Chapter 9: Long Weekend (Part 1)

Jacky

"You going home for the long weekend?" Braedyn asked on Friday, as he and Jacky were eating breakfast: Braedyn had a mess of scrambled eggs with ketchup and home fries, while Jacky had toasted a bagel and slathered it with cream cheese. A bagel and coffee, breakfast of hangover champions. He'd had way too many last night after how his date with Fox had ended.

"Yeah. My mom's picking me up after my last class. What about you?"

Braedyn bobbed his head. "Same. I can't wait, my mom said she's making all my favorites. Steak tips, chicken pot pie, and a surprise. I kinda hope it isn't tacos, but it's probably tacos."

The dining hall had a taco bar, which was amazing, but they'd both had their fill of Taco Tuesday, and Taco Thursday, and Taco Everyday. Jacky's body composition was probably 50% tacos and 50% pizza.

"My mom's probably going to make spinach lasagna," Jacky said. "She's vegetarian."

Braedyn nodded. "Not gonna lie, that sounds kind of amazing. I have not been eating enough vegetables." He pushed the food around on his plate, then asked, "Are you going to hang out with your old friends?"

"Probably." That reminded Jacky to check his phone. Cody hadn't responded to the text he'd sent last night, and it was pissing him off. The lack of notifications meant that Fox hadn't sent anything either, and that was a little relief.

They had gone to an open mic night, which Jacky had only seen in movies. It was nothing like in the movies. Lots of people playing guitars and singing depressing songs. A few people reciting rap-like poetry, and one very angry woman with buzzed hair and heavy eyeliner who shouted a manifesto entitled "Put Down Your Fucking Phone And Listen!"

Fox had been fiddling with a folded piece of paper, something he clearly wanted to read. "You gonna get up there?" Jacky had asked, and Fox had shoved the paper in his pocket and said, "Alas, my courage fails me."

The change in personality made Jacky sit back a little. Fox had always seemed so confident. So Jacky had held out his hand. "Let me read it."

"Oh no," Fox said, shaking his head. "No, no. I'm not ready for that."

"Then why the fuck are we here?" Jacky asked, probably too harshly, but at this point they hadn't really continued their conversation due to the people onstage demanding their attention, and Jacky was feeling impatient.

Fox hadn't looked at him. He'd stared down into the dregs of his latte, then said, "I have to go."

And Fox had stood up and left without another word.

Jacky sat there in stunned silence for a few minutes trying to process what had just happened. He didn't know Fox well enough to know if there was something happening in his personal life that he hadn't told Jacky about, or if he was a modern male version of Emily Dickinson.

Fox never returned.

Jacky's phone buzzed as he was staring blankly at it, returning him to the fact that he was here at breakfast with Braedyn. It was Monica: Are you coming home for the long weekend? I'm having a party Saturday night and I want to make sure I invite everyone!

Monica wasn't Cody, but Jacky felt his throat get tight. He tapped out a reply—What time?—before responding further to Braedyn. "Uh, what about you?"

"Yeah, there's gonna be a big party." Braedyn didn't look especially excited about this.

"Sounds fun," Jacky deadpanned. When Braedyn didn't respond other than shoveling more hash browns into his mouth, Jacky added, "I'm going to a party hosted by my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, if that sounds any more fun to you."

"Really?" Braedyn looked at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah," Jacky breathed out a laugh. "I don't know if Ryan will be there, though. I feel like she would have said if he was. But also I'm not sure she knows we broke up?" Ryan must have told Monica. They were pretty good friends, and both of them were going to college in Boston. Jacky couldn't imagine Monica not reaching out to Ryan. She was nothing if not clingy.

But would Ryan have hidden their breakup from her? In general Ryan was honest to a fault, but he also sometimes omitted things to keep his friends from worrying about him. Case in point: Ryan had hidden the fact that his mother had terminal cancer from all of his friends and teachers for several years.

Jacky rubbed his palms on his pants. If Ryan wasn't staying with Jacky and his mom over the long weekend, he could have made plans to stay with Monica. He had spent plenty of weekends there during his time at the group home.

