2. Mayra vs Raya

I wake up. The fear is still etched in my body. Still ringing in my mind and soul. Fuck! When will all these be over? It’s been five damn years and I’m still having nightmares. Still fearful.

Years of seeing different therapists and psychiatrists and there is still no progress. I don’t feel any better mentally. My head is still a mess.

“Let me out!” Raya, my wolf screams out. Banging on the invisible wall that I have built around.

“Let me the fuck out May or I swear I will hurt you” she growls I wrap my hands around myself and lean against the headboard. Bringing my knees up. I burry my head between them and cry.

“Mayra!” she screams. Her voice took on an unnatural tone. Anger and bitterness laced with my name.

I ignore her. Taking deep breaths. Trying to push away the pain and tears. I hate how weak and helpless I feel. How out of control I have become.

She hates me. I can feel it in every word that she throws at me. She blames me for what happened.

The sad thing is I can’t even be mad at her. Because she is right.

The day we were taken she tried warning me. She told me that she wasn’t getting a good feeling. That we should just take the car or plane instead. I didn’t listen to her but goddess do I wish that I had.

She is right and she has every right to hate me. It’s my selfishness and stubbornness that got us captured and held in captivity for ten years.

“Please stop Raya. Please” I beg her, unable to bear the headache she’s causing me.

She doesn’t stop though. Instead she continues throwing herself against my mental blocks.

Having enough of her antics. I get out of the bed and leave my room. I still lived in the pack house.

Sebastian and Lauren wanted to give me my own house but I refused. I was afraid of living on my own.

Sneaking out, I leave the house and start heading towards the forest. I wanted fresh air. To be under the moon and clear my head.

I was nearing the river when a crashing pain fills my head. I fall down on my knees. Clutching my head.

I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. Someone would be able to hear me and I couldn’t have that.

My mental blocks shatter. Raya begins taking over.

“Did you really think that you could keep me in that cage?” she sneers. “I will shift by force if that’s what it takes to be free from you”

She has never been able to do this and it scares the crap out of me.

“Let’s see how you like it being the one who is caged” she says with an evil wolfish smirk before pushing me to the back of her mind and taking over completely.

-----

When I wake up. I’m in the clearing near a pond. I’m exhausted and my bones feel like jelly.

Standing up I look down at myself only to find that I am covered in blood.

Quickly, I immerse myself into the water. Trying to get rid of the scent of blood. I don’t know what happened yesterday after Raya took over. I don’t know where she went or who she attacked. My only prayer is that she killed animals.

I check on her to find her passed. Rebuilding my mental blocks. I make them stronger this time. The last thing I want is her taking control again.

After washing my body. I get out of the pond and begin to head back to the pack house. By now most of the pack members if not all should already be awake.

Thankfully, no one was in the living room when I sneaked in. I don’t want anyone to know of my struggles. Let alone worry about me.

I get to my room, shower then get dressed. When I am done, I go downstairs for breakfast. Pretending like everything is okay.

“Auntie May” Colton screams my name before his body collides with mine.

He honestly surprises me. His personality is part Sebastian and part Ren. Which in itself is a contrast.

“Morning Colt” I tell him, kissing his chubby cheeks.

At five years old, he has all this energy that is sometimes hard to keep up with. That and the fact that his wolf has already started making his presence known. Something that excites and scares his parents.

“Mama and I saved you breafast cause you were late” he says.

I laugh. Feeling relaxed for the first time since I woke up. “It’s breakfast, baby”

“That’s what I said…Breafast” he frowns at me.

I go to reply but I’m cut short.

Ren appears, while rubbing her belly. She was almost due. Just a few weeks to go and the little ones will be here.

“Don’t even bother arguing with him…you won’t win” she says while kissing his cheek.

I smile at that. Longing hitting my chest out of nowhere. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not getting younger.

Or because of everything I have been through. But I want what Ren has.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want Sebastian. I just want a loving mate and children. I want a family but I know I can’t have that. I can’t give any man happiness. It’s one of the reasons why I rejected Bash in the first place. I knew I couldn’t make him happy.

“Come on…like Colt said, we saved you breakfast” she pulls me into the kitchen and orders me to sit down.

Planting Colton on the seat next to me, I turn to the woman who has become more than a friend to me.

She and Bash decided after Colt was born to stay in the pack. The house in the city still remains but they now live here in the pack.

“What’s wrong May?” Ren asked me. Her eyes dug into mine. Trying to discover my secrets.

I sigh, shifting my eyes. “It’s nothing. I’m just not getting enough sleep”

I know I needed to tell someone that I was struggling. But this was my problem. So I was going to deal with it on my own.

“You know you can talk to me right?” she asked. “I hate the purple bags under your eyes and how sick and weak you look”

I leave my seat and go to hug her. Though it's a bit troublesome with her big belly.

“This is one of the things I love about you Ren. The way you care for me, but you don’t have to worry.

I’m okay, I just have difficulty sleeping of late”

She’s a bit shorter than I am but it still works.

“I’m worried about you Mayra…you’ve come to mean a lot to me and I don’t want you to watch you suffer when I can help”

I thank the goddess every day for bringing Ren to me. She’s the best thing that has happened to me since I was captured.

“I know and I’m telling you there is nothing to worry about. I’m fine…I promise” I squeeze her a bit.

Trying to reassure her.

“Fine then” the scowl on her face tells me that she doesn’t believe me one bit.

I wanted to say more but then my phone begins to ring.

“Uncle Darren is calling” Colton shouts, embarrassing the hell out of me.

No one knew that I was in contact with him. I wanted it that way. But with how Colton just shouted it and who his mother is, it won’t be long before all our friends know.

I rack my mind for an excuse.

“He’s helping me with some things” I rush to tell her before grabbing my phone and leaving the room but not before seeing her knowing smile.

Shit, if she knew then I’m fucked.

“Hey” I answered, dragging out the word.

“Hello, Mayra”

His deep voice does something to my heart. I feel the wild beating of my heart. Almost as if with his voice, it came alive.

I push those feelings aside. They were dangerous and I couldn’t afford having them.

“So…” Why the hell was I awkward all of a sudden? We’ve been sleeping together for a while now. It shouldn’t be this awkward between us.

Maybe it’s just me.

He chuckles. His voice diving deep, straight to my vagina.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight.”

We’ve never gone out. We’ve always just met secretly, fucked and then went our own ways. I didn’t ever sleep the night and he never asked me to. So this is kind of a surprise.

“Like a date?”

He laughs this time. “Yes, like a date…so will you go out with me?”

“Yes” I squeak out. Unable to hide the panic and excitement in my voice.

Man. I was acting like a school girl.

“I’ll see you then…I’ll come pick you up at eight” he says. His voice rich and sultry.

“Okay” I answer almost in a trance.

It’s after he hangs up that I realize that I agreed to him coming to pick me up. I should have told him that I would meet him. That he shouldn’t come.

After the initial panic, I became excited though. Excited to spend time with Darren. Curious to know why he invited me out in the first place.

All I had to do now is to make sure no one finds out that I was struggling. That my wolf and I were broken in ways that I don’t think would heal. That she was slowly losing her mind and it was getting hard to control her.

If the council ever found out they would want me put down. They couldn’t and wouldn’t want a werewolf who’s split from her wolf roaming free.