Chapter 19

Chloe had been home for two weeks. Silas had taken her to his home in Amsterdam to spend a week recovering, and then he had escorted her back to Savannah. Neither one of them had talked much. There was no heart-to-heart conversation where they talked about what had happened, and Chloe had no idea how much Valentine had told Silas about what had happened.

Needing to keep busy, Chloe immediately called the hospital and told them that she could return to work. The hospital had taken her up on the offer and scheduled her the next day. It was a wise decision because it kept her busy most days, but today was her day off, which meant that time was passing very slowly.

Chloe decided not to sit at home and brood. Instead, she decided to walk, she ventured out into her square and onto the coffee shop beyond, and as soon as Chloe walked in, she saw Ben Emerson, Lia's husband, sitting in a corner, typing away on a laptop.

"Are you writing, or may I join you?" she asked as she reached his table, coffee in hand.

He looked up at her with a frown, smiling when he realized who it was. "Sure," he said, pushing the chair next to him out by way of invitation.

Chloe smiled at his quick change in demeanor. Ben probably got hit on by women a lot since he was such a handsome man. She would have to ask Lia about it one day. On second thought, she had probably not. Lia was a bit neurotic when it came to Ben and his good looks.

"If you're writing, I can easily sit somewhere else," Chloe offered once again.

Ben closed his laptop and leaned back in his chair with his coffee in his hand. "No, I write at home. Here, I answer emails and handle business. I don't like to intermingle my two spaces."

Chloe nodded as if she understood when she really didn't.

Ben watched her closely as she settled into her chair.

"Where did the confident Chloe go?" he asked, causing Chloe to choke on the mouth full of coffee she had at his directness.

"Excuse me?" she asked, reaching for a napkin and wiping her lips.

"You've always been one of the most confident women I know. Even in high school, you were that way. What's changed?" His eyes narrowed as he tried to figure it out.

"What makes you think I've lost my confidence?"Chloe asked, sitting her cup on the table.

"You nodded when I told you I don't like to intermingle my spaces as if you knew what that meant. You have no clue what that means, and instead of admitting it, you acted as if you knew. That's a lack of confidence."

"Is it?" Chloe asked in a soft voice.

"Yes, and you've been quiet on our group outings. It's driving Lia and Faye crazy, and Silas and I crazy by association. Faye tells Lia that Silas hasn't said a word about his trip to bring you home, and she's too nervous about bringing it up and asking him." Ben was laying it all out on the line.

"Silas probably doesn't know that much unless Valentine told him." Chloe shrugged.

"Valentine Juric? Did you see him while you were there?" he asked casually.

Chloe pursed her lips and shook her head. "Nothing against you, Ben, but if I share with you, you'll share with Lia, who will share with Faye, who will share with Silas. Not that Silas cares, but still."

"Why don't you want to share?" Ben asked another direct question.

"I do, I'm desperate to talk to someone, but I need someone who won't try to solve my problems or try to make everything better." Chloe reached out and spun the cardboard sleeve around her coffee cup. "I know Lia and Faye will try to do both."

"Silas fits that description," Ben offered.

"Silas is best friends with Valentine." Chloe shook her head, feeling despondent.

"Chloe, look at me." Ben leaned forward, catching Chloe's eyes. "I will listen. I promise I will not even mention that I saw you here today and that everything we talk about will be forgotten the moment I walk out that door."

Chloe bit her lip as she looked at him; she really did need to talk to someone.

"So tell me where your self-confidence has gone?" Ben asked again, placing his hand on the back of hers, encouraging her to share.

"I don't like myself right now. I screwed up and jeopardized everything. I was stupid and selfish."

"How so?" Ben asked, leaning back in his chair. The door had opened. Now it was up to her.

Chloe looked up in an attempt to stop the threatening tears. "I shouldn't have gone to see my father, to see Valentine."

"Why did you?" Ben's questions were soft and encouraging.

"You love your parents. You are in love with Lia. Now imagine that the three of them decided that it was best to send you away for your safety. Imagine that they held you at arm's length for twelve years without a word of encouragement, and only vague letters were written to appease their guilt. Wouldn't you miss them and be curious to see what was really going on? Loving Lia the way you do, would you ever be satisfied?" Chloe looked inward, asking herself, yet again, if there was anything that would have kept her from going.

"It would depend on Lia and whether she still loved me or sent me away because she no longer loved me." Ben mused aloud.

"Oh, she still loves you. She only keeps you away for your safety. You don't get a choice." Chloe couldn't hide the bitterness in her voice.

"I'd call bullshit and go get her," Ben said with a smile.

"Exactly, but would it take you twelve years?" Chloe countered.

