Chapter 156: Swear to Mazu That You’re Not Lying! (1 / 2)

The scene rewinds to five days ago.

On one side, a messenger urgently departed from Fujian, rushing to deliver intelligence to the capital.

On the other side, Princess Wanshou and her companions hurriedly arrived at a dry riverbank.

They initially thought they’d witness a standoff between the Jinyiwei and the villagers—both sides too cautious to make a move.

However, the scene that greeted them was quite different…

In the wind, a voice carried over—

“Is what you said true?!”

The unfamiliar voice of a middle-aged man, panting heavily, was filled with palpable anger.

Then, responding to him came a familiar, clear voice, so crisp that its gender was difficult to discern. Once the red bridal veil was draped, no one could tell if the bride was a young man.

Xu Yanmiao, dressed in a bridal gown, was kneeling on a bamboo mat surrounded by an assortment of flowers, fruits, a pig’s head, a whole sheep, and other offerings. His tone was particularly earnest: “Of course, it’s true! I was about to be sacrificed to the River God. But last night, the River God came to me—well, to his wife—in a dream and told me. That chubby kid of yours was actually fathered by someone else with your wife. Think about it—how could two people like you, who never even tan, give birth to a child as dark as charcoal?”

Honestly, the middle-aged man was dark as charcoal at the moment—his complexion blackened by rage. Veins bulged across his face, making him look like a laboring water buffalo, with white puffs of air snorting out from his nostrils.

Xu Yanmiao poured oil onto the flames—figuratively and literally—while adding: “Big Brother, I’m about to die, so let me offer you some advice. Life goes on. Think about it—though the child isn’t yours, your wife is! And hey, it’s not every day someone else’s kid calls you Dad…”

The middle-aged man abruptly turned around, roaring, “You wretch! I’ll kill you!” He raised a fist the size of a bowl, ready to smash it onto a burly farmwoman in the bridal procession.

Several people hurried to stop him.

“Da Niu! Calm down!”

“Da Niu! You don’t even know if it’s true yet! If you hurt someone, you’ll have to call a doctor!”

“Who knows if this little hussy made it all up?!”

Xu Yanmiao’s voice grew excited: “Exactly, exactly! It’s that butcher calling me a ‘little hussy’! He’s got your wife’s sweat handkerchief hidden in his pocket! That handkerchief was sewn from leftover scraps of fabric from your clothes! If you don’t believe me, check it yourself and see if the fabric matches!”

The burly butcher, who had been holding back the enraged man, instinctively loosened his grip.

Even though Xu Yanmiao was veiled, he seemed to have x-ray vision: “Feeling guilty, aren’t you? Look, everyone, he’s guilty!”

The middle-aged man grabbed a bamboo pole from the River God’s bridal mat, where it had been holding up ceremonial flags, and began furiously beating the butcher. This time, no one could stop him.

The village chief, watching the chaos, anxiously shouted: “Da Niu! Don’t fall for that hussy’s tricks! She’s just trying to provoke you! Even if your wife cheated on you, you’ve got to bear it! We’re already past the auspicious hour—”

Xu Yanmiao glanced at his gossip system and let out a cheeky “Oh-ho”.

“You’re definitely better at enduring than him! He’s a cuckold, but you? You willingly take the kid’s last name!”

The blacksmith, standing nearby, scratched his head in confusion and muttered: “Take the kid’s last name? But… don’t he and the kid already share a surname?”

Xu Yanmiao smirked: “But the kid isn’t his! The kid belongs to a maid from a wealthy household. That maid had a fling with a scholar and got pregnant. The scholar was preparing for the imperial exams but was too broke, and the maid had no money either. So she asked your village chief if he wanted a wife, no questions asked!”

—The concept of a husband and wife goes way back.

“The village chief knew the maid was pregnant with the scholar’s child but thought the scholar had abandoned her. Overjoyed, he brought her and the child home, even handed over all the money for her to manage. And guess what? The maid funneled it all to the scholar so he could prepare for his exams. Oh, but let me circle back—your village chief even went to the yamen to change his surname to match the kid’s, just to make the maid happy.”

The villagers gasped in unison: “Ohhh~~~”

The village chief stood frozen for a moment. His face turned red, then green, and finally black with rage: “You slanderous wench! I’ll kill you—”

He lunged toward Xu Yanmiao.

Once again, the villagers scrambled to restrain the chief.

—This was the River God’s bride, after all. She couldn’t be killed!

Xu Yanmiao casually grabbed a fruit from the mat, wiped it on his sleeve, and started munching on it. Between bites, he said: “Don’t be mad, don’t be mad. Let me tell you something cheerful. That scholar didn’t end up taking the exams. He went to the gambling den instead and lost all his money. Not only that, but the gamblers chopped off two of his fingers—on his right hand. Until he masters writing with his left hand, he probably won’t be taking any exams anytime soon.”

The village chief froze.

Then, he was overjoyed.

Xu Yanmiao added casually: “But it seems the money he gambled away was your life savings.”

The village chief: “…”

The village chief: “Aaaaahhhhhh! Let me go! Let me go, all of you!”@@novelbin@@

Not far away.

Princess Wanshou: “…”

Minister of Justice: “…”

Ministry of Justice officer: “…”

Ministry of War clerk: “…”

The Jinyiwei officers and soldiers: “…”

The Minister of Justice muttered, “…Suddenly, I feel like our urgency was unnecessary.”

If they had arrived even later, Xu Yanmiao probably could have angered the entire group to death without lifting a weapon.

Princess Wanshou, trying hard to maintain a composed expression, felt her facade nearly cracking: “Xu Lang had that woman send word, saying he would buy us time. I thought it was just a comforting statement…”

So, he was completely serious?

Liang Rui paused for a moment and said, “Let’s save him.”

Lian Hang really wanted to quip: Are we saving Xu Lang or the villagers?

When Xu Lang saw them arrive, he was overjoyed. Lifting his veil, he exclaimed: “You’ve finally come!”

The soldiers quickly brought the brawling villagers under control, while Princess Wanshou silently handed Xu Yanmiao a cup of water.

Xu Yanmiao smiled and said, “Thank you, Your Highness, for your kindness.”

He wiped off the heavy makeup on his face—honestly, makeup in ancient times couldn’t compare to the modern kind. If it were modern cosmetics, he wouldn’t dare remove it so easily. Ancient rouge, however, could be wiped off with just water.

The Prefect of Xinghua looked like he had seen a ghost: “Who are you?! Where’s the courtesan I arranged?!”

Xu Yanmiao turned back with a bright smile: “She was taken away by a certain wealthy gentleman.”

The Prefect’s eyes filled with ridicule: “What now? Are you going to say I’ve been cuckolded too?”

“Not quite.”

[Your scandals aren’t limited to cuckoldry, but at that moment, it was the easiest way to provoke your tempers and trigger chaos.]

[Now, I’ve got something even juicier.]

Princess Wanshou and the others: “…”

Although they knew they should focus on their mission, anything Xu Yanmiao claimed was “juicy” was bound to be extraordinary…

Ahem.

The Prefect of Xinghua had committed the heinous act of performing a live sacrifice. If he got upset—or even died from rage—it would only be what he deserved!