Playing Hard to Get: Chapter 38

IT’S LATE, and Natalie and I have finally arrived back at our apartment. We went out to dinner together after we left the game, our main topic of conversation being Cam and Blair. Turns out they were all going back to the hotel for dinner and Cam was going with them. The Maguires are big fans of Camden Fields and wanted some time with him to catch up on what he’s got going on.

I actually think Owen Maguire wanted to drill his son’s best friend and see if he was planning on going through with the draft or not.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t go to dinner with them,” Natalie says as she parks her car into her specified slot. “You could’ve observed them together for hours.”

“I’m glad I didn’t go. What if Knox picks up on what’s happening between them? I wouldn’t want to be around for that.”

We get out of the car, clutching our coats around us as we start hurrying toward our apartment building. It’s freezing outside and snow is in the forecast, but not until the early morning hours.

As we approach our door, I swear I see someone sitting in front of it. I grab hold of Natalie’s arm, stopping her from walking farther.

She casts me a weird look. “What’s wrong with you?”

I tug her so we’re semi-standing behind a bush, waving toward our front door. “Is there someone standing there?”

Natalie squints into the darkness, her eyes going wider when she does, indeed, spot someone. Just like I thought. “Oh shit. You think it’s a homeless guy?”

“I don’t know.” We’re clutching at each other, slowly backing away from our building when the person walks down the steps and starts heading toward us. “Oh no, he’s coming right for us.”

“Joanna! Wait!”

I know that voice. It’s familiar.

Oh God.

“It’s Bryan,” I whisper to Natalie, whose eyes are so wide I swear they’re going to fall out of her head.

“Joanna.” He jogs toward us, coming to a stop, his gaze taking me in from head to toe. His expression is one of thinly-veiled horror and I realize I’m still in my football-watching gear and I have paint all over my face. “Hey.”

Hey. Like it’s no big deal he showed up on my doorstep on a freezing cold Saturday night.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him, surprised by how much hostility there is in my voice. I can tell Natalie is angry too, but you know what?

Fuck it. He deserves it.

“I wanted to talk to you. Before it was too late.”

“Before what was too late, Bryan? Huh?”

“I’ll, um, just leave you two alone.” Natalie starts to head for our front door, but I grab her hand, sending her a pleading look.

“Please stay. I need a witness to the bullshit.”

She stares at me, finally giving in with a slight nod.

“I want to talk to you in private,” Bryan insists.

“Whatever you want to say to me, you can say it right here in front of her.”

He glances around, his teeth chattering slightly. How long has he been out here? “Can we go into your apartment?”

“No. If you have something to say, say it. Right here. Right now.” I cross my arms, feeling defensive.

I can’t believe we’ve come to this.

“I miss you,” he admits, his voice low. “I miss you and I’m an idiot for breaking up with you. I regret everything and I know you’ll probably say no, but please hear me out and give me another chance.”

I stare him dead in the face and murmur, “No.”

Then I start walking.

Natalie keeps pace with me, eventually jogging ahead, so she can unlock our door, with Bryan right on my heels.

“Come on, Jo. Like I said, hear me out. I can explain everything.”

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care about your explanations, or what you have to say. I’m over you. I have another man’s number painted on my cheek and I freaking hate football. But I love it for him because I’m in love with him, okay? Now leave me alone.” I shake off his hold when he grabs at the hem of my coat sleeve, marching toward the door, but damn it, he’s persistent.

“You’re already in love with someone else? Come on, Jo! You barely know the guy! We haven’t been apart for that long.” Bryan is yelling, and I whirl around, trying to shush him.

“Lower your voice!” My whisper is harsh and I look around the complex, hoping we don’t disturb the neighbors.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I need to tell you how I feel, and how badly I ruined everything between us. I was stupid. I only got with Clara because she was someone new and I was bored. Lonely. You were never around and she was always there. She was exciting—”

I interrupt him.

“Spare me the details. I don’t want to hear this.”

I draw closer to our front door, Natalie standing in the open doorway, her foot propped against the door, her gaze beckoning.

“But you have to, do you hear me? I’ve been waiting for you for fucking hours out here, going over it in my mind again and again, what I planned on saying to you, and I’m not going to let you just walk away from me now.”

