Chapter 68: The Six Ministers of the Court: I Truly Deserve to Die! (2 / 2)

After a while, the messenger from the Imperial Guards began loudly recounting the events at the front so that all the officials could understand what was happening. — Almost every group of several hundred people had an Imperial Guard responsible for relaying messages.

Then, Xu Yanmiao realized that the person kneeling and addressing the elderly emperor at the front was the Audit General who had embezzled a million taels of silver.

Upon learning that he and his entire clan would be executed, the General kowtowed earnestly, saying, “Your Majesty, this subject deserves death, but I must speak. Punishing embezzlement of even a single piece of silk with a hundred strokes—isn’t this excessively harsh? Officials are also human and need to spend money. Those who serve far from home inevitably seek financial gain. Your Majesty, water that is too pure has no—”

Xu Yanmiao instinctively completed the phrase in his head: [“Humans that are too base are invincible.”]

The word “fish” that the Audit General was about to utter got stuck in his throat. Feeling as though he’d been insulted but unsure, his face turned red with frustration, his expression extremely contorted.

The elderly emperor looked down at him from above, like a hawk watching a rabbit. “Continue. I’m listening.”

The Audit General clenched his teeth, secretly cursing Xu Yanmiao, then kowtowed heavily again before straightening up and loudly continuing: “A single piece of silk costs ten coins! Punishing an embezzlement of just ten coins with a hundred strokes frightens all officials! I implore Your Majesty to reconsider—”

Before he could finish, Xu Yanmiao’s annoying voice interrupted: [“What’s wrong with ten coins? Ten coins can buy a dou of rice, enough for one person to eat for two days!”]

How could someone be so infuriating?

The Audit General’s face went blank, and his trembling hands seemed ready to form fists.

The elderly emperor gave a slight “Hmm,” nodding. “Punishing an embezzlement of ten coins with a hundred strokes… continue.”

The Audit General, now utterly deflated, stammered on: “I implore Your Majesty to reconsider.”

“I’ve thought it through nine times already,” the emperor replied calmly. “Ten coins is still too lenient—it can buy a dou of rice, enough for two days without hunger. Officials should not embezzle or accept bribes in the first place. Let’s amend it to a punishment of a hundred strokes for embezzlement of just one coin.”

The Audit General was stunned.

“Your Majesty!” he cried out shrilly. “Are you planning to run the entire imperial court by yourself? How can officials not embezzle?”

[“I don’t! I don’t embezzle!”] Xu Yanmiao proudly puffed up his chest upon hearing the report from the Imperial Guard. “I’ve never taken even a single coin!”

The Audit General: “…”

[“Now that I think about it, why hasn’t anyone ever tried to bribe me? Though I wouldn’t accept it, isn’t it too disrespectful to not even try?”]

The Official of the Ministry of War glanced at Xu Yanmiao but held his tongue.

Someone had tried to offer a gift, dropping hints a thousand different ways. They had said, “This fruit is a local specialty, just a small token of appreciation, rare in the capital.” But Xu Yanmiao had declared it too precious and insisted the gift be taken back. Then, he spent three days wondering about its taste before concluding: “My teacher once said that any fruit not widely grown must taste terrible,” and promptly forgot about it.

And because of that, he had annoyed his colleague for three full days.

Suddenly, the elderly emperor called out, “Xu Yanmiao.”

This time, Xu Yanmiao didn’t space out. He jogged forward to stand in the middle of the two rows of officials and saluted. “Your servant greets Your Majesty!”

The emperor: “The Imperial Guards tell me you’ve never embezzled.”

[“What? Why does the Imperial Guard share everything? And now, using me as a comparison, isn’t the emperor leaving me for dead?”] Xu Yanmiao internally muttered a string of complaints but kept his head slightly bowed and hands clasped respectfully. “Replying to Your Majesty, this subject has indeed never embezzled.”

“Take me and the others to your home for a look.”

Xu Yanmiao’s eyes widened.

[“What? A thousand people are all going to my house?”]

The emperor clarified, “… Only those guilty of embezzlement and all officials ranked fourth grade and above from each department.”

Xu Yanmiao quickly saluted. “Understood!”

On the way, Xu Yanmiao was visibly distracted, his thoughts scattered.

[“What do I do? What do I do? Why does the emperor suddenly want to visit my house? I just moved to a new place—a big, spacious, luxurious house! What if there’s a misunderstanding?”]

Prime Minister Dou suddenly felt a chill down his spine. “Xu Yanmiao, you…”

Listening to his thoughts, could it be that he had embezzled?

Xu Yanmiao turned to him. “Prime Minister?”

[“Calm down, Xu Yanmiao! It’s fine, this shouldn’t be a big deal!”]

No, it’s a huge deal!

The six ministers of the imperial departments collectively felt their hearts sink. Clearly, the emperor intended to prove that honest officials existed, invalidating any claim of harsh treatment. But if Xu Yanmiao turned out to be corrupt as well…

They glanced at the emperor, who had remained calm throughout. A more shocking thought struck them.

Could it be that the emperor was determined to declare Xu Yanmiao a paragon of integrity, no matter what? Was this not just about setting an example but also about protecting him at all costs?

Prime Minister Dou fell into silence.

He admitted, he felt a twinge of jealousy.

“We’ve arrived!” Xu Yanmiao’s voice called out.

Prime Minister Dou looked up absentmindedly and was immediately shocked. The Minister of Personnel cautiously asked, “Is this really your residence?”

Xu Yanmiao turned to him, puzzled by the doubt. “Of course it is!”

“This house… is it big?”

Xu Yanmiao glanced back at the house and looked even more confused. “Not big? I live alone, so it’s spacious enough. It’s just a common house! A single hall, two inner rooms, with a small courtyard! The rent is four strings of cash per month!”

A single hall and two rooms, with a courtyard no more than five paces deep—how could that be considered big? Xu Yanmiao, worried he’d spent too much, quickly added, “But it’s not from embezzlement! I rented it with the princess’s wedding gift. And I only just moved in.”

Prime Minister Dou, who owned a southern estate spanning hundreds of acres with bamboo groves and streams: “…”

The Minister of War, whose northern villa had orchards and canals: “…”

The Minister of Revenue, whose gardens were filled with exotic flowers and artificial hills: “…”

The other ministers, recalling their multi-building mansions with dozens of rooms: “…”

Suddenly, they all felt the same thing: I’m such a scoundrel.

Even my coachman lives better than him!

Even the emperor was stunned.

He believed Xu Yanmiao wasn’t corrupt, but really? Not even a small token from his subordinates? Nothing at all?

Xu Yanmiao opened the door.

The Audit General broke down. “Impossible! Absolutely impossible!”

“Hey! Don’t snatch my keys!” Xu Yanmiao exclaimed as the General pushed past him.

The courtyard was barren.

“Exotic flowers…” [“Who has time for gardening? Hiring help is expensive!”]

“Rock gardens…” [“With such limited space, where would I even put one?”]

The General pushed open the main bedroom door, then emerged moments later in utter despair before barging into the side room and the hall.@@novelbin@@

The emperor peeked into the main room. “… A rattan bed?”

“It’s from the secondhand market—not, um, the East Market. Very cheap,” Xu Yanmiao explained.

Seeing everyone staring at him, he blinked in confusion before nodding earnestly. “It’s true! Very cheap!”