middle. “He’s obsessed with anything football!” She rolls her eyes before smiling at the camera.

“Then you don’t deserve a goddamn picture with them, babe!” Her boyfriend playfully jabs back, making us all chortle. “Thank you so much!” He smiles at the photos my mom took. “What brings y’all down here midseason?” he asks as we descend to the ground floor.

“This one caught a virus and decided to not wake up, so we all came to see if she was alright.” Chris points his thumb in my direction with a roll of his eyes. I kick his shin because he’s making me sound like a burden. But he then wraps me up in a hug, peppering kisses on my head.

“I hope you’re feeling better.” The girl smiles with a look of pity on her face.

“I’m feeling better, thank you. I’m glad to be out,” I shyly admit. I’m never good at talking to people. I get so nervous like I’m not prepared. I need to be prepared most of the time or else I end up saying something stupid. The door opens for us all to walk out and we say goodbye to the nice couple.

“They were lovely.” My mom sighs, watching them leave to the left of us while we walk out the entrance. A gust of wind blows my hair around, and it’s quickly met with yells and flashes of cameras. My dad tucks me under his arm and my mom occupies the other side. Austin and Chris walk in front of us, guiding us out to the car park.

“I didn’t think they knew we were here!” my dad says with a growl as he’s looking around. He knows I hate this commotion. I grip him tight. He feels me pulling myself closer to his body while we maneuver through the sea of bodies calling “over here!”, “how are you feeling?”, and “any update on the team?” They repeat their questions over and over, along with other questions about my brothers’ newest female conquest. Once we’re in the car park, my dad lifts me up into the car and shuts the door once Chris climbs in beside me. I’m in the middle of my two older brothers and my parents are up at the front. Lots of photographers surround the car, bellowing for us to look at them.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The car horn echoes around the darkness, and he starts to drive.

“I will run these sons of bitches over if they don’t get out of my damn way!” my dad yells out at them, hearing his southern accent come out. It always does when he’s yelling angrily at people. You can hear it on TV sometimes when he’s yelling at his players. “MOVE!” He swats his hand in the direction to get out of his way. Once they do, he takes off and rams his foot on the peddle.

“Jesus, Dad!” Chris holds onto me and Austin grips my hand.

“Sorry, kids, I just don’t want them bothering you. You guys may be used to it in LA with whatever girl is on your arm, but I know Carter isn’t. I don’t need her face everywhere right now.” My dad swerves out of the hospital once he puts the ticket in for the barriers. He twists and turns, allowing me and my brothers to slide from side to side in the back.

I start laughing because I feel like a rag doll. My dad looks at me in the rear view mirror while my mom twists her body around to face me. “There’s that beautiful smile!” My dad sends me a relieved look. I have his smile while I have my mom’s looks. “Last one!” He turns, and I crash into Austin while Chris is trying to hold his body weight off me so I’m not crushed by him.

“Sorry,” I mumble to my brother, who smiles down at me.

“I was more worried about fatty beside you crushing you, C-dog.” Austin points his chin to Chris, who reaches across to smack him on the head. Austin opens his mouth to try to bite him back like they used to do when we were younger. All of us sit up straight as we continue the drive back to campus.

Passing by the houses on our way, my dad points out some things that used to be there, reminiscing about the times when he went to college. He showed us where he took my mom on their first date when he finally had the courage to ask her and my granddad. “I have never, even to this day, never been so nervous to talk to your dad. But I respect that man, even with the threats he gave me over the years.” My dad rolls his eyes.

“He makes good on his threats.” My mom tilts her head towards him and smirks. A secret they are communicating through their eyes.

“Do you remember when we went to that party in that barn there, Austin?” Chris asks. Austin whips around and glares at him for opening his mouth. I bite my lip, trying to not laugh, but my dad saw that look in the mirror.

“Keep talking, Chris.” My dad stares at Austin through the mirror. I know he’s been busted with whatever he did, or whoever he did.

“Yeah, keep talking, Chris,” Austin remarks as he stares at his brother. My head is going back and forth like I’m watching a tennis match.

“On second thought, I actually think it was a dream . . .” Chris stares out the window, avoiding the eyes on him. He could never lie and my mom knows all to well when I see her watching her youngest boy.

“Umm, hmm, well . . . Chris, funny you should say that . . .” Both of my brothers eye up my parents out front, who are grinning like they know something we don’t. “Because that barn right there”—she points back at the old brown barn surrounded by hay stacks on the outside—“is where Austin was conceived.” All of us widen our eyes at that information, and I lost the control to keep my laugh in. I laugh so hard into my hand that I’m almost crying.

Austin groans beside me. “Ugh, Mom, not cool . . .” he moans, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Like father, like son,” Chris mumbles to the side, and Austin reaches across again to grab him by the throat. I can’t stop the laughter from escaping.

