Clarissa's POV

After a long day at the academy with me trying my best to avoid Damon, I was finally home. He did try multiple times to speak to me, but each time I found a way to dismiss him.

He wasn’t happy about it; I could easily tell. I knew him well. I knew when he was frustrated, and this time I was the one causing his frustration.

This was only the beginning. Autumn was the one that suggested I avoid him for some time. It was working. I’ve never seen him this desperate to talk to me.

What did he expect after the announcement he made last night? Did he think I would happily congratulate him and Anya? Was he that clueless? Or was he playing stupid about the entire thing to avoid any conversation?

Again, I chose to return home with Autumn and Atticus.

I knew it was also upsetting Damon, and that was the point of it.

I also didn’t want to be around Anya.

Just as I opened the door to my room, someone grabbed my waist and pulled me inside. I gasped when Damon covered my mouth with his hand. Our eyes met, and we were both staring at each other silently.

I can feel the tension in the room. I know he feels it, also.

“Please let me say something.” He whispers. “I need to apologize. I need you to forgive me, Clarissa. I can’t go on like this. I can’t rest when I know you’re hurting. I can’t eat. I can’t fucking sleep. I can’t focus on anything but the pain you’re feeling because of me.”

Don’t skip a beat. Don’t you dare let his words soften you. I’m speaking to my heart, trying to convince the weak thing to behave.

He slowly moves his hand from my mouth. He doesn’t realize now that the only thing he can do to make things better is to call off the wedding.

“How long were you waiting in my room?” I ask him, looking around for anything I don’t want him to see. I have these crazy moments where I write his name on anything that I can get my hands on.

“Is that important?” He asks.

“It depends. Were you looking through any of my stuff?” I demand.

His forehead creases, “of course not. I was waiting for you. You left me no choice. You’ve been avoiding me since last night. I keep trying to talk to you, but you’re not giving me a chance to explain myself.”

“There’s nothing you can say to fix this, Damon.” I snap. “Can’t you see that? You made this decision on your own; you made your choice.”

“What choice?” He asks desperately. “What choices do I have, Clarissa?”

I sigh, “please leave.”

His eyes widen. “I want to fix this.”

“I can’t even look at you right now, Damon!” I cry. “I can’t look at you without wanting to cry. Please. Just leave.”

My words have completely shattered him. I can tell by the defeated look on his face. He slowly steps away from me. I don’t say anything as I watch him leave and shut the door behind him.

That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I usually do everything in my power to spend as much time with Damon as possible. This is the first time I’m begging him to leave.

I stayed in my room for hours after that incident until I finally fell asleep.

. . . .

“Why don’t you spend more time with your sister, Cassius?”

I stare at my brother. He smiles not only with his mouth but also with his eyes. He has a devilish smile that makes me smile in return.

“Mother!” I call out to her. Her face is turned to me, and she’s still scolding my brother.

“Mother!” I try to catch her attention again.

I gasped as my eyes flew open.

A dream.

It was a dream.

Just a dream.

Then why does it feel so real? Did I dream of my biological mother and brother? Or was my mind playing tricks on me?

I didn’t have many memories of my childhood. I couldn’t remember anything about my parents or siblings, if I even had any.

When the Fawns adopted me, I was a troubled girl with no memory of my childhood. My only memories were growing up in a home with other children just like me.

I never understood why the Fawns chose me; Damon’s grandparents were the ones that finalized the decision when they visited the home.

My heart is racing in my chest, and tears are forming in my eyes. What is wrong with me? A dream shouldn’t have me feeling this depressed.

I can’t stop myself as I climb out of my bed; I know where I’m going even before I open my room door. I keep walking until I see the door I didn’t think I’ll be opening for some time.

I push it open and see Damon on his bed. He isn’t asleep like I expected him to be. His eyes are wide when he spots me. Even he didn’t think I’ll be here tonight, not after all of the things I’d said to him before.

I was still very hurt by his decision. I was still in pain. But I needed him tonight. I needed him more than I wanted to admit to myself.

Neither of us says anything as I walk over to his bed. I’m unsure what to do, but I’m letting my body lead tonight.

Damon’s eyes remain wide as he openly stares at me. I don’t stop walking until I’m standing next to his bed.

He swings his legs out of the bed so that he is now in a sitting position.

“Wh—”

I didn’t wait for him to finish as I dropped myself onto his lap and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. I buried my face against his neck and let the tears fall freely from my eyes. I don’t know why I’m crying. I don’t know whether it’s because of the dream or the news of him marrying Anya.

All I know is that I need Damon tonight. I needed him like I needed air to breathe.

“Clarissa?” He whispers as he buries his hand in my hair. “What’s wrong?”

When the first tear hits his neck, he stiffens, “are you crying?”

I was ugly when I cried and never liked Damon seeing that side of me. But tonight, I can’t help it. I have to let my emotions win this battle.

I tighten my hold around him.

