Chapter Eighteen

Julian paced up and down the length of the hotel room as Mark listened to him rant for a few minutes.

"I know, I should go say sorry to Nova. That's what I was going to do before you grabbed me."

Mark opened his mouth to answer but was cut off again by Julian who didn't even notice he was going to speak.

"Yes, what I said was completely out of line and also very harsh on him. I don't know why I've been so distant lately, well no I do know, but I didn't mean to take out everything on him."

"Julian." Mark tried to cut in but Julian kept on going.

"I should've just worked out my feelings instead of bottling them up, but I just didn't feel like I could because he's been so friendly with Jack lately and it's driving me crazy!" Julian raked his fingers roughly through his hair as he took a breath before continuing.

"I'm just tired of doing this. I'm tired of hiding how much I love him. I'm tired of hiding me," Julian whispered the last part softly, stopping his pacing.

"Then stop hiding." Mark finally managed to get a word in.

Julian looked at him confused, furrowing his eyebrows, "what do you mean."

Mark stood up, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke. "You're not happy Julian. You're having to fake being happy to your fans now to just get through a concert and with this recent fight between you and Nova," he stopped and rubbed his hand over his jaw.

Shaking his head Mark finished his thoughts, "I'm not going to let you guys break up when there's something I can do about it."

Julian was still confused about what Mark was saying. "What could you possibly do? I don't want you to get fired from your job and the label won't agree to let me come out-"

"Forget the label, forget about me losing my job, this about you Julian," Mark said while resting his hands on Julian's shoulders, squeezing them tightly. "We've both made enough money over the years, that I think we could start our record label."

Julian looked at Mark with wide eyes. Has he lost his mind? He shook his head in disbelief, "Mark that's insane to think about. I don't even know what mechanics go into running a business like that."

"You can leave all the business stuff to me," Mark dismissed his worry with a wave of his hand. "I have people I know who can come work for me, and it won't interfere with me being your manager or your career overall." He assured Julian when he saw the anxious look on his face.

"Mark I'm not going to let you put your money into something just so I can have what I want." Julian frowned softly. He didn't want Mark to invest his money into creating a whole separate label just so he could be free. That would be way too much to ask.

"Julian, this is for you," Mark spoke with a serious tone to his voice, his face showing just how much faith he really had in this idea. "You deserve to be happy just as much as a straight pop star would."

Julian chewed on the inside of his cheek in thought.

"You're like the son I've never had Julian. I would do anything to make sure you are safe and happy. You're plenty safe, but not too happy. Let me do this, we can do it together. I know this will work."

"Okay," Julian mumbled softly glancing up at Mark, feeling a warmth at the sight of the fearless look on his face. He really would do anything for me wouldn't he? Julian thought to himself, slowly smiling widely.

Mark chuckled at his smile and wrapped his arms around Julian tightly in a hug, ruffling his hair with one hand affectionately.

"Now, there's something else I have in mind too."

Julian raised his eyebrows once again in questioning, but he let his lips pull into a sly smile.

"Tell me what I need to do."

~

"You want me to what?" Nova asked, with his eyes still wide in shock.

"Leave with me," Jack repeated his statement the continued on talking. "I know that's an insane thing to ask out of the blue-"

Nova cut him off with, "It is insane! I can't just leave."

"Think about it Nova," Jack pressed the topic further. "You wouldn't have to hide being gay anymore and you could actually probably find a boyfriend who you can be publically affectionate."

Nova just shook his head quickly dismissing Jack's hypothetical. "Jack, I'm not going to leave Julian after one small fight. It'd be crazy to, not when I know he needs me so much more now than he ever has before."

"You shouldn't have to fix something that isn't your problem Nova. It's not your fault that Julian can't pick himself back up after being told he couldn't do something."

Nova stood up with shaky hands at his sides, stuttering a bit as he spoke in slight confidence, "you're the one always preaching about how we shouldn't have to hide who we are. So Julian being told again that he has to hide something that's only one part of him and that shouldn't even matter if it was out and the open."