“I could say the same about you, Chris. I think I’d need a calculator to count how many girls you got with that night.” Austin smacks his cheek.

“And it all comes out now.” My dad laughs at the reaction they’re giving.

“Well, at least I didn’t ride a horse naked with the head cheerleader straddling you!” Chris snaps back, and the more they talk, the more the conversation gets weird. My mom is shocked at what they got up to when they were in college, judging by her gasps. Just as she’s about to interrupt them, my dad stops her wanting to hear more. Judging by the huge smile on his face, he’s loving this, and it makes him look like an angel.

“Yeah, because trying to ride a pig is sooo much better!” Austin rolls his eyes in my brother’s face.

“At least I had my clothes on, dipshit! You were off riding anything with long hair that night!” And I look at my dad shaking his head at his two sons. I press my lips, loving this moment; it makes me look normal.

“Pfft, like you weren’t—”

“That’s enough, you two!” my mom finally butts in, ruining the moment, and my dad frowns. As did I, I wanted to hear more. “You’re exactly like your father.” Then his face snaps to her while she giggles at him. He smiles at her and rests his hand on her thigh.

“I would sound like an angel compared to these two! Please—” My mom clears her throat, gaining his attention again.

“You remember what happened after Leroy’s bar?” Suddenly, his face stiffens, and he looks ahead again. He stays silent, not answering her, but his face says it all.

“Ooohoohooh! What happened after Leroy’s bar, Dad?” Chris emphasizes his name with a huge smile on his face. He leans forward to tickle my dad’s neck, trying to get him to answer the question, but the car comes to a stop. We look outside to see that we’ve arrived at my dorm building, the hustle and bustle of people walking around campus to go to their classes and whatnot.

“Remember what happened after Elise’s place, sweetheart?” My dad throws back to my mom, and her eyes widen with warning. I can see that she’s going to snap.

“Yeah . . . I’m not going to ask while she looks like that!” Chris pushes the door open because the mood suddenly changed. My dad winks at her and mouths, “Best night of my life.” Mom softens instantly like it was probably both the best and worst night they’ve had, but we all slip outside to give them a moment. Knowing they’re probably kissing right now, and none of us wants to see that. Chris pulls my case out of the trunk.

He wheels it behind me ,and I see the looks we’re getting. He pulls it up the steps with ease, and Austin wraps his arms round my shoulder when we reach the door, guiding me through. There are tons of people in the lobby downstairs, and my brothers curse under their breath. “This could take a while,” Austin mumbles but continues to walk to the elevator.

Squeals start to echo around the room as the girls claw their way to my brothers, who smile down at them politely.

“Can I get a selfie with you?” one girl begs my older brother, who agrees and takes a picture with every step he takes towards the elevator. Photo after photo, we make it to the steel transport system and shuffle in. Pressing the fourth floor, we hope there’s nobody out on the floor. Our wish came true when we see a blank hallway with closed doors.

My mom has the keys to open the door. Once she does, we hear Danielle wail while she watches what looks like “The Notebook” by herself. Startled, she pauses it and whips her face around to see who it is. Seeing that it’s me and my family, she covers her face in embarrassment.

“I-I . . . I’m just going to leave.” She stumbles to her feet and power walks to her room with her back to us. Slipping inside, she slams the door shut, red faced, and I can hear her cursing in her room. Then a thump, and another one, and another one. She’s probably punching the pillow in her room. She’s most likely embarrassed about the whole ordeal of us walking in on her romantic time with Ryan Gosling.

“Maybe I’ll check on her?” My mom squeezes my shoulder and walks in the direction Danielle left to. All of us walk inside, except for Chris. I don’t hear the wheels being rolled across the floor. I turn around to see him watching my mom.

“Chris?” He snaps out of his daze and I beckon him inside.

“Oh, sorry.” He pushes the bag through, and I send him a small smile. He lifts my bag up, making his muscles flex, and brings it inside my room. We’re all in my room, and my mom comes inside. Danielle is behind her with puffy eyes and red cheeks. I walk over to her and engulf my arms around her.

“You alright?” I whisper to her and she nods.

“I need to stop watching that stupid movie alone!” She laughs nervously. My mom is unpacking for me, and we both go over to help her. We’re unpacking my clothes and putting them into the laundry basket while my dad and brothers raid our refrigerator. Chris especially, he eats nonstop. It’s all he thinks about.

“So, how are you feeling?” Danielle asks me. She’s sending me side glances to check if I’m okay. I could feel her eyes on me from time to time as we pull my clothes out of my bag.

“I’m fine.” I shrug my shoulders. I pick up my black shirt and place it inside my drawers over near my door.