"Hell no, more like twelve days," Ben frowned at the thought of twelve years without Lia.

"And when you went to get her, and everything went wrong, when you escalated a war because of a jealous woman, got kidnapped, had your death faked, and then were secreted out of the country on a boat in the middle of the night, would you feel guilty and doubt your ability to make decisions?"

Ben looked at her with his mouth hanging open in disbelief at her rant while Chloe returned his stare, waiting for an answer.

After a moment, he cleared his throat and nodded that he would. "Would you do it again?" Ben asked. It was a good question, an important one.

"Yes," was Chloe's emphatic reply. "I got to see Valentine for a few moments." Chloe took a deep breath as she realized that she would do it again.   "Do you think I'm obsessive in my love or weak because of my inability to move on and take another lover?"

"No," Ben looked at Chloe, their eyes meeting. "I think anyone who thinks that has not truly loved. It's easy to stand on the sidelines and point out your mistakes or lack of willingness to move on to another lover, but there can be no other when you have loved as we have. There is nothing I wouldn't do to see Lia's face, hear her voice, and feel her touch one more time if we were to be separated. I'm surprised you made it twelve years before breaking."

Chloe could see the compassion in his eyes.

"Knowing that your love was out in the world and you couldn't be together because of outside forces has to be a heartbreak you experience fresh every day." Ben released a deep sigh.

Chloe couldn't fight the tears any longer.

"I told him I would wait for him, and I did. Then I heard he was engaged, and I had to see for myself. If he loved me so much that he pushed me away to keep me safe, why would he marry another and make her unsafe? Was it that he didn't love me anymore? If that was the case and I could see it, maybe I could move on with my life. I also hadn't seen my father in twelve years, and I felt that I needed to see him one last time." Chloe discreetly wiped her tears with her finger.

"How did seeing your father again go?' Ben asked, reaching for his coffee, giving her time to regain her composure.

"We're strangers. I've lost him." Chloe sniffed as the reality of her statement hit home.

"It's not uncommon for children to grow up and away from their parents," Ben reasoned.

Chloe nodded, knowing it was true.

"Was Valentine in love with the other woman?" Ben asked.

"No, he was keeping her close to keep an eye on her. She's the one that had me kidnapped." Chloe's shuddered as she remembered Lada. "He planned the entire thing."

"Including the kidnapping?" Ben's voice was incredulous. "The man must have nerves of steel. I don't think I could let Lia that close to danger."

"He wasn't happy about it. It was an elaborate ruse to fake my death." Chole defended.

"You don't have to defend him. I can't imagine what it would be like to be single-handedly fighting a war for twelve years. The things he must have seen..." Ben shook his head at the thought. "Seeing you after twelve years must have been like a mirage, and I bet he drank in the sight of you. Perhaps you gave him the strength to continue. Did you ever think that something stronger than either of you played a role in your decision to go?" Ben was almost talking to himself.

"If Valentine felt that way, he didn't share it, and it ended like it did the last time I saw him. He sent me away. He put me on a boat, told me he loved me, and I told him I would wait for him. Even Silas was there, in the background, to get me home safe." Chloe felt tears once more.

"Well, he couldn't share that, could he? He needed to push you away and keep a clear head. There is nothing more distracting than loving a woman." Ben shook his head at the thought. "I wouldn't worry about screwing everything up. Things have a way of working out in the end."

"I was stupid and selfish. I almost got myself killed." Chloe said with a shake of her head.

"Maybe a little, but it's human nature to be stupid selfish when there's something we desire to have." Ben gave a secret little smile as he remembered something. "So, what now? You can't keep moping around. What are your plans for the future?"

"I think I start on my next chapter, that of an old maid. I'll buy myself a cat," Chloe reached for her coffee and stood, sensing that the conversation had come to an end.

Ben followed her lead and stood up, gathering his things. "I'll give you Huck, but we'll have to tell Lia he ran away."

Chloe laughed. Ben loved that dog more than Lia did, despite their constant battles for the top dog position in the household.

"No, thanks, that sounds more dangerous than being kidnapped." Chloe shook her head. Huck was a handful, and Lia might kill them both.

Ben returned her smile as they exited the building and stepped into the Fall sunshine.

"I'm here if you need to talk some more, and for the record, I think you are a beautiful, brave, and loyal woman." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. "Life is too short to live with regrets, and perhaps you helped Valentine gain some clarity by shaking things up a little. That's what Lia did for me with her sudden appearance in my life."

They were words she needed to hear, and she hugged him a little longer because of them.

"Chin up. I'll see you at dinner tomorrow night," Ben said as she released him.

Chloe nodded, then turned and started home, glad to have talked to someone. Maybe now the healing could begin.