Jack stood up and his tall figure made Nova flinch back as a reflex, phantom pains running through his body like he was back on that floor in their old dorm.

Before Jack could even speak there was a knock on the door. It was soft and almost sounded hesitant, but Nova heard it.

He knew it could only really be one other person. With barely a glance at Jack, he rushed over to the door, never feeling more relieved to open it and see Julian standing there.

Julian, on the other hand, had a nervous smile on his face, his fingers fiddling with each other.

"I know you might not want to see me right-" Julian stopped himself when he noticed the tightness of Nova's grip on the door. "Nova, what's wrong?"

Nova opened his mouth to say something but Jack walked up behind him and spoke up before he could.

"We were just talking about what happened earlier," Jack answered with a charming smile.

Julian got an immediate glare on his face at the sight of the blonde and felt even more anger coursed through his veins when Jack rested his hand on Nova's shoulder.

"I'll talk to you later Nova, text me if you need me okay?"

Nova bit on his lower lip while nodding his head softly, "yeah, okay Jack."

"Later Julian," Jack said with a smirk in his direction as he pushed past him, bumping his shoulder against his.

Julian knew he couldn't focus on how angry Jack made him right now, he was here to apologize to Nova. He turned back to him to find him already watching him.

"I'm so sorry Nova," Julian's voice cracked with emotion as his eyes stung a bit, trying to stop himself from crying, he needed to be calm. "I never should've just yelled at you like that. My feelings were building up and I just took them all out on you and that wasn't fair of me."

Nova gave him a gentle smile, his fingers fluttering a little at his sides. "I should apologize too. I'm your boyfriend, I should be paying attention to how your feeling more so I can help if your down."

Julian frowned softly before shaking his head a bit, "Nova you have nothing to apologize for. The way I yelled at you was completely wrong."

Nova stepped back from the door so Julian could walk inside, "you can come in you know?"

Stepping inside Julian continued to talk, "Nova, I don't want you to feel like my outburst was your fault okay? It's not, I just have felt so tired lately." Julian's voice got softer towards the end, looking down at his feet.

Being the one to frown this time, Nova reached up and rested his hands on either side of Julian's face. He pulled Julian's face up so he was looking into his eyes, feeling his heart falter at the sight of tears in the corner of his eyes.

"I'm tired of hiding how much I love you," Julian sniffed as some tears fell, letting out a strained chuckle as more tears started to fall. "God do I love you, Nova."

Nova said in a hushed voice, "oh Julian." He brought Julian's head down towards him so it could bury in his neck, wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy's shoulders.

Julian just let himself go and started to cry against Nova's neck, hugging him back around the waist just as tight, his whole body shaking.

"I-I just want to be me. I want to be me with you," Julian cried while gripping onto Nova tighter.

Nova made little soothing noises into Julian's ear, running a hand over his hair comfortingly. His heart hurt at hearing Julian cry and was just trying to provide him with as much comfort as possible.

"I'm sorry I can't show everyone who I'm in love with." Julian hiccuped as his sobs started to get harder.

"Julian it's okay," Nova spoke in a calm and quiet tone. He pulled his boyfriend towards the small couch in the hotel room so they could sit down.

Julian moved with him and let himself lean into Nova's comfort and just held tightly onto his shirt, balling it up his fist, trying to calm himself down so he could speak clearly.

"It's not, you deserve to have someone who can let everyone know they're yours," Julian whispered.

Nova pulled Julian back from him so he could look into his face again, holding it in both of his hands as he let his thumbs rub away the tears from Julian's puffy eyes.

"Julian, I love you. I love you so much that your really the first thing I think about in the morning when I wake up," Nova smiled shyly at his admission. "I don't care how long I have to wait for your label to realize how wrong they are." He reached down and took one of Julian's hands into his.

Julian automatically slotted his fingers through Nova's.

Nova smiled at that and squeezed his hand before continuing. "You're mine right now, that's all that I care about. I know I'm the one you get to come home to at night. Sure maybe it does bother me sometimes that I can't hold your hand in public," he admitted truthfully.