“I just thought you were really tired . . . because we couldn’t see you for the past few days. I thought you got worse.” She stops folding my clothes to look at me. It’s then I realize, she knows. She knows about what happened between me and Nick. He must’ve told her.

“You know, don’t you?” My mom stops unpacking momentarily and then begins again. She’s listening too. “You saw the picture.” I bring my eyes back to my roommate, who is cautiously approaching the subject matter. It’s a touchy one—one that I’ve tried to ignore and forget.

“Yeah . . .” She sighs patting my clothes on my bed. She starts to fidget with the hem line. “Carter, I know it looks bad, but—”

“But nothing, Danielle. He was caught. It looks bad because it is bad. She’s on top of him half naked, and he is too.” She steps back from my outburst because it’s still fresh. It keeps happening to me, over and over, and there’s only so much I can take. I’m a sensitive person, but people seem to overlook that and think they can walk all over me. It’s not fair. Guy after guy, it’s the same story but with a different person. I’m tired of it. It stings every damn time.

“I know,” she whispers with her head down. I then immediately feel guilty for getting angry with her.

“I’m sorry . . . Danielle, I didn’t mean to get angry with you. It’s just, it’s hard. Every time I get close to a guy, they end up using me for their career, and it hurts. I don’t want to be toyed around with. I’m a person . . . with feelings. But they think it’s alright to step on me to get to my dad or brothers, like I’m just a hurdle to jump over.” I stare down at my frail hands. They have red marks and bruises from the drips that were once in me.

“Carter, sweetheart, I think you need to hear him out first before you jump to any conclusions. You also need to rest and not stress over this. Maybe you should have a girl’s night with Haley and Danielle. Relax and fall asleep. The doctor said you can take the next two days off to get your body clock back to normal. Do you want me to run you a bath?” The mention of the word bath perked my ears up, and I nod rapidly back at my mom. She laughs at me acting like such a kid again. I love hot baths. Anything hot, really, but hot baths take gold for me.

She walks out, leaving Danielle and I to fold away the clothes that I didn’t wear. I can hear the water running next door and Chris comes rushing in.

“Ugh, I’d love a bath right now!” He runs over to my bed and bounces on it. For my older brother, he’s such a child. Danielle grins over at him, giggling into her hand. He rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. “Remember when Austin tried to drown me in the one back home? Little bastard.” I laugh at the story. I was too young to remember, but I’ve heard it so many times that I feel like I do remember it sometimes.

“That’s because you stole my swimming trucks for the beach that day! My favourite ones too!” Austin comes back inside with a sandwich in hand, munching away on it.

“Where did you get that?” Chris’ voice raises into a borderline squeal. He points to the sandwich that Austin is dramatically eating just to piss him off.

“I made it,” my oldest brother mumbles back with his eyes closed, signalling that it’s a good sandwich. He moans to really tease Chris.

“Where’s mine?” Chris sits back with his hands behind his head. He’s basically telling Austin to go and make him one but Austin won’t budge.

“Waiting to be made by your own damn hands,” Austin replies smugly.

“Can you make me one?” Chris has hopeful eyes because he looks like he’s comfy. He’s not going to move from my bed anytime soon, not with the way he’s lying. He barely fits on my bed because he’s so tall. That boy never stopped growing, he just kept going.

Austin snorts. “Nope.” He bites into his sandwich and moaning with the taste.

“At least give me a bite?” Chris then decides to sit up, waiting for our brother to come over and give him a small bite. Knowing Chris, it’s not going to be small by any means.

“Fuck no, your big mouth will eat the whole thing in one bite! Chris, I’m not stupid!” Austin stares down at him.

“I beg to differ,” Chris mumbles and lies back down, but Austin scowls at him. Danielle laughs but turns away from them so they can’t see her. “Mom! Will you make your favorite child a sandwich!” Chris yells out the door.

“Sure.” She comes in and pokes her head inside over her eldest’s shoulder. “What would you like in it, Carter?” she asks me and we all lose it, laughing so hard at her evident dig. We all know my mom has no favorites between us, but Chris has always declared he’s been hers.

“That hurts, Mom!” Chris feigns being in pain and puts his hand over his heart, but it’s on the wrong side of his chest.

“Your heart’s on the other side, Chris” Austin laughs at him. Chris was never a smart cookie. Bless him. “Idiot!” Austin eats the rest of his sandwich.

“At least he has his looks,” my mom mumbles and Chris winks at her, knowing she’s right.

“And I can play football!” he pridefully yells back at her as she waves him off leaving to make him a sandwich. Just like that, I feel more at home now. But I know it won’t last long. They’re leaving in two days time, and everything will go back to normal. Plus the awkwardness of seeing Nick is inevitable.