Once more he checked his phone for a reply from Cody.

Once more there was nothing.

Ryan

A little bell rang as Ryan walked into the coffee shop. He stopped there and scanned the room, quickly spotting Monica's blonde ponytail halfway through the line. "Hey," he said, joining her. She gave him a hug and he tried not to savor it: he had forgotten how empty his arms were without Jacky in them.

The hug allowed him to see that the woman in line behind Monica was glaring daggers at him. "Oh, I'm not getting anything," he assured her. Her facial expression did not change.

"I'm glad you could come meet up. I know why you wouldn't want to go home for the weekend, but it's going to suck without you. I'm having a party." Monica put on a pouty face. "It's not going to be the same without you."

"Yeah, it's not really home anymore," Ryan said.

"You could stay at my house. You know my mom would love that." Monica's mother had always treated him like her son... or her future son-in-law.

"I don't know..." Ryan weighed the idea of Monica's mom hoping he had turned straight and wanted to marry her daughter with a long weekend here. Most of the roommates were heading home. It would only be Sam and Pete. Apparently Sam's parents were coming to town, which was a surprise since it didn't seem like Sam got along with her parents. And Pete... Ryan would feel bad leaving Pete alone, although Pete seemed to be living his best life – if his best life was hanging out with the guys he worked with, getting shitfaced or stoned on the weekends.

"Come on, it would be like old times! Everybody's going to come. Lance, Matt, all the football guys. Not Alex, because he's off in California, but everyone else. And you can do your laundry for free! Mom won't mind." Monica couldn't hide her excitement at Ryan's indecision. "You could ride home with us! You wouldn't even have to pay for gas!"

The line moved up, and Ryan had a moment to really consider the possibility while Monica ordered a pumpkin spice latte with a double shot of espresso. He didn't have any work-study hours this weekend since campus was basically closed down. No practices or games. And he could bring his books to study – surely Monica had some studying to do, too. They always did well studying together.

And there was the little thing he could barely allow himself to think about: he and Jacky would be in the same town at the same time.

"I can't. I have so much studying to do," Ryan said.

Monica sighed. "That's fine, I know it's a last-minute invite. But you should come home with me for Thanksgiving at least. Plan on it." She jabbed a finger into his chest. "You're not spending Thanksgiving alone."

Ryan grabbed Monica's finger and shook it. "It's a deal." But he wasn't sure that would happen, either. He couldn't leave Pete alone. And Sam had mentioned that the roommates did a "Friendsgiving" for all their friends who weren't on good terms with their families, which sounded like a thing he should get used to, not having any real family left.

They found a table and sat down. "It's going to be so weird to be home," Monica said, blowing at the steam rising off her latte. "I feel like so much has happened in the past month."

Ryan tried to imagine going back to the group home after having complete freedom for four weeks. While his roommates had their rules, they were nothing compared to how strict the group home had to be. That level of being monitored would be impossible to return to.

"Ryan! Hi!"

That voice made Ryan's insides curl up instinctively, yet he pasted a smile on his face as he turned to face its owner. "Marina, hi," he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

Monica's eyebrows lifted sky-high as she turned to take in the perky blonde.

"Omg, I love your hair!" Marina said brightly to Monica. Ryan noticed suddenly that they both had done their hair in a long braid. "Twinsies!"

Monica's smile cooled significantly.

"I hope I'm not interrupting a date," Marina said with all the subtlety of a truck.

Ryan felt Monica's eyes on him. This was the moment he'd been waiting for, wasn't it? The moment to out himself? He knew it was, and yet the response on the tip of his tongue was You are, actually. Marina, this is my girlfriend Monica.

Before he could start considering whether or not Monica would play along in that particular scenario, he cleared his throat. "Actually, Marina, this is not a date. This is Monica, my ex-girlfriend." Monica gave a sarcastic wave, and as Marina opened her mouth to say something, Ryan rushed in. "We broke up because I'm gay."