Julian gripped Nova's hand tighter at the statement.

With a shake of his head, Nova said, "but your little glances to me when you sing songs about love and how the first thing you do after a concert after a concert is to kiss me. It lets me know that I'm all you think about too. That you love me just as much as I love you."

Julian blinked away the last of his tears before speaking in a rough voice, from crying, "I love you more."

Nova laughed and it was like music to Julian's ears. None of his music could compare to how much he loved Nova's voice and laugh.

"I do though, everything you said is true. You are all I think about Nova." Julian rested his hand over the one held to his face, curling his fingers around it. "When you came through that door on your very first day, I knew that I wanted you."

Nova listened to every word, his eyes shining with love and adoration.

"Every smile you give me and every kiss we share feels like I'm falling for you all over again." Julian took his hands and placed them on Nova's waist. "I love you so much Nova, more than I ever thought was possible."

Nova rested his hands on Julian's chest with a soft smile on his face. "Just kiss me already."

Julian chuckled with a smile of his own, "if you insist." He leaned down and pressed his lips to Nova's in a passionate kiss.

Nova kissed back with just as much passion, feeling nothing but love running through his veins.

They moved their lips slowly with each other's and Julian pulled Nova closer to him, deepening the kiss further.

Nova gasped softly as he felt Julian's hands squeeze his hips and tightened his grip on the singer's shirt.

Julian pulled back from the kiss and pressed gentle kisses down Nova's neck and kissing harder on his skin when he heard him inhale sharply.

Nova moved a hand into Julian's hair and shut his eyes tightly, trying not to let anything out. When Julian started to nibble on his skin he couldn't help but let out a quiet moan, tugging lightly at the singer's hair.

Julian groaned softly against his skin and kissed back up to Nova's lips. "I. Love. You," he said in between kisses.

"I love you," Nova mumbled against his lips. He felt his back hit the cushion of the couch as they continued to kiss deeply and Nova wound his legs around Julian's hips.

Their kisses were desperate like they were afraid the other would dissapear if they stopped. Julian let his hands slide underneath Nova's shirt, loving the feeling of his warm skin beneath his hands.

Nova shivered deeply as Julian's fingers traced over his torso. He parted his lips and could feel Julian's tongue push into his mouth to explore it.

Julian pulled back slowly from the kiss and looked down at Nova with loving eyes. "You're beautiful Nova."

Nova felt his cheeks burn and he just let his eyes run over his boyfriend's face, finding everything about him perfect. "Julian?," He said in questioning voice.

Julian tilted his head slightly as he looked down at him and hummed, "hmm?"

Nova cupped the back of his neck and pushed Julian more down towards him. "I want you to make love to me."

Julian felt his heart explode in his chest, and his eyes widened. "W-What?"

Nova knew that would be a shock to him, but he didn't want anyone else to have all of him but Julian. He loved him so much and had never felt more loved by someone than here with him.

"You're the only one I want to have all of me," Nova spoke his thoughts out loud.

"Nova I don't want you to-"

Nova cut him off by tugging him down for a kiss to his lips before pulling back. "I have never wanted anything more than I want you right now."

Julian felt a warmth spread through his chest at Nova's words. "If you are completely sure." He didn't want to push Nova into this even if Julian himself wanted it.

"I promise I am," Nova spoke with complete honesty.

Julian let his eyes wander over the boy beneath him before leaned down and pressing his lips back to his.

Nova kissed Julian back while closing his eyes and slid his hands up to hold onto Julian's shoulders.

All the two could feel in that moment was complete and utter love for each other

~

Julian opened his eyes the next morning and got an immediate rush of memories about what happened last night. Which is why when he looked down to see Nova's head resting on his chest he couldn't help but feel a rush love run through his body.

A knock sounding through the room is the only thing that tore his eyes away from the beautiful boy on top of him.

Reluctantly, Julian slowly moved Nova to lay down next to him before getting up and pulling on a pair of sweatpants from his drawers to go answer the door.