I go cold. Colder than the air outside. Colder than the darkest part of my heart that’s still angry at Bryan. Taking a deep breath, I slowly let it out and count to five before I turn to face him.

“You don’t have control over me, Bryan. It’s on me that I allowed you to say and do those sorts of things to me like you have for so long, but never again.”

Bryan’s frowning like an idiot. “Huh?”

“I’m saying that you can’t boss me around anymore or make your petty demands of me. I’m my own person, and I’m not your girlfriend any longer.” I lift my chin, proud of myself for finally speaking my truth, yet trying to ignore the trembling that’s trying to take over my body. “You need to leave.”

“Come on—” Bryan starts, but he’s cut off by someone else.

“You heard her.” Knox’s voice sounds behind me, dark and dead serious. “Get the fuck out of here.”

Slowly, I turn to face my boyfriend, my mouth hanging open. The relief that floods my body makes my knees weak. “Where did you come from?”

“I just left my parents’ hotel. I missed you.” One of my favorite Knox traits is how honest he always is with me. “Tried to call but you didn’t answer.”

His words rock me, warming my cold heart. He looks so good—so warm and handsome, standing there in his thick winter coat and a beanie on his head. Big and tall and strong and the absolute love of my life. Does he see it?

Has he figured it out yet?

“Joanna, are you really going to let this happen? You’re just going to let me walk?” Bryan sounds incredulous. And annoying. Like a fly you keep swatting at but won’t go away. “After three years together, this is how you treat me?”

I glance at him from over my shoulder, disgusted by the pleading look on his face, and the fake sincerity in his eyes. How I’m treating him?

He treated me like a doll he could throw away at any moment for almost the entirety of our relationship. I was the little girlfriend he could forget about while he was away at college, unless it was convenient for him. I’d beg him not to go to parties but he still would, while I was always on my best behavior. And for what?

“It seems only fair, considering you did the same thing to me,” I retort.

Bryan stares at me like he can’t believe I just said that and all I can do is stare blankly at him in return. I feel Knox come closer to me, his presence a comfort, even though he’s not touching me.

Just knowing he’s standing behind me in support of me is enough.

“You look at me as if you feel nothing. Like you don’t even care about me anymore,” Bryan says.

“You’re right. I don’t.” I hesitate for only a second. “You need to leave, Bryan.”

His shoulders fall as he studies me for a moment longer, seemingly about to speak, but he must see something in my eyes. My blank expression.

Without another word, Bryan turns and walks away, the darkness eventually swallowing him up completely.

A shuddery breath escapes, and I turn to face Knox, tilting my head back so I can meet his gaze. It burns straight through me and fear flits through my blood when I see the way his jaw tightens, the thin line of his mouth.

He seems…angry.

“That was your ex?”

I nod.

“Why was he here?” he bites out.

“He just showed up, saying all of these crazy things.” I throw up my hands, at a loss of how to explain Bryan’s presence. “I didn’t call him or anything like that.”

I hear our front door softly shut and know it was Natalie butting out of our conversation.

I’ll have to thank her later.

This is also the first time I’ve ever seen Knox angry with me and I don’t like it. In fact, I hate it so much I can feel tears clinging to the corner of my eyes and I shake my head, refusing to let them fall.

“That guy worries me, Jo Jo. You two were together a long time, and sometimes I feel like I can’t compete with that.”

I frown, shocked. He’s really that insecure when it comes to my ex?

More like Bryan can’t compete. He was the worst boyfriend ever, especially compared to Knox.

“He’s all you have to compare to what we have, and sometimes, late at night, when I can’t sleep and I glance over and watch you lying there next to me, peaceful and so fucking beautiful my chest hurts, I think I might lose you to him because he’s got time on his side. All those memories you two share, I can’t erase them, no matter how badly I want to. Sometimes I wonder if you might still love him and I—I can’t stand the thought.”

The tears start to fall now, one sliding down my ice-cold cheek.

“That asshole just knows you so much better than I do and I hate it.” I shake my head when he says that and he shifts back on his heels, his gaze dropping to the ground. “He loved you first.”

I rush forward, grabbing hold of Knox’s cold hands, curling my fingers around his. “But you love me best.”