Marina shut her mouth. Her attention refocused from Monica to Ryan, as if something had changed about him. Then, in a matter of seconds, she blinked and her smile returned. "So that's it!" She laughed. "All this time I've been trying to figure out why you weren't into me. And it's because you're gay!"

She said that last word so loudly that a few nearby people glanced over. Marina didn't notice.

"Everyone tells me I'm such a flirt. I just could not figure out what was going on. But this makes sense!" She clapped her hands over her face. "Oh, no. Did I ruin things between you and Paul by sitting in between you in Biology?"

It took Ryan a minute to realize that Paul was Bizarro Lance's real name.

"Oh no, I did," Marina moaned. "Okay, okay. I can fix it. I'll give him your number!"

"Please don't," Ryan said. Under the table, Monica kicked him, and he finally looked at her. She was trying not to laugh.

"Really? You don't want me to?" Marina's eye widened, and she leaned in. "Or do you think he isn't gay? Do you think he'd be into me?"

"I have no idea." Ryan hadn't spoken to Paul since that first day – mostly because Marina had talked his ear off anytime the professor wasn't talking. "I'm sort of on the rebound and I'm not ready for a relationship, that's all."

Marina nodded like she understood, then came out with, "Is that gaydar thing real? Like, can you tell? About Paul, I mean."

Widening her eyes, Monica took a long sip of her latte.

Ryan sighed. Briefly he thought about helping Paul out. Then he remembered how Paul had booked it away from Marina the moment she turned her attention to Ryan. "He seems pretty straight to me. You should totally ask him out."

Paul could fend for himself. Meanwhile, Ryan felt free.

After Marina squealed a thank you and hurried off to stalk down Paul's cell or his class schedule, Ryan exhaled and said to Monica's shaking shoulders, "It's not funny."

"She thought you were straight," Monica gasped. "Why didn't you tell her? She was so obvious."

Ryan bit back a comment about how Monica had actually dated him for two years and hadn't figured it out. But he liked his friendship with Monica, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings and make her think she was anything like Marina. "She was the first person who talked to me on campus," he said with a shrug.

"Okay, but are you really still rebounding?" Monica made air quotes. "I thought you said you were going on a date with Charlie?"

"I did." Ryan swallowed, wishing he liked coffee so he'd have something to drink.

"And?"

He shrugged again. His fingernail traced a groove scratched into the table. "It was okay."

"No sparks? He's cute."

"They. Charlie's nonbinary."

"Oh!" Hadn't Ryan told Monica that before? Maybe he hadn't. It was strange how, in their LGBTQ+ friendly apartment, pronouns and gender identity came up constantly without being a big deal. "I didn't know that." Monica was quiet for a beat, then said, "What does that mean?"

Ryan glanced up at her. "It's when someone doesn't identify with either—"

"I know what nonbinary means," Monica said. "I meant—what does that mean for you?"

"Me?"

"Like... does that mean you're bi? Or the other one. Pan?"

Ryan's breath caught. He hadn't really thought about himself in his attraction to Charlie. He knew he wasn't bi. Could he be pansexual? He worked at it like a math equation: If bisexuals are attracted to male and female, and pansexuals are attracted to all genders, the all pansexuals are technically bi, but bisexuals are not pan. Therefore he couldn't be pan.

Or could he?

"I don't think so," he said slowly, knowing he'd been quiet for too long.

"Sorry to throw you into an identity crisis. I mean, Charlie's cute, if you like skinny dark-haired guys. I mean... not guy. People?" Monica was blushing at her own inexperience in the world of gender identity.

Skinny dark-haired guys made Ryan immediately think of Jacky.

Suddenly he was standing up. "Let's walk," he said. "There's a nice park near here."

Monica seemed relieved at the change in topic and jumped up, too. "Okay, yeah! I hope there are some cute shops on the way. I found this little thrift store the other day that had these adorable 90s style dresses—"

Ryan followed in the wake of Monica's babble, thankful that he didn't have to talk. He had a lot to think about.

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What do you think is going on with Cody? And why do you think Braedyn isn't excited about going home?