He opened it to reveal Mark standing there and leaned against the doorway. "How long till the performance?"

"A few hours, are you prepared for this? You know once you do this there's no turning back." Mark wanted Julian to go through with this, but also didn't want him to regret if the whole thing turned out badly.

Julian glanced over his shoulder towards the bedroom where he knew Nova was curled up asleep.

"I'm more than ready for this."

Mark nodded with a proud smile on his face, "good, I'm really glad to hear that. I'll come back when it's time to go."

Julian nodded and told him goodbye before closing the door. He turned and walked back towards the bedroom and smiled widely as he saw Nova sit up and rub his eyes with both hands.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," Julian said amused.

Nova yawned softly and felt happy when he saw Julian standing at the end of the bed. "Good morning," his voice was a bit husky still with sleep and he watched as Julian's eyes darkened a bit because of it.

"You know I only have a few hours to get ready and you speaking like this is definitely not motivating me to move fast."

Nova blushed a bright pink and looked down at his hands before he too got memories from last night. He rested a hand on his neck and then turned redder in the face and glanced back up at Julian who was smiling innocently.

"What?"

Nova groaned and fell back against the bed, "did you have to give me so many." He felt the bed beside him sink and then Julian was suddenly above him.

"Yes, your mine," Julian's voice was soft but the look on his face made Nova's heart beat increase.

Chewing on his lower lip in thought Nova slid his hands onto Julian's chest. "You should really get ready."

"Should I?" Julian asked letting his eyes trail over Nova's body lazily.

As Julian leaned down for a kiss Nova guessed Julian could spare an hour.

The car pulled up to the sight of the morning show Julian would be performing on with just twenty minutes to spare.

"You really cut it close today," Mark said as they all rushed out of the car and in through back door.

Julian glanced at Nova who was subconsciously tugging up the collar of his shirt to hide his neck. "I was busy."

Mark noticed his look and rolled his eyes, "just go get dressed Julian and hurry."

Julian saluted him before giving Nova a quick peck on the lips, running off after Cassie and Jack.

"Should I go out into the audience?" Nova asked turning to Mark.

Mark shook his head with a smile, "not today, you can just hang back here on the side with me."

Nova was surprised but nodded his head in agreement. "Okay."

~

When Julian walked out on stage after being introduced by the host he could feel his heart beating like a jackhammer in his chest. This is it.  He thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Nova stood on the side of the stage in between Mark and Jack. He watched as Julian grabbed the microphone from the stand and bring it to his lips.

"This song means a lot to me and it's one I've wanted to sing for years but have never been allowed to sing. I just want all my fans to know, never be afraid to be who you are." Julian spoke with confidence.

Nova got a confused look on his face at Julian's words.

The band behind him started playing and Julian took a deep breath in and let it out slowly before he began singing.

"My lover's got humor. He's the giggle at a funeral, knows everybody disapproval," Julian glanced at Nova who's heart had stopped by now. "I should've worshipped him sooner."

He. He. He. It was the only word that was stuck in Nova's mind. With a quick glance up at Mark and was surprised to see a proud look on his face.

"If the heavens ever did speak, he's the last true mouthpiece. Every Sunday's getting more bleak, fresh poison each week." Julian rested a hand against his chest as he sang, "I was born sick heard them say it."

The audience were all talking and whispering to each other in surprise and shock as Julian continued singing.

"My church offers no absolutes, they tell me to worship in the bedroom. The only heaven I'll be sent to, is when I'm alone with you," Julian glanced again at Nova who had his hand over his mouth and tears in his eyes.

"I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well." Julian was singing directly to him now and his fans noticed, all trying to see who the singer was looking at.

"Amen, amen, amen," Julian continued to sing his heart out. Finally being able to tell the world who he was and who he loved was indescribable.

Julian would sing to the whole world about how much he loved Nova.

He wasn't afraid anymore.

Wow, it feels so good to write this chapter. Finally after soo long. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!! - Jocelyn

Song: Take me to church by Hozier