Chapter Five

CW: panic/anxiety

Tuesday 1 September 1998

Draco

The closer September comes, the more anxious I get. I've settled into my inheritance now; I've actually found myself liking being a submissive, however, due to my late training, I'm even more... well, submissive, for lack of a better word, than I should be. But going back to school scares me to no end. I know I've changed, for the better, in my mind. Without the influence of my father- which I've come to realise was a negative one- and positive people in my life as well as my inheritance, I'm definitely different. I don't know how people will react to that.

Although, as you continuously remind me whenever I get too anxious, I could find my mate. My inheritance was in June, and it's now September; the emptiness my mother described has grown, and now it feels like there is a gaping hole in my chest somehow bigger than myself. Mother warns me that the mate-pains should start living up to their name as actual pain soon. It makes me even more desperate to find them.

My mother and I apparate to the station, and I am faced with swarming crowds that make me feel even more anxious. Like I'm completely surrounded, trapped. And it's so loud and hot, and I can feel glances, and sometimes outright stares, crawling all over me like bugs. They're looking at my wings, I know they are. I knew that to attempt to hide them with my robe wouldn't work; they're too big. Or maybe they're just looking at me- Draco Malfoy, Death Eater who was for some reason excused from punishment. Draco Malfoy, son of Azkaban prisoner and one of the Dark Lord's right-hand men. Draco Malfoy, the enemy of the saviour of the entire Wizarding World. Draco Malfoy, now nothing.

You whimper.

You're not nothing. As long as we have a mate, we're not nothing.

But all that does is remind me I'm a submissive.

I thought you were okay with that now?

I am, but everyone else won't be! All my fears about what my friends will say come flooding back. Worse, what people who already hate me will think. How they'll use my pathetic- no, Draco, no- submissive nature to hurt me. And then, inexplicably, what if my mate knew me? What if they knew me before, and hated me then, and don't give me another chance? What if they reject me? What if they reject me and ridicule me and hurt me and hate me hate me hate me? My mate can't hate me, they just can't.

They won't, Draco...

I can't breathe. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can't do this, I can't be here. Everything is spinning, I feel like I'm about to pass out. Alex, can you take over? I can't, I can't do this, please...

And suddenly, I'm no longer suffocating. You have control, you can do this. I metaphorically release a sigh of relief. You can do this.

You okay, Dray?

Yeah, I'm sorry, it was just all too much. Can you, uh, not tell my mother it's you? I don't want her to worry.

Okay.

Thanks. You hug my mother, tight, as well as Uncle Michael and Aunt Emma, who have come to see us off.

"I'll write to you, okay? And it'll be Christmas before either of us know it."

"I'll miss you, chick."

"I'll miss you too, Mother. I'll see you soon." And with one final hug, you wind through the thousands of people, making your way to the train. You find an empty compartment. If... if my friends come, could we not just pretend I'm a dom? Surely that would make things easier?

No, Draco. Not only is that impossible, especially due to the significant number of creatures on this train, that could lead to depression, for both of us. If your friends can't deal with it, then they're not real friends.

Okay. Okay. That's true. Okay. I can do this. Can you, uh, tell them though? I don't think I can.

Of course.

Before long, the train starts moving, and Pansy, Blaise, Theo, Crabbe and Goyle find their way to my compartment. You lock eyes with Blaise, and realise immediately that, fuck, fuck, fuck, he's a Veela too. I knew that, he had told me that. How could I have forgotten? He's not my mate, but dominant, and unmated. And he scents so much stronger than Uncle Michael because of it.

"Draco? You're a sub?" He doesn't say it like I thought he would. Instead he's gentle, caring. You smile.

"Yeah. I'm Alex, by the way. Draco's Veela." Don't tell them why you're out!

What am I meant to tell them? They seem nice, Draco. Nice dominant.

I don't know, but please, don't. They already know I'm a sub, please. You sigh.

Okay.

"It's good to meet you, Alex." Blaise sits next to me, exactly how my aunt and uncle said an unmated dom would; alert, chin up, straight posture. It's almost threatening, but not towards me. He's protecting me. I appreciate it more than I would have thought. You don't make eye contact with him, ducking your head as a sign of respect. He nods, acknowledging it.

The others sit cautiously on the bench opposite.

"I thought you said you would definitely be a dom?" Goyle. He definitely sounds more judgemental, and Blaise growls.

"Draco was... misguided. His father didn't allow consideration of this option, so Draco didn't believe it to be a possibility," you say, and the others glance at each other, confused.

"Why are you talking in third person?" Pansy asks.

You haven't properly explained this stuff?

I didn't really feel the need to.

"Once a Royal Veela comes into their inheritance, their Veela side develops. That's me. Whilst Draco and I share a body and are two halves of one person, we are technically separate people."

"How is Draco taking being a sub?" This comes from Blaise. He sounds concerned.

Of course he is. He's a dom Veela, they're practically programmed to protect subs.

I know, I just... didn't expect this from Blaise.

"It was rough at first, but he's got used to it. I think he's more worried about what people will think than anything else."

"Well, he needn't be. No one will think anything, and if they do I'll beat some sense into them."

"Thank you, that means a lot."

A growl echoes through the train, obviously infuriated, but probably on the other end of the train. You shiver, ducking your head and wrapping your arms around your stomach, whimpering loudly. Blaise growls lowly, letting it rumble in his chest, and his wings start visibly straining against his robes.

"What?" Theo asks. Right, their hearing isn't as good.

"Stay here, Alex. I'll see what's going on. Don't move, okay? I'm not going far, just outside the carriage." You nod, not making eye contact.

Blaise pokes his head outside the compartment door, and I hear his conversation with someone who obviously did the same, due to my enhanced hearing.

"You heard that?" Blaise asks.

"Yeah. Sounded like it came from the other end of the carriage. Think they're a threat?"

"Eh, it's probably nothing. Merlin knows regular wizards can be oblivious. Someone probably made an offensive comment without meaning to."

"You're probably right. I'm Ernie, by the way. Macmillan."

"Blaise Zabini." And with that, he re-enters. "Just talked to a fire elf. He reckons everything's fine." You relax slightly, but not completely. Blaise sits back down. "You okay?" he mumbles to you, and you nod.

"Th-thank you."

"It's no problem."

Soon afterwards, you let me take control back.

"Thank you," I murmur in Blaise's ear, whilst Pansy talks to Theo. "You know, for being cool about everything."

"Draco?" I nod. "It's no problem. You're my best friend, after all. You know there's nothing wrong with being a sub, right?"

"It's easier said than believed. But yeah. Still, thank you."

"You're welcome. Why don't you go to sleep? There's still a couple hours to go." I nod, trying to relax.

In my dream, there is nothing but endless light, and then a shadow obstructing it. The shadow is blurry around the edges, and I can't tell anything about them, apart from I know they're mine. My mate. They open their arms, and I immediately fall into them. This is where I'm meant to be. I open my mouth to speak, but I can't. All I can do is lay here, in my mate's arms, and savour this moment. I wish I could do so forever.

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