“Is this because of my marriage announcement?” He asks hesitantly.

I can hear the pain in his voice, and I know that he deserves it after what he did. But it still bothers me. I never liked to see Damon in pain.

“Clarissa?” He tries again. “Please talk to me. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s bothering you.”

His skin is hot beneath mine. Hot and wet because of my tears. His hands move from my hair to my waist, and I can’t help but shiver despite my pain. I still felt the heat from his touch.

“Please don’t let go of me,” I beg.

His voice hitched at my words. He may think I’m speaking only about tonight , but I meant for the rest of our lives. I never want him to let go of me. I never want to let another woman have him.

“Shh,” he whispers. “I’m not letting go. You can stay here as long as you like. I’m going to fix whatever it is that’s hurting you.”

I was happy to hear those words from his mouth. It wasn’t the exact words I wanted, but it was enough to calm my nerves, at least for now.

He lets me continue to cry against his neck, and he doesn’t move, not even an inch. This was why I loved Damon. The small things that he did for me. They felt like everything to me.

He was always there for me, even if we weren’t on the best terms. He never let me go through anything on my own. He’s always been there for me. He’s the only person that has always stood by my side; he’s never judged me, he’s always protected me, and he always takes my side. He’s the most important person in my life.

I know that I should be happy for him. I know that I should let him marry Anya without interfering, but I can’t, not when I know I love him, not when I know that she doesn’t love him back.

I can’t sit back and let her destroy him. I can’t watch her ruin his life as she so quickly did to Dante. I had to be there for him like he’s here for me now.

“Are you ready to tell me what’s wrong?” He asks gently as he continues to run his hand up and down my back. “I want to help you. I want to make it better.”

I slowly move my hands up his neck to his hair. I buried them in the strands and moaned at how good it felt—being in his arms, straddling his lap, burying my hands in his hair. This felt amazing.

How can he not see how perfectly we fit together? Why doesn’t he realize by now that we are made for each other? Why has Damon been so blind for so long?

I can feel the wild beating of his heart against my body. It’s pounding. Loudly.

I grab his hair tighter and pull his head backward. His eyes look intoxicated as he gazes at me.

I slowly trace the sides of his face with my fingers. His lips part at my touch, and he continues to simply gaze at me.

I love when he watches me like I’m the only woman on this planet. He never takes his eyes off me. And I love it so much. I love how he pays attention to every little thing that I do.

I can’t stop myself as I crash my lips to his. Damon’s hands on my back freeze at my intrusion.

I breathe him in.

I need this. I need him. I have to taste him.

I crave his touch. I crave everything about him.

Damon doesn’t push me away like I expected him to. I think he understands that I need this. I think he knows exactly what’s happening to me.

He lets me kiss him like he’s done in the past. I hate that he doesn’t try to kiss me back. I hate that he doesn’t take things further between us.

He growls suddenly, surprising me, and the masculine sound instantly makes me wet between my legs. I didn’t think just a sound from him would have such an impact on my body. Like all the other times, I was wrong.

I can’t stop myself from grinding my lower body against his. His breath hitches from the contact. I can feel his immediate reaction to me. There were many things that Damon was capable of hiding from me, but his attraction to me was not one of them.

I needed to take things further than a kiss. I needed to do something to break his control.

I move my lips from his to whisper in his ear, “can you smell what you’re doing to my body? Can you feel how wet I am for you?”

Damon growls some more, and neither of us is prepared when he grabs my waist and throws me onto the bed.

“You have no fucking clue what you do to me, do you?” He demands.

I gasped when he ripped my dress from my body, so I was left completely bare in front of him except for my white panties.

His eyes are dark with need as he hungrily drinks in every inch of my body. But as quickly as it happened, it ended as well. Realization quickly haunts his features. I see the moment that everything sinks in for him.

“Fuck me!” He growls as he starts to pace the room in a panic.

I watch him while he walks up and down, trying to come to terms with what he’d just done. He may also be trying to regain control over his body.

Damon never liked losing control, and this was one of the rare occasions where he did. He walks back over to the bed, but he keeps his eyes away from me. He’s intentionally avoiding looking at my body anymore.

He grabs his blanket and covers my body before finally looking at me. I can see his features soften the moment that his eyes meet mine.

He regrets what he just did; he didn’t have to say the words; I could see it clearly on his face.

I think Damon wants me, but he hates that he does. That doesn’t make me feel good at all.

“Clarissa.” He whispers. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

Here he goes again, apologizing for something I didn’t want him to apologize for.

I watch as he storms out of the room as if he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.

He may think this was a bad thing, but for me, it was just the beginning. He’d just proven that he’d wanted me all this time, just like I’d always hoped.

Now that I know this, I’m not letting him go. I will make Damon see that I’m the one he truly wants. I will make him drop to his knees and beg me to accept him. And I’m not going to stop until I’ve accomplished my goal.