Chapter 184

Chapter 184

Translator: Yonnee

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With a trembling heart, I shook my head as I stared at the child. In a different sense than before, I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

Only then did I realize that, in my periphery, my hair had turned white.

“…What?”

I glanced down at my wet hair, which was sticking to my neck and shoulders.

But unlike my original black, straight hair, it was now white—literally and purely white just like Blanc.

It was confusing, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it.

“Eugh…”

The child started coughing. I cleared my voice and asked.

“Have you come to?”

Hearing my voice that’s filled with concern, the child opened his eyes.

And his eyes were bright red, just like shining rubies. A smile found its way on my lips naturally.

How could I not recognize someone who’d been with me in my daily life until not too long ago?

How could I not recognize the man who confessed his love to me and gave me such breathtaking kisses?

He was someone who shone just by existing, and it was impossible for a person to be so different just because they were younger.

Gulping, I cleared my voice.

“…Albert Grey.”

Confirming by way of uttering his name, I met the child’s gaze as he looked at me in surprise. His red eyes were silently asking how I knew his name.

As if time had stopped, the young Albert’s eyes met with mine.

After coughing constantly, the child slowly rose to his feet. Somehow feeling a tinge of fear, I clasped his hand.

What Albert told me before came to mind.

“I mean it literally. I was rescued by someone.”

…Was I the one who saved you?

“So I ran away.”

…Was I the one who saved you as you were trying to escape from the world?

Everything was so confusing.

However, the young Albert didn’t even give me time to think.

His red eyes glared at me, and I flinched.

Perhaps because he was still young now, it was no match to the scathing glare I got from the future him. Still, I couldn’t help but feel guilty when he’s looking at me with such resentment.

This was something I had to endure.

Under his silent gaze, I remained quiet as well.

“…Let go of my hand,” he said bluntly.

He looked at the wrist I was holding onto tightly. His voice was still a bit high, and the lack of a baritone really matched his age right now.

Even at times like this, I’m still thinking of you.

I didn’t let go of his hand. Instead, I asked worriedly while stroking Albert’s wet hair.

“Are you feeling alright? Why did you think of jumping into a lake in the middle of winter? You must be feeling very cold…”

At the sudden words of concern, Albert’s eyes widened. Inside his trembling eyes, a hint of yearning was reflected.

It was the desire for affection, which he had not been able to receive all this time.

…After learning from the quick-witted adult Albert, I managed to catch onto the young Albert’s inner thoughts, too. Oh, the irony of the world.

Letting out a false laugh, Albert muttered.

“What does my condition have to do with you? Just let go.”

I held his wrist tighter.

Albert was thin and, of course, not strong. It was clearly revealed just how much he’d been suffering at this time of his life.

He tried to yank away his hand from my grasp, but he couldn’t at all. In the end, he shouted.

“Let go!”

“I can’t let go.”

“I said let me go!”

I shook my head firmly.

“I know what you’re going to do if I let go of your hand now. I can’t do that.”

“Why are you sticking your nose into my business when you’re just a stranger anyway?”

Baffled, Albert said this, and his world left me speechless.

…To be honest, I want to tell you that I know you well.

I want to tell him how sweet and poignant his voice and way of speaking was.

I want to tell him how pretty his smile could be.

I want to tell him just how strong he would become later.

Even so, I knew that he wouldn’t believe me. Hastily dumping all that information would just make me look like a crazy person in front of him.

“So I ran away.”

While recalling his voice, I took a deep breath and slowly spoke once more.

So that my sincerity could be conveyed to Albert.

“I know you more than you think. I know you tried to run away.”

Albert widened his eyes as I said this. However, catching himself, he glared at me again. Still, I continued.

“It’s okay to run away. There’s no shame in running away when it’s become much too difficult to endure. Everyone goes through life at their own different paces and ways.”

“……”

For a moment, tears welled up in Albert’s eyes.

But he soon gritted his teeth and wiped away his tears roughly with an arm. With a trembling voice indicative of his unshed tears, he asked.

“…If you know, then why are you trying to save me?”

“……”

“What am I?”

I did not dare try to estimate what kind of pain the young Albert had to go through before saying this.

“Even if I’m alive, what can I do…”

Albert raised his other hand, the one that wasn’t in my grasp, and hit me on the arm. But it didn’t hurt me at all.

It wasn’t just because I was in this soul state. Whatever Albert did to me now, it would not hurt.

Whatever it was that he’d do to me, I would gladly accept.

I silently welcomed Albert’s beating. Then, I pulled the young Albert into my embrace.

…You were just this small.

You had to suffer so much.

“Albert, still, please don’t say that.”

“……”

“You don’t have to do anything. Just being alive is enough.”

Indeed, his existence alone was enough.

Pulling away from him just for a while, I wiped the tears trickling down his cheeks and whispered in a clear voice…

“You deserve to live.”

…while hoping that my feelings would reach him.

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