Chapter 20: Undeclared (Part 2)

Jacky

"The best thing about the dining hall," Ryan said as they walked through campus holding hands, "is that you don't have to worry about grocery shopping or cooking."

Jacky remained unconvinced. "I guess."

"Also the ability to have tacos and ice cream for breakfast."

"That doesn't happen at your apartment?"

"And you don't have to do dishes."

With all that, Jacky had to admit that the dining hall wasn't that bad. "I'm just glad I had extra credits on my account so you could eat three meals' worth. You were looking malnourished." He bumped his shoulder against Ryan's with a grin. If anything, Ryan looked chiseled, like he'd been working out and eating no treats.

"You haven't exactly gained the freshman fifteen," Ryan said, eyeing him.

Jacky shrugged. "I still have about six months left in my freshman year. It might still happen."

"Have you declared your major yet?"

"I don't have to do that until the end of sophomore year."

Ryan stopped so short Jacky was jerked backwards.

"What?"

"You're not seriously going to wait that long, are you?"

"I don't know what I want to major in! I'm undecided!"

Despite it being a weekend morning, and on the early side for those who had been out partying, there was still a lot of foot traffic on the path they were walking. Ryan dragged Jacky over to the side while a group of three girls jogged by, clearly in training for the track team.

"You really have no idea what you want to major in?"

Jacky shrugged and looked away.

"Well, do you like any of your classes?"

"I mean, I like my journalism class. And my film class. But mostly because they're not fucking boring." Jacky sighed. He knew Ryan meant well, but Jacky was going to get this same talk from his mother when he went home for Thanksgiving break. "Like I said, I don't have to decide right now."

Ryan let go of his hand, and for a split second Jacky's stomach dropped. After all this, was being Undeclared going to be the breaking point? But then Ryan's warm hands reached up to the sides of Jacky's face, and he let Ryan turn his head so he couldn't look away from those blue eyes.

"You don't have to decide right now," Ryan said, "and when you do decide, you can change your mind."

Why did Ryan's affirmation make his eyes well up? He blinked hard. "Okay."

"Someday the idea of the future won't be so unimaginable." Ryan smiled. "Like when I'm a doctor and you're writing for the New York Times."

"More like the New York Post," Jacky joked.

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Or maybe I'll be working in a research lab, and you'll be an editor. For comic books."

He hadn't even thought about that possibility. "That would be cool. I could work for Marvel."

"And then you could write your own comic book, about this amazing research doctor..."

Jacky pushed forward and kissed him. That was a future he could get behind.

Ryan

When they returned to Jacky's dorm room after their walk, Billy was there. Jacky stopped when he saw the door to their room open, then he turned to Ryan. "I think I need to talk to him, alone. Do you mind hanging out in the common area?"

"No problem," Ryan said. The common room was pretty nice, full of couches and armchairs and a fake fireplace with a big TV over it. It was nearly noon, but no one was using it, which seemed weird. Did everyone at college just hang out in their rooms? He had noticed a lot of open doors. Maybe people just went from room to room. It was a little more private than sitting out here.

Ryan circled the common room then headed back down the hallway. Jacky and Billy's door was now closed, but the door across the hallway was open. Ryan drifted over.

He recognized Braedyn even from behind, as he was cleaning something off a futon that was crammed into the room along with the standard two beds, desks, and dressers. The smell from the room reminded him of vomit and feet with notes of skunk. Braedyn was really scrubbing away. Ryan reached out and knocked gently on the open door.

"Yeah?" Braedyn asked even before he turned around. Then, when he saw who it was, he gaped for a moment. Recovering, he said, "Hey. You're Ryan, right?"

"That's me. Do you mind if I come in?" Ryan stepped inside before Braedyn could say no.

"Where's Jacky?"

It was hard not to look at Braedyn and compare. He and Braedyn didn't exactly look similar, even if Braedyn had an athletic build and sandy blond hair. There was something a little soft about him that Ryan didn't see in himself.

"He's talking to Billy."

Braedyn stood up, and gestured to the futon. "I'd offer you a place to sit, but my roommate barfed all over our futon last night." Ryan peered at the bunk beds, but Braedyn shook his head. "He's not here. He puked here, and on the carpet there, and made it to the bathroom, then he took off to keep partying. He hasn't come back yet."

"Yikes."

"I mean, it's gross, yeah. I've gotten used to it."

"If you ever want a new roommate, Billy might be willing," Ryan said. "He was pretty mad last night."

"Yeah, I heard." Braedyn swiped at the wet spot on the futon.

When Braedyn didn't say anything else, Ryan dug for a way to bring the conversation around. "It's hard to think about being considerate when things get hot and heavy."

"I guess."

"You know, like sometimes you just want to have sex in the shower, even though it's a communal shower."

Braedyn's head snapped up.

"Yeah, you guys weren't exactly quiet this morning." Ryan crossed his arms and leaned against the door. He gave Braedyn a conspiratorial smirk, hoping Braedyn would assume Ryan didn't know about what happened between him and Jacky – otherwise this could get awkward, fast. "How long have you and Billy been dating?"

"We're not." Braedyn backed up into the bedpost like a cornered animal, eyes wide. "Not dating. We're not anything."

Ryan tilted his head back slightly. "Do you want to be something?" When Braedyn didn't immediately respond, Ryan nudged further. "Because I think Billy wants it to be something. And I only talked to him for about two minutes last night."

Frozen, Braedyn still didn't speak.

"Look, I had a girlfriend in high school, for a long time. It was just easier to pretend. But if you really like him... don't make him wait for you. I made Jacky wait, and we could have saved ourselves a lot of drama if I had just worked up the courage to come out." Ryan didn't mention what he was going through at the time that made it damn impossible to deal with the mess of coming out. "I just thought I'd let you know. If you asked Billy out, he wouldn't say no. If that was what was holding you back."

He had hoped to have more of a heart-to-heart with Braedyn, but given that Braedyn's jaw had been gaping for the past couple of minutes, this seemed as good a parting line as any. "Anyway, I'll see you around."

___

Do you think Braedyn will take Ryan's advice?